Quick note: Some of the links on this page are affiliate links; if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be useful for other people.
I know everyone is talking about Christmas, but I’m not ready to let go of Halloween just yet. Can we keep talking about Halloween?
One last look back at the fun we had before I put the decorations away until next year.
I had big ambitions for Halloween this year. As part of the blogging community, I loved the build-up of autumn-related content and the excitement of the impending spooky season.
But parenting wears you down. I no longer have the energy to preplan Halloween parties and make Halloween-themed food. I wish I did. Maybe next year…
Quick note: Mummy Conquering Anxiety is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be useful for other people.
Despite the lack of proper planning or big extravagant celebrations, we did have a lovely family celebration, and to be honest, I loved it more than the big parties. Maybe it’s just our life now. With a toddler running around, there are only limited activities available and she is still a little young to fully participate in everything Halloween has to offer.
A look back at our pumpkin adventure and Halloween activities
Pumpkin picking then decorations
As with everything in parenting, Halloween was a fun last-minute celebration for us.
Following an afternoon of pumpkin picking, we were truly in the Halloween spirit and very excited to carve our pumpkins.
A visit from my family made us even more excited.
Our celebrations were then completely unplanned. We proceeded to get the Halloween decorations out of storage and our little one loved rooting through them.
We put Halloween songs on Alexa, danced around, tried on outfits. We put a few decorations up and then of course we had to watch Ghostbusters. And introduce our little one to the Slimer Teddy we’ve had for years.
It was a fun night.
Our usual fun night outwith family
The following night was spent with my parents. After a few drinks, our little girl dressed in her Halloween outfit with Tutu. We had a walk to the shop to fill her bucket with treats. And then an impromptu meal out, all celebrating together.
A wonderful evening.
HALLOWEEN!!
Sunday was a chilled day, in the afternoon we carved our pumpkins.
My hubby did a fab job and we let our little deocrate the smaller ones. This year we managed to pick up some small quirky ones. I’ve honestly never seen any pumpkins like this before and they add to the decoration in the living room.
Final thoughts
Can we all just agree to treat Halloween like Christmas from now on please? Leave our decorations up, talk about the aftermath, and don’t be so eager to get to Christmas yet. Thank you in advance.
Let me know how you celebrated Halloween in the comments below. Let’s keep the spooky season alive for another, final moment.
It is no secret we had a year of struggling financially and it was the worst feeling in the world. I would visit the supermarket and take items out of the basket because they were unaffordable.
With the state of affairs in the UK at the moment and the impact of the pandemic felt all over the world, it’s even more important to plan for all eventualities and if you can, save some money.
In this post, I will explore my top tips on how to manage your finances.
I will admit, in the past, I have probably spent money on things I didn’t need and it’s easy to live in denial when you’re doing this. But it’s so important to be realistic and honest about the state of your finances. It is the only way you will budget correctly. And be successful in your financial goals.
Because I have personally experienced both ends of the spectrum, earning a lot of money and struggling financially, I wanted to share the following tips with you on how to create a budget. And how to manage your finances well.
Be realistic
I will admit, in the past, I have probably spent money on things I didn’t need and it’s easy to live in denial when you’re doing this. But it’s so important to be realistic and honest about your finances. It is the only way you can budget correctly. And be successful in your financial goals.
Creating a budget can help capture the bigger picture when it comes to your income and outgoings and highlight unnecessary spending, making it easier to manage your finances.
Include the smaller costs in your budget
It’s easy to think a lender or finance company would only ask you to include the hefty, priority bills. However, this isn’t the case. Newspaper subscriptions, birthday presents, social activities, are all costs you pay for and therefore everything must be included. This will allow you to get a real picture of your income and outgoings.
Ditch any cost you can realistically live without
Ensure priority bills are paid. However, we all know we have some costs that aren’t required. If you haven’t visited the gym in a few months, cancel the membership! Could you consolidate your television subscriptions into one monthly cost? Maybe installing a smart meter could help with electricity bills?
After looking into it, you may not save money and then the answer to switching is no. However, what if you could save £200.00 a year by making a switch? It is worth reassessing regularly.
Set financial goals
Even if you don’t have enough money to go around, you can still set financial goals. It’s amazing how many items we lived without for a year and it turns out, I didn’t need them.
Maybe one of your goals is to meal plan and reduce food waste. You could stop buying a luxury item on the weekly shopping bill. Maybe you add £1.00 per week to a savings account. Small changes add up to big things eventually.
Savings
This leads me nicely onto my next point – savings. Even when we were struggling financially, my hubby would automatically move £5.00 to savings. It turned out at certain points in the month this money was really valuable and I was glad he moved it and forgot about it.
Separate accounts for bills and spending
In the days when both my hubby and I had overtime pay, no children, and managed money well, we had separate accounts for everything. I find having automatic payments takes the stress away. It was easy to do this when we had ample funds to go around. However, a little more difficult when there is a lack of money and direct debits could be returned unpaid.
I am still paying bills manually at the moment and I am in the process of setting up a budget for myself.
Seek help if you need it
The problem we faced as a family was a lack of overtime payments during the pandemic and we therefore slowly struggled financially over several months. I will be honest and say financial difficulty was unexpected. We thought we could manage and then one day we couldn’t.
I had no option but to contact my credit card companies to ask for a payment holiday. Doing this wasn’t easy for me, but it had to happen, and making these changes brought some relief and peace of mind.
If you’re struggling financially, there are companies out there to assist you. Don’t be afraid to do some research and seek the help you need. Learn more here.
Final thoughts
I hope you found my tips to manage your finances, helpful.
Let me know in the comments below whether you’ve created a budget. Have you managed to save money on bills, or create a regular saving pattern?
Why I was apprehensive about allowing my toddler to use technology
Before our little one was born, I was against the use of technology. I had a minimal allowance for a TV schedule planned out for her and we made a cage to hide our mobile phones. I never considered the possibility she would be allowed a fancy tablet.
Yes, I know. It all quickly went out of the window.
She now has a top-of-the-range tablet, access to Amazon Prime, Netflix, BBC iPlayer. She’s a toddler! Ohhh I also forgot, she now has Disney Plus on her tablet too. I remember VHS and we were lucky if we got a few Disney films for Christmas!
I mean let’s be real for a second. The fear parents have in this day and age is whether exposure to technology could potentially pose risks further down the line. Does allowing her to have a fancy tablet cause her potential danger?
Quick note: Mummy Conquering Anxiety is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and thinkwould be useful for you.
The real issue
I mean let’s be real for a second. The fear parents have in this day and age is whether exposure to technology could potentially pose risks further down the line. Does allowing her to have a fancy tablet cause her potential danger?
An addiction to video games. Setting up social media accounts at 13 years old, pretending to be 16. Demanding a personal mobile phone. We all read the horror stories and thankfully it isn’t something I have to deal with yet. These sensitive issues are for another blog post, probably from someone who has lived through these experiences. I truly feel for any parent worrying about the online world when it comes to their children.
It can absolutely be a scary place for adults and I see examples of it every day.
Techology taking over
Part of my anxiety about ‘screen time’ was caused by a world in which I feared large corporations were taking over. I wanted to support small businesses and not buy from Amazon. I didn’t want Google to know everything about me. But whether I like it or not, it’s how we live these days. And you cannot very well start a blog without accepting this reality.
We, as adults are allowed a fancy tablet, mobile phones, a smart TV, Alexa. How can we have all this in the house and say no to her accessing technology?
This NY Times article really resonates with me, because it talks about setting an example. We do still have the ‘phone cage’ and this blog post I wrote, 9 easy steps to ensure quality family time is a top priority talks about how we prioritse family time by putting our mobile phones away at a certain point in the evening.
For two years I didn’t go anywhere near social networks. I wouldn’t even allow my hubby to show me funny posts on Facebook. How ironic!
Since having a child, allowing her to have limited use of technology, and experiencing a mental breakdown, I’ve now embraced technology to its full extent. I mean, I set up a blog, pretty much by myself (hubby & Bluehost support get a special mention for the handful of tasks I couldn’t fathom!)
Since starting the blog, I’ve realised it’s time to embrace the technological world we live in. I mean it’s pretty hard to ignore, unless I actually get my wish of living in a log cabin in the woods, in peace. No toddler coming to the toilet with me. Let me dream for a second, please!
How I made technology work for me
Using technology on your own terms, for its intended purpose. Limiting the amount of screen time or personal details you divulge, can be helpful if privacy is a concern for you. Setting boundaries is also a great way to remain in control. My blog is anonymous at the moment and I’m still making valuable connections with people.
I want to mirror this with my little one and set a good example for her by how we as adults use technology. I found this interesting study by the Lego Foundation, which heavily focuses on technology for learning and developing creative skills. When the question about limiting screen time is posed, they correctly say it isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach and they include some practical guidance for parents. The full study can be found here.
In summary, whilst she is allowed a fancy tablet, this comes with certain boundaries. Child lock being the most obvious one, limited screen time and since she first got it, we’ve added learning and development apps. We frequently play these together and talk about what she is learning.
I think the use of social media can be beneficial if you have boundaries. It sounds a bit silly, but I can personally step away from my social media platforms when I need to because of the blog. I have many other tasks on my plate and social media is just one of them.
This doesn’t take away from the genuine connections I make and how supported I feel by others. This is all real, I just don’t constantly live in the online world. My post mentions how the blogging community is also the most understanding bunch of people I’ve ever connected with. And that definitely helps.
Some of the boundaries I set for myself
I have a personal rule, where I would never post pictures of our little one on social media. The hubby rarely does and asks permission from me first, because he respects my decision and the thinking behind the decision. Everyone is different. We all have different values and just like our decisions in life, we will decide what’s best for us when it comes to the use of technology and social media.
Measures you can put in place for young people using phones and social media
A friend of mine has the family tracking app. It gives her peace of mind when her young teens are out of the house, with friends, for a bit of freedom. They also regularly check social media accounts for dodgy messages and all the other scary stuff. It’s something I would definitely use when the time Is right!
I also think being honest with a child is valuable. As parents, we already try to do this with small things and she’s only two years old. I would like to find a balance between honesty and not completely dulling her spirit. Hopefully, the world we live in will be better in the future, when this conversation arises.
Summary
In summary, I think the use of technology in a safe way, with set boundaries and measures in place, is harmless. Technology can be a benefit to us all if used in the correct way. It should be viewed as a useful addition to our lives. Social media breaks are needed and I intend to take them regularly. We should be living in the real world and not focusing solely on our social media friends, evening though some of mine are amazing and funny Tweets are addictive.
I just wish I was lucky enough to have on-demand cartoons when I was a kid. Don’t worry, I will remind her daily just how fortunate she is.
What are your thoughts on these issues raises in this article?
Let me know in the comments below. I would love to hear from you.
Looking to book an overnight stay?? For those who can’t wait, here is the all-important button to book:
I love this hotel chain, simply because everything you could want is onsite. You park the car, forget about it, check-in and there is so much to entertain you for the duration of your stay.
How many people have checked into a hotel and something was missing? Sometimes it is strikingly obvious, sometimes you can’t put your finger on it. I’ve never had this feeling at a Village Hotel. I have had this feeling many times at other hotel chains. Booking an overnight stay isn’t always easy if you haven’t stayed somewhere before.
You can find more information about what to expect from your stay at Village hotels here.
Quick note: Mummy Conquering Anxiety is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and thinkwould be useful for you.
I would estimate we’ve stayed at our local hotel about 5-10 times previously, and I can’t wait to return soon.
The process during our previous stays
Upon checking in you are greeted by a friendly member of staff. I love that the check-in desk is a cube-shaped station, where staff can walk around to greet you. They all have fancy tablets and the whole experience just seems more friendly than standing at a long desk (usually I can’t see over the desk). There is more of a friendly, personal vibe at Village hotels.
Booking revolution
It seems they now have a free membership programme where you can get exclusive benefits. Find out more here.
They also have great offers and more details can be found here.
Technology
They have improved their technology since the pandemic. You can use your phone as a room key, click & collect food, and even find Alexa in some rooms. When we stayed there was a large TV with a Sky package and a Tassimo coffee machine. All of these elements add to the comfort of your stay.
The App
We all like an easy way to book an overnight stay! Download the Village Hotels app and you can do the following:
NEW FEATURES INCLUDE:
1. Check-in before you arrive.
2. Get your room key delivered straight to your smartphone.
3. Pre-order food and drink in the Pub and Grill and reserve a table to dine in.
4. Order and pay for food and drinks in the Pub & Grill. You must book a table in advance Book now
5. Pre-order drinks in Starbucks. Click and collect only.
You can even work from here and there are membership options for businesses. See more here.
When do I move in and split my time between blogging and the spa – I can dream!
Summary
Before booking your overnight stay, I would just check whether there are additional charges for use of the facilities or extras. The website mentions there could be charges when they are at full capacity.
How to book
I don’t know about you, but I’m going to do a search now and plan my next stay. I can feel the relaxation already. I just have to arrange a stay for our little one at the grandparents.
In the meantime, here are some blog posts for ideas on keeping the little ones entertained:
Since having a baby, I get it – there are not enough hours in the day. Quality family time sometimes comes bottom of the list, but it’s up to us to prioritse it!
I thought I was busy before kids (probably busy getting enough sleep & pampering myself. Those were the days).
Due to the excitement caused by my newfound love of blogging, and my existing anxiety issues, it’s easy to forget to switch off for family time. I am currently getting swept up in a world of online kindness from the mental health and mummy blogging community, and it’s addictive.
That said, we all need a cut-off point…
Quick note: Mummy Conquering Anxiety is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be useful for other people.
I’ve created a list for you…
Here are a few of the tips I’ve been trying out to ensure we all have a happy home life and there is a balance between work-life and home-life.
1. Device-free time
At 7 pm we put our phones away and have quality family time. By this, I mean no distractions. We play with our little girl, dance, sing, and jump on the bed. We enjoy bath time and have fun. It’s lovely. We are all fully present at that moment in time and thoroughly enjoy each other’s company. We have at least two hours each day of one-on-one attention and I believe this is what young children need.
At the time of writing this, we’ve just been flipping soft play food in the pan, as Daddy Pig does with the pancakes (anyone who understands this, thanks for being on the same wavelength as me).
2. A positive attitude
However tired the hubby & I are, we try our best to create a happy home vibe in the evenings (easier said than done if one of us is moody or angry, but we try!).
We do our best to be kind to each other and not lose our temper. A negative vibe doesn’t make for quality family time.
If one of us is unable to change our mood, we have some alone time. My ultimate dream is to have a bath with this.
“I am going to switch off now and talk about something else”
3. Relaxing drinks
Whether it be a glass of red wine or herbal tea this is my fave one.
We have something to make us feel good, without feeling bad about it.
Admittedly, drinking alcohol during the week only serves to make me more zombie-like. But there are occasional moments where a toddler tests you so much, only a vodka will solve your problems.
Everyone is different, whatever drink you enjoy, take some time and look after yourself.
4. A nap
In our house, we tend to go to bed late (the toddler decides the time, not us, and yes we have tried all the sleeping techniques going. She is just nosy and strong-minded, hehe) and wake up early. This means during the week, we barely get enough sleep to function. If anyone has any outside-the-box strategies you’ve tried, please comment below. HELP!
Since having a child, I believe naps can benefit you hugely. They are essential to ensuring quality family time is a top priority.
Just laying down and curing those aches for a while, closing your eyes, switching off, and resetting yourself. It does wonders for us personally (I am more prone to unhealthy anxiety levels when I don’t get enough sleep) and as a family.
Still with me after the nap?
We have a few more points to cover on quality family time…
5. A healthy, enjoyable meal
We’ve always been good at meal planning and cooking in the evenings (although we don’t manage to get tea organised as quickly as I would like). The slow cooker is your friend, this is the one we use Using it means we can switch off, have quiet time, a nap, or go for a walk, without worrying about watching the oven.
Quality family time to me means eating together and enjoying a meal. It’s an important time of the day.
We are trying to cook healthy, nutritious meals that we can also give to our little girl (luckily she has a varied diet at nursery and therefore likes most foods – see how long this lasts).
6. Switch off from work
We’ve all been there – it’s easy to get stuck in work mode. To rant about something or someone who annoyed you that day. At the height of my career (when I was starting a new relationship & before kids), I was working 12 hour days and barely talking to my now Hubby when I returned home (I hope I never have to do it again – time to hopefully prioritse family time from now on).
We’ve found the key is to openly say, “I am going to switch off now and talk about something else”. Maybe try a small breathing exercise together (hubby does this mostly to help my anxiety I think) and put the drama out of our head and our precious family-time.
What’s the point in worrying about something you can’t change until the next day. Simply put, It’s not worth it! Try to live in the moment and be fully present.
7. A nice bath or some quiet time
If we can, we all take some quiet time. Luckily we have an independent toddler and therefore the feeling is mutual when it comes to alone time.
Whether it is time away from the toddler, to play phone games, read, visit the gym, or see our friends (we try our best to set aside time, even if it’s 10-20 minutes per day).
8. Something good to watch on TV
We have the usual binge-watching box sets which are for family time only (we would be in trouble if we dared watch the programme alone. It’s like a relationship violation).
Watching TV allows us to switch off, relax and quiet our brains for a while. I believe in small doses, it can be beneficial. With a toddler running around playing musical instruments, we only get small doses these days. We have to save film watching for when she sleeps at the grandparents.
9. Be kind to each other and ourselves (LOTS of self-care)
It’s easy after a long day of working to snap at each other and get stuck in moody mode.
As mentioned above, it’s sometimes incredibly difficult to snap out of it when you’re in the midst of toddler madness and return from a tough day at work.
Since my ongoing recovery from rock bottom, doing simple things has made me feel better and sometimes turned a day from negative to positive. I, therefore, see the value in a 20-minute bath (I am now suggesting it for the hubby as well and not just me). We both report sleeping better and just feeling more relaxed in general.
I love using these bath salts and face masks. I want to get in a bubble bath right now please!
My baby is growing up fast and it’s a fact, nothing in life is certain. We try our best to live each day to the fullest and enjoy each other’s company, sealing our lasting bond with one another (cheesy I know!).
I am personally trying to carve out a life where I work from home, choose my hours, spend time with my little pumpkin, and make room in our lives for another child. It’s clear to me now another child would be incredibly difficult to manage without some sacrifices. I don’t want those sacrifices to be made because I am out of the house, traveling to a workplace where I am not supported, and working 40 hours per week.
Who knows what the future holds. I just know the work-life balance must to central to the decision.
I have a goal in sight, let’s see what happens…
I would love to hear from you if you’re dealing with a similar juggling act in life. Please feel free to comment below.
I’m writing this post today as a result of seriously struggling to recant and put into words my birth experience for a guest post I agreed to do. Moving on from past trauma is essential to thriving and moving forward in life, but also a difficult process to go through.
If you’re a follower of the blog, you will see I don’t struggle to discuss other difficult topics. I’ve written about telling my anxiety to go away. I’ve shared with you all a setback in my recovery following a breakdown. So why was this topic so difficult to write about?
In readiness for the guest post I committed to, I did write most of the piece, up until a certain point. But I was reluctant to go back and finish it and even wrote a note in my planner to tell the recipient I wouldn’t be able to submit it. I have now sent this email and although I feel bad for not producing the guest post, I feel happy I know when not to share personal details about my life. More importantly, when I need to use my writing to heal myself first. Then share with others.
TRIGGER WARNING – for anyone who finds birth stories difficult to read, I suggest not reading this article in full.
There is nothing worse for the human mind than events in life confirming things can go wrong and it could happen to you again. You can only imagine what it does to my anxiety levels.
There are a few reasons I don’t want to release this birth story piece in full
However, below are the reasons I want to acknowledge the issue is causing me an emotional roadblock
1. Honesty about parenting issues
When I started this blog, I vowed to be honest about my mental health struggles. Especially those related to pregnancy. Moving on from past trauma is something I must discuss on this platform.
In all honesty, this is a topic that comes up a lot in my marriage and my conversations with close friends. My family is aware we are contemplating having another child and we discuss our feelings when the topic arises. But it’s almost like there is a roadblock and we just can’t seem to shift it. We have general conversations about the cost of another child. There is no avoiding the fact that ill-health, maternity leave, buying new things for a baby, all have an impact on your finances.
During these conversations, I say I don’t want to give up my body for another child again. I like my life the way it is. However, at this point, I feel like we need to have in-depth, real, healing conversations about what the birth experience did to us both. We need to get to the nitty-gritty of the issue so we can finally move on. The fact we are struggling with this issue, tells me unhealed trauma can wreak all kinds of havoc on peoples’ lives, and the solution for us might be more difficult than we anticipated.
During my antenatal depression, I also realised you bring your own experiences, fears, tiredness, to the situation. How can anyone’s experience be the same bearing this in mind?
2. The nitty-gritty of the issue
Essentially we don’t want to run the risk of reliving this trauma again or having a potentially worse outcome next time. There is nothing worse for the human mind than events in life confirming things can go wrong and it could happen to you again. You can only imagine what it does to my anxiety levels.
Childbirth is scary and uncertain. But potentially even worse when you’ve already been through an emergency during pregnancy. And this is what happened to us.
3. I am sure some my readers can relate
Moving on from past trauma isn’t just something we are experiencing. It impacts so many other people.
The purpose of this blog is to make my readers feel less alone, by sharing my own experiences. The birth of a baby is one of the main pregnancy and parenting topics I can write about honestly.
For my readers, the hope is someone reads my perspective and feels better. Maybe they acknowledge they are less alone. Maybe they recognise something is holding them back in life. I don’t know. But I feel compelled to share, the reason I couldn’t divulge all details, but be glad I was able to acknowledge there was a problem we need to overcome.
The only thing I will say to parents out there is to ALWAYS do what’s best for your family at the moment in time. Karen from Mumsnet bears no impact on your life and certainly knows nothing about your family or motivations for your decision. This is why I dislike unsolicited parenting advice. How could you possibly offer advice tailored to a person’s individual experiences?
4. Every birth experience is unique
I was there when a friend had her baby. I had my own. Of all the birth experiences I’ve heard of and read about, not a single one was similar. During my antenatal depression, I also realised you bring your own experiences, fears, tiredness, to the situation. How can anyone’s experience be the same bearing this in mind?
My anxiety levels impacted my birth experience. I was on guard, I felt like everyone was against me and I crumbled when they sent my hubby home. I desperately needed the one person who knew me well to be by my side.
Unfortunately, I think factors such as the hospital you visit, the time of day (there were not enough night shift staff and I was impacted by this), and the staff involved in your care, can impact the level of care you receive. It shouldn’t be the case, but sadly it is.
5. I am all too aware of negative outcomes and do not wish to trigger someone
A close friend of mine had a baby early and it was a traumatic experience for her. Luckily all was well and still is to this day. When my little one was whisked off to the baby unit due to lack of oxygen and turning blue, you can imagine what went through my head. This is happening in front of you after not eating or sleeping for a prolonged period and having gone through an emergency C section, with a high temperature. It’s easy to see why parents emerge from birth experiences impacted. For the family members standing at the sidelines watching, the lack of control must be horrible.
I realise some parents go through a worse hell and my thoughts, hugs, and love are with those people. But my five days of visiting the baby unit and being away from my child were hell, for me. It caused unhealed trauma to our family. When I came home before her, I cried myself to sleep. I had left a piece of me behind and I felt lost. All I wanted to do was get out of bed and drive to the hospital (the neonatal visiting hours are 24 hours a day, so you can!).
At the same time, I knew she was in the best place and was being looked after. I also knew I needed to rest and recover from a c section. You just cannot win in this situation. You get up each day, switch on autopilot and get through it. It isn’t until later you think of the after-effects of what you went through.
Leaving her to be cared for was horrible but necessary. I will say, the baby unit had a few rooms where parents could stay if they wanted to. We were offered one towards the end of my hospital stay, which I was thankful for. We decided to come home and let another family take this room, bearing in mind we would only face two days without her.
The reality is this time apart has impacted all experiences in our family since, especially for me. I still sleep next to my little one, which I love. But I am conscious part of it probably relates to not wanting to leave her again. At some point, she will need to sleep in her room, (she does have a beautifully decorated room, fit for a school-age child!) I just don’t want to let her go yet.
The only thing I will say to parents out there is to ALWAYS do what’s best for your family at the moment in time. Karen from Mumsnet bears no impact on your life and certainly knows nothing about your family or motivations for your decision. This is why I dislike unsolicited parenting advice. How could you possibly offer advice tailored to a person’s individual experiences?
6. I don’t want to share the intimate details
Look, I’m all for sharing my experiences. But sharing the gory details of birth doesn’t sit right with me. I simply don’t want to impact anyone else’s experience. I don’t want someone else out there to be afraid before they have even lived through something themselves.
We are also quite a private family. The experience, whilst wonderful, did impact those who were present. My hubby saw me in pain, my poor mum waited almost two hours for an outcome following emergency surgery. I think we will leave the impact with us and not spread it any further.
Where am I now with a future baby making decision
I will say I feel a lot better than I did in the first year postpartum. I have moved past what happened and I get on with life. But I do not yet feel empowered to make a future decision on whether to have another baby. Logically, I do want another child. I have an instinct our family is not yet complete. Despite this motivation, something is still holding me back.
Not only this, but I think all of us are impacted. My hubby weighs up the same excuses about money and time. But deep down I believe we are just reluctant to discuss the matter and move on.
It is time for us to have some difficult conversations and move past this. Our little one is thriving, full of energy, and has no ongoing problems. We should focus on this!
Final thoughts
I hope you have enjoyed reading this honest post.
If you can relate and feel comfortable sharing, I would love to hear from you in the comments below.
It’s a rubbish time in the world right now. Therefore I felt compelled to write something about it and share my feelings. This is for anyone who needs it right now.
So here goes!
Before we begin, I appreciate this won’t solve all your problems or make the world a better place. But it will possibly serve to let you know you are not alone in your feelings. Hopefully, by the end of the post, you will feel a little better.
This post won’t harp on about politics. The doom and gloom in the media is something I decided to ignore when my mental health was initially in serious crisis. Paying attention to headlines designed to increase your anxiety just isn’t for me anymore. I create this feeling in my head all by myself. These days, I am actively working hard not to allow negative thoughts into my brain. It’s exhausting. And with everything currently going on at this moment in time, I am struggling.
I will be honest and admit you can’t fully ignore current events. I see people on Twitter discussing the news. I still want to interact with my fellow bloggers and followers and I use the platform as a news filter. If I see a post, which is clearly about current affairs, I choose to either pay attention and follow it up, or not. Mostly not. What good does it do me to delve into issues I cannot control?
However shocking some people may find it, the time to speak out about how we feel is now. I want other people to understand the reality you face each day when you live with a mental illness.
Why I wanted to share how I am feeling?
When I started this blog, the purpose was to share my honest thoughts and feelings about living with a mental illness. However shocking some people may find it, the time to speak out about how we feel is now. I want other people to understand the reality you face each day when you live with a mental illness.
I’ve had a bumpy year. I dragged myself out of the depths of depression and the main factor causing me to feel this way still isn’t fully over yet. Even when it comes to an end, I will be thrown into a whole new way of life. Something I was previously excited about. At this moment in time, I am not excited about much and I just can’t shift the feeling.
Even a new haircut has got me feeling indifferent. Usually, it makes me feel like a new woman.
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If you are feeling the same way right now, I wanted to let you know, you are not alone.
I thought this would be a great time to share some motivational quotes, to hopefully help us all feel better.
We will get through this. Together
For anyone who needs it right now, I am here to tell you it will be okay.
Because of my recent experiences with mental illness, I can assure you however you are feeling at this moment in time, it will change. And it can get better. There is hope, even if you feel like there is none right now.
The online blogging community supported me throughout a tough time. All I can tell you is I felt compelled to create a platform to share my experiences. What I didn’t expect or anticipate was the level of support I received. I will be eternally grateful for the kind words, motivation, and lovely comments on my blog.
Merry Christmas
Whatever you’re doing over the holiday period, I wish you the following.
Take what you need
Hope
Contentment
Happiness
Hugs
Love
Family time
Gifts
Indulgence
Friendship
Warmth
Reflection
Harmony
Time to recharge
Comfort
Kindness
Peace
Enjoyment
What you can expect from me in the New Year
I am not one for New Year’s resolutions. If you want to transform your life, I think you should do it right now! Not just in January of each calendar year. After hitting rock bottom, it prompted a change within me.
For January 2022, I have some hard-hitting, but honest mental health posts scheduled. I also have some amazing guest posts I can’t wait to share with you. And I will finally be free of the circumstances weighing me down (yes, you will get a blog post ALL about it!). I will also have time to regroup, assess my priorities and do what I love the most – BLOG.
Final thoughts
This is me signing off until after the Christmas period. I have blog posts scheduled and I will be checking in on social media.
This is a collaborative post. However, all thoughts are my own
I dont know about you but I love playing online games on my phone. I’ve just renewed my phone contract and I am so happy to finally have a phone which is useful for blogging and has adequate storage. It just makes playing games all the more fun.
Maybe you’re looking for something to play during the holidays, in those quiet Christmas moments. Something to focus on, a challenge to accomplish. You might want to escape the family for a while or zone your mind out amidst the holiday madness.
Well, look no further. Here is a list of five extra benefits you may be getting whilst playing online games on your phone.
Playing online games helps me to switch off mum mode and learn to focus on just one task. You don’t move on until this task is completed. It trains me to form habits other than trying to constantly multitask.
Problem-solving
As a problem solver, I can easily get bogged down in a heavy, stressful task and want to solve it immediately. This can lead to unhealthy levels of anxiety. Because essentially you are not being productive when you are in this mindset. To manage the danger of me crossing over into problem-solving chaos, I need a simple task to flex my problem-solving muscles.
Playing online games is a perfect solution to this. I can spend as much time as I want playing. The task usually ends quite quickly and I can then choose to either put the phone down and play later or carry on. I get to satisfy my need for problem-solving but in a healthy way.
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Concentration on one task
I am guilty of trying to do several tasks at once. As a mum, you learn these habits. Great for when you are alone with a baby in a shop, not so great when I want to consciously sit down and focus on one blogging task at a time.
Playing online games helps me to switch off mum mode and learn to focus on just one task. You don’t move on until this task is completed. It trains me to form habits other than trying to constantly multitask.
Sense of achievement
Who doesn’t love the feeling of achievement?
I will admit I am competitive. But this trait is also what drives me to work hard to achieve my dreams. The topic of this blog is conquering anxiety. I wake up each day and work hard to keep my mind positive and work towards my goals.
This being the case, it’s great for me to nurture these traits and practice feeling good because I have achieved something.
Stress relief
I started playing solitaire.org on my phone when I was getting the little one to sleep and she was watching her tablet. It’s a great way for me to wind down. My mind races and I honestly spend the late evenings mulling over all the things I need to do but feel like I don’t have time to.
To keep my anxiety in check, I must have something to focus on which completely takes me away and focuses my mind on a simple task. The danger I’ve run into in the past is gaming websites with advertisements, hooking you into paying money, or the feeling of wanting more. This tips the balance into not being great for my anxiety levels and can be dangerous, as I have an addictive personality. This website doesn’t have advertisements, which is perfect for me.
I was rusty at playing solitaire, but it brought back wonderful memories of playing it with my grandma. What amazing things we could do back in the day with just a deck of cards. You can view my progress below. And as you can see, I eventually completed the game.
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If you’re looking for some unique games to get your brain working, check out the other games on the site.
I particularly loved playing Mahjong Solitaire, because it combined the card game and matching pairs. Almost easier, but rewarding. The panda game was also cute and I liked the block game because you can spin the tower to match two of the same blocks.
Final thoughts
Completing my online gaming journey and writing this post, made me realise just how important gaming is in our household.
Both my hubby and I grew up playing games. I remember our first computer was an Atari and it didn’t do much. We now have several games consoles, because we are both nostalgic about the games we played when we were younger. I remember one of our dates was at a media museum and they have a floor where you can play retro games.
My little one has a lot of game-related apparel. We are slowly teaching her what all this means. Before I sat down to write this post, my hubby was relaxing by playing a game on his phone, after our little one had caused chaos in the house for a few hours with post-Christmas toys. I think I now must accept we are a ‘gaming family’.
Do you play online games and will you be giving these a try? Let me know in the comments section below. I would love to hear from you.
AFF – Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and thinkwould be useful for you.
It’s no secret I’ve had a turbulent year. However, I am pleased to confirm I am almost done with the main factor which was weighing me down, and I intend to update you more on this in January 2021.
If you feel the same, the 6 week Self-Image Overhaul could be for you.
How did I recover from my breakdown
I will be honest and say I am a different person now and I am still not fully healed. I will feel a lot better when the thing weighing me down is over and done with.
These are the techniques I used
Self-care
Medication
Naps and resting when I needed to
A huge mindset change is the main factor that saw me through the dark days. Each day I work hard to not let anxiety creep in and some days I still fail. But that’s okay!
An opportunity to change things
I was given an opportunity to change my life because I literally hit rock bottom. But I also know there are amazing coaches out there who can unlock your full potential and help you change your life for the better.
Personally, as a result of a mindset change, I feel refreshed, confident, like I’ve ditched the dead weight and I am hopeful and optimistic about the future. Something I haven’t felt for 15 years.
To coincide with the creation of our living room feature wall, I decided to have a full house makeover. Decluttering and deep cleaning had been on the list for too long and it was time to solve the problem.
I couldn’t paint every wall, but I could use this as an opportunity to complete the household tasks which urgently needed doing.
Here is a step by step of my decluttering and deep cleaning journey
Moving furniture & rugs and doing a deep clean
All the parents out there will be aware toddlers throw bits of food and any old item into the hardest to clean spaces. Therefore it’s always wise to see what’s lurking. It also feels great to know the house has had a spring clean and it won’t need doing for a while.
It makes me feel better. I used to be fixated on cleaning and always having a show home, but living up to that standard just isn’t possible with a toddler running around.
My mental health isn’t impacted by trying to live up to an impossible standard. Don’t get me wrong, I clean the house. But I usually just do the basics around other fun activities. The old me would try to tackle the whole house in one sitting and I wouldn’t stop cleaning until it was pristine. Who has time to be that person?
Taking the curtains down to wash them
We had to paint anyway, so why not wash the curtains whilst we were at it. Mucky little toddler prints don’t help when you have floor-length patio curtains. Both the glass and the curtains need washing regularly.
Getting them out of the washing machine, smelling fresh, made me feel like we’d bought a new item for the living room and brought a sense of calm.
Putting up pictures our little one knocked down
I love how this post is turning into things going wrong due to little toddler hands, but this is our reality!
She’s been curious about the pictures hanging on the walls and knocked a few down in the process. Little niggles like this bother me. The old me would have put them back straight away, but the new me just doesn’t have the time or energy to worry.
That said, it felt good to set aside some toddler free time to restore the walls to their former glory.
Putting the shower screen back up
We are lucky enough to have two bathrooms, but one shower is out of action at the moment because the shower screen fell down. It’s a good job I was there to catch it because it’s made of glass. Anyway, it’s been stored behind our other shower cubicle for months and needed sorting out.
But we’ve been too busy going on holiday and enjoying ourselves. Autumn and winter are the months for DIY tasks in the home. It’s great we can now access the other shower, especially early in the morning when one of us has to be up for work and the other doesn’t.
Throwing out the toddler toys
With Christmas around the corner, it was time to finally get rid of the baby toys. As you can imagine, we have boxes and boxes overflowing with toys, some of which we haven’t seen for months because they are stuck at the bottom. (Anyone thinking of Woody telling everyone to rotate the toys).
It cleared my mind to finally organise the toy boxes and move some toys back to the little one’s bedroom. She doesn’t need to be constantly watched now when playing and she can wander into her room unsupervised for a little while.
Clearing out the rest of the house
I went on a serious mission to throw out anything we dont use or take it to the charity shop. Along with the toys, there were household items, clothes, things we have all outgrown. I am happy we were able to contribute to charity.
Clearing out always has a great impact on my mental health and doing this before Christmas and a drastic change of seasons had a bigger positive impact on me.
Final thoughts
Are you due to have a declutter? Have you recently had one and feel better for doing so?
Do you love decluttering and deep cleaning?
Let me know in the comments below. I would love to hear from you.
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