My blog is all about never judging any other parent. We are not perfect. Research has proven human beings react in a certain way, to conflict. It’s an automatic process and sometimes we can’t help it! However, reacting in anger isn’t helpful in the moment.
Our small humans need us to be emotional support. They need us to be more emotionally intelligent, so we can set a great example of how to manage our emotions.
However, I know very well, parenting is the hardest job in the world. If you follow me on TikTok you will see that I try to make light of the situation and use humour to get through the difficult days.
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What is gentle parenting?
The goal of gentle parenting is to raise confident, independent and happy children through empathy, respect and understanding, and setting healthy boundaries. This parenting style focuses largely on age-appropriate development.
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Instead of focusing on punishment and reward, gentle parenting focuses on improving a child’s self-awareness and understanding of their own behavior.
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The benefits of gentle parenting
Gentle parenting, when applied correctly, can:
- help children develop confidence, independence, self-esteem, and strong emotion regulation skills
- reduce power struggles between a parent and child
- improve relationships between family members at home
- improve communication between parent and child
Misconceptions of gentle parenting
Some people misunderstand gentle parenting and believe it is too soft as a parenting technique. It’s important to say that as a family, we enforce boundaries. We do also use some rewards, but never punishment. Recently we’ve started adopting natural consequences instead of punishment.
Gentle parenting does not equal a lack of boundaries – quite the opposite. We explain why there are boundaries and use the lessons we’ve taught her, to enforce why we will not tolerate certain behaviour.
The reality of gentle parenting
Gentle parenting isn’t easy. It takes time to become conscious of your reactions – but seeing the results of an emotionally intelligent child is worth it.
If you’re considering implementing gentle parenting, or elements of it like we do. I wanted to let you know about some of the benefits we have experienced since implementing this parenting method.
Let’s dive into the benefits we’ve experienced
We have a very polite child
Since being a baby, we’ve taught my little one to say please and thank you.
At four years old, she now thanks me for simple tasks like getting her cereal in the morning. It’s a genuine, heartfelt thank you. Simply because she’s been shown the reason why we need to be polite.
Everything we teach her is explained in a way she is able to understand. Rather than telling her what to do, it’s a collaborative conversation. You will always hear us asking her whether she understands. And we talk more if she doesn’t.
It’s important for children to understand the consequences of their behaviour and ultimately, be able to eventually regulate emotions by themselves. I won’t be there on her first day of school, or for her first job interview – you have to think about preparing a child for life’s challenges.
Ask yourself – how do I want my children to act and cope in future life situations that could be stressful?
She talks about her feelings & is in tune with other people’s feelings
Because we talk about our emotions and we are honest about the reasons when we do argue (newsflash – all adults argue at some point & sometimes, it’s inevitably in front of children). She, therefore, understands that even adults face situations where something can anger and upset them. That this is okay. And it’s good to talk about how we are feeling when this happens.
When she is experiencing a certain emotion or challenge, we regularly empathise and explain adults also feel this way. Or relate to something we went through as a child.
She regularly comes to me and explains something is wrong. Granted, at four years old, she says things like “I have a sicky tummy” when she’s nervous about the nursery, or feeling tired. But it’s enough for me to know as a parent, that more conversation is needed.
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When I was going through my mental breakdown, she was only a baby. But she knew something was wrong and would comfort me.
We now witness this kinder side when she’s in the playground and a baby is upset. She will go over to the parent and child, in a concerned manner, and wait patiently until the baby is okay. It’s really lovely to watch.
Being taught to be kind and caring has helped, but actually being shown that by everyone around her models this behaviour, is a more powerful tool.
She apologises when shes aware of doing something wrong
When a child is in the middle of a meltdown and making no sense, there is no point in having a conversation. It just will not be productive. The same applies to adults. As an adult, you would walk away from a heated conversation. Therefore, it baffles me that some parents believe anger and harsh discipline is appropriate in these situations – surely it’s just unproductive at that moment in time. No progress can be made when a human being is in fight or flight mode.
When a child is in this mode, they need love and reassurance from us. Not anger, or harsh discipline.
Read my previous blog post about gentle parenting: IS GENTLE PARENTING EFFECTIVE? READ OUR STORY
As parents, we allow the meltdown to pass. We openly tell her, we will talk when she’s calmer and let her walk away. Usually to her bedroom. Within 10 minutes she comes back to us to give a heartfelt apology. And we all talk about why the behaviour wasn’t helpful. Then we make a point of moving on, by saying “Nothing more will be said about it“. We never dwell on it. We move on.
She is independent
As part of our gentle parenting journey, we allow as many choices as we safely can for our toddler.
She is a very independent child by nature. And rather than fight a battle on menial topics, it’s easier to allow as many small choices as we can. The ones we use frequently, involve a choice of dilute juice, and breakfast options and we also allow her to choose her own snacks from the fridge.
When we go out for the day, this extends to more varied options. And when we can, she is allowed to run free and actually be a child.
The amazing thing is, that having allowed choices, she now asks me before she makes any of them. In our case, allowing choices means we get cooperation and communication in return.
Final thoughts
I hope you enjoyed reading about our experiences with gentle parenting.
Are you a gentle parent? do you have any tips for us? or do you use other parenting techniques?
I would love to hear from you in the comments below.
I can’t say that I have heard of this concept, but it makes sense. Our children become what we expose them to and what benefits would be present with just a little gentle loving kindness. Thank you for sharing and I look forward to reading more of your work.
I totally agree that they become what we expose them to.
I don’t have any kids but want to adopt in the future, so I still like reading these types of posts.
I wasn’t aware of this but it’s definitely how I want to raise my future kids and it’s nice to see the benefits 🙂
It’s such a great parenting style. And the benefits are also great.
As someone who doesn’t have children, this was really interesting! It’s amazing that you’re already seeing so many benefits in your child – I think gentle parenting really is the way to go. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts x
I am glad it’s becoming more popular and parents have the knowledge they need.
Something new for me. Great thoughts and tips. Thanks for sharing
I’m not a parent so this is a new topic for me. It’s really interesting to learn about and can see why this is a beneficial approach.
Happy you’ve found a new post to read x
I’ve not heard the term gentle parenting before but Flora attended a Montessori nursery which I think may have a similar approach – allowing children to experiment and make their own choices, all in a spirit of co-operation. Makes perfect sense, really!
Makes so much sense – let’s empower them not instill fear or tear them down!
I don’t know much about gentle parenting but I have heard it being mentioned a few times as it seems to be something that more families are exploring. Thanks for sharing your experiences with it; I learned a lot about it.
Glad you learned a lot from the post – and I am so happy people are talking about it.
I’ve never quite understood gentle parenting because it’s not an environment. I grew up in, but it’s definitely something that I’m learning more and more about every day and I love that you brought this up in your blog.
Thank you – I agree, we also didn’t have those upbringings. But it’s all about learning.
I have always been intrigued by gentle parenting and since having my little boy I’ve tried to implement it where possible. He’s only just 16 months so we’re kind of finding our feet but I love how he responds to me and how I feel like I’m doing a good job parenting
Rosie
Aww, so cute. & it’s never too early to start. We talked to my little one like an adult, when she was just a tiny baby. It’s paid off now shes four.
These are some amazing benefits you’ve found from starting gentle parenting! I’ll be honest, I’ve never really fully understood what it was and guess I believed a lot of the misconceptions as well.
It’s easy to believe the misconceptions because there are so many out there – but it’s all about knowledge.