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Toddlers can be frustrating at times, but I always try and put myself in their shoes. How much emotion would you feel if you had something to say but didn’t know the words yet? Bless them. Yes, it is tough to think like this when a toddler is testing your limits and pushing your boundaries. But as adults, I feel like we must. We are responsible adults and our brains are actually capable of processing emotions. Unlike the brain of a child.
Please note – before we get into this post, I should say, I acknowledge parenting is the hardest job in the world. I get angry and frustrated, just like any other parent. But in our household, we do make a conscious effort to resolve conflict situations differently with our little ones.
I am no expert on this subject, nor do I incorporate all the elements of gentle parenting. I am still very much on a learning journey. But I wanted to share our experience in order to help other people out there.
Accepting that all behaviour is communication and it is age appropriate for their developmental stage, really allows you to parent differently.
Let’s look at the science
I think once you get your head around the fact toddlers don’t actually possess the same brain capabilities and development as adults, you can start to take things less personally. My little one is quite intelligent and can be grown up when she wants to. My hubby, mentioned the other day that sometimes we expect too much of her because of this, and we must remember the below.
Though your 3-year-old is beginning to understand the emotions they are feeling, they still have very little control over them. If they find something funny, they’ll laugh hysterically. If something makes them feel sad or angry, they’ll burst into tears. If they feel something, they are likely to act on it. This may mean snatching a toy away from another child if they want to play with it, or getting upset when they want a snack after being told they have to wait until dinnertime. Delayed gratification means nothing to them – they want it and want it now. Three- and 4-year-old children may use hitting, biting, or pushing as a way to solve conflicts. They simply don’t understand the difference between appropriate and inappropriate interactions yet. It’s your job to teach your child that there are right and wrong ways to express emotions and resolve problems with others.
How powerful is reading this? Children may also laugh as a default when they don’t know what else to do. As a parent, it could seem like they are laughing at being told boundaries, or being sneaky. But this probably isn’t the case.
Accepting that all behaviour is communication and it is age appropriate for their developmental stage, really allows you to parent differently.
When you realise toddlers are simply finding their way through the world, how to respond and they simply don’t know the way yet. The adults around them can then act accordingly.
I won’t mince my words here. Given my own upbringing, at a different stage time, where harsh discipline was accepted, I thought the term “gentle parenting” was just parents not being firm enough with their toddlers. In the very early days of having a baby, I had visions of reasoning with a little person in the supermarket and losing control. Which in turn would mean I lost control of the situation.
Joining TikTok made me realise how we parent within our family, is actually gentle parenting. And following Kelly Medina Enoson TikTok has helped. I love how honest she is and following her journey makes me feel comfortable with what we are doing. More importantly, it will never be perfect.
What changed in our parenting style?
Before our little one was born, I thought I would be a much harsher, stricter parent than I actually am.
When your little one starts moving around, touching plugs and threatening to hurt themselves every minute, you need to have parenting conversations. And you won’t always agree. My hubby and I were brought up the same way. Pretty afraid of our parents at times – that look they would give, or raised voices indicated we should stop doing this.
But I just have a burning question to ask, do you get the best out of anyone, even adults when you raise your voice? As I get older, I realise the answer is no.
Collectively, we decided a while ago we wanted to avoid shouting around our little one (this isn’t always possible – please don’t think we or any other parent is perfect – there are still disagreements and sometimes raised voices).
If we do shout, snap, or get frustrated, we talk about it together, with our little one. We say sorry and move on. And we have taught this lesson so effectively, our little one will come and apologise to us if she does something she knows she shouldn’t. Granted, it may take a while for her to walk away and come back. But she always comes back, eventually. And we try to mirror this example between ourselves.
I really believe this technique is teaching her to resolve conflict herself and how she should appropriately do this. Also that no human being is perfect. If she does something and apologies when she doesn’t need to, we explain that even adults get things wrong sometimes and this isn’t something she needs to apologise for.
In order to calm a tantrum, we also do a breathing technique with her and one of us will take her out of the situation to calm down. I believe toddlers get very overwhelmed by their surroundings. This in itself could cause a meltdown. Hell, as an adult sometimes I get overwhelmed.
They need help not frustration
Just think for a second about any situation you have ever resolved by shouting. Or being confrontational, or getting frustrated. I bet it is very few. Why then, do we get frustrated with toddlers? Surely we should be actively helping them handle emotions, especially when they don’t fully understand what is happening to them. They don’t have the capability or brain power to regulate themselves and will probably wonder why adults are also becoming frustrated.
There are some other blog posts in the Gentle Parenting category – check them out here
Parents are a guide
It’s a heavy burden to carry, but as parents, we are responsible for guiding our little ones. Whether we like it or not, how they develop now will also greatly impact their future lives.
Why it matters
Positive experiences throughout childhood help to build healthy brains, while experiencing childhood trauma and abuse can harm a child’s brain development (Shonkoff et al, 2015). But our brains always have the potential to change and grow. It’s never too late to give a child or young person positive brain-building experiences.
I was dubious about releasing this post. Simply because of my feelings when I first heard the term ‘gentle parenting’. We still have a lot to learn and our parenting style will never be perfect. But hopefully, we are setting a foundation to provide our little one with the tools she will need to thrive in life.
Keep an eye on my parenting resources page and my TikTok to follow our gentle parenting journey. I plan to share with you any resources we are using.
Any advice is also welcome – let us know in the comments below.
Now we have an energetic toddler, we require activities to stimulate her and wear her out. Soft play is a great solution. A safe environment, where I can have a coffee, possibly do some blogging tasks on my phone, and she can play. These days, she often goes off on her own to explore and I think this skill is important for any child.
In this post, I wanted to cover some of the venues we have recently visited, including Kidzplay Shipley and also outline the important benefits of soft play.
PLEASE NOTE – I have no affiliation with any of these play centres. These are places we visit as a family
Billy Bobs, Skipton
Let’s dive in, as eagerly as my little one does in the ball pool
Great venues to visit in West Yorkshire
We are quite lucky, as we have a lot of soft play centres close to where we live, including Kidzplay Shipley. Here are some of the best ones we have visited:
Billy Bobs
I have written about Billy Bobs before. We love it for a family meal out and also for play. We recently took the little one for a play session. We filled up with a big brunch beforehand and then only had to pay for the wristband, which is £3.00 for one hour’s play. We got a coffee each and had an ice cream treat afterwards.
What I love about Billy Bobs is the outdoor playground, featuring several amazing structures, including a monster truck, aeroplane, ark, fire truck, tractor and train! As we cannot guarantee the weather will be nice enough to be outside here in the UK, it’s great they also have an indoor play barn. In the barn, you will find rope swings, racing slides, an alligator alley, little kid rope swings, and a toddler trike track.
All of this can be found in the wonderful Yorkshire Dales countryside. It’s so relaxing to sit on the amazing swing benches with a nice coffee and enjoy the sunshine.
Billy Bobs will now be one of my go-to places on my days off with the little one. A warning – weekends and school holidays can get very busy and they make this clear on their website.
Kidzplay Shipley
Kidzplay has several play centres, but we recently visited the Shipley one on a day out. It’s huge and even has a football pitch floor, with a racing track underneath. There is something for all ages, a smaller play area for toddlers, a specified area for babies and for the bigger kids, a huge slide.
When I take my little one here, I get the most relaxation time, simply because she has so much to explore. But the building is secure and you can see them at all times. This gives you peace of mind they are okay. And we can all enjoy our coffee when we know the little ones are okay!
I also love the fact you can book online and therefore it’s less hassle when you get there. I know there will be a table for us and we can quickly scan our tickets upon entry. These are important factors when you are on your own with a toddler. I have also booked last minute on several occasions, which is another bonus when you are trying to decide if you have a tired, moody toddler. Or whether they need activities to tire them out that day. There is only so much planning you can do with an unpredictable toddler.
Little Daisy’s is a small and cosy play place. Definitely for the younger end, if you have babies and small children, it’s perfect. The food is great and you can see your little one at all times from wherever you sit. It’s such a cute place and well hidden at the back of a church.
Little Daisy’s, Shipley
Brewers Fayre pubs
We recently visited the soft play centre at our local Brewers Fayre Pub. It was a weekday and the little one had the frame all to herself. We bought some drinks and snacks and everyone had fun. She also loved playing outside on the climbing frame, which was easily accessible from the soft play area.
If we did want to eat, there are tables near the soft play section and the food is cheap. They also have loads of great deals, including refilled coffee for parents. They even offer parties for just £50, before 11 am on a weekend. I am seriously considering them for our party needs next year. Given that we have promised a party for their next birthday.
Brewer’s Fayre
Let’s discuss the great benefits of soft play
Balance
Climbing through all those challenging places definitely improves balance. Billy Bobs even have balance beams in the play barn.
Waiting your turn
At busy times there are a lot of toddlers, all wanting to get down the slide at the same time. They have no choice but to figure out how to wait their turn. Or risk being bumped by another child. It’s great to watch this problem-solving in action.
Playing with others & sharing
There are only a limited amount of footballs on the pitch at Kidzplay. Therefore, it’s all about sharing. A while back my little one was telling me the ball was hers and insisting on taking it to our table. A bit of explaining ensured she quickly learned how to share and play well with others. Another valuable skill for any toddler.
Making decisions
I love watching her think about something and come to her own conclusion. It’s all part of growing up.
At Kidzplay, there are four seats on the big slide. The decision for her was, which of the four slide seats I go down? I literally watched her switch seats, and then she made a decision and stuck with it. It’s nice to watch from afar without reprimanding them because they are in danger. There is no danger in a soft play centre.
Days out with the kids during the cost of living crisis
I am sure we could all do with money-saving strategies at the moment. But anyone with a toddler will know, you also need to balance this with taking them out of the house. It’s great that I can do these activities on my days off work, for much cheaper than a day at nursery.
It’s also great to see businesses offering cheaper or free meals for children during the summer holidays in the UK. If you are taking the little one out anyway, you could have a meal out and then visit the nearest soft play. Any cost savings you can make are great.
Final thoughts
I hope you enjoyed reading how much we love soft play. I’ve wanted to write this post for a while and share our favourite places to visit.
We visited Billy Bobs Parlour Skipton – on a day outside of the school holidays and it was nice to finally see the car park half empty. We’ve tried to visit in the school holidays before and we couldn’t even get in the car park.
Post updated 13 July 2023
The place is so popular, and you can see why. You can check out their website here. And book a table here. Since the day we were disappointed and couldn’t get a table, we always book a few weeks in advance, if we can.
Quick note: Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and thinkwould be useful for you.
My review of Billy Bobs Parlour
PLEASE NOTE – this review is based on my own experience after visiting for a day out.
Walking in
From the moment you arrive, the place screams fun. Our little one couldn’t wait to jump out of the car and start zooming around. You just feel relaxed, ready for fun. Ready to indulge in yummy food, drinks, ice-creams.
Inside – takeout and ice creams
We went inside for some take-out coffee. It was nice to stand waiting with the music on in a very cool environment. I took this opportunity to take some pictures whilst it was quiet. I started writing this blog post in my phone notes whilst waiting for the coffee, hehe! The whole atmosphere made me feel like I was still on holiday at the Haven caravan park.
Our little one loved the slide and because there are hay bales everywhere, we could let her climb up by herself, without fear of her falling. There are plenty of benches to sit in the sun and around the sides for larger groups who all want to sit together.
There are also benches inside the barn, so you can sit and watch the little ones as they play. Perfect for tired mummies & daddies like us!
The climbing frames are all cool buses, and fire engines, and made of sturdy stuff. Grandad is talking about having one made for the garden, haha!
Dining at Billy Bobs Parlour
Inside we booked the family area and the table is equipped with drawing pencils & paper. Perfect for the little ones. There is a separate adults-only dining area, which I think is great. The hubby and I booked this pre-children.
Our bambino noticed some other boys & girls with the Cadillac car housing their sandwiches. This led to a slight meltdown, but some colouring seemed to help things. She is now at the stage where she knows they cook food in the kitchen and being the impatient child she is, constantly points to the kitchen waiting for the food to cook. These data and distractions are very welcome when we eat out.
The food arrived and it was so yummy. Sorry, no pics as we were too hungry and focused on the cardboard car. I promise I will take them next time!
I can tell you the buttermilk chicken burger was melted in the mouth. Perfect, even down to the toasting of the bun. Our little one also loved her cheese sandwiches. Crusts cut off, thanks to Billy Bobs. She was given cucumber, carrot sticks, and a pot of jelly. Everything she could want. It was one of the best children’s lunches I’ve seen. We also bought a Kool-Aid for her. I’ve never had it before but it’s like drinking sweet, yummy sherbert.
Playing outside after food
Outside we went straight into the other play park, which is situated outside the main doors and she was off with Daddy, whilst we sat in the rocking chairs looking at the beautiful view.
The play area is set out well. Lots of sturdy climbing frames, and seats around the edges for parents and prams, so you can see your little one from where you sit, which is a bonus. Even though she’s a toddler, she was able to play on all the equipment and we usually have to tell her no to things in a public play park.
Facilities
It’s important for parents to be aware of the facilities available before visiting. There is a nappy-changing cubicle in the ladies toilets, but there was no nappy bin, which would have been useful. I didn’t personally go into the disabled toilets, but I am assuming they also had a baby change, and possibly there was a nappy bin in there that I didn’t see.
The toilets are located outside the main doors, which means you can use the facilities even if you’re only visiting for ice cream, or playing.
How to get there
The all-important opening hours and map can be located here.
Rules
You can visit this page for more information. During term time, when it’s quieter because the kids are at school, you can pay £3.00 to play for an hour. Perfect if you want to just let the little ones play, or only want a take-out coffee. Now I know they offer this option, I would be inclined to visit Billy Bobs Parlour again whilst out and about doing other things. It goes without saying, we will also be back at some point for food.
My battle with perinatal anxiety & depression was a long and scary journey.
Throwing hormones into the mix, along with a history of managing anxiety-related issues and panic attacks, was probably always going to be a recipe for disaster. But pregnancy was the point in my life when I finally needed help. Of the medicated kind.
The factors at stake for me during pregnancy were not only the worries related to the actual pregnancy, but risks to my sanity, family, income-earning ability, and my job role.
let’s look at the definition of perinatal:
Perinatal mental health (PMH) problems are those which occur during pregnancy or in the first year following the birth of a child. Perinatal mental illness affects up to 27% of new and expectant mums and covers a wide range of conditions.
As a result of working full-time, I put a lot of additional pressure on myself. It’s fair to say I wasn’t exactly working for a business where having kids was fully supported. I think this is improving, but there is still a lot of work to do in the corporate world. Women shouldn’t have to choose between having children or succeeding in a career. Businesses need to ensure both options are achievable.
Although I know my mushy brain raised red flags at work, it was too early to announce the pregnancy. We were still within the three-month period, and to be honest I didn’t want anyone to know, because I thought it made me look weak.
Quick note: Mummy Conquering Anxiety is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be useful for other people.
Working full-time during pregnancy and having pre-existing anxiety issues was a lot to deal with. I hope telling my story will be of some benefit to you.
In this post, I will cover the following topics:
What is antenatal depression
My backstory
The pivotal moment I knew I needed help
Antidepressants
How I think mental health services for women during pregnancy could be improved
Why are women still afraid to speak out on mental health matters?
Techniques that helped me through
What the experience taught me
Mummy comes second
Often, we neglect our own mental health to be a mummy. Self-care comes bottom of the list and there aren’t enough hours in the day to complete every task on the never-ending list. I found out the hard way. You don’t realise you’re neglecting yourself until it’s too late. At this point, the damage is already done.
From my own experience, health services need to be more proactive in respect of pre-pregnancy mental health problems. There is a lot of information and help out there relating to postnatal mental health problems. But my experience didn’t fit into this category. It made me feel like this was supposed to happen to me after I had the baby, not now. Surely? Why was this happening now?
Looking back, the impact of this shameful thinking only made matters worse. I was afraid to speak out and visit the doctor, for fear someone would think I was an unfit mother. The anxiety talking in my head would tell me, you can’t look after yourself, how can you look after a baby?
I’ve also found these resources for anyone who needs to read more on the subject. You can filter by area and will see a range of therapists, charities, and support groups.
Please read on for the full story of my battle with antenatal depression…
My backstory
I was two months into the pregnancy when I started feeling the symptoms listed in this article:
I was at work full time, struggling with the office-environment heat. Eating properly was just not happening, due to a constant sicky feeling (I felt permanently sick throughout pregnancy but was never actually sick!). I was far away from the toilet and needed to pee every 20 minutes – you get the picture. I actually lost weight over the course of my pregnancy, due to not getting enough nutrients.
My hormones and worries made it incredibly difficult to concentrate on my work tasks and I became paranoid that I was unable to do my job. I was seeking reassurance from a management team, who were used to me just getting on with things, however difficult the task was. Although I know my mushy brain raised red flags at work, it was too early to announce the pregnancy. We were still within the three-month period. And to be honest I didn’t want anyone to know, because I thought it made me look weak.
We need our tribe
A mental health specialist once made the point, the people we refuse to tell during this three-month period are the very people we would need if something unforeseen was to happen. This has stuck with me, and it’s true. In the future, I probably wouldn’t open up in the workplace, unless I felt comfortable in doing so. But I would definitely let my friends and family in, sooner than I did before. They are the tribe you need around you, at such a testing time in life. It takes a village and all that jazz (it really does BTW – safety in numbers with toddlers, hehe).
The pivotal moment I knew I needed help
I tried to plod along for a bit. We had a holiday planned (pre-planned before pregnancy). And I remember spending every waking moment of the getaway fixating on work and the conversation I’d had with a manager before leaving. The manager in question was trying to gauge why I was being so mushy in the brain (baby brain is real people). I wasn’t really capable of communicating verbally at that point and therefore, it was all a bit of a mess.
The damage caused by keeping these feelings to yourself at such a vulnerable, unpredictable time in life, is colossal. Then going through possibly the worst trauma of your life and trying to look after a small baby who is totally relying on you. It’s a lot to cope with. And we should be able to open up about it without fear.
It’s fair to say my worries, and anxiety levels about being bad at my job, pretty much ruined my experience on holiday. As much as I told myself to put the thoughts out of my head, they would come back. Even trying to forget about the drama at work was exhausting.
Upon my return from holiday, I booked an appointment with the doctor. What I experienced during my appointment didn’t help me at all. They were reluctant to prescribe antidepressants during pregnancy and were unable to explain why. I was left to muddle through at work and I am sure you can all imagine, things worsened. My mental health was in serious decline and I didn’t know what to do.
Why it’s vital to reach out for help
The situation wouldn’t improve until I had the help I needed. My instinct told me this was the case, but I felt like the doctors were not listening to me. This resulted in me worrying and playing out situations in my head, which only fuelled the negative anxious thoughts I was already having. When you’re at your most vulnerable, you shouldn’t have to fight to access mental health services and the solutions you need.
I knew I needed medication at this point. Something to help me out of a black hole. So I could focus on growing a child and balancing the pressures of daily life.
Around this time, I also experienced very rude reception staff when trying to make appointments. I was speaking to them following a few hours of sleep, worrying all night and I just needed help. I ended up crying down the phone twice and I honestly don’t think they are adequately trained to deal with people experiencing mental health problems.
Complaining to the GP
I made a complaint and left the doctor’s surgery, following an incident where they asked me to visit reception. I nearly had a panic attack and was afraid to approach the reception desk due to the treatment I’d received previously. I didn’t need rude people dealing with my care, on top of my existing need for help and my current, very fragile mental state.
Talk about adding to my mum-guilt. Making an expectant mother feel like they are harming their unborn child, by seeking out medication to help both parties.
Mind.org provides a lot of useful information about taking anti-depressants during pregnancy. When I was in the midst of trying to convince a doctor to prescribe the medication I required (it’s ridiculous I even have to write this in a blog post), I wish someone had provided me with the information I needed to make my case.
The doctor’s viewpoint on medication during pregnancy
I was asked to go away and try other techniques to avoid medication and the doctor insinuated, had I been on medication before pregnancy, it would be fine to continue taking it. Talk about adding to my mum guilt. Making an expectant mother feel like they are harming their unborn child, by seeking out medication to help both parties.
Waiting in limbo for a solution
I personally spent two months in limbo, before finally receiving medication, which eventually helped. Including the adjustment period, I would estimate I spent five months of a nine-month pregnancy suffering, unnecessarily. Antidepressants take a while to start working, and initially, you have some pretty severe side effects. I was already walking around like a zombie and new medication didn’t help the situation.
Based on my experience, I know we need to change the system to avoid negative outcomes at a time in life where a woman should be happy and thriving.
I was desperately trying to find a solution to ease the pressure. My mental health issues impacted my well-being, my job, my relationship. In addition to the confidence, I had to be a good mother. Also, my ability to buy things for the baby and it made the whole experience pretty grim.
A difficult pregnancy
I look back on my pregnancy now and don’t remember having one good day. I probably did, but I was plagued with uncontrollable anxiety and depression. As well as trying to manage all other areas of life.
It’s definitely had a bearing on my decision to have another child. I have anxiety about what another pregnancy would be like. Would I be a mess again, unable to cope, or worse this time? Whilst also trying to care for a toddler. I also don’t have much faith I would get help from a doctor if I needed it. And I know a lot of other people who feel like this.
The research on taking antidepressants whilst pregnant
From conducting my own research, I was only able to find one study which mentioned the medication I was on. And how it could have an impact on an unborn baby. Surely, I thought, having a healthy mother is vitally important. Given the way I was dealt with by the doctor, I expected to find endless studies backing up the reluctance to prescribe the medication, but that just wasn’t the case.
How I think mental health services for women during pregnancy could be improved
Whilst in hospital Let’s just talk for a second about how calling anyone with anxiety issues, ‘difficult’, can be extremely damaging in itself. It made me feel like an inconvenience, like I wanted to go home straight away.
Unfortunately, the health service is understaffed, and staff do not have time to speak to you one on one and deal with your anxiety issues. Whilst the people caring for me were lovely, salt-of-the-earth people, who were clearly meant to be in this job. I still felt like a burden.
Traumatic experiences during my stay on the postnatal ward
I remember the morning after my C-section, with only basic over-the-counter medication, to deal with a major operation and a serious infection. Being called “difficult” for not wanting to sit up in bed until I had my painkillers. Let’s just talk for a second about how calling anyone with anxiety issues, “difficult”, can be extremely damaging in itself. It made me feel like an inconvenience. I wanted to go home straight away, but I couldn’t as I was under observation.
During my stay, I was in agony, and I kept receiving the pain medication at the incorrect times, which resulted in some nasty withdrawal symptoms from the whole, traumatic ordeal. Whilst I would only wish to thank the staff involved in my care (they do their absolute best every single day and you can see that). These circumstances resulted in my anxiety levels rising, in a situation and surroundings where there was nobody but my hubby to understand or support me.
The need for a birthing partner who knows you well
They even sent my hubby home, so there were periods when I didn’t have anyone to understand me. And I couldn’t get out of bed or look after myself!
Being in my head at the time, I was honestly afraid of how I would be judged in that situation. Would the nurse caring for her think I was an inadequate mother? Were they making notes about me and recording what was happening? Would I get a visit from social services? Because I was clearly unstable for thinking like this?
He was initially sent home during my labour period, at the pivotal moment when my pain was increasing and I felt like nobody was listening when I said that. Things progressed quickly in his absence and he was called back. However, the endless number of factors that worsened my anxiety during his absence had already made me defensive and less likely to open up. From this point, I felt trapped. And my anxiety spiralled.
The system, funding, and government intervention need to improve. It simply isn’t good enough to have a lack of care, over-tired staff, and possible negative outcomes. When you are dealing with the care of a new mother and child.
The pandemic worsening the situation
To send partners home when they are really the only ones looking after the expectant mother and taking time to understand their needs is unacceptable. The anxiety about mothers being left to fend for themselves only worsened during the pandemic. This Independent article goes into more detail. This Guardian article also touches on the issue.
Possible solutions?
I also don’t believe a one size fits all approach is sufficient when you are dealing with mental health. It would help to have mental health specialists visit patients in the antenatal ward. But it’s all about the lack of funding for services. And whilst some NHS trusts have this specialism, most still don’t. It’s also vital to allow birthing partners to stay with the expectant mother, especially when staff are too busy to care for their needs.
I am eternally grateful to the staff at our local hospital for ensuring our post-pregnancy outcome was as positive as possible given their resources. I am aware some of the issues discussed in this article can lead to negative outcomes for babies and parents. And my thoughts go out to anyone who is impacted.
Need help?
If you are impacted by any of the issues we have touched on in this article. Here are some charities that could help: Tommy’s or Bliss. They are fantastic charities doing a lot of work to help improve maternity services. I’ve also recently come across PaNDAS which specialise in postnatal Depression. Pregnant then screwed is a charity advocating for women’s rights at work.
Why are women STILL afraid to speak out on mental health matters?
The following quote is from a Glamour article and summarises how one woman felt about admitting there was a mental health issue during pregnancy:
“It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who feels ashamed. A woman I know recently told me that when she was pregnant, her mind was in a particularly dark place but she feared that telling someone she felt depressed could result in her baby being taken away when he was born. For months she resisted medication because she thought that being a medicated mom equaled being a bad parent. She has since started medication but is too ashamed to tell her in-laws, and she has gone from wanting multiple children to writing off any future pregnancies.”
Why is this still a problem in our society? And why isn’t someone helping pregnant women be honest and get the help they need? I do think mental health services have improved and are continuing in the right direction, but we still have a long way to go.
The quote above describes the way I felt and the way I was subsequently made to feel by a doctor. How many expectant mothers are turned away and then never have the confidence to ask for help again? As I am quite a strong person, I persisted and luckily got the help I needed. Doing this took every ounce of energy I had though. Just before getting the medication I needed, I booked 10 days holiday from work, because I just couldn’t carry on. I was even afraid to take sick leave because it would be questioned in respect of my pregnancy. I don’t know where I would be without the medication I started taking during pregnancy.
Adding a label to my experiences
It would have been beneficial for the doctor to mention or label, what I was experiencing could be a battle with antenatal depression. Nobody ever mentioned this term to me and it’s only now, looking back on the situation, that I know what it is. It has a name and I can talk about it now.
Is someone spying on me?
During my pre-pregnancy appointments and my stay on the ward (4 days), I remember feeling as though I was being watched. Checked up on, and questioned a lot. The obstetrician was obviously aware of my anxiety issues and I was overweight, which required additional check-up appointments.
Seeing through an anxiety lens
Maybe the staff weren’t acting any differently, just doing their job. The point is I felt like this throughout my care. Up to the point of discharge from the hospital post-pregnancy.
The damage caused by keeping these feelings to yourself at such a vulnerable, unpredictable time in life, is colossal. Then going through possibly the worst trauma of your life and trying to look after a small baby who is totally relying on you. It’s a lot to cope with. And we should be able to open up about it without fear.
My hubby describes me as being reluctant to visit our little pumpkin in the baby unit (she had to be monitored due to an infection). And he puts it down to my pain levels.
Being in my head at the time, I was honestly afraid of how I would be judged in that situation. Would the nurse caring for her think I was an inadequate mother? Were they making notes about me and recording what was happening? Would I get a visit from social services? Because I was clearly unstable for thinking like this?
Pressure to breastfeed
There is so much talk about breastfeeding whilst you’re there and you are made to feel inadequate, whether this is intentional or not. The surroundings also don’t help you get the rest you need: babies crying all night, women screaming in pain. Although I felt for all parties involved and could relate, it isn’t the best setting in which to recover from a major operation with out-of-control anxiety issues.
Techniques that helped me through
Stopping full-time work one month early
The pressure on expectant mothers from the workplace also has to stop! Slowly society is progressing in this area, but the progress isn’t quick enough for me or other poor mothers, who have additional guilt, added to the mixing pot of hormones, emotions, physically struggling, anxiety about life-changing circumstances, and the thought of being responsible for a new baby.
When it came to it, admitting I needed to stop working due to severe hip pain and mental health issues, really helped me. Although having to do this makes you feel inadequate. Nobody at work visited me, whether it be management or HR to ask how I was doing. The only sympathetic comments I got were from other expectant mothers. Who literally felt my pain in respect of lack of support.
Feeling isolated and lonely
It is isolating and lonely to feel like nobody understands how you feel. You’re so tired at that point. It’s too much to try and explain it to someone, who frankly doesn’t understand and doesn’t really want to. I stayed quiet for a lot of time and put my head down until I could finally finish work.
The day I finished work, I visited the doctor after not sleeping all night, feeling sick, and suffering from severe anxiety. And this was the route I took to stop working. It had to reach a breaking point before I could finally stop. They told me not to go back until after my maternity leave ended. The worry then became about limited time with my child. Was I wasting a month before the baby was here? Should I still be working?
Workplaces need to do better
I think workplaces and the government are also accountable for supporting women and making employees feel secure in having children and thriving at their jobs. You shouldn’t have to pick one or the other.
I am a huge fan of the shared paternity leave. The hubby & I have discussed doing it with a second child. Unfortunately, I don’t think enough people know about the option or want to take it up. Hopefully, this will change.
The pressure on expectant mothers from the workplace also has to stop! Slowly society is progressing in this area, but the progress isn’t quick enough for me or other poor mothers, who have additional guilt, added to the mixing pot of hormones, emotions, physically struggling, anxiety about life-changing circumstances, and the thought of being responsible for a new baby.
Self-care
During the month off work pre-pregnancy, I made time for self-care. Baths, naps, candles, chocolate, strawberry laces (even though they made me sick towards the end, with my limited stomach space). Anything that would lift my mood and make me feel a little better.
Although I was hesitant to finish work early, as I was only having 9 months at most with my little pumpkin. It was refreshing to have a month off before the baby came. I did all the things that made me feel better and stopped dragging my overloaded body to the train station every day. To a job where I didn’t feel supported. It was lovely to be out of the toxic environment.
The home was my haven
Nesting – we’ve all heard that term used. To describe a woman’s instinct to prepare for the impending arrival of a brand-new baby. I love this description from a Dad’s perspective.
My hubby was used to the nesting process (I’ve always been obsessed with cleaning). He’s the messy, unorganised one in the relationship and I’m the one who gets excited about new cleaning products. (standards have slipped though, now I have a toddler).
On the subject of men, I would also like to mention, this issue doesn’t just impact mothers. Men’s mental health can also be affected by pregnancy and the aftermath.
What the experience taught me
I have learned my lesson about prioritising the health of myself and my baby. Also, not caring about what other people think. Especially those who have no bearing on my life and the decisions I make. Ultimately you as an individual will know what’s best for you and you should push to receive the help you need. In the future, I would stick up for myself when it comes to doctors’ appointments and medication.
If and when we have another baby, I would do things differently this time. You don’t know what to expect when it’s your first pregnancy. You must experience it for yourself, in order to learn and grow.
Final thoughts
Everyone has their own way of coping with traumatic events and mine is blogging.
I can only relay my personal experience, feelings, and thoughts on this subject. I am aware there are a lot of additional factors and issues surrounding these sensitive subjects,
If you have been affected by any of these issues, let’s all speak out and raise awareness. That’s how change happens. Please feel free to get in touch, or leave a comment below. I would love to hear from you.
Parenting is the most challenging job in the world. Children need love, attention, patience, meals, clothes, guidance, boundaries – all before 8.30 am. It’s exhausting, draining. But also incredibly rewarding.
I’ve seen other parents talking about how to handle toddler emotions. But we’ve recently experienced the full force of raw emotions, coming from my feisty little pumpkin. She is full of sass at the best of times – it’s just her personality! But these recent emotions, which she is clearly unable to handle, are coming across as anger and moodiness.
As a parent, it’s easy to react in these situations (trust me I have, we all have – no parent is perfect). But the correct way to deal with this situation is to help your toddler handle the feelings they are experiencing. Put simply, they don’t know how to do it themselves. I’m in my late 30’s and sometimes I can’t handle my own emotions. As such, we’ve recently explained to her that adults also struggle with emotions and created some emotion cards to help her communicate how she is feeling.
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Let’s explore the range of emotions your toddler might be feeling:
Anger
Fear
Sadness
Boredom
Happiness
Excitement
Tiredness
Confusion
This is not an exhaustive list. We know as adults, there are many more emotions we deal with on a daily basis.
I wanted to share some of the tips and tools we’ve used:
Children sometimes don’t have the tools or vocabulary, or actions to communicate emotions effectively. it is up to us as adults to help them communicate effectively. And sometimes verbally speaking about it just isn’t something they are equipped to do yet. How many adults do you know who struggle to verbalise their emotions? I know a lot!
As a family, we are all going to benefit from these tools we’ve put in place, to effectively communicate our emotions.
Emotion Flash Cards
I was going to buy some of these. However, being okay at designing, due to running three blogs and a t-shirt business (all self-taught), I thought I would have a go at creating some myself. And of course, as a blogger, I will be sharing them with you all. In the hope they also help other parents out there.
Feel free to click download below, for access to the flashcards.
These cards are great because sometimes toddlers need adults to question, help or prompt them. To start a conversation about how they are feeling. When they are unable to initiate this. I’ve started off by printing some of the cards, to see how well they work. But, I’ve included a full set for you to download.
I’ve already arranged mine in the living room. In an easily accessible place.
As a family. we’ve agreed that if we are struggling to express our emotions, we will show someone the card. And we can start a discussion about how we are feeling.
Read my blog posts about our journey with gentle parenting:
As someone who struggles mentally, with anxiety and depression, I’ve now accepted the fact that as humans, we are not all happy all of the time. It’s important to feel our full range of emotions, as and when they come up. Being happy is a wonderful feeling. And as a family, we try and create as many happy family memories as we can. However, it’s natural we will all feel tired, scared, alone, and sad at various times throughout an average week.
There are many factors which can impact your emotions. Due to the health conditions we face as adults, sometimes our communication can be poor and as human beings, we lash out.
For a while now, we’ve explained to my toddler, that it is normal and completely okay to feel these other emotions. And to become frustrated in the moment, when we don’t know how to deal with them.
Fight or flight is a real thing. A pre-historic reaction to stressful situations. We often cannot control it.
Equipped with this knowledge, we humans need to give ourselves more credit. And accept we will sometimes react in the moment and apologise later.
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Finding safe & appropriate ways to manage emotions
If my little one is sad, moody or tired we talk about cuddling and laying down to have a nap. And I explain ‘Mummy is also tired and it’s okay to feel this way’. Luckily, she has a few days with us during the week, where she can relax and chill out if this is what she wants to do.
Set a good example
Toddlers learn about managing their emotions by watching us. As adults, it is our responsibility to set a good example of how to behave. However, as humans, we don’t always get it right.
Something we do as parents is apologise if we displayed incorrect behaviour. And we talk as a family about why we did that.
Other great online resources to deal with emotions
Play is not only a source of fun and enjoyment for children but also an essential way of stimulating cognitive growth. Children’s play with a wide range of activities will challenge their minds, promote problem-solving, and enhance cognitive skills. Let’s explore the significance of play in nurturing cognitive development and provide you with some practical tips to maximize the cognitive benefits of play.
Imaginative Play Expands Creativity and Language Skills
Imaginative play, including activities like role-playing and pretend play, invites children to craft intricate scenarios, characters, and narratives from their creativity. Such engagement not only sparks their inventive potential but also nurtures abstract thinking and language skills development. Children become mini storytellers, weaving complicated plots and stepping into diverse roles and perspectives.
While immersing themselves in the vibrant world of imaginative play, children also get a chance to explore emotions, enhancing their understanding and expression of feelings. Thus, their cognitive abilities, encompassing problem-solving, communication, and critical thinking skills, experience a considerable boost.
Construction Play Builds Spatial Awareness and Problem-Solving Skills
Construction play, involving building blocks, puzzles, and construction sets, promotes cognitive development in several ways. Children learn to analyze shapes, sizes, and spatial relationships as they manipulate and connect pieces together. This type of play enhances problem-solving skills as children face challenges in building structures or completing puzzles. Additionally, construction play encourages fine motor skills, hand-eye coordination, and logical thinking, laying a strong foundation for cognitive development.
Games and Puzzles Strengthen Memory and Strategic Thinking
Games and puzzles are excellent tools for nurturing cognitive development. Memory games, card games, and puzzles help children enhance their memory skills as they try to remember patterns, sequences, or rules. Strategic board games cultivate critical thinking and decision-making abilities as children strategize, plan, and predict outcomes. These games engage children in problem-solving, reasoning, and analytical thinking, boosting their cognitive skills while having fun.
Sensorial Play Engages the Senses for Cognitive Growth
Sensorial play, involving sensory experiences like sand play, water play, or exploring different textures, stimulates cognitive growth. Children engage their senses and develop observation skills as they explore the properties of different materials. They learn to categorize objects based on texture, weight, or temperature, enhancing their ability to classify and differentiate. Sensorial play supports cognitive development by strengthening neural connections and fostering cognitive flexibility.
Montessori toys for 2-year-olds are excellent resources for sensorial play, aligning perfectly with their cognitive development needs. These toys are designed to engage multiple senses, allowing children to explore various textures, shapes, and sizes. Toys such as sensory balls, shape sorters, and puzzles provide opportunities for children to strengthen their observation skills, practice fine motor control, and develop problem-solving abilities. With these toys, children enhance their cognitive growth as they categorize objects based on texture, weight, or temperature, promoting their ability to classify and differentiate, all while enjoying a fun and enriching play experience.
Outdoor Play Enhances Cognitive Skills and Physical Development
Outdoor play not only benefits physical development but also plays a significant role in cognitive growth. Outdoor environments provide rich sensory experiences, diverse stimuli, and opportunities for exploration. Children engage in active play, developing gross motor skills, coordination, and balance. They also encounter new challenges, problem-solving situations, and social interactions, stimulating cognitive development. Outdoor play fosters creativity, critical thinking, and adaptability, contributing to holistic cognitive growth.
Guided Play Facilitates Cognitive Development through Supportive Engagement
Guided play involves adults or educators providing structure, guidance, and support during playtime. This approach promotes cognitive development by scaffolding children’s learning and encouraging deeper engagement. Adults can pose open-ended questions, offer suggestions, and provide additional resources to enhance cognitive thinking. By actively participating in guided play, adults foster language development, critical thinking, and problem-solving skills while nurturing cognitive growth.
Play holds tremendous potential for nurturing cognitive development in children. Whether through imaginative play, construction play, games and puzzles, sensorial play, outdoor play, or guided play, children engage in experiences that foster cognitive growth.
As educators and parents, we have the chance to foster a culture that values play and all of its cognitive advantages. We can unleash the full potential of children’s minds by embracing play as an important instrument for cognitive development, encouraging their cognitive capacities, and putting them on a route to success and lifelong learning.
About the author: Stella van Lane is a mum of three, and a passionate writer, in love with coffee, interior design, and books. She is also a dedicated Mental Health Advocate and has been actively involved in raising awareness about mental health issues and promoting mental well-being.
My blog is all about never judging any other parent. We are not perfect. Research has proven human beings react in a certain way, to conflict. It’s an automatic process and sometimes we can’t help it! However, reacting in anger isn’t helpful in the moment.
Our small humans need us to be emotional support. They need us to be more emotionally intelligent, so we can set a great example of how to manage our emotions.
However, I know very well, parenting is the hardest job in the world. If you follow me on TikTok you will see that I try to make light of the situation and use humour to get through the difficult days.
Quick note: Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be useful for other people.
What is gentle parenting?
The goal of gentle parenting is to raise confident, independent and happy children through empathy, respect and understanding, and setting healthy boundaries. This parenting style focuses largely on age-appropriate development.
Some people misunderstand gentle parenting and believe it is too soft as a parenting technique. It’s important to say that as a family, we enforce boundaries. We do also use some rewards, but never punishment. Recently we’ve started adopting natural consequences instead of punishment.
Gentle parenting does not equal a lack of boundaries – quite the opposite. We explain why there are boundaries and use the lessons we’ve taught her, to enforce why we will not tolerate certain behaviour.
The reality of gentle parenting
Gentle parenting isn’t easy. It takes time to become conscious of your reactions – but seeing the results of an emotionally intelligent child is worth it.
If you’re considering implementing gentle parenting, or elements of it like we do. I wanted to let you know about some of the benefits we have experienced since implementing this parenting method.
Let’s dive into the benefits we’ve experienced
We have a very polite child
Since being a baby, we’ve taught my little one to say please and thank you.
At four years old, she now thanks me for simple tasks like getting her cereal in the morning. It’s a genuine, heartfelt thank you. Simply because she’s been shown the reason why we need to be polite.
Everything we teach her is explained in a way she is able to understand. Rather than telling her what to do, it’s a collaborative conversation. You will always hear us asking her whether she understands. And we talk more if she doesn’t.
It’s important for children to understand the consequences of their behaviour and ultimately, be able to eventually regulate emotions by themselves. I won’t be there on her first day of school, or for her first job interview – you have to think about preparing a child for life’s challenges.
Ask yourself – how do I want my children to act and cope in future life situations that could be stressful?
She talks about her feelings & is in tune with other people’s feelings
Because we talk about our emotions and we are honest about the reasons when we do argue (newsflash – all adults argue at some point& sometimes, it’s inevitably in front of children). She, therefore, understands that even adults face situations where something can anger and upset them. That this is okay. And it’s good to talk about how we are feeling when this happens.
When she is experiencing a certain emotion or challenge, we regularly empathise and explain adults also feel this way. Or relate to something we went through as a child.
She regularly comes to me and explains something is wrong. Granted, at four years old, she says things like “I have a sicky tummy” when she’s nervous about the nursery, or feeling tired. But it’s enough for me to know as a parent, that more conversation is needed.
When I was going through my mental breakdown, she was only a baby. But she knew something was wrong and would comfort me.
We now witness this kinder side when she’s in the playground and a baby is upset. She will go over to the parent and child, in a concerned manner, and wait patiently until the baby is okay. It’s really lovely to watch.
Being taught to be kind and caring has helped, but actually being shown that by everyone around her models this behaviour, is a more powerful tool.
She apologises when shes aware of doing something wrong
When a child is in the middle of a meltdown and making no sense, there is no point in having a conversation. It just will not be productive. The same applies to adults. As an adult, you would walk away from a heated conversation. Therefore, it baffles me that some parents believe anger and harsh discipline is appropriate in these situations – surely it’s just unproductive at that moment in time. No progress can be made when a human being is in fight or flight mode.
As parents, we allow the meltdown to pass. We openly tell her, we will talk when she’s calmer and let her walk away. Usually to her bedroom. Within 10 minutes she comes back to us to give a heartfelt apology. And we all talk about why the behaviour wasn’t helpful. Then we make a point of moving on, by saying “Nothing more will be said about it“. We never dwell on it. We move on.
She is independent
As part of our gentle parenting journey, we allow as many choices as we safely can for our toddler.
She is a very independent child by nature. And rather than fight a battle on menial topics, it’s easier to allow as many small choices as we can. The ones we use frequently, involve a choice of dilute juice, and breakfast options and we also allow her to choose her own snacks from the fridge.
When we go out for the day, this extends to more varied options. And when we can, she is allowed to run free and actually be a child.
The amazing thing is, that having allowed choices, she now asks me before she makes any of them. In our case, allowing choices means we get cooperation and communication in return.
Final thoughts
I hope you enjoyed reading about our experiences with gentle parenting.
Are you a gentle parent? do you have any tips for us? or do you use other parenting techniques?
I would love to hear from you in the comments below.
Resources – if you want to get started on your gentle parenting journey:
#duet with @Andrew Shaw | Executive Coach #toddlertantrum Wise words! I will never judge any #parent – we are #notperfect & human beings react in a certain way, to conflict. It’s an automatic process & sometimes we can’t help it! However, this isn’t helpful in the moment. Our small humans NEED us to be an #emotional support ❤️ it takes time to become concious of your reactions – but seeing the results of an #emotionallyintelligent child is worth it! #parents#parenting#mums#mumlife#gentleparenting
According to the Word Health Organisation, approximately 16% of adults aged 60 and above suffer from a mental health disorder. In most cases, depression, anxiety disorders, dementia, and isolation are the most common issues. Caring for an elderly parent with mental health problems can be challenging and emotionally demanding, often requiring unique skills and support systems. Fortunately, the following tips can make the task easier.
Prepare yourself for the emotional aspect
Caring for an elderly parent is hard enough, but the difficulty level is higher when your ageing loved one has mental health issues. Of course, you love your parent, but other emotions can hinder you from providing the care they need. The most common things you may have to deal with r are worry, anger, frustration, and helplessness. All these are common; experiencing them does not make you a bad caregiver. Preparing yourself for these emotions can help you develop helpful ways to address them.
Monitor their movement
Available data shows that about 53,337 were detained under the Mental Health Act from 2001 to 2002. Older people also fall victim to such detentions when they have mental health issues. Don’t be surprised by how easily your elderly parent can slip out of the house and wander around. The last thing you want is to receive a call that they have been detained under the Mental Health Act.
So, always ensure you always have extra eyes on your ageing loved one. And in case of any detention, you can seek legal assistance, depending on where you live. For example, if you live in Sheffield, you can run an online search for ‘local solicitors Sheffield‘ to find legal experts near you. But make sure they have expertise in mental health cases.
Schedule regular medical visits
You’ll need all the professional help you can get, starting with regular medical visits. Your doctor will perform regular diagnoses and prescribe new treatments when necessary. You’ll also receive tips on how to care for your elderly parent and help them get better. Aside from visiting a doctor, work with therapists to help them learn how to cope with any underlying issues responsible for their poor mental health. You can also hire trained nurses or caregivers to provide home care and ease the burden of responsibility on your shoulders.
Educate yourself
It’s almost impossible to care for an ageing parent if you don’t know or understand what mental health challenges they’re dealing with. So, take the time to educate yourself about it. Understand its symptoms, triggers, and treatment options. This way, you can anticipate and address their unique needs. You can also contact support groups and find resources online.
Open, clear, and honest communication are crucial when caring for an ageing loved one with mental health issues. Speak calmly and do your best to ensure that you understand them and that they understand you. Also, encourage your parent to express their thoughts and feelings and actively listen without judging them. They might also need a safe and non-threatening environment, making them comfortable to open up or discuss their concerns. Being harsh, rude, disrespectful, or aggressive will only make your parents withdraw in fear and choose not to communicate.
It is a proven fact, that the early years of our lives shape who we are and how well we cope with challenges in adult life. A traumatic experience in childhood can have lasting effects. Exploring emotions is vital.
All human beings have emotions. They start to develop at an early age, often when toddlers don’t really understand what they are yet. The common one in our house at the moment is missing other people. This involves a daily conversation filled with reassurance, that everyone misses the people they love.
Because toddler emotions are a challenge I currently face. And I know other parents definitely go through this cycle, I wanted to write a post dedicated to the best stories I could find, discussing children’s emotions.
Quick note: Mummy Conquering Anxiety is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be useful for other people
Let’s look at the research into why we should explore emotions
Understanding children’s emotions are critical to understanding their behaviour. Early years children feel a range of emotions, but often cannot express, interpret or process them like us.
With poor emotional skills, it could be harder for children to learn:
Children grow and develop rapidly in their first five years across the four main areas of development. These areas are motor (physical), communication and language, cognitive, social and emotional.
Social and emotional development means how children start to understand who they are, what they are feeling and what to expect when interacting with others. It is the development of being able to:
Form and sustain positive relationships.
Experience, manage and express emotions.
Explore and engage with the environment.
Positive social and emotional development is important. This development influences a child’s self-confidence, empathy, the ability to develop meaningful and lasting friendships and partnerships, and a sense of importance and value to those around them. Children’s social and emotional development also influences all other areas of development.
Parents and caregivers play the biggest role in social/emotional development because they offer the most consistent relationships for their children. Consistent experiences with family members, teachers and other adults help children learn about relationships and explore emotions in predictable interactions.
To nurture your child’s social and emotional development, it is important that you engage in quality interactions like these on a daily basis, depending on the age of your child:
Be affectionate and nurturing: hold, comfort, talk and sing with your baby, toddler and child.
Help your baby experience joy in “give-and-take” relationships by playing games like “peek-a-boo.”
Provide your toddler with responsive care, letting them practice new skills while still providing hands-on help.
Support your child’s developing skills; help him/her, but don’t do everything for your child, even if it takes longer or is messy.
Teach social and emotional skills, such as taking turns, listening and resolving conflict.
What happens if we don’t manage emotions
One of the most important ways parents or guardians can help is by listening to their children and taking their feelings seriously. They may want a hug, they may want you to help them change something or they may want practical help.
Children and young people’s negative feelings usually pass. However, it’s a good idea to get help if your child is distressed for a long time if their feelings are stopping them from getting on with their lives, if their distress is disrupting family life or if they are repeatedly behaving in ways you wouldn’t expect at their age.
What’s Troubling Tawny? The award-winning second book in the Sumatran Trilogy! Tawny longs to make friends with another rhino, but her shyness holds her back. When she meets a hornbill called Tallulah, she is surprised to learn that she has a lot in common with the beautiful bird.
Poppy the porcupine has always wanted to make a friend, but her defensive nature prevents her. When a young tiger cub stumbles upon her one day in the rainforest, she reacts badly and scares him away.
Determined to change her ways, she sets out to find him, but little does she know that the tiger cub is about to have a problem of his own. In the face of danger, will Poppy find a way to save the day?
The Problem with Poppy is the award-winning debut picture book by British author Emma Sandford. Illustrated by Ukrainian artist Olena Osadcha.
If you could change something about yourself, would you do it?
When Sarah Simpkins is teased about her shadow in the school playground, she finds herself wishing she didn’t have one.
That night she has the chance to make the wish come true. But will losing her shadow really make her happy?
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Let’s Be Friends Again
Purchase the book below:
Let’s Be Friends Again
Kids World Books – Sibling fights, tantrums and subsequent bonding is the theme of this story.
The story is narrated by a boy and he narrates rather than shares his experiences with his sister. The boy and the girl play together. They spend most of their leisure time together. Just like every sibling, they fight often and bond subsequently.
The boy finds some trouble with his sister. The boy sometimes babysits for his sister and she used to trouble him! However, she was a good listener and the boy used to tell some great stories. The boy refused to share his toys with her. Yet, the smart girl used to grab all her brother’s toys. The tantrum began when the girl played with his brother’s pet turtle!
The girl thought that the tank where the pet turtle was kept was too small for the turtle. She carried it to the pond and let it free in the pond.
The boy was as angry as he lost his pet turtle. He showed his anger in many ways. He shouted at her. He threw away his toys and kept on thinking about his turtle. His parents supported his sister. He planned to avenge the loss of his pet and imagined many things. (This is definitely a fun part that everyone would die laughing).
He couldn’t sleep for hours thinking about the pet. He then saw his sister playing in the garden so happy like never before. The boy was surprised as well as very angry seeing her sister happy.
He made a decision! What was that?
Let’s be friends again, the lovable brother and sister, their cute fights, rivalry, etc are narrated beautifully. It happens very commonly in every household.
Children and young people are still developing – they don’t have adult brains or bodies, so need help to understand and manage their emotions.
You’ve probably heard your parents or grandparents say “they’re just attention seeking” or “they’re being difficult”. But there’s usually more to it than this.
We often ask people who contact Children 1st Parentline: “What is your child trying to tell you when they’re acting like that?” Looked at this way, unwanted behaviour is usually about a child needing something – or their way of trying to work out how to manage something.
From a toddler’s need for comfort to a teenager’s conflicting desires for independence and security, testing behaviour is common and is often set off by everyday experiences rather than big events.
Jodi also thinks the book will come just at the right time for children who have had to shut themselves away all year and might be scared to try something new.
She added: “It is a lovely story for 4–7-year-olds about taking yourself out of your comfort zone to try new things.
“Worley’s story is a fab way to engage children with these cute little monsters and learn how to develop their confidence.
“The book also included suggested activities for parent and adult readers.
“I’m also now writing my second story for the series about Worley and Co!
“Having suffered quite a bit as a kid – I lost my dad at 10 and my best friend at 14 – and had a lot of bullying and not nice things going on and I didn’t know how to cope,” she explained.
“That had a massive effect on me as an adult which led to a breakdown. I don’t want kids to go through what I did. The more people I can teach and I can help the better. I don’t think I would have had as big a meltdown if I already had tools to use.
“My characters are all monsters – I have a whole tribe of emotions monsters that teach children about emotions. Worley is the main one and he meets his friends with different emotions.
“The first one was teaching him to be brave and through the monster, you learn you might make a mistake but it will be fine. He realises he doesn’t need to be the best at everything.
“The second book is about anger. The book is written as a rhyme; basically, Worley gets angry and doesn’t know what it is. His friend George, the angry monster, teaches him it is ok to be angry and how to manage it.
“It is done in quite a fun way so children can understand.”
Buster Finds His Beat
Purchase the book below:
Buster Finds His Beat
A feel-good story about an autistic boy, That will capture your imagination and fill you with joy.
Buster uses ear defenders to soften sounds he hears, Find out what happens when he faces his fears…
Pick up your copy, you’ll be in for a treat, As he uses the power of sound to find his own beat.
The first book in a new rhyming picture book series from D.M. Mullan and Kirsteen Harris Jones – welcome to D.M. Mullan’s Curious Tales… Hector van Groat If something is missing, and you’re feeling blue, you could learn from Hector, who feels this way too. This little genius lives in an upside-down boat, and he grunts from his hill like a grumpy old goat. “Hector van Groat needs no one but Hector because he is a genius, a crazy inventor”.
A beautifully illustrated picture book about mental health for young readers. Where Is My Smile? is the story of a little boy who can’t find his smile anywhere. He searches and searches, but it’s nowhere to be found. Where could his smile be? This delightful picture book is perfect as a bedtime story, and to help little children understand that it’s okay to be sad sometimes, but we can always find our way through it.
Final Thoughts
I hope you enjoyed reading my list of books to inspire conversations with your toddler about emotions.
Do you have any of these books? Or will you be purchasing them? What techniques do you use to explore emotions?
I would love to hear from you in the comments below.
You never look good trying to make someone else look bad!
Today I have a great guest post to share with you all! All about Effective Leadership.
Trishna Patnaik has a BSc (in Life Sciences) and MBA (in Marketing) by qualification but is an artist by choice. A self-taught artist based in Mumbai, Trishna has been practising art for over 14 years. After she had a professional stint in various reputed corporates, she realised that she wanted to do something more meaningful. She found her true calling in her passion which is painting. Trishna is now a full-time professional painter pursuing her passion to create and explore to the fullest. She says, “It’s a road less travelled but a journey that I look forward to every day.” Trishna also conducts painting workshops across Mumbai and other metropolitan cities in India.
Trishna is an art therapist and healer. She works with clients on a one-on-one basis in Mumbai.
Trishna fancies the art of creative writing and is dappling her hands in that too, to soak in the experience and an engagement with readers, wanderers and thinkers.
Bullying is a distinctive pattern of repeatedly and deliberately harming and humiliating others, specifically those who are smaller, weaker, and younger or in any way more vulnerable than the bully. The deliberate targeting of those of lesser power is what distinguishes bullying from garden-variety aggression.
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Bullying can involve verbal attacks (name-calling and making fun of others) as well as physical ones, threats of harm, other forms of intimidation, and deliberate exclusion from activities. Bullying peaks around ages 11 to 13 and decreases as children grow older! Overt physical aggression such as kicking, hitting, and shoving is most common among younger children; relational aggression—damaging or manipulating the relationships of others, such as spreading rumours, and social exclusion—is more common as children mature!
Most bullying occurs in and around school and on playgrounds. Approximately 20 percent of students report being bullied at school. Boys and girls are equally likely to be bullied.
Why People Bully
People bully because it can be an effective way of getting what they want, at least in the short term, and because they lack the social skills to do so without harming others. Bullying also is a way of establishing social dominance, although over time, as children’s behavioural repertoires generally broaden, it becomes the increasingly dysfunctional way.
Are bullies born or made?
Bullies are made, not born, and it happens at an early age; if the normal aggression of 2-year-olds is not handled with consistency, children fail to acquire internal restraints against such behaviour. Bullying remains a very durable behavioural style, largely because bullies get what they want—at least at first!
What are the psychological features of bullies?
Bullies have a distinct psychological makeup. They lack prosocial behaviour, are untroubled by anxiety, and do not understand others’ feelings. They exhibit a distinctive cognitive feature, a kind of paranoia: They misread the intentions of others, often imputing hostility in neutral situations. Others may not like them, but they typically see themselves quite positively. Those who chronically bully tend to have strained relationships with their parents and peers.
Who Bullies Target
Bullies couldn’t exist without victims, and they don’t pick on just anyone. Those singled out for bullying lack assertiveness even in non-threatening situations and radiate fear long before they ever encounter a bully. These are children who don’t stand up for themselves!
How do bullies decide who to pick on?
Up to about age 7, bullies pick on almost anyone. After that, they single out kids to prey on; engaging in a “shopping process” to determine which other children would make suitably submissive victims. Bullies like victims who become visibly upset when they are picked on and who do not have friends or allies. Those chosen as victims evince insecurity and apprehension.
What are the distinguishing features of victims?
Victims easily acquiesce to bullies’ demands, handing over bikes, toys, and other playthings. They cry and assume a defensive posture; their highly visible displays of pain and suffering are rewarding to bullies and serve as an important signal of the bully’s dominance. Children who become victims offer no deterrent to aggression, which can make them disliked even by their non-bullying peers.
Why Bullying Is So Harmful
Bullying carries the implicit message that aggression and violence are acceptable solutions to problems when they are not. Cooperation and the peaceful resolution of differences support an increasingly interconnected world. Bullying not only harms its victims, but it also harms the perpetrators themselves! Most bullies have a downward spiralling course through life, as their aggressive behaviour interferes with learning, holding a job, and establishing and maintaining intimate relationships.
Do bullies grow out of it?
Some bullies do leave the behaviour behind. But many do not; aggression is a very stable social interaction style. Many who were bullies as children turn into antisocial adults, who are far more likely than nonaggressive kids to commit crimes, batter their wives, abuse their children—and produce another generation of bullies.
How to Handle a Bully
The best defence against bullying is being socially skilled—teaching all children social skills and allowing them to develop confidence in their own abilities. As social engineers for young children, parents are especially important in bully-proofing their children: They can regularly inquire about social challenges their children face and role-play possible solutions. The second-best defence against bullying is to walk away and not fight back.
What can you do to stop bullies?
If you are being bullied, you should talk to someone you know well and trust; they will give you much-needed support and will often have suggestions you hadn’t considered for helping with the situation.
You might feel more comfortable taking a friend with you to talk to the bully or when seeking help. If you feel you might get too nervous to speak, write down what you’d like to say on paper or in an email. If you feel safe and confident, you should approach the person who is bullying you and tell them that their behaviour is unwanted and not acceptable.
If you are being bullied while at school, it is a good idea to seek help from a friend or to talk to a teacher or counsellor to see if they can help.
Four Types of bullying behaviour
Physical – examples include: hitting, pushing, shoving or intimidating or otherwise physically hurting another person, damaging or stealing their belongings. It includes threats of violence
Verbal/written – examples include: name-calling or insulting someone about an attribute, quality or personal characteristic
Social (sometimes called relational or emotional bullying) – examples include: deliberately excluding someone, spreading rumours, sharing information that will have a harmful effect on the other person and/or damaging a person’s social reputation or social acceptance
Cyberbullying – any form of bullying behaviour that occurs online or via a mobile device. It can be verbal or written, and can include threats of violence as well as images, videos and/or audio.
Bullying can have a massive impact on your mental health, both now and in the future. If you’re bullied as a child or teenager, you might be twice as likely to use mental health services as an adult. It doesn’t matter if you’re being bullied at school, at home or online, bullying can mess with your head. But you’re not alone, and you deserve support.
Common Types of Bullies
Bullies have different styles, personalities, goals, and behaviours. Their motivations for and methods of bullying are all different! And not all bullies will fit neatly into a category. Some bullies will fall into several categories and some may appear to be in a category all their own.
Bully-Victims
Bullying victims often rise up after being bullied. They bully others weaker than them because they, too, have been bullied. Their goal usually is to regain a sense of power and control in their lives.
This type of bully is very common. In fact, a large number of kids who bully others have been bullied themselves by peers. Their bullying is a way of retaliating for the pain they are feeling. Other times the bully victim comes from a home with domestic violence or suffers abuse from an older sibling. In these cases, bullying is a learned behaviour.
Popular Bullies
Popular bullies have big egos. They are confident and condescending. They usually have a group of followers and may feel like they rule the school. These bullies have a sense of entitlement that can stem from their popularity, size, upbringing, or socioeconomic status. They thrive on the physical power and control they have over their victims and may boast about their bullying.
Popular bullies are sometimes the school’s star athlete or perceived school leader. They flourish on the attention and power they get from bullying. Peers often tolerate this type of bully because they would rather be accepted than bullied.
Relational Bullies
The relational bully is usually a somewhat-popular student who enjoys deciding who is accepted at school and who isn’t. Excluding, isolating, and ostracizing others are the most common weapons used by this type of bully. Most often, the relational bully will use only verbal or emotional bullying to maintain control. Many times, mean girls are relational bullies.
Relational bullies also maintain their power by using rumours, gossip, labels, and name-calling. Typically, they target others because they are jealous or feel they are socially unacceptable. Maintaining popularity is the key reason for relational aggression. The relational bully will do anything to be part of the “in the crowd.”
Serial Bullies
The serial bully is another type of bully often found in popular circles. These bullies are systematic, controlled, and calculated in their approach. Parents, teachers, and administrators may have no idea what a serial bully is capable of. Serial bullies are skilled manipulators and liars and are usually fake friends. Their sweet and nice persona is just another way to manipulate situations to their liking.
They are able to twist facts and situations to make themselves look innocent or to get out of trouble when confronted. In fact, serial bullies are often so skilled at deception that their victims often are afraid to speak up, convinced that no one will ever believe them.
Group Bullies
Bullies in this category are part of a group and have a pack mentality when they are together. They tend to bully as a group but behave much differently when they are alone—even if they are alone with the victim. Usually, group bullies are cliques that imitate the leader of the group and just follow along.
Because kids feel insulated when they are in a group, they often feel free to say and do things they wouldn’t do otherwise. They also feel less responsible for their actions because “everyone is doing it.” This is a very dangerous type of bullying because things quickly can escalate out of control.
Indifferent Bullies
Indifferent bullies are often unable to feel empathy. As a result, they can often appear cold, unfeeling, and detached and have very little, if any, remorse for what they do to others. Indifferent bullies are bullying for the sheer enjoyment of seeing another person suffer. They are not deterred by disciplinary actions. Traditional bullying intervention does not usually bring about change in their bullying. Additionally, indifferent bullies are often vicious and have deep psychological problems that need to be addressed by a professional.
Whoever is trying to bring you down is already below you.
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