**Post updated – 14 July 2022**
#MentalHealthAwarenessWeek
#StressAwarenessMonth
#MentalHealthAwarenessMonth
In true Mummy Conquering Anxiety fashion, I wanted to post something real and honest for Mental Health Awareness Week this year! I want to remind you all, these posts are hard for me to write and probably, for you to hear. However, the topic is relevant and important. Creating my new beginning, in respect of my career, was the best thing I ever did. And I know other people are experiencing the same treatment at work.
I second guess myself about whether I should publish these posts and therefore, this one has been in the pipeline for a while. However, now is the right time to release this post. Because my work situation is now vastly different. I am a different person, with a different outlook. BUT I will always be a mental health advocate.
The back story
Here goes. I wrote this post a while ago, as a means of getting through one of the most stressful times in my life. As it happens, changing my situation was also the most life-changing.
Following total burnout in my job, I suffered a complete mental breakdown. Cue falling to the floor, tears, not making any sense. Like someone switched off my brain. And it wouldn’t restart. At the time, I didn’t want it to. It was the lowest point of my life. I’d suffered from low points with my mental health in the past. High anxiety levels and depression were common in times of stress, but it was never this bad.
The culture must change. We can no longer pile an unreasonable amount of pressure on employees and expect them not to eventually burn out.
My personal experience
The return to work – almost at my new beginning
Following months’ off work and pressure to return, I went back into the workplace. And eagerly awaited a redundancy date. Having an end date in sight, kept me going.
Ultimately, I was temporarily throwing myself back into a situation where miscommunication and downright rudeness in the workplace, had led me to a mental breakdown. Going back into that situation, for even a day, was going to be a mammoth task. Remember when I returned, I didn’t know how long I would stay in the role. And I don’t do very well with the unknown. It’s one of the biggest drivers of my anxiety. Knowing where I stand and having a routine helps keep it under control.
My life is different and much happier, and I now have support in my new workplace. And I am thankful for the journey because it taught me so much about my mental strength in challenging times.
Getting back into it
Upon my return, I was left alone for the first month, with everyone telling me “we want to make sure you’re okay“, “bear in mind your mental health” and I knew it was bullshit. It was a line they had to say to appear supportive. That’s what some workplaces do. In this day and age, for some businesses, it’s all talk, no action. And I think it’s despicable. I would rather the business be honest and not have a mental health policy at all, rather than provide empty words on such an important topic.
Jobless, ‘unemployed’ was soon going to be my label. All of a sudden I felt a lack of self-confidence. A lack of security. An urge to review my money situation and sort out bills that still needed paying, with one less income. But I still had not recovered fully and didn’t have the energy. A battle between wanting to prioritise myself for once, but lacking the motivation to do so.
I hope EVERYONE starts to place the same physical illness value on mental illness. Especially after we’ve all endured so much trauma lately.
Poor management
Another factor in all my previous job roles, was a lack of knowledge at the top. Yes, managers are there to manage, not necessarily understand how to do your job. But if they don’t have a clue about the work the people they are supposed to be supporting do daily, what’s the point? How will they ever recognise the stress triggers of overworked staff? How do they even know what too much work is?
From a human perspective, we should all be able to communicate appropriately with someone whos suffered a mental breakdown. But this takes training and awareness!
I’ve written previously about how I witnessed rude, biased, and bullying behaviour in workplaces I was part of, and this spans my whole working life. Although I wouldn’t relive the pandemic if I had a choice, I do hope it’s brought significant changes to the office environment in the UK. The culture must change. We can no longer pile an unreasonable amount of pressure on employees and expect them not to eventually burn out.
Where it all went wrong
My first anxiety-filled morning began a while after I returned to work. When you’re constantly having to justify yourself and the work you are completing, it is exhausting. This is what I was being asked to do on this occasion and given my mental health history, I think there was a better way of doing things.
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My thoughts in hindsight
Throughout all of this, I do have some grasp of the fact that employees in the department were under daily stress because of an impending redundancy and I take on board the fact this can impact a person’s behaviour. But it still doesn’t make poor behaviour towards staff correct. And it certainly doesn’t help my already fragile anxiety levels. From a human perspective, we should all be able to communicate appropriately with someone whos suffered a mental breakdown. But this takes training and awareness!
The redundancy announcement
It is hurtful when you’ve invested so much time and energy into your career and it comes to an end in this way. My heart goes out to anyone whos been through or is currently going through a redundancy process.
On the day I found out our redundancy date, I felt numb. I thought I would feel differently. It felt just like any other announcement. Following my mental health struggles, I couldn’t be bothered sorting out the admin and conversations involved in leaving. I wouldn’t feel satisfied until I had left the company and the redundancy money was in my bank.
Jobless, ‘unemployed’ was soon going to be my label. All of a sudden I felt a lack of self-confidence. A lack of security. An urge to review my money situation and sort out bills that still needed paying, with one less income. But I still had not recovered fully and didn’t have the energy. A battle between wanting to prioritise myself for once, but lacking the motivation to do so.
10 days to go – the worst 10 days of my life
10 days to go. Then I would be unemployed. Something I never anticipated I would be happy about. Finally, done and dusted with the workplace that I once loved, but then also caused me unreasonable amounts of stress.
To deal with the anger, I started journaling my feelings. I thought, what’s the point in stressing about this when I had 10 days to go. But bear in mind, that I was now a different person. More protective of my mental health. I viewed life differently. It was great I had grown in confidence to change the situation that broke me. But I was still in the situation that broke me. And I was still facing the same daily battles that sent me to hell and back.
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Looking back
Maybe these heightened feelings are normal for anyone going through a redundancy process. It’s probably just part of the process and how your mind accepts the huge change which will be happening to you at any moment. A moment someone else chooses, usually based on money-making and not paying any attention to your life.
The current employment situation in the UK
I can tell you, from my recent experience of visiting the job centre, unstable job conditions have impacted a lot of people and the department is inundated. The knock-on effect of COVID, and greedy CEOs making reckless decisions, together with a failing economy, have created a recipe for disaster. And it’s set to get even worse!
Yes, there are jobs out there, but the game has changed. I’m hoping the shift will eventually benefit office workers and companies to start to value mental health. I hope EVERYONE starts to place the same physical illness value on mental illness. Especially after we’ve all endured so much trauma lately.
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You may have questions
Some of you might be asking why I went back to the workplace at all. Well, I wanted and deserved the redundancy payment. I also deserved to be treated like a human being. Bear in mind, that I am an advocate for mental well-being and society ditching the stigma those with mental illnesses suffer. I couldn’t just let this situation slide, without showing up and standing up for myself. In turn, I felt like I was also standing up for other people.
I considered raising concerns, then I weighed this up against the mental exhaustion this would exert and the potential of really gaining anything. In the end, I cut my losses and decided to start putting my energy into my new life.
Work should be a complementary part of our lives, not the thing that makes it unliveable
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How my experience applies to all workplaces
Mental health training in the workplace
TO clarify, I’m all for mental health training in the workplace. But it has to be great training, run by people who’ve experienced dealing with a mental health crisis first hand. It can’t just be another set of standard lines companies use to protect themselves.
Trusted training resources
Mind conducts workplace training and I would trust them as a great resource. It’s also great to see the training by Rethink Mental Illness had input from people with lived experience. There are also other smaller companies running mental health training and there is value out there.
Workplaces – please create a different process for mental health absences
Another significant issue that made me feel like my mental illness wasn’t valid, was the return to work process. Workplaces need to create different policies for mental health circumstances. As they would do a terminal illness or a bereavement. Any other unusual situation, which doesn’t fit into the category of physical health.
My hope for HR departments in the future
Whilst I don’t have personal experience of it, I hope other employers are already doing the great things I’ve suggested. I hope this blog post doesn’t need to be read by most companies, but my own experience was just a stand-alone negative one. In conducting some research for this post I found this promising article about HR awards won by a building society. I wish all businesses would adopt this approach.
It’s also important for HR to check the company ethos is being implemented in all departments. And ensure there isn’t a disconnect between individual departments.
The main point
My life is different and much happier, and I now have support in my new workplace. And I am thankful for the journey because it taught me so much about my mental strength in challenging times.
Worrying statistics
The statistics for mental health-related absences in the UK look grim. And some of the research was conducted pre-pandemic. Arguably, we are in a worse position currently. Worst still, people are sometimes dismissed as a result of their mental health struggles.
How can we continue to accept this treatment?
One final note about burnout
Whilst I am still trying to make sense of what happened to me, I faced complete burnout as a result of overdoing it. I want to take this opportunity to tell all my readers this is not the way you have to live. Yes, we all need money. Both I and my hubby have to work to pay bills and live, but it is possible to balance this with looking after your mental health.
My wish for the future is that employers become the ones who prioritise this on behalf of their employees. And they avoid creating a culture where people feel they need to do more for the same money. Employ more staff, reduce the workload, and spend money to ease pressure on your staff!
Will you ever recover from burnout? I have. Granted, I am not the same person I was before. I now take less rubbish and I know, my boundaries. I won’t ever allow a repeat of this situation.
Final thoughts
This is my journal of a tough time in my life. In keeping with the theme of this blog, I wanted to share this with you because I want to help other people in the same situation. I want other people to realise they are not alone. Thankfully, I have recently started a new chapter in my career and I am in a better place.
Let time know what you think of the post in the comments below. I would love to hear from you.
Because this is such an emotive issue for me, it would be great to hear from anyone who can relate. Your comments are much appreciated and it helps me and other people know we are not alone in our struggles.
What an immensely stressful situation. You were very brave returning to such a toxic workplace. I’m recently retired and had a long happy career except at my last workplace where a few people chose to bully me because they thought I was too old. It was eye opening and I’m committed now to raising awareness of workplace bullying and what forms it can take. Thanks for your post.
I am so sorry this happened to you. But unfortunately, I have seen all kinds of discrimination in the places I worked. And it still happens. Thanks for raising awareness.
Thank you for being so open and honest about your experiences, and you certainly are not the only one. Toxic workplaces are unfortunately common, but not always common to speak about. You shared some great insights into what can be done, and I wish you all the best in future endeavors!
Simply Alex Jean| https://simplyalexjean.com
Thank you. I hesitated with posting this for a while, as it was important to get the wording right. But it had to be done.
Thank you for this post. You are far from alone! And I’m sorry for all you’ve been through. I’ve always struggled holding down a traditional job — combination of horrid anxiety, disability and introversion. I hope that more and more WFH job roles crop up as we move forward.
I am sorry to hear you’ve had a similar experience. It’s looking promising for more WFH roles.
My last employer tried several times to change my status from employed to freelance but I refused. Next came some horrendous episodes where he told me he’d been overpaying me for years and wanted to be reimbursed. I had to get legal counsel to refute it. Finally, he made me redundant and wound up the company, but had to pay me redundancy as I’d been there nearly 11 years. In hindsight, it was the best thing to happen, but at the time it was awful. You have all my sympathy, but I can promise that it does get better!
Wow – this sounds so horrible. I am sorry you had to go through this. Employers need to buck their ideas up and we need a UK government to hold them to account. Currently we don’t have that 🙁
Toxic workplaces are truly a huge weight on our mental health; I am appalled at the treatment you received at your old job, they clearly have a long way to go before they can even begin to remedy this. Congratulations on your nomination; your writing here has been so helpful and encouraging!
It means the world to me that you find my writing helpful and encouraging.
We are so sorry that you had to endure such a toxic work environment. Good on you for leaving! Mental health does not get enough attention, and it is a shame. Mental health is perhaps the most important aspect of our health, and everyone should find those environments, especially in work, that will accommodate mental health discussions. Thank you for sharing.
I agree it is the most important aspect of health and employers would get so much more out of employees if they acknowledged this.
I fear that work places will not take on the mantle of mental health in a constructive way. There will always be exceptions to the rule, but they operate like schools with conformity as the goal. I was made redundant right after my daughter was born. They were kind enough to announce it on the Wednesday before our Thanksgiving holiday, with only 1 month to go before we were out. It was a stressful time and the first time that I really, really understood that my contribution and my humanity didn’t matter to that corporation. I bounced back, took another short term position and then opted out of that world all together. I don’t have room in my life for toxicity.
I’m happy that you were able to get help and that you have the love and support of your family. I’m so sorry that you had to experience it at all. Thank goodness for time and for the boundaries and protections you now have in place for your mental health. Thank you for sharing about this sensitive, personal part of your life with us.
~ Cassie
I am happy this post resonates with others and that is the reason I shared it.
I still find it shocking expectant mothers are made redundant and mental illness is ignored in the workplace – how is this happening in 2022??
Thank you so much for sharing this with us all. What a powerfully honest blog post. I agree with you on everything especially employee training and company accountability and communication. I’m so sorry you went through this, it’s just awful – mentally, emotionally and physically.
I’m sending you ✨✨ positive vibes for the future.
Thank you – I am enjoying my new role at the moment and will probably never return to a big corporate company!
I can understand the need to leave a toxic work environment, it can be so bad for your physical and mental health. Thank you for sharing your honest experience.
Lauren x
It is so damaging and you only realise this fully when you leave.
I am so pleased to find a blog like this, with real stories about mental health. It is something I would like to start sharing too, definitely know the feeling of having your brain switched off.
I am so happy you came across my blog and can’t wait to read any similar content you decide to share.
Putting all these out here will be one the best decisions you’ll have ever made.
Definetely!
Mental health in a workplace is so important but a lot of places fall short and I’ve experienced that as well. The more we begin to speak up the more we feel less alone. Thank you for being so honest and sharing your experience.
It is so important to speak up and make it known employers are still treating people like this.
Firstly, I’m sorry you went through this – it must have been awful. Secondly – Well done on writing such an honest post. I know how hard it is to write this type of content and I know what you mean by second guessing it, but I also feel it’s important to get this stuff out in the open as it will help others going through a similar situation. Thanks for sharing. Jade
I agree, its important to talk about it and I felt I needed to add to the conversation around mental health training in the workplace.
I haven’t been through the redundancy but I would imagine it would be painful going through it. Thank you for sharing your experience! I’m sure it will be helpful for others.
I hope it helps other people.
I’m sorry you went through all of this. I used to read a quote that says “anything that costs you your peace of mind is too expensive” and it’s true. I’m happy you walked away in the end but only after stood up for yourself.
Thank you – as difficult as it was, I had to stand up for myself!
Well done for writing such an honest and important blog post! This post will help someone who is going through a similar experience, as it will let them know they are not alone.
I go through the process of second-guessing myself when it comes to posting as well. I’ve switched blogs from scheduled to my drafts and back again so many times. I am glad you found the right time to post this one.
The line ‘it’s all talk, no action’ sticks with me, as it is the case for so many companies, and you are right; it’s despicable. Company culture needs to change around Mental Health, as more resources, different policies, proper training, and general understanding need to be present. The culture needs to actively change, not just say they’ll change.
I also hope everyone starts to treat mental health on the same level as physical health.
Thank you for sharing your experience.💜
I really hope so too!
And it’s good to know it isn’t just me who struggles with whether to publish a post or not!
I’m so sorry this happened to you – but you’re so strong for getting out the other side! Sounds like the management in that place was absolutely awful, I definitely agree that there should be much better mental health training put in place for support in the workplace. Thank you so much for sharing your experience x
I am so happy to be out of the situation and I agree mental health training needs to be improved.