My experience
When it comes to financial worries, I’d never had to worry until recently. I’d always considered myself financially savvy. I spent my career in the Finance industry and was always up to date with my knowledge of the financial world. Therefore managing our household finances was always something that came top of my priority list.
I’m also quite an organised person. I enjoyed taking control of our finances and seeing the results when we paid into our savings account and made overpayments on loans and credit cards. Doing this gives you a good feeling.
It’s easy managing money when you’re single, have a fantastic career, or are a couple living it up and enjoying life. We went on holidays to Mexico, and regular weekends away, for cocktails and shopping and never really worried about money.
On a serious note, the fact we were over-committed for at least a year, made me feel personally like a failure. I would dread letters coming through the post, saying bills hadn’t been paid. I would long for the day when we had a little more money each month and I could finally pay people back and take some control of the finances again.
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Things changed when we had a child. There was less money to go around and this created problems. It isn’t having a child that costs more money, it’s the upheaval and adjustment period that bit us in the backside.
On a serious note, the fact we were over-committed for at least a year, made me feel personally like a failure. I would dread letters coming through the post, saying bills hadn’t been paid. I would long for the day when we had a little more money each month and I could finally pay people back and take some control of the finances again.
Why financial worries impact mental health
Mind.org have a great diagram which explains the vicious cycle. You worry about money, which results in poor mental health and vice versa. This article also provides useful information on the topic. Having lived through it, I can say it’s completely correct.
I never imagined, following a breakdown from workplace stress, that I would struggle to manage money. But I struggled to do anything when I was first off work. I will talk more about the impact of anxiety in this post. One of my last anxiety-filled days was caused as a result of money worries.
It’s a lot more admin when automatic payments are not made due to lack of money and you have to start contacting individual companies to agree when payment will be made. This extra admin didn’t help my mental health at all. I can see why people refer to companies like StepChange to act on their behalf. Speaking to 10 individual companies becomes too much.
These are the things I wish I’d done in hindsight
I saved money during my pregnancy and six months full pay period
Planning for maternity leave would have alleviated some financial worries. We didn’t save in advance and as you can imagine, we struggled from months 6 to 9 of maternity leave, on less than a third of my total wage. We still had the same bills to pay though. Luckily, our family helped us out with these payments. However, it made the whole experience of still being off work a bit grim and less enjoyable than it should have been.
Saved towards nursery costs
The nursery wanted a deposit payment upfront and we secured the place before our little one was born (we all know about competition for nursery places!).
The monthly costs involved with childcare are high in the UK and we were only sending her two days a week initially. To ensure we didn’t have financial worries about this monthly cost, I wish we had saved some money to add to the childcare account to make advance payments or act as a buffer for months when we struggled to meet the full payment.
You don’t need financial worries about the nursery when you already have the stress of arranging childcare, worrying about sick days and who can cover them, or whether they have the right coat to play out in. There is enough to think about!
Refrained from using credit cards
The credit card balances were relatively under control before my maternity leave.
During this period, we kept living as we had before, but in fact, we now have other costs to consider (baby milk, baby clothes, the latest gadgets etc). This additional pressure caused us financial worries over some time, as the credit card balances increased, along with the interest and we still had the same level of money coming in.
Given my post-pregnancy mental health struggles, it felt good to get out of the house, have a nice lunch, a few drinks at the weekend and spend money. This wasn’t a great path to go down and in hindsight. If we have another child, I will find cost-effective ways of connecting with other people during maternity leave.
At the time, I wasn’t in a great headspace to connect and share my experiences with others. I am now.
Live and learn!
Accepted the situation sooner
Due to my poor mental health post-pregnancy, I used a lot of avoidance techniques. Alcohol mainly! And kind of ignoring some of my responsibilities. One of the factors was money management. I was living in the moment and trying to heal myself.
What I’ve learned is, that planning for the future is great in some areas, like finances. Had we planned, some of the anxiety caused by financial worries could have been avoided.
Planned for a rainy day
I bet we’ve all used this phrase many times but never thought it would signify a pandemic was looming. Several UK lockdowns worry about job security and a toilet roll shortage.
I am aware some people experienced all manner of hardships during the lockdown and I feel grateful we kept our jobs throughout. On top of this, there were those unexpected family losses and people having to find money to pay for things they never dreamed they would need to, such as funeral costs and Bronze Grave Markers, which impacted so many people when the country was already struggling.
Uncertain times
We did have our ups and downs though. Nursery closing, isolation periods, working from home and getting pinged on the app, all of which impacted our finances in some way and generally made us feel completely out of control. We didn’t know what was coming next. Honestly, you never know what will happen. One day, things are going well, and the next day, you’re unexpectedly having to make funeral plans and pay for the death of a loved one. You never know what might happen.
Suddenly, we had to plan for the next time my hubby would be off work for a week isolating, or the nursery would get a COVID case and close. All of these factors impacted our income and caused financial worries.
Final thoughts
Ultimately, overcommitting has led to huge anxiety issues over finances. I am the organised one and therefore I take control of the family finances. During this period of difficulty, I would find myself constantly doing all of the below:
- Checking my banking app daily, or even hourly
- Worrying about asking to borrow money from family and felt like I was a failure for doing so
- Felt inadequate, like I was incapable of managing our family’s money
- Lack of security – how would we pay bills, manage to buy food
Interestingly, the Money & Pensions Service released this article about people being ashamed to talk about money. I do think there needs to be financial education introduced in schools because it isn’t always something you learn growing up. This might just be because your family members are private people, but how do you then know as an adult how to manage money.
If you are struggling financially
Please talk to someone if you’re able to. I have done this recently and it has eased some financial pressure. I now feel more in control of our finances.
Here are some charities that can help if you’re struggling:
I hope this article has been helpful. Please let me know in the comments below…
