When your child is struggling with anxiety, there comes a point where the books, the breathing exercises and the gentle chats at bedtime stop being enough. You start wondering whether it’s time to bring in a professional. It’s a big step, and it raises a question that sends most parents into a research spiral: how on earth do you actually find the right person?
You’re not alone in feeling stuck there. Parents tell me all the time that the searching feels harder than the decision itself. So here’s a practical, no-jargon walkthrough of what actually matters when you’re looking for a therapist for your child.
First, decide whether it’s time
Anxiety in children is normal. Worrying before a test, feeling shy at a party, being clingy after something upsetting happens — that’s all part of growing up. The question isn’t whether your child feels anxious; it’s whether the anxiety is running their life.
You’re looking for signs that it’s getting in the way. Sleep that’s been disrupted for weeks, not days. Refusing school or activities they used to love. Physical symptoms like tummy aches or headaches that keep showing up on school mornings. Rituals they feel they have to do. Meltdowns that seem out of proportion and never quite settle.
If anxiety is shrinking their world—they’re doing less, seeing fewer friends, avoiding more—that’s the point where a professional can genuinely help. You don’t need to wait for a crisis. The earlier anxiety is addressed, the easier it usually is to shift.
Know the difference between CAMHS and private
In the UK, most parents first think of the NHS. CAMHS, the child and adolescent mental health service, can be excellent, and some areas have really good early-intervention teams. But the reality is that waiting lists are long, and the threshold for being seen is high. Many families I speak to end up waiting many months, or being told their child doesn’t meet the criteria.
That’s not a reflection on you or your child. It’s just how stretched the system is.
Private therapy is the other route, and it’s far more common than people think. You don’t need a referral. You find a therapist, check they’re qualified, and book directly. Sessions typically cost around £50 to £90 per session in the UK, depending on where you live and the therapist’s experience. It’s a real cost, and it’s worth being clear-eyed about it before you start.
Look for the right letters — and the right experience
This is where parents get most confused, so let’s make it simple. For a child with anxiety, the qualifications worth knowing are:
• CBT therapist — cognitive behavioural therapy is the approach with the strongest evidence for childhood anxiety. A CBT therapist will help your child understand what’s keeping the anxiety going and teach them practical skills to respond differently.
• Child counsellor — often a warm, talk-based approach, good for children who need space to make sense of feelings rather than a structured programme.
• Child psychologist — the most academically qualified, often involved in assessment as well as therapy. Usually the most expensive.
• Psychiatrist — a medical doctor. You’ll usually only need one if medication might be part of the picture.
What matters more than the specific title is that they actually work with children and that they’re properly accredited. In the UK, look for registration with a recognised body — the BACP, UKCP, BABCP or NCS, depending on their training. Anyone can call themselves a “therapist”, so accreditation is your safety net.
And do check they see children. An excellent adult therapist isn’t automatically a good fit for a nine-year-old. Most therapists state clearly on their website which age groups they work with. If it’s not there, ask.
Ask the right questions before you book
A short email or phone call before you commit will tell you most of what you need. Good questions:
• Do you work with children of my child’s age?
• What’s your experience with anxiety (or OCD, or whatever your child is struggling with)? • How do sessions work — do you see the child alone, or involve parents? • What does the first session look like?
• How long does the work typically take?
• What are your fees, and is there a cancellation policy?
A good child therapist will answer all of this happily. If you get a vague or hurried response, treat that as information.
One thing worth knowing: for younger children, parent involvement is normal and healthy. Some of the most effective work with anxious children happens through their parents, because the skills need to land in everyday life, not just in the therapy room. A therapist who wants to talk to you about what’s happening at home isn’t doing less — they’re doing it properly.
The first session is for both of you
The first appointment isn’t a test your child has to pass. It’s a chance for them to meet the therapist, for the therapist to get a sense of what’s going on, and for you to see whether it feels right. It’s
completely fine to meet more than one therapist before deciding. Good therapists expect this and won’t take it personally.
Trust your instincts here. You know your child better than anyone. If a therapist talks over your child, rushes, or makes you feel judged, keep looking.
What you should expect to see change
Therapy for childhood anxiety isn’t about making the worry disappear overnight. It’s about teaching your child that they can cope with difficult feelings. Over the first few sessions you should start to see small shifts: your child naming their worry instead of being swallowed by it, trying something they’d been avoiding, telling you what’s helping and what isn’t.
If after several sessions you genuinely can’t see any movement, say so. Therapists would rather adjust the approach than carry on with something that isn’t working. You’re the client. You get a say.
The takeaway
Finding the right therapist for your child is a process of elimination, not a gamble. Decide whether it’s time, choose private or NHS, check the qualifications, ask the questions, and trust your gut in the first session. The right person is out there. The job is just to make finding them feel manageable — and it is.
Peter Klein is a UK CBT therapist and the founder of Seek A Psych, a free service that helps parents find a therapist for themselves or their children, matched to their needs and area. For UK families looking for a private therapist UK-based option, it’s a good first stop.