Quick note: Some of the links on this page are affiliate links; if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be useful for other people.
It is clear our little one is musical. She loves singing and dancing and often falls asleep when we have loud music playing. Therefore, we need to eventually take her to a music festival. She would absolutely love it. Are you also looking for Friendly Festivals?
It got me thinking about what is on offer. Here is my rundown of family-friendly and affordable festivals for you to attend as a family.
Either look to attend this year or keep them in mind for next year!
PLEASE NOTE – I have no affiliation with any of these organisers. The list is from my own research about places we would visit as a family
This is based in York on 12th & 13th August and looks to have everything you could want as a family. There is even camping available to get the full festival experience. Check out ticket prices here
This looks like a great range of activities, including comedy and literary activities. However, you can only book weekend tickets and it is quite pricey. Check out ticket options here.
In this article I explore why mummy and baby care is important and the barriers currently in place to achieving this.
Quick note: Mummy Conquering Anxiety is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and thinkwould be useful for you.
What is mummy and baby care?
My definition
If the mother is well looked after, the baby will be. If the baby is happy, the mother is happy. There is nothing worse than seeing your child in pain or not thriving. But how do you cope with this when you’re not at your best self either.
In this article I aim to explore this topic.
Whilst mother and baby care sounds amazing, I just don’t think it happens currently.
To me, caring for both mother and baby means separate care for both parties and caring for one another. When you Google the term, you are met with several results which talk all about “massage” and “wellness” for the expectant mother.
I also believe it means a wider family group caring for both parties. In the lead-up to pregnancy, people often offer to pay for massages for the mother, anything which will help with the physical burden of carrying an almost full-sized baby.
How many birth announcements say “mother and baby doing well”? There is no avoiding the fact that following birth, it’s usually a birthing partner or another person who has to take control of things. I was certainly not my best self following the birth of my little one, and we need to acknowledge this is completely normal. Mothers should feel like they can rest and recover, without feeling guilty.
I am on a mission to talk about the reality of birth. And unfortunately, mummy care wasn’t something I experienced in the hospital. The other mothers on the ward didn’t appear to either. It was my hubby who took control during my time on the maternity ward and I felt truly cared for when I returned home. I felt safe. I was back in my environment. I can understand why expectant mothers opt for home births. But then this raises the issue of what happens when there are complications. For me, a home birth wouldn’t have worked, because I had to be rushed into an emergency c section.
Based on my own experience, you don’t need to give birth to a baby in order to form a bond. However, if you were the one who gave birth, the physical and emotional demands can be heavy.
Is there an equal balance between mummy and baby care?
Is there a balance between care for the mother and care for the baby?
Going through the pregnancy and birth stages, in my opinion, no there isn’t. The responsibility is placed on the mother, to care for and feed for the baby. This is due to physical demands and also the fact the mother is, unavoidably the nurturer.
That said, I do think a birthing partner can have a huge impact on those early stages. In my earlier blog posts, I talk about the fact I was unable to go see our little one and it was my hubby who visited her in the baby unit. They now have a strong bond because of those early days. He looked after us both at the time. Based on my own experience, you don’t need to give birth to a baby to form a bond. However, if you were the one who gave birth, the physical and emotional demands can be heavy.
All things considered, I don’t think there is much room for mummy care in the early days. However, I was lucky to receive some form of rest when I returned home because my hubby ended up with a month off work. Paternity and annual leave fell at exactly the right time!
But what about the women who don’t have this level of support?
During my breakdown, I sometimes felt like asking the doctor whether I should break my leg because then I wouldn’t be accused of being dishonest to stay off work. It’s just not good enough.
The reality for the mother
Physical changes
I struggled during my pregnancy, due to sickness, working full time, and severe hip pain. I also nearly fainted every day in the office at work, because I run hot anyway. It was a pretty grim time and I discuss it here.
Honestly, I can’t remember a single day during the pregnancy phase where I felt happy. I felt worn down and depressed for most of my pregnancy. I have never felt tiredness like it in my life.
Hormonal changes
I’m now surprised to read the science says hormonal changes remain for up to a year after pregnancy. This means the timescale for ‘giving your body over’ to create life is more like two years at least. The no alcohol, better diet, creation stage, the actual pregnancy. Dealing with irrational thoughts for at least a year!
It may sound cliche or you may think I’ve truly gone mad, but it is all worth it. This is not to say you come away unscathed though.
You can never be the same person again. In some respects I’m glad, in others I would change it if I could. I would change the niggling hip and back pain I still get after an epidural. By the way, no health professional wants to acknowledge it’s even a thing. I got told “all effects will be over in six weeks” and I think it’s a BS reply. But this rant is for another day, another post.
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Huge shift in lifestyle
I went from working full time, being a career woman, the highest earner in the house, to a stay-at-home mum on maternity leave. The change for me couldn’t have been more drastic. This gigantic shift in routine alone would cause potential mental health problems for the average person. Add this to the other burdens a new mother faces and you can see why it’s tough. And why new mothers are more likely to develop mental health issues.
Being responsible for a helpless tiny human being is a lot for one person to take on. I discuss in this post how I felt like I would drop our little one on the floor and was scared to allow germs into the house.
Why does mother and baby care matter?
Let’s revisit my definition – If the mother is well looked after, the baby will be. If the baby is happy, the mother is happy. There is nothing worse than seeing your child in pain or not thriving. But how do you cope with this when you’re not at your best self either.
I’ve been less than my best self on many occasions throughout the process of pregnancy and motherhood. I want to send a message out to all parents. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s normal and mothers do an amazing job each day, under sometimes impossible conditions.
Caring for the new mother matters just as much as caring for a baby. However, in reality, most families don’t have the time or means to satisfy both. We plodded along. Thankfully I have great parents who help us out. It’s only now, we are at the toddler stage, that things are getting a bit easier in terms of independent play and us as adults having time to spend together and do normal things again.
Because of the impact, the first pregnancy had on me, and therefore us as a family. Naturally, I am reluctant to go through that process again. My hubby asked me the other day whether I would be less reluctant to have another baby if money wasn’t a factor and I said I didn’t know. My decision is unfortunately warped by the negative experiences I had the first time around.
What information is out there on the subject?
When researching this post, I was unsurprised to find pages and pages of Google information which focused solely on the physical changes a mother goes through. What I want to see is a useful article talking about emotional and mental stressors and how to handle this. Thank you to Tommy’s for including a section related to mental health.
I mean, a doctor wouldn’t review your broken leg without asking whether you need pain medication, time off work, and emotional support. With a side note to check your mental health is not suffering, due to the pain. Why then, aren’t we offering the same to women with serious mental health conditions as a result of pregnancy? During my breakdown, I sometimes felt like asking the doctor whether I should break my leg because then I wouldn’t be accused of being dishonest to stay off work. It’s just not good enough.
Striking a balance during difficult financial circumstances
Fast forward to the inevitable financial impact pregnancy and the birthing stage has on a mother. In the UK we have a maternity and childcare system that is very much geared towards the mother taking care of the child. For this to change, government policies would need to change, and I hope this happens.
At the time of writing this article, the government has announced a support package for young families and I am pleased to say it includes an allocation of money dedicated to mental health services. But I agree with the recent criticism that more needs to be done.
The downside to the UK childcare system
In the UK, you can claim statutory maternity pay for up to nine months. To add some context here, months 5-9 for me were paid at a third of my usual income. The nursery wanted a full payment as a deposit upfront. Therefore we had to meet this whilst I was on maternity leave. We still had the same bills to pay, with a drastic loss of income.
A day at any nursery costs between £40.00 and £55.00 in the UK. Unless you have an amazing, top-level job, putting a child into nursery full time and working comes down to a debate about money and whether it is worth it. Many women in the UK have to face this reality each day.
A possible solution?
I’ve just watched this TED Talk and honestly, I think what is proposed is a great solution to the childcare problem. It’s clear lack of affordable childcare isn’t just an issue that impacts the UK.
How in 2021 are we still not giving babies the best possible start in life?
Lack of childcare or the heavy price tag is yet another factor adding to the existing burden of having a new baby. Add this to the mental impact, physical constraints, and hormones. I mean, it would be easier to ask what a mother doesn’t have to worry about.
The upside to the UK childcare system
We do receive 15-30 hours’ worth of free childcare when a child reaches three years old. How many hours you get within the bracket depends on whether you need term time care only. For example, if you are a teacher and have all the school holidays off work to care for your child, you wouldn’t need to put them in the nursery during those periods. Therefore, you would get 30 hours for the remaining weeks of the year. Unless one of us decides to apply for a job in a school, we will receive 15 hours per week.
It’s no secret we have struggled financially waiting to reach this marker. Whilst it’s not as simple as making demands on a government, I do think this age needs to be lowered to two years old. If the aim is to encourage more women in the UK to seek out high positions in their workplace and carve out a career path, which isn’t interrupted by pregnancy and the aftermath of birth.
In the UK we also have a shared parental leave scheme. I don’t think the scheme is advertised enough. And there is widespread criticism of the scheme. Many groups would like a revised scheme. My hubby and I would use the scheme if we have a second child. However, I know that little about it, I don’t even know if our employers would say yes. The government needs to create a revised plan where parents feel empowered to make that choice, and know exactly what steps to take to make it happen. How wonderful it could be, that parents get to spend an equal amount of time with a new baby.
When bringing a second child into the world, I also hope it doesn’t come down to a choice between one of us working or not working. We both want our independence, to earn money, to give our child the benefit of development in a nursery setting. We also want to spend time together as a family. Currently, in the UK, it’s pretty impossible to achieve this.
Changes in society
Surely dads, partners, other parties caring for the child want to participate in the early stages of the baby’s life. Let’s all open our minds to the fact any loving parents can care for a child, it doesn’t just have to be the mother. What I’m saying here is a societal change in mindset must happen to make every scenario acceptable when thinking about who can care for a child.
My hubby talks about getting funny looks when he went to Mothercare alone to buy some clothes when our little one was in the baby unit. I couldn’t go because I was unable to walk at the time, following my c section. He was also the only male to join our nursery Facebook group.
I do think this stigma is still prevalent and it makes me sad. My hubby wants to care for our little girl just as much as I do and we are struggling to try and make this happen. I must acknowledge, I love to see the dad bloggers on Twitter talking from their perspective. It makes me happy, we are starting to see a balance. Good on you Dads!
Let’s give some shout-outs to ALL parental figures in society
It takes a village – this is so true!
But I also want to shout out the dads, extended family members, grandparents who take control of the care for their grandchildren. Same-sex couples, adoptive parents, single parents (and any other category I’ve missed). I want society to adjust their expectations and have an open mind when it comes to the fact that ANYONE is capable of being an amazing parent. It doesn’t come down to biology.
As a society, we need to ditch the idea one person is solely responsible for the care of a child. The burden should be shared where possible. Speaking from experience, feeling supported is key when you are a new parent. Had I felt like this in hospital, my experience would have been different. And maybe my mental health wouldn’t have suffered so severely. We will never know!
How you can achieve your own mummy baby care balance?
As I don’t want to overload you with my rants, and because there is hope. I want to outline ways you can achieve both mummy and baby care. Even during busy and difficult times. Check out these life hacks for busy mums.
You don’t have to rely on a doctor or maternity services to get the outcome you need (although they should be fit for purpose). These are the techniques, tips, routines we have used:
Naps
Naps are essential when you are a new parent. You face a whole new level of tiredness. You didn’t realise anyone could survive on four hours of sleep. But you muddle through.
Everyone deserves a break. Enlist help from those around you, if you can. And never feel guilty about taking a nap. You need to recharge your batteries, so you can face the next challenge.
Rest
If all you’re able to do is sit on the sofa with the baby, or nap when the baby naps. Take this time and don’t feel bad about it.
I kept my mind active by playing on my phone whilst our little one slept on me. I would sit on the sofa, get comfortable and relax, but not sleep until she was fully settled.
Time away from the baby
If you can, accept help from other people.
When our little one was three months old, we stayed overnight at Village Hotels. Although I missed her like crazy, it was a lovely break away and we both needed it.
If you went through any other traumatic experience in life, you would give yourself a break. Going through pregnancy and birth can be one of the most traumatic experiences a person will ever go through and we need to acknowledge this.
Nursery
Attend a baby group, or enlist the help of the nursery to give yourself a break.
Naturally, I was reluctant to hand our little pumpkin over to a nursery at nine months old. However, it was the best thing for her. She loves it and has developed so much. I think it’s good for a little one to have some time away from their parents. It’s her own little thing that she does and we ask her about her day when she comes home.
Because we have strong feelings about the benefits of the nursery, we would want a second child to attend. I hope by the time we are in a position to make the decision, childcare benefits have improved. When bringing a second child into the world, I also hope it doesn’t come down to a choice between one of us working or not working. We both want our independence, to earn money, to give our child the benefit of development in a nursery setting. We also want to spend time together as a family. Currently, in the UK, it’s pretty impossible to achieve this.
Classes for parent and baby
In the early days, I was reluctant to attend these types of groups. Then I found Little Learners. My little one could barely sit up, but she loved feeling different textures and playing. Even being around other children and getting used to the noise level she would experience at the nursery was great for her. The class was held at a community centre and I was able to have some lunch and a coffee. It honestly transformed my life and got us both out of the house. Occasionally my hubby and mum would attend and it was a great morning out. I will always look back fondly at the memories made in those classes.
Time as a couple
Thankfully, my parents have always taken our little one over the weekend, for a day, and it helps me get on with the cleaning. I now blog and sometimes we get time together as a couple. It might be 20 minutes of uninterrupted chatter, but when you have an attention-grabbing toddler around, that 20 minutes is golden.
Every few months we also have a night to ourselves and we are so thankful for it.
Home spa
As I can’t afford the spa days I booked pre-baby, a home spa is a perfect solution. When I haven’t had enough sleep, I find a nice hot bath, and a face mask gives me a little, much-needed refresh. We also have a foot spa and I occasionally use it.
Even if all you can fit in is a five-minute face and hair mask, take this time. Do it whilst you are comforting the baby and look after yourself as well.
You can find some amazing home spa products below, along with a great points system if you sign up:
Final thoughts
I hope you enjoyed reading this article.
Please let me know your thoughts in the comments below.
Fancy some much needed child-free time? Book yourself a night at Village Hotels…
20% off discount code MCA20 until the end of the year (Including Advent Calendars)
If you follow my blog, you will know I love The Body Shop. Since being a teenager and buying animal-shaped soaps on my trips to the nearest town centre with friends. I’ve loved the scents and the ethos behind the company.
In recent years, I now require high-quality products. It’s all about taking care of my skin and having a little self-care and indulgence in my life. As a busy mum, lack of sleep sometimes means bad skin, dark circles and all the other wonderful downsides of motherhood. A rescue plan to make me look and feel better is required.
I was overjoyed when The Body Shop sent me a package full of their best sellers to review
I’ve been looking for a product to even my skin tone and I am so impressed with the results after using this scrub. It’s my go-to product now. And I’ve already ordered more. As a busy mum, having an even skin tone and refreshed look means less maintenance. Given that I quickly rub concealer on my face, in the car before the nursery drop. Anything that avoids this extra task, I will pay good money for.
Over the summer, it is nicer to have no make-up on your face. These days it just sweats off me anyway. This charcoal mask is a weekly treat I can use to enable me to have a fresh face for summer outings.
I must admit, I love the fruity body butter from The Body Shop. But they do tend to be a little thicker in consistency. This one is my new favourite. Simply because it’s so light on your skin and totally refreshing for summer. I can imagine taking it on holiday abroad with me and feeling extra moisturised after a day in the sun.
We’ve all heard of this one. I would say it’s one of the most iconic Body Shop products. I’ve wanted to try it for a while and my hubby is in need of some because he works outside in all weather conditions.
The texture is lovely and it smells amazing. You can literally feel it immediately helping your skin. And I love that feeling.
This isn’t a product I would normally choose. I have dry, frizzy and unmanageable hair. However, the smell and the texture are so refreshing. And I actually really love using it now. It makes me feel cleaner than using my previous shampoo. Unlike other shampoos, you use a very tiny amount, which means it goes further than other products I’ve used in the past.
Discount code
If you would like to purchase any of these items, I have a discount code for you to use…
20% off discount code MCA20 until the end of the year (Including Advent Calendars)
I’ve talked about my love for The Body Shop on the blog before, and I’m here to tell you about it again.
From the nostalgia of buying animal shaped soaps and lip balms as a teenager. To now needing anti ageing remedies and high-quality make-up. Whatever your need, The Body Shop has something for you. They are a brand I’ve trusted throughout my life. I have never bought a product that I didn’t consider completely high quality. Not to mention their great company ethos!
Needless to say, I’m already smelling the raspberry body scrub and I’m getting my wishlist together. I am also currently on the website shopping for my wonderful mum, because she deserves something special.
Quick note: Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and thinkwould be useful for you.
I am proud to be an affiliate for The Body Shop, because the reality is, I recommend them to everyone I know already. Therefore, I’m going to tell you about some of the special offers they have on at the moment.
Why I love Mother’s Day
I’m all for celebrating the mummies. We do a very difficult job, never moan and just get on with it. Women are the ultimate superheroes and therefore, Mother’s Day is one of my favourite occasions.
This post is dedicated to all the amazing mamas out there. Whatever your situation, I hope you have a brilliant mothers day. Let me know in the comments below what you have planned.
Self-care
If you follow my blog, you will also know I am all about self-care. These moments of indulgence and restoration helped me recover from a tough time last year. Therefore, I make it a priority to look after myself whenever I can. Self-care purchases are part of my routine now.
Let’s dive into the wonderful products on offer
The Body shop is currently offering the following:
FREE MOTHER’S DAY GIFT WHEN YOU SPEND £30*
Spend £30 and receive a free Mascara Gift Set (worth £15) featuring our Happy Go Lash Mascara and our Camomile Cleansing Butter – so you can nourish and love your lashes!
Use code 13025
Who doesn’t love a gift?? Or a cupboard full of products for self-care.
As a mum, let alone any parent, it feels nearly impossible to have some time to yourself, right? Not only do you have the kids, but you have work, you have a household to run (including chores), you have to tend to your spouse, and let’s not forget your friends and family. It’s a lot, and it can be overwhelming.
Being a parent is one of the toughest jobs in the world and there’s no doubt about it that it can be insanely stressful to the point of a mental breakdown. But how can you destress and unwind? While there isn’t some perfect equation, these are some ideas to help you hold on just a little longer.
Everyone, no matter what age they are, will need to have some “me time”. This includes your little ones as well, as they need to learn to find themselves as entertainment. Maybe your time can happen during your children’s nap time, or when you put them in bed for the night.
Just try to give yourself at least 30 minutes of “me time” each day. Just do whatever you want, as long as it helps you feel better. Many mums and parents, they’ll nap, read, exercise, or watch shows. Give this to yourself, you’re human, you need it.
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Play with your children
Sounds odd, right? Well, depending on the age of your little ones, playing with them could be exactly what you need. Why not let them play with you, something that you love? For instance, you love to go out and do some gardening. For your child, they will consider this as a form of playtime. You get to spend time with them, they get to have fun, and you get to pretty up the garden, it’s a win! Other ideas can include puzzles or even playing video games together.
Give yourself a Spa Day
You don’t have to spend an arm and a leg just to go to a nice spa. Why not bring the whole spa day at home? This can include buying a plush Richard Haworth bathrobe and towel set. Why not play some relaxing music, take a long bath, and have some champagne? Even if you can’t afford a full spa day, at least give yourself an hour or two of being alone and enjoying the self-care you can give yourself. Even something as short as this can help your mentality out.
Look into other ways to de-stress
Being around friends can be one of the greatest ways to just really destress and unwind. So never neglect trying out this method. Usually, hanging out with friends can be a great way to have some of that “me-time” while still getting to interact with friends and keep those connections strong as well.
So, look into doing this, as this is a great way to give yourself the chance to let go. Never feel guilty for needing some time to destress, parenting is tough, and having little to no time to yourself can actually lead to burnout.
When I was contacted by The Massage Company to visit one of their branches and review the experience, I was excited.
I selected the Sutton Coldfield branch and decided to coincide it with a wonderful family trip away. I’d also won a photo shoot in a competition. This mummy was finally receiving some much needed pamper time, and I couldn’t wait.
Upon arrival, the representative I met at reception was warm, friendly and very knowledgeable about the packages they had on offer. She also had extensive knowledge about what someone may need to maintain those aches and pains. Let’s face it, we all have them. These days, I have a lot of them.
My physical needs when booking
Being hunched over a laptop, picking up an almost-three-year-old, and playing with them in awkward positions all day, certainly takes its toll on your body. Not to mention the unexpected strains on the back, such as changing a nappy in the back of a car because a shop has no toilets. Mum life really does physically impact you!
Following my c section, which worsened my pre-existing lower back problems, I needed relaxation and a technique that would alleviate my tension. Therefore I opted for the deep tissue massage.
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Surroundings
When entering the building it felt a little more clinical than what I’m used to. Which is a good thing. Where I live, the only options for a relaxing massage are hotels with spas or health club chains. To opt for an alternative, you’d have to book a physio appointment. Although I ache, a lot, I wouldn’t ever think I needed physio. My visit to The Massage Company made have made me think twice about that.
What I experienced at The Massage Company was great in-between, and just what I was looking for. Generic rooms, a bright airy feel, friendly staff. In the actual massage room, there was a touch of relaxation. I loved the automatic diffuser (I want to buy one now) and the relaxing music. But the rest of the setup was catered towards a more scientific approach to curing those aches and pains.
A great balance of both clinical knowledge and relaxation was what I experienced and it was great!
A warm welcome and pre-checks
The consultation form was catered for my individual needs. I could select pressure type, where I didn’t want the therapist to touch and what areas of my body to focus on. And the massage therapist was just as lovely as the representative at reception. I was made to feel very welcome, at ease and well within my comfort zone.
Let’s be real, taking all your clothes off and a stranger touching you, is daunting. I remember going for my first massage and fearing the unknown. Therefore, a provider must make its clients feel at ease. I would say this is the main thing I look for when booking with a massage provider again.
The actual massage
The massage table was the most comfortable I’ve encountered, simply because it was geared towards getting the muscles in the right place, to get the most out of your time there.
What I love the most about the place are the packages and membership. It’s an amazing idea to find a way to regularly keep up with body maintenance. You can either pay monthly or pay a slightly higher monthly premium to pause your direct debit.
The lovely representative at reception explained couples often share memberships and visit on alternative months. Upon looking at the booking system after I left, it’s so easy to click on a time slot and the therapist you want to see. I could imagine sitting at work, thinking, oh yeah I have my bi-monthly massage coming up. I could do with it this week, let’s log on to book. How amazing? When we all have such busy lives, this is a great booking system.
Why would someone want physical maintenance for muscles?
Whilst sitting in reception, I was advised it becomes more about body maintenance for clients, rather than fixing the deep aches someone is experiencing. My only gripe is that we don’t have a branch nearer to where we live. My hubby has a physical job and upon ending my recent visit, I booked him a physio appointment straightaway. I realised the benefits this experience gave me and I felt sorry for his sore, tired muscles. Despite going to our local physio, I just know he would get more out of an appointment with The Massage Company. I hope they open a branch further up north. Please?
The Aftermath
Following the massage, I did ache for about a week. However, I think this is down to the fact I haven’t kept up with body maintenance and my aches and pulled muscles were in bad condition. I am now mindful of keeping up to this, to reduce the pressure on my body and ease the stress I carry around with me.
The massage therapist did warn me about particular sore spots and it was all the areas I suffer the most. She also confirmed my muscles were tight and I would be in pain following the treatment.
Summary
For now, if we’re ever in the area again (I plan to be after our wonderful trip!), I will be carving out some time to visit the Sutton Coldfield branch. And going for a cheeky coffee in one of the amazing little coffee shops nearby.
We must make self-care a priority in our lives and The Massage Company provide a simple, easy and affordable way to do it.
There are currently five branches, in the following areas:
That’s all from me today.
I hope you enjoyed reading about my experience with The Massage Company.
Have you heard of them before? Have you visited? Let me know in the comments below. I would love to hear from you.
What a busy week I’ve had on the blog. But I wanted to bring you all the wonderful deals in time for Mother’s Day purchases.
In this post, you will find a wrap up of all the great deals, discounts and my current giveaway.
Quick note: Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and thinkwould be useful for you.
Cashback apps
Remember to use your cash back apps before purchasing
Using these tricks and adjustments in the purchasing process does save you money. And it is worth the few extra minutes it takes to get a discount. The main ones I use are TopCashback and Quidco. Over time these savings add up and allow you to spend the balance on more purchases.
Let’s dive into a round-up of great offers on the blog this week
This gift is so cute. Cotton & Grey have recently been shortlisted for an award and the feedback I am receiving on this post suggests everyone else also loves it.
Every time I need a moment to myself lately, I light the little beeswax candle and I am honestly mesmerized by the steady flame.
The perfect gift for a loved one, someone you want to cheer up, or a self-care purchase for yourself.
Discount code
Cotton & grey have kindly provided a 5% discount code on any purchases
To enter, you must follow Cotton & Grey on Twitter and also ensure you are following the MummyConqueringAnxiety blog. Bonus points for commenting on this post.
The giveaway will be running from 13 March – to 21st March 2022.
In this post, I review the latest Mother’s Day offers from one of my favourite brands – The Body Shop.
The Body shop is currently offering the following:
FREE MOTHER’S DAY GIFT WHEN YOU SPEND £30*
Spend £30 and receive a free Mascara Gift Set (worth £15) featuring our Happy Go Lash Mascara and our Camomile Cleansing Butter – so you can nourish and love your lashes!
Use code 13025
Who doesn’t love a gift?? Or a cupboard full of products for self-care.
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Final thoughts
I hope you enjoyed reading about these amazing gifts.
From the very beginning of my pregnancy journey, I was basically a walking ball of crazy hormones and the mother instinct was definitely in overdrive. Most of what I do in life involves extremes. This situation was no different.
Mummy-related problems anyone? connect with me below or on social media and tell me about it (it’s good to know you’re not alone!).
People warn you there will be an overwhelming feeling of love and responsibility when the baby finally arrives. A lot of pressure is put on this moment, but ultimately, you don’t know what it feels like until it happens to you.
To be honest, I wasn’t listening to anyone else from a certain point in my pregnancy.
In this post, we will go on a quick stop tour of my mummy problems. Pregnancy to present day!
Why being a new mummy equals new-worries
My crazy moments after leaving the hospital
On a serious note
It does get better… I promise
The toddler phase
Why being a new mummy equals new-worries
From the start of the pregnancy, you have new worries coupled with existing worries. It’s like someone has created another space inside your brain for the mummy-related stuff, except it doesn’t feel sectioned off. It all mingles into one (baby brain anyone?).
Excitement can soon seep over into anxiety and it’s exactly what happened to me.
You’re responsible for a tiny human being and you learn as you go. There is no manual, and all the advice people give you, doesn’t mean they will be there at 4 am to help you out. You’re on your own, quite literally.
In our household, one of us needed sleep to function at work and take over baby duty when required. Resulting in me being a lone ranger for a significant period of time. It’s difficult for women, especially those who have gone from working full time to being a stay-at-home, brand spanking new mum.
When it is your first time, your world is literally turned upside down and frankly, the hormones make you irrational, at a time when you could do with a fully functioning brain.
Oh how I remember the tiredness, it was horrible. Like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I didn’t think anyone could survive on less than 4 hours sleep each night. Somehow, powered by coffee and fizzy vitamin drinks, you do.
We still have a long road ahead of us, which will be filled with the joyous moments any child brings. You never stop worrying. Since her arrival, a million things go through my head every minute of every day and it’s draining. Add this to my anxiety-prone personality and it’s a recipe for disaster.
Living through pregnancy, my subsequent breakdown, and job security worries, I am now more aware of the factors that can lead to poor mental health and I work hard each day to prevent going back to a dark place again.
My crazy moments after leaving the hospital
Soon after giving birth, you’re not thinking straight, but you believe you are. The hormones, tiredness, potential PTSD from the experience you’ve just gone through, all contribute to some pretty crazy behaviour. For me, this extreme, out-of-character behaviour lasted about a year!
The early days were the worst. At my lowest points, I asked the hubby to request our friends’ use hand gel when they visited to cuddle the new arrival (this was pre-covid people, being the clean freak I am, I had a stash of hand gel when it was all selling out in shops). Looking back it seems silly, given the weekly germ-factory we now have going on at nursery each week. But at the time, in my head, it seemed completely rational to ask them to do this. Although asking the hubby to ask them meant my subconscious knew I was acting crazy (poor hubby). Safe to say he didn’t ask them and all was well during the visit.
I also asked him if we could carry our precious little bundle from room to room in a moses basket, to reduce the risk of dropping her. I was convinced I would drop her at some point and had visions and dreams of me doing this (mama’s out there, please let me know I am not the only one).
Whilst at the time, this was a completely normal reaction to have when you’re a new mummy, it’s only now I look back and think it was a tad extreme. Any new Mummy’s reading this, please be safe in the knowledge these feelings are 100% valid, you are not insane and these thoughts and worries make you a fantastic mummy: you care so much about your little bundle, you worry. Please also know that eventually the hormones subside and you feel somewhat balanced again.
On a serious note
Joking aside and to get serious for a moment, my hubby genuinely thought I could be in the early grasp of postnatal depression after giving birth. That I may not bond with our little girl and he would have to deal with the heart-wrenching fallout.
I was worried about the way I was being judged (most of this was in my head, but still valid feelings) for caring for my child, or lack of knowing how to do it.
Was I good enough? Did I know how to feed and change a baby? Maybe if we had come home on day 1, our family team could have worked it out on our own. Because we both had to stay in hospital for 4-5 days, I felt under a microscope.
To make a cup of tea or baby milk on the ward, you had to visit a communal kitchen. Because I was initially bed-ridden, I didn’t even know where the kitchen was. When the x-ray porter asked me for directions after bringing me back to the ward, I didn’t have a clue what to tell him. I was confused, disorientated, in pain, feeling incredible mum-guilt because I didn’t have my baby with me, feeling inadequate, and already suffering from a 15 year-strong anxiety problem. Considering all of this, I think I did well to keep some level of composure.
It wasn’t only the feeling of being watched, but the atmosphere wasn’t a great recovery setting. It was noisy on the ward at night. I could hear other women screaming in pain and unable to cope. I felt the same. I had the instinct to go and help, but I stayed in my room and they stayed in theirs and it was not what I wanted to hear when I was away from my baby, recovering, but not able to get sleep.
Maternity services in the UK need to be improved. I don’t know what the solution to this problem is, but I am sure my future blog posts will touch upon this. If you have any stories of your own, please feel free to contact me.
Going home
When I was discharged a few days earlier than our little bundle, I felt like I’d left my right arm somewhere and had an overpowering sense that I wanted to run back to the hospital and bring my baby home. I would cry myself to sleep and I felt genuine pain in my heart about being separated from her, although I knew it was just a few nights and we would be reunited for our visit the next morning.
We were offered the small room in the baby unit, but I needed to recover at home. Neither of us had properly slept in a week and we needed to be prepared for her arrival. In an ideal world, these wards would have quiet rooms for people to recover, private spaces, and be somewhere welcoming to families who actually wanted to stay. Here’s hoping! I am aware charities raise funds to improve neonatal and maternity services throughout the UK and the work they do is invaluable.
I did also feel a great sense of gratitude, our situation meant she would be home sooner rather than later – I am aware not everyone is this lucky and they have worse ordeals to endure than ours (sending love, hugs & hope to anyone impacted by these issues).
In this respect, my mummy-related problems were insignificant compared to others and this thought does help put things in perspective. By the same token, each individual has their own worries, problems, set of circumstances. All are valid! You can only judge the world and give your thoughts on the experience you have lived through yourself.
Tommy’s and Bliss are two amazing charities dealing with some of the issues mentioned above. Please contact them if you need any advice or support.
I’ve also recently come across PaNDAS who specialise in support for Postnatal Depression. I wish i’d known about them sooner!
The aftermath
All of this has a lasting impact on your mental health. In the year that followed, my hubby & I both had entirely different versions of what took place during my hospital stay and the reason certain decisions were made. I guess, when one person is in chronic pain and the other person is a bystander, different viewpoints will emerge.
I was hurt the most when my hubby said I didn’t want to get out of bed and see my baby girl. At the time he didn’t have any idea how this comment would impact me. It’s only clear to me now, at the point of writing honestly for this blog, that I let my anxiety get the better of me. I let it win and take over my decisions, at a time in life where happiness was supposed to be the overriding emotion. Of course, even the pressure to feel happy in that moment damages the mental health of a new mother.
Thankfully, whilst in hospital, my beautiful girl had her Daddy to visit and talk to her (I have the wonderful videos to look at), and learn how to change nappies before I did! My pumpkin & I now make up for those initial days with cuddles & kisses.
It would be easy to look back in hindsight and say I regret not being present. I have never done that because I realise it would damage my mental health more. Instead, I look back and think I did the best I could following an incredibly traumatic situation.
If you can relate to this experience, you should also know you did the best you could at the time. In terms of the services available to us, we don’t live in an ideal world where there is an appropriate setting to recover whilst in hospital. It is not your fault the system is broken, but as new mothers, we blame ourselves for everything.
It does get easier… I promise
At each new stage of development, you learn to adapt to the situation in front of you. We have a headstrong, independent child and as a result, she doesn’t always want to steer clear of danger. She certainly doesn’t want us telling her these activities are dangerous (she doesn’t like to be told anything!). She is known as the daredevil climber at nursery. I think I might be to blame for the rebellious attitude. Hey ho!
As she gets older and understands more about the world, the mummy related problems are lessening.
The toddler phase
I can only comment up to this point, cos that’s where we’re at right now. Tantrums, nose picking, poo wiped on the sofa when her nappy needs changing, sometimes sitting on the potty getting bored and weeing on the floor, constant whining. To name but a few.
I get it, she wants to communicate verbally and we don’t always pick up on what she wants the first time. It must be frustrating for a little person, who obviously knows what she wants and when she wants it.
As much as I can list the challenging things, I could also write a long list about the loveable things. Her smile, cheeky grin, when she dances and gets dizzy, her sass (this little person can give some dirty looks), the way she already loves things in their place, how great she is at tidying up, cuddles and kisses. I won’t go on… but you get the picture.
Although it is cheesy, the worries really are outweighed by the wonderful times. A child brings a whole new joy to your life. I have alcohol, social media for my rants, and girlie nights out to manage the bad times.
Final thoughts
Thank you for listening to my honest feelings about my pregnancy journey. If you can relate, connect with me below.
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