You never look good trying to make someone else look bad!
Today I have a great guest post to share with you all! All about Effective Leadership.
Trishna Patnaik has a BSc (in Life Sciences) and MBA (in Marketing) by qualification but is an artist by choice. A self-taught artist based in Mumbai, Trishna has been practising art for over 14 years. After she had a professional stint in various reputed corporates, she realised that she wanted to do something more meaningful. She found her true calling in her passion which is painting. Trishna is now a full-time professional painter pursuing her passion to create and explore to the fullest. She says, “It’s a road less travelled but a journey that I look forward to every day.” Trishna also conducts painting workshops across Mumbai and other metropolitan cities in India.
Trishna is an art therapist and healer. She works with clients on a one-on-one basis in Mumbai.
Trishna fancies the art of creative writing and is dappling her hands in that too, to soak in the experience and an engagement with readers, wanderers and thinkers.
Bullying is a distinctive pattern of repeatedly and deliberately harming and humiliating others, specifically those who are smaller, weaker, and younger or in any way more vulnerable than the bully. The deliberate targeting of those of lesser power is what distinguishes bullying from garden-variety aggression.
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Bullying can involve verbal attacks (name-calling and making fun of others) as well as physical ones, threats of harm, other forms of intimidation, and deliberate exclusion from activities. Bullying peaks around ages 11 to 13 and decreases as children grow older! Overt physical aggression such as kicking, hitting, and shoving is most common among younger children; relational aggression—damaging or manipulating the relationships of others, such as spreading rumours, and social exclusion—is more common as children mature!
Most bullying occurs in and around school and on playgrounds. Approximately 20 percent of students report being bullied at school. Boys and girls are equally likely to be bullied.
Why People Bully
People bully because it can be an effective way of getting what they want, at least in the short term, and because they lack the social skills to do so without harming others. Bullying also is a way of establishing social dominance, although over time, as children’s behavioural repertoires generally broaden, it becomes the increasingly dysfunctional way.
Are bullies born or made?
Bullies are made, not born, and it happens at an early age; if the normal aggression of 2-year-olds is not handled with consistency, children fail to acquire internal restraints against such behaviour. Bullying remains a very durable behavioural style, largely because bullies get what they want—at least at first!
What are the psychological features of bullies?
Bullies have a distinct psychological makeup. They lack prosocial behaviour, are untroubled by anxiety, and do not understand others’ feelings. They exhibit a distinctive cognitive feature, a kind of paranoia: They misread the intentions of others, often imputing hostility in neutral situations. Others may not like them, but they typically see themselves quite positively. Those who chronically bully tend to have strained relationships with their parents and peers.
Who Bullies Target
Bullies couldn’t exist without victims, and they don’t pick on just anyone. Those singled out for bullying lack assertiveness even in non-threatening situations and radiate fear long before they ever encounter a bully. These are children who don’t stand up for themselves!
How do bullies decide who to pick on?
Up to about age 7, bullies pick on almost anyone. After that, they single out kids to prey on; engaging in a “shopping process” to determine which other children would make suitably submissive victims. Bullies like victims who become visibly upset when they are picked on and who do not have friends or allies. Those chosen as victims evince insecurity and apprehension.
What are the distinguishing features of victims?
Victims easily acquiesce to bullies’ demands, handing over bikes, toys, and other playthings. They cry and assume a defensive posture; their highly visible displays of pain and suffering are rewarding to bullies and serve as an important signal of the bully’s dominance. Children who become victims offer no deterrent to aggression, which can make them disliked even by their non-bullying peers.
Why Bullying Is So Harmful
Bullying carries the implicit message that aggression and violence are acceptable solutions to problems when they are not. Cooperation and the peaceful resolution of differences support an increasingly interconnected world. Bullying not only harms its victims, but it also harms the perpetrators themselves! Most bullies have a downward spiralling course through life, as their aggressive behaviour interferes with learning, holding a job, and establishing and maintaining intimate relationships.
Do bullies grow out of it?
Some bullies do leave the behaviour behind. But many do not; aggression is a very stable social interaction style. Many who were bullies as children turn into antisocial adults, who are far more likely than nonaggressive kids to commit crimes, batter their wives, abuse their children—and produce another generation of bullies.
How to Handle a Bully
The best defence against bullying is being socially skilled—teaching all children social skills and allowing them to develop confidence in their own abilities. As social engineers for young children, parents are especially important in bully-proofing their children: They can regularly inquire about social challenges their children face and role-play possible solutions. The second-best defence against bullying is to walk away and not fight back.
What can you do to stop bullies?
If you are being bullied, you should talk to someone you know well and trust; they will give you much-needed support and will often have suggestions you hadn’t considered for helping with the situation.
You might feel more comfortable taking a friend with you to talk to the bully or when seeking help. If you feel you might get too nervous to speak, write down what you’d like to say on paper or in an email. If you feel safe and confident, you should approach the person who is bullying you and tell them that their behaviour is unwanted and not acceptable.
If you are being bullied while at school, it is a good idea to seek help from a friend or to talk to a teacher or counsellor to see if they can help.
Four Types of bullying behaviour
Physical – examples include: hitting, pushing, shoving or intimidating or otherwise physically hurting another person, damaging or stealing their belongings. It includes threats of violence
Verbal/written – examples include: name-calling or insulting someone about an attribute, quality or personal characteristic
Social (sometimes called relational or emotional bullying) – examples include: deliberately excluding someone, spreading rumours, sharing information that will have a harmful effect on the other person and/or damaging a person’s social reputation or social acceptance
Cyberbullying – any form of bullying behaviour that occurs online or via a mobile device. It can be verbal or written, and can include threats of violence as well as images, videos and/or audio.
Bullying affects your mental health
Bullying can have a massive impact on your mental health, both now and in the future. If you’re bullied as a child or teenager, you might be twice as likely to use mental health services as an adult. It doesn’t matter if you’re being bullied at school, at home or online, bullying can mess with your head. But you’re not alone, and you deserve support.
Common Types of Bullies
Bullies have different styles, personalities, goals, and behaviours. Their motivations for and methods of bullying are all different! And not all bullies will fit neatly into a category. Some bullies will fall into several categories and some may appear to be in a category all their own.
Bully-Victims
Bullying victims often rise up after being bullied. They bully others weaker than them because they, too, have been bullied. Their goal usually is to regain a sense of power and control in their lives.
This type of bully is very common. In fact, a large number of kids who bully others have been bullied themselves by peers. Their bullying is a way of retaliating for the pain they are feeling. Other times the bully victim comes from a home with domestic violence or suffers abuse from an older sibling. In these cases, bullying is a learned behaviour.
Popular Bullies
Popular bullies have big egos. They are confident and condescending. They usually have a group of followers and may feel like they rule the school. These bullies have a sense of entitlement that can stem from their popularity, size, upbringing, or socioeconomic status. They thrive on the physical power and control they have over their victims and may boast about their bullying.
Popular bullies are sometimes the school’s star athlete or perceived school leader. They flourish on the attention and power they get from bullying. Peers often tolerate this type of bully because they would rather be accepted than bullied.
Relational Bullies
The relational bully is usually a somewhat-popular student who enjoys deciding who is accepted at school and who isn’t. Excluding, isolating, and ostracizing others are the most common weapons used by this type of bully. Most often, the relational bully will use only verbal or emotional bullying to maintain control. Many times, mean girls are relational bullies.
Relational bullies also maintain their power by using rumours, gossip, labels, and name-calling. Typically, they target others because they are jealous or feel they are socially unacceptable. Maintaining popularity is the key reason for relational aggression. The relational bully will do anything to be part of the “in the crowd.”
Serial Bullies
The serial bully is another type of bully often found in popular circles. These bullies are systematic, controlled, and calculated in their approach. Parents, teachers, and administrators may have no idea what a serial bully is capable of. Serial bullies are skilled manipulators and liars and are usually fake friends. Their sweet and nice persona is just another way to manipulate situations to their liking.
They are able to twist facts and situations to make themselves look innocent or to get out of trouble when confronted. In fact, serial bullies are often so skilled at deception that their victims often are afraid to speak up, convinced that no one will ever believe them.
Group Bullies
Bullies in this category are part of a group and have a pack mentality when they are together. They tend to bully as a group but behave much differently when they are alone—even if they are alone with the victim. Usually, group bullies are cliques that imitate the leader of the group and just follow along.
Because kids feel insulated when they are in a group, they often feel free to say and do things they wouldn’t do otherwise. They also feel less responsible for their actions because “everyone is doing it.” This is a very dangerous type of bullying because things quickly can escalate out of control.
Indifferent Bullies
Indifferent bullies are often unable to feel empathy. As a result, they can often appear cold, unfeeling, and detached and have very little, if any, remorse for what they do to others. Indifferent bullies are bullying for the sheer enjoyment of seeing another person suffer. They are not deterred by disciplinary actions. Traditional bullying intervention does not usually bring about change in their bullying. Additionally, indifferent bullies are often vicious and have deep psychological problems that need to be addressed by a professional.
Whoever is trying to bring you down is already below you.
This is a really interesting post and good for all parents of little ones to read and understand because it’s so important to be vigilant of bullies.
bullying is rife, especially in schools. We must all be educated about it.
Thank you so much for this post. It is very empowering.
I have been bullied a lot as a child and a teenager. Sometimes, I do still feel bullied as an adult.
I am so sorry to hear that and glad you found the post useful.
Bullies are posers. They bully others because they are so insecure of themselves.
I totally agree with this!