We have an independent toddler. She has her mummy’s personality. Although it can be difficult to manage at times, I want to nurture this side of her.
We’ve had a difficult few weeks, learning about emotions and basically having a fight for independence. As parents, we have lots of tools in place and we’ve always allowed her certain freedoms. The last few weeks have been about putting tools in place to manage emotions, whilst also encouraging independence. Challenging, but I’m sure it will be rewarding in the long run.
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Today I want to share with you the practical tasks we allow our toddler to do around the house. And more importantly, how this creates independence
Why it’s essential to allow a toddler to make their own decisions
We have an independent and determined toddler. However, even if we didn’t, we would still allow our children to make daily choices. Simply because it teaches great life lessons. In the future, she will need to be empowered in decision-making, in order to be successful in life.
It’s an important step in growing up. And gives them some power and control over what they do.
- Benefits of providing choices include:
- Giving them some control
- Avoiding power-struggles
- Teaching cause and effect
- Helping them gain confidence.
- Trust in themselves and their opinions
- Self-confidence
- Decisiveness
- Thoughtfulness
- Analytical thinking
- Empathy
Here are a few tips for offering toddlers choices
- Avoid too many options. Stick to two or three
- Offer clear and simple choices
- Make sure choices are age-appropriate, like picking what to wear or what to play with
I want to discuss some of the freedoms and choices we give our toddler. And how those choices help to teach valuable life lessons
Picking their own drinks & snacks
To successfully allow this to happen, you can ensure everything they need is easy to reach. Such as plastic toddler plates and cups, along with fridge organisers containing the snacks. Even down to a separate small bottle of milk in the fridge. The latest addition to our accessible snacks is easy-to-reach cereal dispensers. We recently bought a small dining table, so she can sit and make her own snacks safely.
Permission from an adult is a must, but the physical act of getting the snacks prepared is down to the toddler. Be prepared for spillages and mishaps – explaining it’s fine and it will clean up. As you would with any other accident in the house. At the nursery, the class learn to break up their own cereal and become more independent at meal times – something we want to mirror at home.
These days she tells me, “I’m helping you mummy because you’re busy” and it’s so lovely to watch her becoming an independent child.
What this teaches
Making decisions and choices about what to eat
Giving them some control
Helping them gain confidence
Enabling them to be independent
Choosing the next family adventure
Providing a choice of activities for the day can make a toddler feel empowered to feel part of the family. And more importantly, decision-making skills are developed.
It’s also more fun as an adult to just go with the flow. As parents, we see through any decision she makes. This is an important step in making your little person feel fully empowered and listened to.
What this teaches
Independence
Socials skills
Avoiding power-struggles
Their opinion matters
Their input is valuable
Picking out their own clothes
Ensuring the clothes are in an accessible and safe place is a must. But why not let the toddler go out in trousers which are back to front, if it enables them to learn to dress themselves?
I’ve done this before when we are going out on a quick journey. Some battles are simply not worth fighting.
What this teaches
Independence
Self-care skills
Learning where the clothes are located, for next time
Pride in what they are wearing
The accomplishment of successfully doing a task
Read all about our journey with gentle parenting:
5 THINGS THAT HAPPENED WHEN WE STARTED GENTLE PARENTING
IS GENTLE PARENTING EFFECTIVE? READ OUR STORY
Age-appropriate house chores
Filling up the toilet roll holder
Our toddler now has the weekly task of filling up the toilet roll holders in the bathroom. And I’m making a big deal of the fact it’s her job and she’s really good at it. Giving praise to your toddler when they complete the smallest of tasks can give them confidence.
Setting the table
At the moment we are struggling with meal times. She is fidgeting and it turns into a negotiation about how much she will eat. We are working on it – but that’s a whole other blog post!
Setting the table has helped in allowing the whole family to sit down for a meal and talk about our day. This routine and her feeling she contributed her part really help tackle the other issues we are facing.
Put dirty clothes in the laundry basket
As a toddler, she gets very dirty clothes. We have regular paint stains from the nursery. Tomato sauce stains from eating. And I won’t go into the toilet habits she is learning at the moment. Let’s just say, this creates more washing for the parents involved.
Getting her to put dirty clothes into the laundry basket can help to explain the process of washing clothes. And hopefully, make her realise that natural consequences occur when a mess happens. That said, we want to nurture the creative, messy, painting side. It’s just great to teach her about the consequences of accidents and other inappropriate messy behaviour.
It’s all a learning curve – for us as parents, and for her.
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Help feed pets
I recently introduced you all to our hamster, Fluffy. For anyone who’s ever had a hamster as a pet, you will know it’s about perseverance. We have a female and she is also very independent. My toddler apparently stood in Pets At Home and said “This is the one for me” and I maintain to this day that they are kindred spirits. Anyhow, it’s been a long road trying to tame her and we are not even at the picking-up stage yet.
Download the free toddler chores checklist – amend as needed or download the PDF file below:
Despite this, both my toddler and hamster are doing well. My toddler can now open the cage, and hand the hamster treats. And because Fluffy knows her smell she carefully takes the treat from her.
The cutest moments involve my toddler sitting by the cage and telling Fluffy about her day. The next step is creating an obstacle course (with safety gates so she can’t escape) and taking her out of the cage for playtime – TikTok videos will follow. Watch this space.
Why not turn your pets into a cartoon, with Pet Creations Art
Sort out the rubbish and recycling
As parents, we’ve always explained the importance of recycling. And thanks to programmes like Cocomelon it was easy to do! We have separate recycling and rubbish bins and frequently ask her to put rubbish away for us.
This has in turn resulted in her also taking plates and cups to the kitchen when we’ve finished eating. As a parent, it’s like being looked after in a cafe and it’s actually really nice.
Check out all the other blog posts in the parenting section:
Wash the dishes
Our toddler loves standing on her stool and helping with the washing up. We make sure the water is lukewarm and she only has plastic plates and cups to wash up. Her grandparents also mirror this when she stays at their house. It’s a great task to allocate to a toddler, with parental supervision of course.
Making the bed
What toddler doesn’t love making bed day? A chance to jump on a freshly stripped bed. We now get her involved in putting the pillowcases back on and sorting out the duvet cover.
Setting up the bathroom for bath time
Our little one knows where her bath towels are and we have a box with bath toys in it. Because we sometimes get morning baths and we are in a rush, she always asks me whether she can play with her bath toys first.
We also have a basket with shampoos and body wash – she is learning which one to use in which area of her body. And also now washes her own hair. She’s even recently got out of the bath, using her stool and we find her chilling on the sofa in her bath towel.
Gardening
Our little pumpkin was recently given a sunflower by my dad’s work friend and she regularly waters it. She’s also got her own gardening tools. When we move house, the aim is to build her a mud kitchen. I’m sure this will contribute to the volume of dirty clothes I need to wash. But it’s all good fun.
Clearing away toys
Something nursery teaches the toddlers, is tidy-up time. Where regardless of who has made the mess, they all participate in the tidying-up efforts.
At home, we’ve recently organised toys into storage boxes and explained where each one lives. As a parent, it makes my life much easier. And she is learning to put toys back into the correct, allocated boxes.
Dust furniture and clean the glass
Like any toddler, she loves spraying water. It was only right that we eventually gave her these small cleaning tasks around the house. Because of the chemicals involved it’s only recently she’s allowed to do it. And we are careful to explain she should only spray the surface and wipe it with a cloth. (DISCLAIMER -parental supervision is also involved and she is a pretty intelligent child, who would never mess around with chemicals anyway).
In turn, this has also helped with her aiming her toddler perfume in the right direction too!
Final Thoughts
I hope you enjoyed reading about the tasks we give our toddler to encourage independence.
What tips do you have for dealing with toddler emotions and encouraging independence?
Please share them in the comments, because they will help other parents out there.
Great list ! .
My son helps with with clearing is table after eating if I ask him to and to put the waste in bin etc. But it is so hard to ask him to clear his toys…. after putting a few toys away he gets distracted by some other toys and starts playing with them 😂
I love the idea of involving kids in chores. It teaches them life skills which is so important.
I totally agree it teaches them life skills. We sometimes have the same issues with cleaning up toys though.
I love the idea of empowering your children by giving them choices and allowing them to feel they have some control
It’s so important to allow them to find their own way, whenever it is safe to do so.
Yeah,these are good ways to teach toddlers to be independent. My parents thought me some of these when I was a child. I’m grateful.
Such great life lessons for a parent to give a child.
Wonderful ideas! I’ve started giving my 4 year old some fun ideas to help me with things and he just loves helping!
Age appropriate chores for all ages are definitely a good thing!
They thrive on being given things to do. We are constantly being asked for new tasks, she maybe hasn’t done before.