Due to my mental health struggles during and following the birth of my baby, we needed to form a consistent care plan for my little one. It was imperative we built a great parenting team. My hubby was fantastic throughout and we also have the support of my parents. For this, I am incredibly thankful.
Following this experience, I wanted to share my tips on looking after your mental health during and after pregnancy. And also the things to remember when creating a great parenting team.
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I am no expert on parenting, but I hope my experiences help you with the mental health side of things. Your feelings are completely normal. If you’re struggling mentally, I want you to know I felt the same for at least a year post-pregnancy.
In this post I will discuss my top tips for ensuring you parent well as a team
1. Consciously work as a team
Since having a baby, we thrive when we parent as a team, support one another, and both muck in (reality check – it isn’t always like this. We sometimes get annoyed with each other but we try our best!). Creating a great parenting team can be difficult.
During the worst times of my birth story, my hubby was the only one who could understand me fully. Having this one person there you can rely on showed me sticking together was the best option.
My instincts have always been strong and sometimes it’s difficult to tell the people around you something must take place. I came across like an unhinged, irrational expectant mother when trying to make everyone see a c section was the only option for delivering our little one safely. And guess what, the surgeon confirmed I was correct to choose this option. I just knew. I dread to think what might have happened if my hubby wasn’t there, on my side. We use this bond in our parenting now.
These days, we openly remind each other mid-argument that we work better when we are getting along and most of the time, it diffuses the situation.
2. Take time for yourself
If you follow my blog, you will be aware this is pretty much my ethos! I now understand we must take time to look after ourselves, or it will be chosen for us. Creating a great parenting team allows me to take the time I need to recharge my batteries.
I get it, self care is way down the priority list. Before my mental breakdown, this is what I told myself. Taking time for myself was something I neglected to do, especially when I returned to work following maternity leave. This resulted in almost five months off work. Now I realise I can’t care for my child unless I look after myself.
These are some of the things we both try and do to practice self-care:
- Get out of the house
- Enlist the help of grandparents, a nursery, friends
- Take a bath
- Allow each other to have naps
- Read a book
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3. Ask for help
For those who don’t have much support, there are some amazing support groups out there and classes you can attend. I recently wrote about an amazing support hashtag I discovered on Twitter. Social media can be a great resource for people who may be feeling lonely and want to speak to like-minded people.
It’s healthy for you and your child to spend time apart and come back to each other refreshed, or both get involved in a social setting where the pressure is taken off your shoulders for an hour. As difficult as the first drop-off at nursery is, it’s beneficial for your little one in the long run. Get over parent guilt and start carving out some child-free time.
Boots have an amazing section on self-care resources if you’re looking for some tips and tools to occupy your child-free time. In addition, it never hurts to get some professional help as well. Whether it be a lawyer for birth injury claims or a lactation consultant, help in any form is also a good idea. At the end of the day, it really does take a village to raise a child, and the more help you have, the more help your little one has as well. There’s no shame in admitting you need an extra hand, so give yourself a little credit and surround yourself with helpful and genuine people.
4. Be kind to EVERYONE
It’s a difficult job and it’s likely everyone is in the same position as you (I hid my anxiety condition for 15 years, it’s possible someone may be too embarrassed to share their reality with you). Show another parent at nursery drop-off you understand, and don’t be too harsh with family members on parenting issues, such as discipline.
Be kind to yourself, your spouse, family members, and every person you meet. You never know the internal struggle someone else may be facing.
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5. Be realistic and give yourself a break
Creating a great parenting team means you have to relax your own standards slightly and learn the art of compromise.
As a confessed perfectionist, reality was sometimes a difficult concept for me. I still have to try hard each day to avoid burning myself out in the name of getting everything done right here and now. But why did I set such an unachievable target for myself?
One of my lovely friends and I have an agreement to cancel plans if you need to. As a busy parent, I forget to text people back, attend appointments and you know what? The consequences aren’t so severe and tasks get done eventually.
Give yourself a break and stop setting silly, unrealistic expectations for yourself. It’s about lowering your standards and not trying to fight against the fact there will be a mess with a feisty toddler running around. Go and play with the toys, join in the fun, and have a laugh instead. It’s a much better way to spend your time.
Final thoughts
Have you experienced any parenting issues? What did you do to solve them? Have you managed to create a great parenting team?
I would love to hear from you in the comments below.
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Thanks for sharing these tips. I agree, it’s so important to have a supportive partner to lean on when you have children. Like you, I have also suffered from mental health issues and it’s such a huge help when my partner or family members take the children so I can have a break. It’s good for them too. We all appreciate each other more afterwards.
It’s so important and I agree, time apart is good for everyone involved.
Thank you for sharing these tips! I found I had less mom-guilt when I arranged for a babysitter to come shortly before nap time. That way, I didn’t feel so bad about someone else having fun with them while I ran errands, since they were sleeping!
This is a great tip and definitely lessens the drama involved.
This is an important post. I read it as giving yourself permission to be human and to feel the things you’re feeling. There is so much pressure, internally and externally to parent in a particular way. The ‘right way’ differs depending on the person. Parenting is hard enough without having to measure up to in one way or the other. I like that you have the agreement with your friend to cancel if necessary. That alleviates the feeling that you are failing your friend while caring for yourself. Our kids want us to be at our best, that’s how we are able to give them what they need. Grace is often something we give away rather than something we accept within ourselves. I’m happy that you have such a great partner to support and uplift you.
Aww, thank you for your lovely comment.
It’s definitely a difficult journey and all of these supportive elements from others really help.
This is excellent advice for new mothers. The experience can be completely overwhelming but it’s really important to know that being vocal in asking for help really is the way forward as well as making sure you’re not isolated.
I totally agree. I didn’t really ask for help in the beginning. I still got it because those close to me knew something was wrong. I now openly ask and tell people I need a break! It’s important 🙂
Kindness and realism go a long way! Thanks for the great tips.
I totally agree.
Wonderful advice! Especially taking time for yourself is so important!
I agree it’s so important.