Quick note: Some of the links on this page are affiliate links; if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be useful for other people.
Are you looking for a fabulous self-care gift? Maybe you’re shopping for Easter, Mother’s Day or another occasion? Look no further! I have the perfect gift for those occasions, or if you simply want to send someone close to you some postbox TLC.
Opening the gift
I was so excited when I received the package in the post. The box was small and compact and if I received this as an unexpected gift, I would be so excited to open it and find out what was hiding inside. I love the idea of this gift, simply because it works. On my mental health blog, I talk about how vital self-care was when recovering from my breakdown last year. And how positive thinking does work.
Spoiler alert – discount code & giveaway at the end of this post!
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Our Twenty Minute Candles came about when we put together a small box of beeswax candles and handwritten affirmation cards for a close friend who was struggling in lockdown, to help her relax and restore her well-being… and she loved them!
Lose yourself for twenty minutes of restorative time by slowing down and living in the moment with our ‘Twenty Minute Candles’.
Pure beeswax, our candles burn cleanly with a gentle honey aroma aiding relaxation and mindfulness.
Why a gift like this can make a difference
Something as simple as lighting a candle would help me, following my breakdown. I’ve also adopted positive thinking and I am a huge fan of affirmation cards. Because telling ourselves positive things does work. Together with other factors which helped me recover, I now feel like a new person. As such, I place a huge value on items like this and spend some of our weekly budget buying self-care items.
A small gift like this can work wonders for someone struggling or brighten up their day.
I know some of you reading this are part of the mental health community on Twitter. A kind, supportive group of people and I constantly see posts about giving gifts to other people in the community. This gift would be perfect to raise someone’s spirits during a difficult time.
Some of you are also busy parents and mummies in desperate need of some TLC. Based on the fact I don’t get much time these days for self-care, I was excited to try these products when my little one was at nursery. A quick, easy solution. To feel relaxed in the small windows of time I get to myself.
Sign up for my freebie library. Each week there will be a new freebie added to help organise your life and take away some stress!
Here’s what happened when I lit the candles
I combined these amazing, cute little candles with another self-care gift. I set the scene, had another read through my affirmations and said them out loud. In my current life situation, I need them. And I will be using them over the next few weeks when I hopefully have some big, exciting changes coming up in my life.
During the candle burning, I felt relaxed and restored.
Discount code
Cotton & grey have kindly provided a 5% discount code on any purchases
To enter, you must follow Cotton & Grey on Twitter and also ensure you are following the MummyConqueringAnxiety blog. Bonus points for commenting on this post.
The giveaway will be running from 13 March – 21st March 2022.
GOOD LUCK!
Final thoughts
I hope you enjoyed reading about this gift.
Let me know what you think in the comments below – I would love to hear from you.
Why I’m exploring tools to help prevent seasonal affective disorder
It’s a proven fact our mental health can naturally suffer during the colder months of the year. There is a condition called seasonal affective disorder (SAD). You can find an explanation on Mind.org.
The website lists the following symptoms:
lack of energy
finding it hard to concentrate
not wanting to see people
sleep problems, such as sleeping more or less than usual, difficulty waking up, or difficulty falling or staying asleep
feeling sad, low, tearful, guilty or hopeless
changes in your appetite, for example feeling more hungry or wanting more snacks
being more prone to physical health problems, such as colds, infections or other illnesses
Quick note: Mummy Conquering Anxiety is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and thinkwould be useful for you.
Due to lack of sunlight, or the ability to do as much exercise, our mental health can be negatively impacted. With the darker nights setting in, it isn’t as easy to go for an evening walk. We take it for granted in summer. We can come home from work, eat, have some downtime and also still then go outside. We don’t have this luxury in the UK from September onwards.
Preventing seasonal affective disorder isn’t easy. If like me, you already struggle with your mental health, it can be difficult to manage physical changes which may add to this burden. Some of the tools I use to manage my anxiety, like exercise and sitting on a bench in the park, may not be as readily available from now on. Sitting on a park bench is the last thing I want to do when it’s cold and raining sideways in the UK. It, therefore, becomes harder to stick to the routine I’ve previously built to keep my mind from getting carried away with itself.
The reality of cold months in the UK
I’ve personally suffered from down periods during the winter months in the past. Given the impact of the pandemic, I looked into buying a SAD lamp towards the back end of 2020. I know now, my mental health was already suffering due to work pressures and the impact the pandemic had on everyone’s mental health.
This year I need to be conscious I am only just returning to work around the time the darker nights start to set in and therefore I need to up my game in terms of self-care and preventative measures. It’s a catch 22 situation for me because I am looking forward to the autumn season, as explained in this post, but I am aware it could also negatively impact my mental health.
What does the research say?
When the autumn months arrive, we tend to want to stay indoors due to the cold weather. When you look outside and it’s cold and raining, all you want to do is get wrapped up in a blanket on the sofa. You’re happy when someone suggests coming to your house for a cup of tea rather than going out somewhere.
I’m a homebody and love being at home, but too much indoor activity isn’t good for my mental health either. Therefore, it’s a fine line and I may have to push myself to take a walk in the rain this year. I need to focus on the mental health benefits this could bring, rather than the physical comfort of being at home.
Here’s the research on the factors which cause poor mental health…
“The main theory is that a lack of sunlight might stop a part of the brain called the hypothalamus working properly, which may affect the:
production of melatonin – melatonin is a hormone that makes you feel sleepy; in people with SAD, the body may produce it in higher than normal levels
production of serotonin – serotonin is a hormone that affects your mood, appetite and sleep; a lack of sunlight may lead to lower serotonin levels, which is linked to feelings of depression
body’s internal clock (circadian rhythm) – your body uses sunlight to time various important functions, such as when you wake up, so lower light levels during the winter may disrupt your body clock and lead to symptoms of SAD”
There is also some research relating to lack of Vitamin D, which we naturally produce when exposed to sunlight:
“Deficits in vitamin D may exacerbate these problems because vitamin D is believed to promote serotonin activity. Inaddition to vitamin D consumed with diet, the body produces vitamin D when exposed to sunlight on the skin. With less daylight in the winter, people with SAD may have lower vitamin D levels, which may further hinder serotonin activity.”
This Insider article explains more on the impact of lack of vitamin D during the winter months.
Tools I will be using this autumn/winter season
SAD lamp
Given my poor mental health across the majority of 2021, I think it’s time to invest in a SAD lamp and have it on my desk whilst I work. I need to act quickly and have measures in place to help if I’m unable to go outside for natural fresh air and sunlight.
Here are some I’ve found and I’m thinking of purchasing one:
If anyone has recommendations for these lamps, let me know in the comments below.
Vitamin D supplements
I will be taking a separate vitamin D supplement, starting in the next few weeks.
Calcium
The research also says taking a calcium supplement can help the vitamin D absorb in the body.
Less alcohol
One of the articles above mentions liver and kidney function impacting vitamin D absorption in the body. In order to feel well, I will aim to drink less alcohol and stay hydrated.
I know this comes at a time when people tend to drink more alcohol in the lead-up to the festive season. However, I need to be aware of the overall benefits of not getting sucked into this. Here are some amazing alcohol alternatives. I bought a few of these whilst I was pregnant. You still feel like you’re joining in, but don’t have the rubbish effects of alcohol on your body. I particularly suffer from IBS attacks when I drink a lot of alcohol and I become dehydrated easily.
Eat well
It’s tempting during the winter months to eat carbs or junk food. I think sometimes we subconsciously do this to feed an emotional void rather than physically feeding our bodies.
I will continue meal planning and shopping wisely with a view to no food waste, ensuring I eat healthily (you will hear more on my meal planning in future blog posts).
Final thoughts
If you’re impacted by any of the symptoms listed above, you can find details of mental health charities here.
Let me know your story if you have been impacted in the past and the measures you’re taking to get ready for the upcoming colder season.
It’s a rubbish time in the world right now. Therefore I felt compelled to write something about it and share my feelings. This is for anyone who needs it right now.
So here goes!
Before we begin, I appreciate this won’t solve all your problems or make the world a better place. But it will possibly serve to let you know you are not alone in your feelings. Hopefully, by the end of the post, you will feel a little better.
This post won’t harp on about politics. The doom and gloom in the media is something I decided to ignore when my mental health was initially in serious crisis. Paying attention to headlines designed to increase your anxiety just isn’t for me anymore. I create this feeling in my head all by myself. These days, I am actively working hard not to allow negative thoughts into my brain. It’s exhausting. And with everything currently going on at this moment in time, I am struggling.
I will be honest and admit you can’t fully ignore current events. I see people on Twitter discussing the news. I still want to interact with my fellow bloggers and followers and I use the platform as a news filter. If I see a post, which is clearly about current affairs, I choose to either pay attention and follow it up, or not. Mostly not. What good does it do me to delve into issues I cannot control?
However shocking some people may find it, the time to speak out about how we feel is now. I want other people to understand the reality you face each day when you live with a mental illness.
Why I wanted to share how I am feeling?
When I started this blog, the purpose was to share my honest thoughts and feelings about living with a mental illness. However shocking some people may find it, the time to speak out about how we feel is now. I want other people to understand the reality you face each day when you live with a mental illness.
I’ve had a bumpy year. I dragged myself out of the depths of depression and the main factor causing me to feel this way still isn’t fully over yet. Even when it comes to an end, I will be thrown into a whole new way of life. Something I was previously excited about. At this moment in time, I am not excited about much and I just can’t shift the feeling.
Even a new haircut has got me feeling indifferent. Usually, it makes me feel like a new woman.
Download my self-care checklist
If you need a physical reminder, download my self care checklist below:
If you are feeling the same way right now, I wanted to let you know, you are not alone.
I thought this would be a great time to share some motivational quotes, to hopefully help us all feel better.
We will get through this. Together
For anyone who needs it right now, I am here to tell you it will be okay.
Because of my recent experiences with mental illness, I can assure you however you are feeling at this moment in time, it will change. And it can get better. There is hope, even if you feel like there is none right now.
The online blogging community supported me throughout a tough time. All I can tell you is I felt compelled to create a platform to share my experiences. What I didn’t expect or anticipate was the level of support I received. I will be eternally grateful for the kind words, motivation, and lovely comments on my blog.
Merry Christmas
Whatever you’re doing over the holiday period, I wish you the following.
Take what you need
Hope
Contentment
Happiness
Hugs
Love
Family time
Gifts
Indulgence
Friendship
Warmth
Reflection
Harmony
Time to recharge
Comfort
Kindness
Peace
Enjoyment
What you can expect from me in the New Year
I am not one for New Year’s resolutions. If you want to transform your life, I think you should do it right now! Not just in January of each calendar year. After hitting rock bottom, it prompted a change within me.
For January 2022, I have some hard-hitting, but honest mental health posts scheduled. I also have some amazing guest posts I can’t wait to share with you. And I will finally be free of the circumstances weighing me down (yes, you will get a blog post ALL about it!). I will also have time to regroup, assess my priorities and do what I love the most – BLOG.
Final thoughts
This is me signing off until after the Christmas period. I have blog posts scheduled and I will be checking in on social media.
If things go wrong, like me losing my whole website one day, I panic. I am pre-dispositioned to act like this. Whilst my anxiety will never go away, I can put tools in place to manage it. I now have to find ways to balance the blog and my anxiety levels.
The excitement of starting a blog means I wanted everything to be perfect and I was eager to upload several posts and progress the blog as quickly as I could.
Pick your battles and only trade your energy where you believe it is worthy.
Like other young families, I have some time management issues. Working around childcare, having a messy hubby, housework, learning a million new things at once, I have struggled with also fitting in self-care. In my free moments, I’m always asking myself whether I should work on the blog instead of resting. I need to remember that I’m still in a recovery period following a mental breakdown, and whilst writing for this blog and speaking out about mental health is helping me, it’s about taking it one day at a time.
It’s lovely to be part of the mental health blogging community. Having like-minded people who know how you feel is amazing, so thanks to everyone who offers me support on a daily basis. Becoming a blogger is the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.
So brave of you to share your experiences with others. I hope that you get the help you need to overcome your anxiety.
Tips on how I am currently managing my anxiety levels
Naps
I know I talk a lot about naps on the blog, but they do so much good. My anxiety is worse when I’m tired and therefore I must take time to rest if I don’t want other areas of my life to get out of control.
Brushing off the insignificant things
Naturally, when you suffer a mental breakdown and are going through redundancy, you identify the things in life that simply don’t matter. And you train yourself to not care or use your precious energy on this particular thing in life. Pick your battles and only trade your energy where you believe it is worthy.
Medication
I am still taking anti-depressants and intend to continue doing so for as long as I need them. There is no shame in this, despite the stigma still surrounding the issue.
Without medication, I wouldn’t have been able to get to a place where I could start recovery or let myself heal. Think about a pot on your broken arm or pain medication whilst a sprained ankle is healing. You wouldn’t be able to even begin the healing journey without these measures. Mental health is no different. My hope is that by speaking out, the perception will change.
Not stessing out about things outside my control
I’ve come to realise there are more factors outside our control in our lives than the ones we can do something about. I previously worried about other people and changing things. I don’t anymore.
It’s sometimes easier said than done and I will be honest, at the moment I still have the same reaction to difficult life circumstances. The difference now is, I stop to think about whether it’s the correct reaction and I evaluate this before proceeding.
Organising things inside my control
Before pregnancy, when everything kind of fell apart, I had standing orders set up to make bill payments and I was super organised. I am now trying to find some sort of middle-ground. In this middle-ground, the automatic stuff like money, shopping lists, meal planning is taken care of. This leaves time for the more enjoyable elements of life.
I am still working on the plan and hope to have it resolved soon. My family and I can then look forward to a bright future and concentrate on living life.
Working on the blog when it suits me
To clarify, I work at least 3-4 hours daily on the blog, and during the first three months, it was a lot more. Because I have a little one to entertain during the day, I usually work early in the mornings and late at night.
The point here is, I am free to do special things with the little one during the day. We have just started visiting soft play areas and going swimming regularly. This is the reason I would like to turn my blogging passion into a full-time job, eventually. I can then achieve my dream of finally having a work-life balance.
Vowing to never return to what caused my stress in the first place
Long work hours
Pressure to hit targets
The office environment
Significant travel time to work
All the above are things I can control and make adjustments to in my life. I now have the confidence to achieve a future job role or self-employed status which means I don’t have to put myself through this anymore.
For me, any of these factors may cause me to get to breaking point again. It’s now about creating a happy, healthy future and avoiding the impact on my mental health.
Final thoughts
I hope this post has given you some insight on why I started the blog in the first place and how I am managing all elements of life with very little time.
I know these issues impact many families. I would love to hear from you in the comments below. You are not alone.
Forgiveness is absolutely essential to recovery. In this post, I will explain how I forgave myself.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing. It allows us to learn from the past, but it can also trick us into believing we should have done something to help our past selves sooner than we did. Even though I believe in fate, I believe someone is watching over me and guiding me through life, I still make comments to myself and others about how I let these dreadful things happen to me.
It takes serious hard work and possibly a life-changing event to fully realise the bad habits you’ve created in your life. You listened to anxiety and created your life around it, rather than replacing it with positive thoughts and taking control of your own life. It’s a pretty heavy discovery to make. You weren’t living to your full potential.
You don’t consciously think about it. You don’t have time to think with the negative anxiety thoughts going through your head every minute of every day. It’s too much to expect someone to transform their lives under these conditions.
It’s important to clarify, I don’t actually believe in my rational brain that anyone can control toxic anxiety. It controls you. By toxic anxiety, I mean the type that rules your life and changes your behaviour. It takes serious hard work and possibly a life-changing event to fully realise the bad habits you’ve created in your life. You listened to anxiety and created your life around it, rather than replacing it with positive thoughts and taking control of your own life. It’s a pretty heavy discovery to make. You weren’t living to your full potential.
BUT the point is, you had no control and probably a lack of awareness about what was happening to you.
Mental health issues like this often come with a whole host of other negative side feelings. Shame because you sit on the toilet crying at work, or crumble in meetings. Guilt because you push people away. Embarrassment because you took it out on the wrong person. The list goes on.
Living in denial
Before exploring how I forgave myself, we need to rewind time.
I personally became so enthralled in hiding what was really going on, it was normal to me. I didn’t even really know I was hiding it. You don’t consciously think about it. You don’t have time to think with the negative anxiety thoughts going through your head every minute of every day. It’s too much to expect someone to transform their lives under these conditions.
The catalyst for me changing my way of life really was breaking point. I had a milder breaking point during pregnancy. Not that any of them are mild at all. I just took some annual leave from work and nobody knew. Hell, I didn’t even know it was called antenatal depression until recently. How can we change if we don’t understand what’s happening to us?
It didn’t just take the breakdown, but it was also the added pressure of redundancy and being off on long-term sick from work for mental health.
Naturally, when this happens, you reevaluate and ask what got you to this point. How did I get here? What can I do to prevent this in future? It’s like I was forced to acknowledge my situation. But it involved me literally deciding the last 15 years hadn’t worked and I should try something new.
It isn’t even this simple. Amongst the darkness of getting over a breakdown, where you literally struggle to get out of bed. You can’t breath due to severe anxiety, or get yourself motivated. You inevitably start asking big questions your mind can’t really deal with.
Where am I in the recovery process now?
For me, this process resulted in anger and I discuss my setbacks in this post and this post.
At this point, even during a phased return to work, I am still a work in progress and I am not fully healed.
Bearing all of this in mind, you can easily see how feelings about why you’ve let yourself suffer for so long creep into your mind. Maybe it’s a natural human instinct to do this.
Why is forgiving yourself essential to recovery?
It leads me to why forgiveness is absolutely essential to recovery. And how I forgave myself.
I am not the person I was before, I feel a change. How can you be the same person you were before this life-changing event? Of course, you transform into something different. This is what trauma does to a human being.
I’ve had two huge life changes in a short period of time, just after the pandemic: redundancy and a mental breakdown. But I’ve survived and you can too.
Forgiving your past self is one of the big steps in facilitating change.
How to practice self-forgiveness and look after yourself
This post has some really useful tips for self-forgiveness.
I personally want to keep doing all of the following…
Connecting with other people
Whether it’s online, for the blog. Walking to nursery and saying good morning to someone, or going out with friends. Connecting with other human beings has been one of the most therapeutic things I’ve done since my breakdown. I intend to keep making connections. Other people can add perspective to our lives and make us realise our past lives weren’t actually all that bad.
Talking about my experiences
Starting the blog was one of the main things that got me through a difficult time. I can’t really put it into words, but I felt compelled to set up the blog. Like someone was sending me a sign I just couldn’t ignore. Like it was my purpose in life to help others. And every single day from now on, this is what I intend to do.
It helps me to forgive my past self, because I am using the experiences I was once ashamed of to write. And these posts are helping others. How can I regret my past actions if this is the case?
Realising what is important in life
It sometimes takes a terrible experience. Maybe even years of getting it wrong, to realise the right way. I am thankful this horrible year has made me realise family is the most important thing and everything else I do in life should be centered around them.
I can now create a life with a good work-life balance and remember to enjoy every moment I get with family and friends.
Maybe it took my past experiences to get me to this place. Maybe I should be thankful to my past self, rather than believe forgiveness is required.
Final thoughts
I hope you liked this post on how I forgave myself.
Let me know what you think in the comments below. I would love to hear from you.
I originally wrote this open letter to my anxiety post with a guest post opportunity in mind. But, instead, I decided to share it in the lead up to World Mental Health Day 2021
I am finally telling the negative voice in my head it doesn’t rule my thoughts and it has to go…
Anxiety,
I am writing to you, but not as a dear friend. Instead, as a goodbye! Yes, you will remain in healthy amounts and you will be managed when you become unruly.
But you will never again destroy my life as you have done for so many years. You’ve taken up rent-free space in my brain for too long now. Making me believe your negative jibes.
You made me pretend I was just a difficult person, that you were part of my personality, I was highly strung and you made me lie to the people closest to me to cover up our toxic partnership. I suffered in silence and my family never understood my erratic behaviour, until now. Honesty has made your existence worth nothing. You have no hold over me now. I am taking control of my mind. It’s mine, not yours.
I cut friends out of my life, partly due to the fears you poured into my head. I might have outgrown these friends anyway, but we will never know now.
Being in a better place mentally is wonderful and I finally feel free. On the other hand, it brings with it hindsight and looking over past decisions I’ve made. Your hold over me tarnished my life and stopped me from achieving some goals. Again, maybe these achievements were meant for me and maybe they were not.
Luckily, I am a strong-minded person. Therefore, I achieved my main goals in life. I got a degree, I had a career and I now have a wonderful husband and baby girl. To clarify, your presence made each of these tasks excruciating and painful to bear. It was difficult to get through each one of these achievements, but I did it, all whilst you lingered in the shadows, dragging me down.
I acted irrationally during what should have been the happiest times of my life. I saw situations through a negative lens because of you polluting my thoughts. I genuinely thought I was worthless, inadequate, not good enough to achieve my goals, be a good friend, wife, or mother. You made me believe I was nothing.
You made me spend years soul-searching, lost, lonely, and not knowing which direction to go in. Thankfully, my intuition is on point and I have my angels looking over me! Despite your poison, some higher power was guiding me through life, looking out for me.
I’ve already said goodbye to your ugly, negative vibes and gradually made progress in my recovery over the last few months. This letter is to cement this idea. To finally tell you to go away. You are being replaced with positive thoughts only and if you do creep back in, it won’t be for long. My toolbox of strategies will ensure you are quickly eradicated. Exterminated, gone!
Anxiety, you have been evicted. Banished to a locked box in a dark cave, so you can’t infect anyone else. I will never need you again. Stay locked away and allow me to reach my full potential in life.
Goodbye…
I hope you liked my post…
If you are impacted by any of the issues raised in this blog post, you can seek support here.
You can also read more about my mental health journey here.
You can read more of my blog posts in the mental health category here…
All right, who made up routines, and why were they imposed upon us?? Relaxing our routine was the best thing I did!
I get that some people need routine and this is fine if it’s what motivates you. I will probably be in need of a routine when I return to work, but for now, it’s time to not be so stringent. It’s time to relax and try a different way. We want to be less stressed as a family and I can change this by making a few adjustments.
Following a string of events: depression and anxiety throughout my pregnancy, the pandemic, working from home, a toxic work environment due to impending redundancy. I’d had enough of my old way of doing life. It wasn’t working, and it was time for a change. After this series of events, it isn’t surprising I eventually had a mental breakdown. A person can only take so much before reaching a breaking point.
Personally, I’ve spent at least 15 years working my backside off, not having enough time to do anything and generally being stressed and anxious most of the time.
It was time for a change! Relaxing our routine was the only way forward.
The science behind routine…
Whilst there are a lot of articles out there discussing the benefits of keeping to a routine, there are also a lot discussing why it doesn’t work for some people. This article discusses the difference between a habit and a routine. Was it the case that I had picked up bad habits during my anxiety-fuelled years?
Regardless of the reason behind relaxing our routine and why it needed to happen, I decided it was time for a change.
Following a string of events: depression and anxiety throughout my pregnancy, the pandemic, working from home, a toxic work environment due to impending redundancy. I’d had enough of my old way of doing life. It wasn’t working, and it was time for a change. After this series of events, it isn’t surprising I eventually had a mental breakdown. A person can only take so much before reaching a breaking point.
Because I was at rock bottom, what did I have to lose by changing the way we do things? Why not throw out our routine completely?
Baby routines
When our little one was a baby, we tried sleep routines, googling techniques, took advice from other parents. Despite this, she’s strong-willed and basically does what she wants!
She also lived her early years through the pandemic. A period of time in which all of our usual routines were turned upside down, taken away, or possibly changed forever. Children are resilient and as much as I worried about what impact the pandemic would have on her, it appeared to have none (I realise some children were impacted by the pandemic and it has greatly affected some people’s mental health).
What prompted me to change things
Relaxing our routine wasn’t easy. We have a hectic schedule, like any other family with a feisty toddler running around. Given our individual circumstances: me off work recovering from a breakdown (the hubby sprained his foot during this time also and had to recover), and our baby girl needing a break from me rushing her out of the door to value a job which ate my soul each day, I made the executive decision to break all family routines.
Routine, it’s time for us to have a break from each other… Maybe when I need you back, we can be friends again…
How relaxing our routine transformed our lives
In this new world of pleasing ourselves, we had a sleep-in when we wanted, I emailed the nursery to let them know we would be slightly late. I felt able to recover, finally, due to prioritising my rest. Who really cares if we do the nursery drop at 9.30 am instead of 8 am – nobody!
Why do we as human beings put so much pressure on ourselves to meet deadlines, run around in stress mode? Do we feel busier and more important because we are so strict with ourselves?
During our hiatus from routine, if I wanted to write on Google docs on my phone in bed late at night, that’s what I did. If I wanted to stay up until 2 am extracting ideas from my head, because this is the time I was the most creative, this is what I did.
The cleaning took a back burner. When I say took a back burner I mean, I went from a clean freak to probably completing the same level of cleaning as other normal people. I was finally one of those people, where if the dishes at the side of the dishwasher piled up, it wasn’t such a bad thing.
Moving forward
Now I’m further down the line in the process of my recovery from a mental breakdown, it might be time to start introducing some basic routines again, but slowly.
And to be honest, I don’t think I will ever adopt such stringent routines as the ones in my old life. They held me back, cut me off from thriving, and were created out of self-limiting beliefs.
In line with carving out a new, healthier path, there needs to be new rules and routines to abide by. After all, I am a different person now.
The day I had my breakdown, I couldn’t communicate with my hubby on the phone. I was screaming, in a complete mess, making no sense. It crept up on me out of nowhere, like I’m sure it does when it happens to other people. The mind is a fragile and complicated organ.
Understanding the workplace conditions which led to my breakdown is vital for my recovery. I don’t want to make the same mistakes in the future.
It’s only now, 4 months on, I’m trying to make some sense of how I got to this point. Prior to this, I struggled to articulate anything, even down to the weekly shopping list or where we are going out for the day. It’s like someone pressed reset on my brain, but forgot to switch me back on.
For a long time, I thought I didn’t have a choice, but we all have a choice. We can live the life we want, with a mindset change and hard work. I won’t pretend it’s easy, it’s far from easy. But you can do it, and you will thank yourself for changing your circumstances.
Why am I writing this post?
I want to write these feelings down and share them, to reassure anyone in this position you can do something to change your life circumstances if what you’re doing each day is causing you to be mentally unwell. Being aware of workplace conditions that can negatively impact your mental health is good practice.
For a long time, I thought I didn’t have a choice, but we all have a choice. We can live the life we want, with a mindset change and hard work. I won’t pretend it’s easy, it’s far from easy. But you can do it, and you will thank yourself for changing your circumstances.
I want to write this article to help others identify triggers and to also make myself accountable. Hopefully knowing what got me to this dark, horrible place, will prevent it from happening again.
However, I am aware and accept if this does happen again, I will hopefully have the tools to deal with it and get through the negative emotions, without allowing my brain to turn it into something bigger and more destructive. Easier said than done, I know.
Knowing the signs
Obviously, when it comes to mental illness, nobody can predict what might happen and it just creeps up on you. I really had no idea my breakdown would happen, prior to the day. Yes, I was tired and stressed, but this was my job and I’d felt like this on and off for several years. Why would I think this day would be any different?
Anxiety is also something I’ve suffered with throughout my life, but I’m working hard to put measures in place to reduce its impact on me in the future.
There was no warning for me of workplace conditions which led to my breakdown. I thought the stress was normal, something I had to accept.
Other posts you may like to read in the mental health category
These are the stressors which I believe, over a prolonged period of time, led to my breakdown:
1. Work pressure
Imagine being in your own home and afraid to go near your laptop.
I’ve dealt with work pressure for periods of time in the past, but never for such a prolonged period as during the pandemic.
We had a combination of poor management, a completely disorganised workload, a lack of care and direction about the work we were doing and, all of this whilst working at home through the pandemic. The working from home bit I loved. It suited me and I would personally love a future job role working from home on a permanent basis. It was the lack of communication and never knowing where I stood from one minute to the next that caused me huge amounts of anxiety.
We are going through a redundancy process at the moment. With this comes some toxic patterns and a lack of care from the powers that be, but what I experienced during the period of working from home sent me into full meltdown mode.
Over the year, there were a handful of mornings I was scared to open my laptop. That dreaded feeling of ‘oh no, what emails will be there this morning’. I mean, we all have this feeling sometimes, but this was a frequent thing. Imagine being in your own home and afraid to go near your laptop.
One morning an issue arose and emails were sent between departments, insinuating the mistake was mine, I was on the phone with a work colleague and afraid to return to my own house. This is unacceptable and contributed to my breakdown.
2. The disconnect between company ethos and our department
I would regularly see updates from the business and feel like I was reading about a completely different company. Their ethos sounded amazing, a place I would want to work. A place I would definitely feel supported. I, however, did not feel supported.
The reality within our department was a miscommunication to a level I’ve never experienced before. Nobody knew what direction we were going in and it was basically just a mess, where managers were scrambling to keep a hold of what was actually happening.
Several times, I felt like emailing Human Resources and making it clear I wasn’t experiencing the wonderful communications and benefits the company was announcing. But then I thought, what is the point? What will change if I do? I was also scared to speak up, which added to the anxiety I was already experiencing.
Maybe, hopefully, communication from managers will improve following the pandemic. Surely we’ve all learned valuable lessons.
3. No lunches or breaks
Because we were receiving around five emails daily, asking us to reach unachievable targets, this made me feel like I shouldn’t take breaks. I should get on with the job instead. I wanted to do a good job and I’ve always had that mindset as a person.
When your work tasks are completely unachievable and impossible to attain for such a long period of time, this can be soul-destroying. You never have a successful working day and after a while, you feel like a failure. Our targets sometimes changed from email to email, without adequate explanation, like they were made up. When you’re at home, you don’t have anyone to talk to about this, as you usually would do in the office, this made things harder.
Leads me nicely onto the next point…
4. Nobody to talk to
During the pandemic, we all missed face-to-face interaction with our colleagues. Communicating via text message and telephone, sometimes isn’t the same.
It was difficult to receive these emails and have nobody to ask how they felt about it. The point is, we shouldn’t have to ignore crappy emails from managers, but the reality is lots of people do.
Maybe, hopefully, communication from managers will improve following the pandemic. Surely we’ve all learned valuable lessons.
I now realise connections and communication with other human beings are vital for avoiding the negative workplace conditions which led to my breakdown. I am already making connections with other bloggers and organisations I would want to work for. This is something that helped me through my breakdown. You can read more about how I recovered here.
I was correct in my thinking and although I wouldn’t wish redundancy on anyone, I felt better knowing my suspicions had been correct. It was confirmation I wasn’t going crazy.
5. The everything needs doing yesterday mentality
There was one manager who didn’t really listen to anyone. You know those people who talk at you and answer their own questions. And you feel like asking why they even bothered to contact you.
Even just this in Itself, makes you feel you’re not valued or listened to.
The direction coming from the top was “get this done yesterday”. I’d been used to this mentality for a few tasks a week and I can live with that. But when this applies to every task you’re working on, it’s too much! No amount of money is worth this stress.
As human beings, we like to know where we stand, and not knowing, or being able to plan ahead, make any life decisions, the constant worry about money, can all cause unnecessary pressure.
6. An impending doom
I’m quite an intuitive person and somehow I can predict things before they happen. It’s a subtle feeling and I will tell the people closest to me, this will happen today. I’m always 100% sure it will occur. I predicted the national lockdown announcement in the UK, three days before it happened and started preparing our family for it.
Therefore, this was one of the main workplace conditions which led to my breakdown. It was a constant niggling feeling and I just wanted to ask managers to let me know what was so bad and when it would be announced.
Whilst working from home, the daily disorganisation at work gave me a feeling something wasn’t right. I knew bad news would be announced, it was just a matter of when. Shortly after feeling like this, the doctor issued a sick note for workplace stress and anxiety, and the redundancies were announced.
I was correct in my thinking and although I wouldn’t wish redundancy on anyone, I felt better knowing my suspicions had been correct. It was the confirmation I needed to know I wasn’t going crazy.
7. The threat of redundancy
Redundancy is a horrible process for anyone to go through and it can be life-changing, but it impacts someone suffering from mental illness completely differently. I am aware many people are impacted by this, following the pandemic and it makes me sad because I worry about the mental health of those going through the process.
As human beings, we like to know where we stand, and not knowing, or being able to plan ahead, make any life decisions, the constant worry about money, can all cause unnecessary pressure. Life is hard enough, without this added stress.
If you are impacted these issues
If you are impacted by any of the issues raised in this article, Mind.org has a page dedicated to the issue of redundancy and it’s packed full of useful information. GOV.UK is a site I consulted when our redundancies were first announced and I found it helpful. StepChange can help with your financial situation if you are struggling to make payments as a result of redundancy or any other issue.
Final thoughts
I would never solely blame one activity in life for causing a decline in my mental health. I’m a mummy to a toddler, we lived through a pandemic, were confined to our homes. None of these factors helped the situation.
My earlier blog post explains how we financially overcommitted ourselves. All these factors can contribute and the subconscious is a complex thing. I may never know the exact reason I had a mental breakdown. What I do know is I will never allow a job to consume me, I will try my hardest to seek out a role in the future where I can balance work and home life, and any future role must protect, not damage, my mental health.
That’s what I’ve learned and I want other people to know, you do have a choice.
During my anxiety years and especially during down periods, I told myself I couldn’t go out do things and it was the worse thing I did to myself. A travesty. I cut myself off from happy times, spending time with people I love, enjoying the little things in life, all because I subscribed to black & white thinking and had a script full of self-limiting beliefs constantly running over and over again in my head. And I let it happen…
It’s time to carve out a new healthy path and ditch the old way of thinking. It previously damaged my mental health and I must avoid this ever happening to me again in the future. You can read more about when my mental health struggles began here.
Want to know the secret to living a happy and fulfilled life? Read on…
It was also nice to shop without the little one running around. There is a perception parents shouldn’t leave children out and I feel guilty when I do! But it is so important, we as parents, take time for ourselves. I breathed a sigh of relief in the first charity shop because I had images running through my brain of the little one grabbing every item off the shelves and me telling her off. It was reassuring to know I didn’t have to contend with this today, she was at nursery being entertained instead.
Quick note: Mummy Conquering Anxiety is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and thinkwould be useful for you.
Today, my mum suggested a trip to the charity shops and some breakfast. A simple activity I would usually be inclined to say no to due to lack of money. She kindly treated me to a coffee, sandwich and gave me some spending money, because she knows money is tight for us at the moment. I’ve told her I visit the supermarket and walk around adding up what I’ve spent. My parents know what this feels like to count the pennies and we are so lucky to have them helping us out. Shout out mum & dad if you ever happen to read this!
Our trip and why outings work wonders for your mental health
Because we are still on holiday as a family, I had the family car today, which made the trip easier. I usually travel around by public transport or walk, which I don’t mind. It does me good. We ditched the second car years ago because it wasn’t cost-effective. Today, having a car, was a luxury I am not used to.
Wandering around, without a care in the world, not knowing what time it is, and browsing the shelves, was therapeutic.
It was also nice to shop without the little one running around. There is a perception parents shouldn’t leave children out and I feel guilty when I do! But it is so important, we as parents, take time for ourselves. I breathed a sigh of relief in the first charity shop because I had images running through my brain of the little one grabbing every item off the shelves and me telling her off. It was reassuring to know I didn’t have to contend with this today, she was at nursery being entertained instead.
We had a chat about loads of topics I can’t even recall now, catching up about life and you know what, this time is much more valuable than worrying about money issues. Yes, we all need money to live and you can achieve wellness by managing your money correctly (I don’t want anyone to have the worries I’ve experienced over the last year due to financially overcommitting), but you also have to live life and ensure you get out of the house to do activities that fit within your budget.
There are plenty of free and cheap things you can do and I am passionate about sharing my tips with others. You can read more about how you can have fun on a budget in my blog post here.
My mental breakdown this year has shown me you have to set aside time to spend with family, spend a little money, and enjoy your life. If you take the time to do this, all the other parts will fit into place and surely you will be in a better place to tackle difficult issues you may be going through.
My charity shop haul
Living a happy and fulfilled life means doing something you love! And I love shopping.
As I am so excited and refreshed following my outing this morning, of course, I had to write a blog post about it. I’ve even become one of those bloggers taking pictures of everything (well roping the hubby in with his great phone camera, IT skills, and photoshop knowledge). I am no expert (I will leave the flatlays to a professional website, like Canva), but here is the picture of my haul:
The items I bought and why I loved them
Of course, I had to get the little one some toys and activities to entertain her. We are the stage where we need constant entertainment to reflect the experience she gets at nursery. It’s so much fun, but also hard work.
She loves Peppa Pig and now has a Peppa Pig torch which was £1.25. I know she will be overjoyed when she comes home from nursery today and sees this toy, and the look on her face is well worth £1.25.
I also got her an activity book for 50p. She isn’t yet at the stage where she can work through the activities, but she loves colouring books and drawing all over the pages. She will get endless enjoyment for 50p. Winner!
The Meccano set is parts only and I didn’t realise this in the shop, but for £1.99 I am not going to moan about it and she can do some building. It’s also an excuse for us to add other Meccano parts to her Christmas list.
I got some home decorations to spruce the place up a bit, ahead of my larger autumn purchases (a future blog post will cover the topic of what I purchased!). We needed a fresh bowl of Pot Pourri and it was just sat on the shelf as if it had been waiting for me, because I’ve been talking about it loads this week! £2.00 – bargain!
The little gold pot will be an addition to our rose gold decor (I previously bought the other items from Poundland). It was 40p.
We all need body lotion in our lives and I love seeking it out in charity shops. There are so many unwanted gift sets given away. You get a cheap item, whilst also raising money for charity. Win, win. 50p for this lotion. I can’t wait to try it.
On winter days, I love wearing these headbands. They keep the hair off your face and also cover your ears. I haven’t got a light coloured one, so had to purchase this. £1.99. Can’t go wrong with something so useful.
Books – these were 50p each and I will be adding them to the stack of books I intend to read. I might even do a before and after blog post, to encourage me to read them all. Lack of reading isn’t because I don’t love doing it, it’s getting the time with a toddler who believes every physical item in the house is hers.
Why I’m now happy and fulfilled
I’ve spent years shying away from some activities out of fear, lack of money, or lack of time.
My mental breakdown this year has shown me you have to set aside time to spend with family, spend a little money, and enjoy your life. If you take the time to do this, all the other parts will fit into place and surely you will be in a better place to tackle difficult issues you may be going through. You can read more about how I recovered from my breakdown here.
It would have been easy to say no to going out today, due to money worries, but it’s exactly because of the money worries why I needed to get out of the house, get some fresh air, spend some time not caring about a thing, and having quality mummy daughter time.
The point is, don’t live such a busy life you need to pay money to feel somewhat normal. How about living a more mediocre life and having quality time to spend with family and friends? What’s the point in earning so much money anyway, if you’re always too tired to spend it?
Simplify life
In the past, my mum & I might have visited Village Hotels for a spa day. Whilst we will return at some point, I am now looking for cheaper alternatives to get out of the house and still have fun.
Having fun and finding fulfilling activities is simple, we as human beings tend to overcomplicate it. These are some of the things I used to say to myself when working 12 hour days:
To feel better I need a spa day
I am so stressed from working 12 hour days, I need to treat myself
Work hard, play hard
I deserve it
I am too tried to spend the money I earn
I previously equated living a happy and fulfilled with spending money. This doesn’t always bring you happiness. I would much rather do something free with my loved ones, like sitting in the park.
Don’t get me wrong, if you want to do the above activities and have luxuries in your life, go for it. I will resume cheap spa days when I can afford it again!
The point is, don’t live such a busy life you need to pay money to feel somewhat normal. How about living a more mediocre life and having quality time to spend with family and friends? What’s the point in earning so much money anyway, if you’re always too tired to spend it?
To read more posts on mental health, see the other blogs I’ve written below…
What steps are you taking to live a happy and fulfilled life?
In the future, I want to create a life where quality time with family is balanced with working enough to pay bills and live comfortably. It is clear to me now, the type of job I was doing in the past and the long hours I worked, damaged my mental health. It’s time to prioritise happiness and the big secret is actually that it’s very easy to do, with a mindset change.
Here’s to a happier and more fulfilled life for us all.
What are you doing to balance family time with work-life? Do you think your views have changed since the pandemic?
I would love to hear from you in the comments below.
Following a setback in my recovery, I wanted to share a piece of writing I did a few weeks ago when I was feeling pretty hopeless.
At present day, I am still not feeling 100%, but I am feeling a lot better than I did when I was first signed off work, four months ago, due to a mental breakdown.
I have come a long way in my recovery, but down moments can make you feel like you’re going backward in the recovery process. This is exactly what happened to me, at the time of recording the below thoughts.
The main message in my post today, is recovery isn’t linear and having down days along the way is no reflection whatsoever on the progress you’ve made up to this point.
Before getting ahead of myself or wondering what the future holds, it’s time to put the work into my recovery. I don’t know who I will be on the other side of this, but I’m looking forward to meeting the new person I will become.
Read on for my honest account of a setback in my recovery – written on a down day approx 3.5 months after my breakdown.
The person I was before shortchanged herself. The future version of me deserves better and I intend to create a future that serves me and makes me happy
Diary entry
At the moment, I feel hopeless.
Recovery from a mental health condition isn’t linear. The part of my brain which deals with reality is aware of this fact. But the part of my brain living on another planet, in another realm, tells me I should be healed by now. Why all of a sudden do I feel like this?
I know exactly where these damaging thoughts came from. My conversation with an inexperienced doctor, who basically made me feel like I was lying in order to stay off work, and also asked me why I didn’t just quit my job (they are aware I’m going through a redundancy process at the moment). I left the conversation feeling worse than before it took place and some pretty insensitive things were said to me, at a time when I’m already in a vulnerable state and unable to deal with difficult conversations.
This, coupled with a delayed catch-up with work about how I’m doing. It literally took every ounce of energy I had to make the call and answer questions and they made me feel like I should return to work. I know it’s all part of the process.
Again, my intelligent brain tells me both these people have procedures and questions to tick off, but my anxiety brain is telling me lately, I will have to return to work and nobody will help me, even though I’m clearly not healed yet. Why are people forcing me to do something I don’t want to do? Something I am clearly not ready to do!
I want to shout out loud, there is no time limit on healing from a breakdown. So why are people insinuating there is?
I feel angry, irritable, I am not in a sleeping routine or getting enough sleep and I am still unable to complete life tasks, like managing money, organising things, or concentrating for too long. How can I do my job when I am feeling this way?
I felt like this when I first left work due to my breakdown, and I feel like this again now. I’ve gone backward and the way I am feeling right now makes me ask myself whether I will ever be fully healed.
What does the new me look like? What does the future hold? It is uncertain right now. I just feel hopeless.
Up to now, I’ve done quite well in managing the ups and downs of depression. I’ve tried to remain positive and not let my anxiety brain take over, but it’s creeping back in.
I don’t feel happy, I feel like something is wrong with me. I wonder whether it’s all my fault. What did I do in the past to cause my brain to malfunction? What happened to me? How have I got to this point in my life?
In summary, because I am feeling this way, I think it’s now time to speak to a counselor or therapist. You can find details of therapists local to you here. This page also provides details of the support offered by Mind. Heads Together list charities they work with who offer support here.
Writing honestly about mental health for my blog naturally throws up a lot of feelings and I don’t think I know how to process them properly, without help. I will ask the doctor for some details and seek help.
I am also conscious leaving the former me behind is also part of a grieving process, mourning the old life I had. I will never be the person I was before: career-driven, highly motivated, willing to work all hours of the day, put up with bad management, or a toxic work environment.
This process has taught me too much about the damage that person causes herself. I have a toddler now, things have changed and I have to adjust my priorities to fit my current life circumstances.
When the redundancy process is finalised and this hell ends, it’s time to find a job I enjoy doing, where I’m helping people and balancing family life at the same time.
I would love to work from home on a permanent basis and be close to my family, in the event of emergencies or childcare issues. I will be actively looking for a supportive employer, a company that values mental wellbeing and family time. Up to now, I’ve been thinking about what I want moving forward and trying to manifest these things. At this moment in time, I am unable to be that positive person.
Before getting ahead of myself or wondering what the future holds, it’s time to put the work into my recovery. I don’t know who I will be on the other side of this, but I’m looking forward to meeting the new person I will become.
Right now, the reality I am living in every day couldn’t be further from how I actually feel inside. It’s like I know everything happening to me is part of the process, but I feel the complete opposite to how people are telling me I should feel at this point.
I want to shout out loud, there is no time limit on healing from a breakdown. So why are people insinuating there is? If you’ve had a setback in your recovery, there are details of charities that can help you below.
If you need help with a mental health related issue
Country Living writes a great article on various mental health charities helping people in the UK.
If you don’t feel like talking (I couldn’t communicate with anyone following my breakdown), you can use the shout text service.
There are also some further contact details for mental health charities on my if you need help page.
How do I feel at present day?
A few weeks down the line, I now accept I am ready to move on to the next stage of recovery. This will involve a phased return at work, possible adjustments to my working pattern to avoid this happening again to me in the future, and planning for my next career move, whilst awaiting much-needed redundancy updates.
In the meantime, I have apps, details for therapists, and books I need to read to aid my recovery. I will also continue to blog, as this is helping me process feelings.
Final thoughts
Every individual is different. I now realise a setback in my recovery isn’t as bad as my mind tells me it is. We all have triggers and our experiences and brain chemistry decide how we react to certain situations.
The way I was feeling when I wrote this diary entry, I was genuinely convinced I would never gain control of my life or have another good day in the future. But anxiety and depression lie to you.
I understand through experience what it means when someone says “recovery isn’t linear”. It means you will have days or weeks like this. Maybe it’s a natural thing that happens when you start to work through your emotions and understand what led you to this point.
My hope is anyone reading this, who is impacted by these issues, will realise better days came for me. And there is hope.
I am by no means healed, but I am on a journey of self-discovery and hopeful I can create a better future than the one I chose to live in previously.
The person I was before shortchanged herself. The future version of me deserves better and I intend to create a future that serves me and makes me happy.
Grab a cup of tea and read more blogs in the mental health category below
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