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When it comes to financial worries, I’d never had to worry until recently. I’d always considered myself financially savvy. I spent my career in the Finance industry and was always up to date with my knowledge of the financial world. Therefore managing our household finances was always something that came top of my priority list.
I’m also quite an organised person. I enjoyed taking control of our finances and seeing the results when we paid into our savings account and made overpayments on loans and credit cards. Doing this gives you a good feeling.
It’s easy managing money when you’re single, have a fantastic career, or are a couple living it up and enjoying life. We went on holidays to Mexico, and regular weekends away, for cocktails and shopping and never really worried about money.
On a serious note, the fact we were over-committed for at least a year, made me feel personally like a failure. I would dread letters coming through the post, saying bills hadn’t been paid. I would long for the day when we had a little more money each month and I could finally pay people back and take some control of the finances again.
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Things changed when we had a child. There was less money to go around and this created problems. It isn’t having a child that costs more money, it’s the upheaval and adjustment period that bit us in the backside.
On a serious note, the fact we were over-committed for at least a year, made me feel personally like a failure. I would dread letters coming through the post, saying bills hadn’t been paid. I would long for the day when we had a little more money each month and I could finally pay people back and take some control of the finances again.
Why financial worries impact mental health
Mind.org have a great diagram which explains the vicious cycle. You worry about money, which results in poor mental health and vice versa. This article also provides useful information on the topic. Having lived through it, I can say it’s completely correct.
I never imagined, following a breakdown from workplace stress, that I would struggle to manage money. But I struggled to do anything when I was first off work. I will talk more about the impact of anxiety in this post. One of my last anxiety-filled days was caused as a result of money worries.
It’s a lot more admin when automatic payments are not made due to lack of money and you have to start contacting individual companies to agree when payment will be made. This extra admin didn’t help my mental health at all. I can see why people refer to companies like StepChange to act on their behalf. Speaking to 10 individual companies becomes too much.
These are the things I wish I’d done in hindsight
I saved money during my pregnancy and six months full pay period
Planning for maternity leave would have alleviated some financial worries. We didn’t save in advance and as you can imagine, we struggled from months 6 to 9 of maternity leave, on less than a third of my total wage. We still had the same bills to pay though. Luckily, our family helped us out with these payments. However, it made the whole experience of still being off work a bit grim and less enjoyable than it should have been.
Saved towards nursery costs
The nursery wanted a deposit payment upfront and we secured the place before our little one was born (we all know about competition for nursery places!).
The monthly costs involved with childcare are high in the UK and we were only sending her two days a week initially. To ensure we didn’t have financial worries about this monthly cost, I wish we had saved some money to add to the childcare account to make advance payments or act as a buffer for months when we struggled to meet the full payment.
You don’t need financial worries about the nursery when you already have the stress of arranging childcare, worrying about sick days and who can cover them, or whether they have the right coat to play out in. There is enough to think about!
Refrained from using credit cards
The credit card balances were relatively under control before my maternity leave.
During this period, we kept living as we had before, but in fact, we now have other costs to consider (baby milk, baby clothes, the latest gadgets etc). This additional pressure caused us financial worries over some time, as the credit card balances increased, along with the interest and we still had the same level of money coming in.
Given my post-pregnancy mental health struggles, it felt good to get out of the house, have a nice lunch, a few drinks at the weekend and spend money. This wasn’t a great path to go down and in hindsight. If we have another child, I will find cost-effective ways of connecting with other people during maternity leave.
At the time, I wasn’t in a great headspace to connect and share my experiences with others. I am now.
Live and learn!
Accepted the situation sooner
Due to my poor mental health post-pregnancy, I used a lot of avoidance techniques. Alcohol mainly! And kind of ignoring some of my responsibilities. One of the factors was money management. I was living in the moment and trying to heal myself.
What I’ve learned is, that planning for the future is great in some areas, like finances. Had we planned, some of the anxiety caused by financial worries could have been avoided.
Planned for a rainy day
I bet we’ve all used this phrase many times but never thought it would signify a pandemic was looming. Several UK lockdowns worry about job security and a toilet roll shortage.
I am aware some people experienced all manner of hardships during the lockdown and I feel grateful we kept our jobs throughout. On top of this, there were those unexpected family losses and people having to find money to pay for things they never dreamed they would need to, such as funeral costs and Bronze Grave Markers, which impacted so many people when the country was already struggling.
Uncertain times
We did have our ups and downs though. Nursery closing, isolation periods, working from home and getting pinged on the app, all of which impacted our finances in some way and generally made us feel completely out of control. We didn’t know what was coming next. Honestly, you never know what will happen. One day, things are going well, and the next day, you’re unexpectedly having to make funeral plans and pay for the death of a loved one. You never know what might happen.
Suddenly, we had to plan for the next time my hubby would be off work for a week isolating, or the nursery would get a COVID case and close. All of these factors impacted our income and caused financial worries.
Final thoughts
Ultimately, overcommitting has led to huge anxiety issues over finances. I am the organised one and therefore I take control of the family finances. During this period of difficulty, I would find myself constantly doing all of the below:
Checking my banking app daily, or even hourly
Worrying about asking to borrow money from family and felt like I was a failure for doing so
Felt inadequate, like I was incapable of managing our family’s money
Lack of security – how would we pay bills, manage to buy food
Interestingly, the Money & Pensions Service released this article about people being ashamed to talk about money. I do think there needs to be financial education introduced in schools because it isn’t always something you learn growing up. This might just be because your family members are private people, but how do you then know as an adult how to manage money.
If you are struggling financially
Please talk to someone if you’re able to. I have done this recently and it has eased some financial pressure. I now feel more in control of our finances.
Here are some charities that can help if you’re struggling:
Guest blog post: brought to you by Amber Louise of the Lady Boss Nomad blog
Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and thinkwould be useful for you.
One of the greatest lies we tell ourselves is that we’re stuck in a rut. However, did you know it’s not only possible to change your situation but to also change yourself too?
The mind is a powerful thing. It can be our greatest ally or our biggest enemy. The key to reinventing yourself is to gain control over the mind and start living the life you want to live. One way you can do this is by keeping a journal.
Since my mid-teens, I have kept some form of a journal whether it be an art journal, a diary or a bullet journal. Now I keep a journal for creative brainstorming in both my business and personal life and I keep an A5 journal for all my mixed media art.
being 100% honest about your thoughts and feelings can be difficult to start with. You need to remember that your journal is a safe place. It’s a non-judgmental space which enables you to say exactly how you feel with no repercussions or judgements.
It’s a wonderful outlet especially for me as I suffer from GAD or Generalised Anxiety Disorder but, the high functioning kind which can easily go undetected by others. So you see it’s extremely important for me to have a creative and reflective outlet as a busy boss lady that runs her blog.
Here in this post, I want to share with you my best tips for creating a daily journal practice that can reduce your anxiety and stress. These are life-saving tips that can improve your whole mindset and is a form of self CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy technique.
Tip number 1: Choose the right journal for yourself
Ok, so this one may sound a little silly, but the journal you choose can have a significant impact on how effective it is. Your journal is supposed to inspire and motivate you to use it. So, if you don’t love it, you’re not going to feel very inspired.
Take your time to choose the right journal. Think about its design and how the pages are set out. Do you love it? Can you see yourself writing in it every day? It may sound a little ridiculous, but the right journal will pick you.
Tip number 2: Start by writing about the things you’re grateful for
Once you’ve got the right journal, figuring out how to start it can be pretty tough. So, if you’re struggling, start by writing a list of the things you’re grateful for. This can either be done first thing in the morning or last thing in the evening. There are advantages to doing it during both times, so it’s all about what works for you.
All too often, we spend most of our time focusing on the things we don’t have or the things we wish we had. This makes us forget about the positive things we do have. Journaling helps you to focus on the positive things in the here and now, rather than wasting time and energy wishing for something more.
So how can this help you to reinvent yourself? Well, the more positive you are, the easier you’ll find it to make a change. It’s often our negativity which sets us back in life so anything which makes us more positive can help us to reinvent ourselves.
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Tip number 3: Be absolutely honest in your journal
Journaling isn’t going to help you if you aren’t 100% honest. The trouble is, you may find you spend so much time hiding how you feel, that being 100% honest about your thoughts and feelings can be difficult to start with. You need to remember that your journal is a safe place. It’s a non-judgmental space which enables you to say exactly how you feel with no repercussions or judgements.
Once you’re honest about your thoughts and feelings and what you want from life, you’ll be able to see what you need to do to change.
Tip number 4: Write down your biggest goals
Use the journal to write down what it is you want to achieve. This can be done in the form of short term and long-term goals. It’s important to see the big picture. Where do you want to be in 3-5 years and how could you potentially get there?
Writing down your goals and identifying the steps you need to take to make a change, will help massively.
Tip number 5: Make it a daily routine if you can
It’s important to use your journal daily. Set up a daily routine where you write in your journal at a specific time. Once you’ve gotten used to writing in the journal, it will become an automatic habit you carry out each day.
As with anything, to reinvent yourself, you need to be persistent and committed. So, be sure to write in your journal every single day.
Summary
These are just 5 ways that you can reduce your anxiety daily through journaling practice. The more you do it, the more chances you’ll start to see – both in how you feel and how you act. I am 100% certain that a journal will help you to reduce your stress and anxiety if you make it part of your daily routine.
It can also improve your focus and generate creative brainstorming which is crucial for busy CEOs and boss ladies. Often I will use my journal to brainstorm blog post ideas or even a whole product launch. If you too a busy boss lady who has high functioning anxiety then definitely give this a try. Other ways you can use your journal are brainstorming recipes or jotting down positive affirmations. I just know you’ll love this practice as much as I do!
Amber Louise is the busy CEO and Founder of the Lady Boss Nomad. She inspires women with useful tips, resources, motivation & encouragement to help their digital businesses thrive. She helps female entrepreneurs launch a digital businesses. This service is for those who already have digital products but just need a robust platform or for newbies needing ideas on which digital products to sell, she goes through ebooks, eCourses, printable’s etc. She can offer guidance on the best tools and resources for digital businesses and blogs about product launching, marketing and sales page creation.
My battle with perinatal anxiety & depression was a long and scary journey.
Throwing hormones into the mix, along with a history of managing anxiety-related issues and panic attacks, was probably always going to be a recipe for disaster. But pregnancy was the point in my life when I finally needed help. Of the medicated kind.
The factors at stake for me during pregnancy were not only the worries related to the actual pregnancy, but risks to my sanity, family, income-earning ability, and my job role.
let’s look at the definition of perinatal:
Perinatal mental health (PMH) problems are those which occur during pregnancy or in the first year following the birth of a child. Perinatal mental illness affects up to 27% of new and expectant mums and covers a wide range of conditions.
As a result of working full-time, I put a lot of additional pressure on myself. It’s fair to say I wasn’t exactly working for a business where having kids was fully supported. I think this is improving, but there is still a lot of work to do in the corporate world. Women shouldn’t have to choose between having children or succeeding in a career. Businesses need to ensure both options are achievable.
Although I know my mushy brain raised red flags at work, it was too early to announce the pregnancy. We were still within the three-month period, and to be honest I didn’t want anyone to know, because I thought it made me look weak.
Quick note: Mummy Conquering Anxiety is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be useful for other people.
Working full-time during pregnancy and having pre-existing anxiety issues was a lot to deal with. I hope telling my story will be of some benefit to you.
In this post, I will cover the following topics:
What is antenatal depression
My backstory
The pivotal moment I knew I needed help
Antidepressants
How I think mental health services for women during pregnancy could be improved
Why are women still afraid to speak out on mental health matters?
Techniques that helped me through
What the experience taught me
Mummy comes second
Often, we neglect our own mental health to be a mummy. Self-care comes bottom of the list and there aren’t enough hours in the day to complete every task on the never-ending list. I found out the hard way. You don’t realise you’re neglecting yourself until it’s too late. At this point, the damage is already done.
From my own experience, health services need to be more proactive in respect of pre-pregnancy mental health problems. There is a lot of information and help out there relating to postnatal mental health problems. But my experience didn’t fit into this category. It made me feel like this was supposed to happen to me after I had the baby, not now. Surely? Why was this happening now?
Looking back, the impact of this shameful thinking only made matters worse. I was afraid to speak out and visit the doctor, for fear someone would think I was an unfit mother. The anxiety talking in my head would tell me, you can’t look after yourself, how can you look after a baby?
I’ve also found these resources for anyone who needs to read more on the subject. You can filter by area and will see a range of therapists, charities, and support groups.
Please read on for the full story of my battle with antenatal depression…
My backstory
I was two months into the pregnancy when I started feeling the symptoms listed in this article:
I was at work full time, struggling with the office-environment heat. Eating properly was just not happening, due to a constant sicky feeling (I felt permanently sick throughout pregnancy but was never actually sick!). I was far away from the toilet and needed to pee every 20 minutes – you get the picture. I actually lost weight over the course of my pregnancy, due to not getting enough nutrients.
My hormones and worries made it incredibly difficult to concentrate on my work tasks and I became paranoid that I was unable to do my job. I was seeking reassurance from a management team, who were used to me just getting on with things, however difficult the task was. Although I know my mushy brain raised red flags at work, it was too early to announce the pregnancy. We were still within the three-month period. And to be honest I didn’t want anyone to know, because I thought it made me look weak.
We need our tribe
A mental health specialist once made the point, the people we refuse to tell during this three-month period are the very people we would need if something unforeseen was to happen. This has stuck with me, and it’s true. In the future, I probably wouldn’t open up in the workplace, unless I felt comfortable in doing so. But I would definitely let my friends and family in, sooner than I did before. They are the tribe you need around you, at such a testing time in life. It takes a village and all that jazz (it really does BTW – safety in numbers with toddlers, hehe).
The pivotal moment I knew I needed help
I tried to plod along for a bit. We had a holiday planned (pre-planned before pregnancy). And I remember spending every waking moment of the getaway fixating on work and the conversation I’d had with a manager before leaving. The manager in question was trying to gauge why I was being so mushy in the brain (baby brain is real people). I wasn’t really capable of communicating verbally at that point and therefore, it was all a bit of a mess.
The damage caused by keeping these feelings to yourself at such a vulnerable, unpredictable time in life, is colossal. Then going through possibly the worst trauma of your life and trying to look after a small baby who is totally relying on you. It’s a lot to cope with. And we should be able to open up about it without fear.
It’s fair to say my worries, and anxiety levels about being bad at my job, pretty much ruined my experience on holiday. As much as I told myself to put the thoughts out of my head, they would come back. Even trying to forget about the drama at work was exhausting.
Upon my return from holiday, I booked an appointment with the doctor. What I experienced during my appointment didn’t help me at all. They were reluctant to prescribe antidepressants during pregnancy and were unable to explain why. I was left to muddle through at work and I am sure you can all imagine, things worsened. My mental health was in serious decline and I didn’t know what to do.
Why it’s vital to reach out for help
The situation wouldn’t improve until I had the help I needed. My instinct told me this was the case, but I felt like the doctors were not listening to me. This resulted in me worrying and playing out situations in my head, which only fuelled the negative anxious thoughts I was already having. When you’re at your most vulnerable, you shouldn’t have to fight to access mental health services and the solutions you need.
I knew I needed medication at this point. Something to help me out of a black hole. So I could focus on growing a child and balancing the pressures of daily life.
Around this time, I also experienced very rude reception staff when trying to make appointments. I was speaking to them following a few hours of sleep, worrying all night and I just needed help. I ended up crying down the phone twice and I honestly don’t think they are adequately trained to deal with people experiencing mental health problems.
Complaining to the GP
I made a complaint and left the doctor’s surgery, following an incident where they asked me to visit reception. I nearly had a panic attack and was afraid to approach the reception desk due to the treatment I’d received previously. I didn’t need rude people dealing with my care, on top of my existing need for help and my current, very fragile mental state.
Talk about adding to my mum-guilt. Making an expectant mother feel like they are harming their unborn child, by seeking out medication to help both parties.
Mind.org provides a lot of useful information about taking anti-depressants during pregnancy. When I was in the midst of trying to convince a doctor to prescribe the medication I required (it’s ridiculous I even have to write this in a blog post), I wish someone had provided me with the information I needed to make my case.
The doctor’s viewpoint on medication during pregnancy
I was asked to go away and try other techniques to avoid medication and the doctor insinuated, had I been on medication before pregnancy, it would be fine to continue taking it. Talk about adding to my mum guilt. Making an expectant mother feel like they are harming their unborn child, by seeking out medication to help both parties.
Waiting in limbo for a solution
I personally spent two months in limbo, before finally receiving medication, which eventually helped. Including the adjustment period, I would estimate I spent five months of a nine-month pregnancy suffering, unnecessarily. Antidepressants take a while to start working, and initially, you have some pretty severe side effects. I was already walking around like a zombie and new medication didn’t help the situation.
Based on my experience, I know we need to change the system to avoid negative outcomes at a time in life where a woman should be happy and thriving.
I was desperately trying to find a solution to ease the pressure. My mental health issues impacted my well-being, my job, my relationship. In addition to the confidence, I had to be a good mother. Also, my ability to buy things for the baby and it made the whole experience pretty grim.
A difficult pregnancy
I look back on my pregnancy now and don’t remember having one good day. I probably did, but I was plagued with uncontrollable anxiety and depression. As well as trying to manage all other areas of life.
It’s definitely had a bearing on my decision to have another child. I have anxiety about what another pregnancy would be like. Would I be a mess again, unable to cope, or worse this time? Whilst also trying to care for a toddler. I also don’t have much faith I would get help from a doctor if I needed it. And I know a lot of other people who feel like this.
The research on taking antidepressants whilst pregnant
From conducting my own research, I was only able to find one study which mentioned the medication I was on. And how it could have an impact on an unborn baby. Surely, I thought, having a healthy mother is vitally important. Given the way I was dealt with by the doctor, I expected to find endless studies backing up the reluctance to prescribe the medication, but that just wasn’t the case.
How I think mental health services for women during pregnancy could be improved
Whilst in hospital Let’s just talk for a second about how calling anyone with anxiety issues, ‘difficult’, can be extremely damaging in itself. It made me feel like an inconvenience, like I wanted to go home straight away.
Unfortunately, the health service is understaffed, and staff do not have time to speak to you one on one and deal with your anxiety issues. Whilst the people caring for me were lovely, salt-of-the-earth people, who were clearly meant to be in this job. I still felt like a burden.
Traumatic experiences during my stay on the postnatal ward
I remember the morning after my C-section, with only basic over-the-counter medication, to deal with a major operation and a serious infection. Being called “difficult” for not wanting to sit up in bed until I had my painkillers. Let’s just talk for a second about how calling anyone with anxiety issues, “difficult”, can be extremely damaging in itself. It made me feel like an inconvenience. I wanted to go home straight away, but I couldn’t as I was under observation.
During my stay, I was in agony, and I kept receiving the pain medication at the incorrect times, which resulted in some nasty withdrawal symptoms from the whole, traumatic ordeal. Whilst I would only wish to thank the staff involved in my care (they do their absolute best every single day and you can see that). These circumstances resulted in my anxiety levels rising, in a situation and surroundings where there was nobody but my hubby to understand or support me.
The need for a birthing partner who knows you well
They even sent my hubby home, so there were periods when I didn’t have anyone to understand me. And I couldn’t get out of bed or look after myself!
Being in my head at the time, I was honestly afraid of how I would be judged in that situation. Would the nurse caring for her think I was an inadequate mother? Were they making notes about me and recording what was happening? Would I get a visit from social services? Because I was clearly unstable for thinking like this?
He was initially sent home during my labour period, at the pivotal moment when my pain was increasing and I felt like nobody was listening when I said that. Things progressed quickly in his absence and he was called back. However, the endless number of factors that worsened my anxiety during his absence had already made me defensive and less likely to open up. From this point, I felt trapped. And my anxiety spiralled.
The system, funding, and government intervention need to improve. It simply isn’t good enough to have a lack of care, over-tired staff, and possible negative outcomes. When you are dealing with the care of a new mother and child.
The pandemic worsening the situation
To send partners home when they are really the only ones looking after the expectant mother and taking time to understand their needs is unacceptable. The anxiety about mothers being left to fend for themselves only worsened during the pandemic. This Independent article goes into more detail. This Guardian article also touches on the issue.
Possible solutions?
I also don’t believe a one size fits all approach is sufficient when you are dealing with mental health. It would help to have mental health specialists visit patients in the antenatal ward. But it’s all about the lack of funding for services. And whilst some NHS trusts have this specialism, most still don’t. It’s also vital to allow birthing partners to stay with the expectant mother, especially when staff are too busy to care for their needs.
I am eternally grateful to the staff at our local hospital for ensuring our post-pregnancy outcome was as positive as possible given their resources. I am aware some of the issues discussed in this article can lead to negative outcomes for babies and parents. And my thoughts go out to anyone who is impacted.
Need help?
If you are impacted by any of the issues we have touched on in this article. Here are some charities that could help: Tommy’s or Bliss. They are fantastic charities doing a lot of work to help improve maternity services. I’ve also recently come across PaNDAS which specialise in postnatal Depression. Pregnant then screwed is a charity advocating for women’s rights at work.
Why are women STILL afraid to speak out on mental health matters?
The following quote is from a Glamour article and summarises how one woman felt about admitting there was a mental health issue during pregnancy:
“It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who feels ashamed. A woman I know recently told me that when she was pregnant, her mind was in a particularly dark place but she feared that telling someone she felt depressed could result in her baby being taken away when he was born. For months she resisted medication because she thought that being a medicated mom equaled being a bad parent. She has since started medication but is too ashamed to tell her in-laws, and she has gone from wanting multiple children to writing off any future pregnancies.”
Why is this still a problem in our society? And why isn’t someone helping pregnant women be honest and get the help they need? I do think mental health services have improved and are continuing in the right direction, but we still have a long way to go.
The quote above describes the way I felt and the way I was subsequently made to feel by a doctor. How many expectant mothers are turned away and then never have the confidence to ask for help again? As I am quite a strong person, I persisted and luckily got the help I needed. Doing this took every ounce of energy I had though. Just before getting the medication I needed, I booked 10 days holiday from work, because I just couldn’t carry on. I was even afraid to take sick leave because it would be questioned in respect of my pregnancy. I don’t know where I would be without the medication I started taking during pregnancy.
Adding a label to my experiences
It would have been beneficial for the doctor to mention or label, what I was experiencing could be a battle with antenatal depression. Nobody ever mentioned this term to me and it’s only now, looking back on the situation, that I know what it is. It has a name and I can talk about it now.
Is someone spying on me?
During my pre-pregnancy appointments and my stay on the ward (4 days), I remember feeling as though I was being watched. Checked up on, and questioned a lot. The obstetrician was obviously aware of my anxiety issues and I was overweight, which required additional check-up appointments.
Seeing through an anxiety lens
Maybe the staff weren’t acting any differently, just doing their job. The point is I felt like this throughout my care. Up to the point of discharge from the hospital post-pregnancy.
The damage caused by keeping these feelings to yourself at such a vulnerable, unpredictable time in life, is colossal. Then going through possibly the worst trauma of your life and trying to look after a small baby who is totally relying on you. It’s a lot to cope with. And we should be able to open up about it without fear.
My hubby describes me as being reluctant to visit our little pumpkin in the baby unit (she had to be monitored due to an infection). And he puts it down to my pain levels.
Being in my head at the time, I was honestly afraid of how I would be judged in that situation. Would the nurse caring for her think I was an inadequate mother? Were they making notes about me and recording what was happening? Would I get a visit from social services? Because I was clearly unstable for thinking like this?
Pressure to breastfeed
There is so much talk about breastfeeding whilst you’re there and you are made to feel inadequate, whether this is intentional or not. The surroundings also don’t help you get the rest you need: babies crying all night, women screaming in pain. Although I felt for all parties involved and could relate, it isn’t the best setting in which to recover from a major operation with out-of-control anxiety issues.
Techniques that helped me through
Stopping full-time work one month early
The pressure on expectant mothers from the workplace also has to stop! Slowly society is progressing in this area, but the progress isn’t quick enough for me or other poor mothers, who have additional guilt, added to the mixing pot of hormones, emotions, physically struggling, anxiety about life-changing circumstances, and the thought of being responsible for a new baby.
When it came to it, admitting I needed to stop working due to severe hip pain and mental health issues, really helped me. Although having to do this makes you feel inadequate. Nobody at work visited me, whether it be management or HR to ask how I was doing. The only sympathetic comments I got were from other expectant mothers. Who literally felt my pain in respect of lack of support.
Feeling isolated and lonely
It is isolating and lonely to feel like nobody understands how you feel. You’re so tired at that point. It’s too much to try and explain it to someone, who frankly doesn’t understand and doesn’t really want to. I stayed quiet for a lot of time and put my head down until I could finally finish work.
The day I finished work, I visited the doctor after not sleeping all night, feeling sick, and suffering from severe anxiety. And this was the route I took to stop working. It had to reach a breaking point before I could finally stop. They told me not to go back until after my maternity leave ended. The worry then became about limited time with my child. Was I wasting a month before the baby was here? Should I still be working?
Workplaces need to do better
I think workplaces and the government are also accountable for supporting women and making employees feel secure in having children and thriving at their jobs. You shouldn’t have to pick one or the other.
I am a huge fan of the shared paternity leave. The hubby & I have discussed doing it with a second child. Unfortunately, I don’t think enough people know about the option or want to take it up. Hopefully, this will change.
The pressure on expectant mothers from the workplace also has to stop! Slowly society is progressing in this area, but the progress isn’t quick enough for me or other poor mothers, who have additional guilt, added to the mixing pot of hormones, emotions, physically struggling, anxiety about life-changing circumstances, and the thought of being responsible for a new baby.
Self-care
During the month off work pre-pregnancy, I made time for self-care. Baths, naps, candles, chocolate, strawberry laces (even though they made me sick towards the end, with my limited stomach space). Anything that would lift my mood and make me feel a little better.
Although I was hesitant to finish work early, as I was only having 9 months at most with my little pumpkin. It was refreshing to have a month off before the baby came. I did all the things that made me feel better and stopped dragging my overloaded body to the train station every day. To a job where I didn’t feel supported. It was lovely to be out of the toxic environment.
The home was my haven
Nesting – we’ve all heard that term used. To describe a woman’s instinct to prepare for the impending arrival of a brand-new baby. I love this description from a Dad’s perspective.
My hubby was used to the nesting process (I’ve always been obsessed with cleaning). He’s the messy, unorganised one in the relationship and I’m the one who gets excited about new cleaning products. (standards have slipped though, now I have a toddler).
On the subject of men, I would also like to mention, this issue doesn’t just impact mothers. Men’s mental health can also be affected by pregnancy and the aftermath.
What the experience taught me
I have learned my lesson about prioritising the health of myself and my baby. Also, not caring about what other people think. Especially those who have no bearing on my life and the decisions I make. Ultimately you as an individual will know what’s best for you and you should push to receive the help you need. In the future, I would stick up for myself when it comes to doctors’ appointments and medication.
If and when we have another baby, I would do things differently this time. You don’t know what to expect when it’s your first pregnancy. You must experience it for yourself, in order to learn and grow.
Final thoughts
Everyone has their own way of coping with traumatic events and mine is blogging.
I can only relay my personal experience, feelings, and thoughts on this subject. I am aware there are a lot of additional factors and issues surrounding these sensitive subjects,
If you have been affected by any of these issues, let’s all speak out and raise awareness. That’s how change happens. Please feel free to get in touch, or leave a comment below. I would love to hear from you.
Anxiety is a form of stress. However, they are not the same. It is not uncommon for people who experience an extremely stressful situation to believe they have seen and survived anxiety. Dealing with high stress deserves all the respect in the world. But the main difference between anxiety and stress is that stress tends to have a tangible trigger, such as an urgent work project, for example.
Anxiety, on the other hand, has long forgotten its trigger. Someone who has gone through a disturbing experience that was stressful at the time could develop an anxiety disorder as a response, which means they could get anxious reminiscing about their previous experience, facing a new situation that shares common points with their experience, or even imagining what would happen if they were to go through the same thing again. Anxiety is the world where what-if questions live. Unfortunately, what ifs have no trigger. So, the typical advice to avoid triggers may not be useful at all.
How do you manage the what-if scenarios in day-to-day life?
Learn to know your mind
Controlling your mind is an impossible challenge. However, getting to know what makes you feel vulnerable and which mindset can influence your what-ifs could be a game-changer. That is precisely where keeping a journal can make a huge difference to your anxiety. Indeed, a journal allows you to play out some of the possible scenarios safely while reminding yourself of the positive things in your life. Listing the good and happy things in your life can help significantly. It is easy to lose yourself in the distress of a what-if narrative. But the positive aspects of your life can act as sanity lights that take you back to safety.
Besides, a journal can also let you track mood swings and habits, so you can identify times when you are more susceptible to anxiety.
Talk about it
What makes anxiety especially difficult to manage is social and emotional isolation. Anxiety can cut you off from your friend and family circle as you find it hard to express your thoughts and be heard. As such, what ifs drive loneliness? Being alone with your thoughts is never easy, especially when your thoughts get the best of you. Unfortunately, very few friends are mentally and emotionally astute about the stages of anxiety. But talking with someone who understands what you are going through and isn’t going to judge you for it can transform your experience. Expert psychologists at Three Seas have developed dedicated programmes to provide counselling and telehealth to their clients. Finding a therapist you can trust to manage and control what-if scenarios will offer the support you need to:
Free yourself from the spiralling anxiety trap
Learn to recognise dangerous thinking habits
Unlock your courage by voicing out your fears
Discuss potential techniques and coping mechanisms that could help in the future
Talk medication if needs be — why suffer alone when there are solutions out there?
What ifs are the enemy of an anxious mind. But, every enemy, ever the most fearsome ones, has weaknesses. What ifs lose their power when you can recognise them for what they are, name them, understand which habits grant them power, and ultimately remind yourself that they don’t control you. Is it easy? No, it never is. But, hopefully, these tips can help you feel less vulnerable to their soul-crushing darkness.
I want to say thank you to Chloe from Nyxie’s Nook for this amazing guest post. I personally found social media to be the most amazing, supportive community following my mental breakdown and I definitely needed it. This post outlines the reasons it can be helpful for mental wellbeing.
Let’s dive in
Social media has long since been branded as hazardous to our mental and physical health. For those within a certain age bracket, it’s seen as something akin to the fall of socialisation. We constantly hear about children as young as six becoming addicted to social media, or adults missing the world around them because their nose is stuck in their phones.
But what about the positive side of social media? If we look beyond the addiction and online trolls, social media has helped shape the 21st century into a more inclusive place to be.
For a long time, we’ve been under the assumption that asking for help is a weak or attention-seeking behaviour. But with the help of social media, we’re now much further forward in realising that speaking up about our issues is an act of strength.
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5 Positive aspects of social media
Social media can be a great way to raise awareness, bring communities together andhelp those less fortunate.
Before the use of the internet and social media, we all seemed so far away. America, Japan, England, Finland; We were all divided by oceans, land and borders. With the use of the internet and, in turn, social media we’re able to raise awareness for issues that would otherwise be limited by location. By using social media we can reach other, like-minded people who can help spread awareness among their own communities and so on.
We’re better able to keep in touch with our loved ones, arrange online catch-ups and even play virtual games.
With so much of the world in lockdown at different times and for various levels of COVID-19, many of us have become separated from our families and peers. And with the current state of things here in the UK, our isolation isn’t set to end any time soon. The internet and social media have become a way for us to socialize, catch up and even watch movies together while staying safely apart.
Netflix has created their Netflix party to help socially distanced subscribers to watch television shows and movies together. Zoom has become the number one go-to video chatting application for social catch-ups to business meetings. Instagram, Facebook and Twitter also deserve honourable mention for helping us keep in touch and meet like-minded people who are better able to help and support us. Some of the most trusting and inspirational people I know were found via social media!
Finally, although not specifically on social media, as an avid gamer I find the use of online resources helpful in finding gaming partners. There are various places online to connect and even chat with gamers worldwide. I’ve met so many people through my love for Animal Crossing and The Sims. I’m in various community groups online where I can chat about the games, get information, tips and advice, and even swap friend codes.
Of course, this is all done from a safe distance and, as an adult, I’m aware of the danger of meeting others online. If you have a teenager or even a child who frequently games with others online, it’s suggested that you keep an eye on their activity. Have a chat with them about online safety and take an interest in what they’re doing without being overly critical.
Social media can be a welcome distraction from the outside world or a devastating realisation of the world around us
Social media has acted as a means for me to distract myself from the goings-on around me, but it’s also been there to remind me of the harsh realities of the world around us. Without it, I doubt I would be kept as informed as I am. I avoid the news at all costs and have long since stopped trusting state-funded news reports. So various online sources, social media included, have been my direct link to COVID-19 news, election updates and even any new information being spread in regards to mental health services in my local area.
In regards to acting as a distraction, by frequently visiting social media and getting to know others online, I’ve been able to build a small support network. This support network is usually biased and helps distract me just by chatting about things other than what’s on my mind.
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Social media has helped to normalise help-seeking behaviour
For a long time, we’ve been under the assumption that asking for help is a weak or attention-seeking behaviour. But with the help of social media, we’re now much further forward in realising that speaking up about our issues is an act of strength. Many adults and young people are coming forward to encourage others to ask for help for things such as mental illness, grief, sexual assault etc. No longer are these things taboo, rather, we’re unified in our need to speak up!
Social media can offer a creative outlet
Much like writing a blog or sketching in a notebook, creating social media posts can act as a creative outlet but on a much smaller scale. The likes of Instagram are especially good for displaying things such as photography and artwork, while Tik Tok is for the videographer in all of us.Others can view your work, like, share and even become inspired. But, of course, it’s not always about the number of likes and engagement you get. So long as you’re careful about how you manage your life on social media, it can be a wonderful place to find and hone your creative voice.
What are your thoughts on social media and its impacts? Do you feel that it’s a positive, negative or a bit of both? How do you use social media and how do you protect your mental health when using it?
Final thoughts from me
I agree with all these benefits and I hope you enjoyed reading the post. All the details you need to connect with Chloe are below. Please go check out her blog, show some love, comment on posts and do what we do best in the blogging community, interact and show support.
In true Mummy Conquering Anxiety fashion, I wanted to post something real and honest for Mental Health Awareness Week this year! I want to remind you all, these posts are hard for me to write and probably, for you to hear. However, the topic is relevant and important. Creating my new beginning, in respect of my career, was the best thing I ever did. And I know other people are experiencing the same treatment at work.
I second guess myself about whether I should publish these posts and therefore, this one has been in the pipeline for a while. However, now is the right time to release this post. Because my work situation is now vastly different. I am a different person, with a different outlook. BUT I will always be a mental health advocate.
The back story
Here goes. I wrote this post a while ago, as a means of getting through one of the most stressful times in my life. As it happens, changing my situation was also the most life-changing.
Following total burnout in my job, I suffered a complete mental breakdown. Cue falling to the floor, tears, not making any sense. Like someone switched off my brain. And it wouldn’t restart. At the time, I didn’t want it to. It was the lowest point of my life. I’d suffered from low points with my mental health in the past. High anxiety levels and depression were common in times of stress, but it was never this bad.
The culture must change. We can no longer pile an unreasonable amount of pressure on employees and expect them not to eventually burn out.
My personal experience
The return to work – almost at my new beginning
Following months’ off work and pressure to return, I went back into the workplace. And eagerly awaited a redundancy date. Having an end date in sight, kept me going.
Ultimately, I was temporarily throwing myself back into a situation where miscommunication and downright rudeness in the workplace, had led me to a mental breakdown. Going back into that situation, for even a day, was going to be a mammoth task. Remember when I returned, I didn’t know how long I would stay in the role. And I don’t do very well with the unknown. It’s one of the biggest drivers of my anxiety. Knowing where I stand and having a routine helps keep it under control.
My life is different and much happier, and I now have support in my new workplace. And I am thankful for the journey because it taught me so much about my mental strength in challenging times.
Getting back into it
Upon my return, I was left alone for the first month, with everyone telling me “we want to make sure you’re okay“, “bear in mind your mental health” and I knew it was bullshit. It was a line they had to say to appear supportive. That’s what some workplaces do. In this day and age, for some businesses, it’s all talk, no action. And I think it’s despicable. I would rather the business be honest and not have a mental health policy at all, rather than provide empty words on such an important topic.
Jobless, ‘unemployed’ was soon going to be my label. All of a sudden I felt a lack of self-confidence. A lack of security. An urge to review my money situation and sort out bills that still needed paying, with one less income. But I still had not recovered fully and didn’t have the energy. A battle between wanting to prioritise myself for once, but lacking the motivation to do so.
I hope EVERYONE starts to place the same physical illness value on mental illness. Especially after we’ve all endured so much trauma lately.
Poor management
Another factor in all my previous job roles, was a lack of knowledge at the top. Yes, managers are there to manage, not necessarily understand how to do your job. But if they don’t have a clue about the work the people they are supposed to be supporting do daily, what’s the point? How will they ever recognise the stress triggers of overworked staff? How do they even know what too much work is?
From a human perspective, we should all be able to communicate appropriately with someone whos suffered a mental breakdown. But this takes training and awareness!
I’ve written previously about how I witnessed rude, biased, and bullying behaviour in workplaces I was part of, and this spans my whole working life. Although I wouldn’t relive the pandemic if I had a choice, I do hope it’s brought significant changes to the office environment in the UK. The culture must change. We can no longer pile an unreasonable amount of pressure on employees and expect them not to eventually burn out.
Where it all went wrong
My first anxiety-filled morning began a while after I returned to work. When you’re constantly having to justify yourself and the work you are completing, it is exhausting. This is what I was being asked to do on this occasion and given my mental health history, I think there was a better way of doing things.
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My thoughts in hindsight
Throughout all of this, I do have some grasp of the fact that employees in the department were under daily stress because of an impending redundancy and I take on board the fact this can impact a person’s behaviour. But it still doesn’t make poor behaviour towards staff correct. And it certainly doesn’t help my already fragile anxiety levels. From a human perspective, we should all be able to communicate appropriately with someone whos suffered a mental breakdown. But this takes training and awareness!
The redundancy announcement
It is hurtful when you’ve invested so much time and energy into your career and it comes to an end in this way. My heart goes out to anyone whos been through or is currently going through a redundancy process.
On the day I found out our redundancy date, I felt numb. I thought I would feel differently. It felt just like any other announcement. Following my mental health struggles, I couldn’t be bothered sorting out the admin and conversations involved in leaving. I wouldn’t feel satisfied until I had left the company and the redundancy money was in my bank.
Jobless, ‘unemployed’ was soon going to be my label. All of a sudden I felt a lack of self-confidence. A lack of security. An urge to review my money situation and sort out bills that still needed paying, with one less income. But I still had not recovered fully and didn’t have the energy. A battle between wanting to prioritise myself for once, but lacking the motivation to do so.
10 days to go – the worst 10 days of my life
10 days to go. Then I would be unemployed. Something I never anticipated I would be happy about. Finally, done and dusted with the workplace that I once loved, but then also caused me unreasonable amounts of stress.
To deal with the anger, I started journaling my feelings. I thought, what’s the point in stressing about this when I had 10 days to go. But bear in mind, that I was now a different person. More protective of my mental health. I viewed life differently. It was great I had grown in confidence to change the situation that broke me. But I was still in the situation that broke me. And I was still facing the same daily battles that sent me to hell and back.
Other posts you may like in the mental health category
Maybe these heightened feelings are normal for anyone going through a redundancy process. It’s probably just part of the process and how your mind accepts the huge change which will be happening to you at any moment. A moment someone else chooses, usually based on money-making and not paying any attention to your life.
The current employment situation in the UK
I can tell you, from my recent experience of visiting the job centre, unstable job conditions have impacted a lot of people and the department is inundated. The knock-on effect of COVID, and greedy CEOs making reckless decisions, together with a failing economy, have created a recipe for disaster. And it’s set to get even worse!
Yes, there are jobs out there, but the game has changed. I’m hoping the shift will eventually benefit office workers and companies to start to value mental health. I hope EVERYONE starts to place the same physical illness value on mental illness. Especially after we’ve all endured so much trauma lately.
Some of you might be asking why I went back to the workplace at all. Well, I wanted and deserved the redundancy payment. I also deserved to be treated like a human being. Bear in mind, that I am an advocate for mental well-being and society ditching the stigma those with mental illnesses suffer. I couldn’t just let this situation slide, without showing up and standing up for myself. In turn, I felt like I was also standing up for other people.
I considered raising concerns, then I weighed this up against the mental exhaustion this would exert and the potential of really gaining anything. In the end, I cut my losses and decided to start putting my energy into my new life.
Work should be a complementary part of our lives, not the thing that makes it unliveable
TO clarify, I’m all for mental health training in the workplace. But it has to be great training, run by people who’ve experienced dealing with a mental health crisis first hand. It can’t just be another set of standard lines companies use to protect themselves.
Trusted training resources
Mind conducts workplace training and I would trust them as a great resource. It’s also great to see the training by Rethink Mental Illness had input from people with lived experience. There are also other smaller companies running mental health training and there is value out there.
Workplaces – please create a different process for mental health absences
Another significant issue that made me feel like my mental illness wasn’t valid, was the return to work process. Workplaces need to create different policies for mental health circumstances. As they would do a terminal illness or a bereavement. Any other unusual situation, which doesn’t fit into the category of physical health.
My hope for HR departments in the future
Whilst I don’t have personal experience of it, I hope other employers are already doing the great things I’ve suggested. I hope this blog post doesn’t need to be read by most companies, but my own experience was just a stand-alone negative one. In conducting some research for this post I found this promising article about HR awards won by a building society. I wish all businesses would adopt this approach.
It’s also important for HR to check the company ethos is being implemented in all departments. And ensure there isn’t a disconnect between individual departments.
The main point
My life is different and much happier, and I now have support in my new workplace. And I am thankful for the journey because it taught me so much about my mental strength in challenging times.
Worrying statistics
The statistics for mental health-related absences in the UK look grim. And some of the research was conducted pre-pandemic. Arguably, we are in a worse position currently. Worst still, people are sometimes dismissed as a result of their mental health struggles.
How can we continue to accept this treatment?
One final note about burnout
Whilst I am still trying to make sense of what happened to me, I faced complete burnout as a result of overdoing it. I want to take this opportunity to tell all my readers this is not the way you have to live. Yes, we all need money. Both I and my hubby have to work to pay bills and live, but it is possible to balance this with looking after your mental health.
My wish for the future is that employers become the ones who prioritise this on behalf of their employees. And they avoid creating a culture where people feel they need to do more for the same money. Employ more staff, reduce the workload, and spend money to ease pressure on your staff!
Will you ever recover from burnout? I have. Granted, I am not the same person I was before. I now take less rubbish and I know, my boundaries. I won’t ever allow a repeat of this situation.
Final thoughts
This is my journal of a tough time in my life. In keeping with the theme of this blog, I wanted to share this with you because I want to help other people in the same situation. I want other people to realise they are not alone. Thankfully, I have recently started a new chapter in my career and I am in a better place.
Let time know what you think of the post in the comments below. I would love to hear from you.
Because this is such an emotive issue for me, it would be great to hear from anyone who can relate. Your comments are much appreciated and it helps me and other people know we are not alone in our struggles.
It is a proven fact, that the early years of our lives shape who we are and how well we cope with challenges in adult life. A traumatic experience in childhood can have lasting effects. Exploring emotions is vital.
All human beings have emotions. They start to develop at an early age, often when toddlers don’t really understand what they are yet. The common one in our house at the moment is missing other people. This involves a daily conversation filled with reassurance, that everyone misses the people they love.
Because toddler emotions are a challenge I currently face. And I know other parents definitely go through this cycle, I wanted to write a post dedicated to the best stories I could find, discussing children’s emotions.
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Let’s look at the research into why we should explore emotions
Understanding children’s emotions are critical to understanding their behaviour. Early years children feel a range of emotions, but often cannot express, interpret or process them like us.
With poor emotional skills, it could be harder for children to learn:
Children grow and develop rapidly in their first five years across the four main areas of development. These areas are motor (physical), communication and language, cognitive, social and emotional.
Social and emotional development means how children start to understand who they are, what they are feeling and what to expect when interacting with others. It is the development of being able to:
Form and sustain positive relationships.
Experience, manage and express emotions.
Explore and engage with the environment.
Positive social and emotional development is important. This development influences a child’s self-confidence, empathy, the ability to develop meaningful and lasting friendships and partnerships, and a sense of importance and value to those around them. Children’s social and emotional development also influences all other areas of development.
Parents and caregivers play the biggest role in social/emotional development because they offer the most consistent relationships for their children. Consistent experiences with family members, teachers and other adults help children learn about relationships and explore emotions in predictable interactions.
To nurture your child’s social and emotional development, it is important that you engage in quality interactions like these on a daily basis, depending on the age of your child:
Be affectionate and nurturing: hold, comfort, talk and sing with your baby, toddler and child.
Help your baby experience joy in “give-and-take” relationships by playing games like “peek-a-boo.”
Provide your toddler with responsive care, letting them practice new skills while still providing hands-on help.
Support your child’s developing skills; help him/her, but don’t do everything for your child, even if it takes longer or is messy.
Teach social and emotional skills, such as taking turns, listening and resolving conflict.
What happens if we don’t manage emotions
One of the most important ways parents or guardians can help is by listening to their children and taking their feelings seriously. They may want a hug, they may want you to help them change something or they may want practical help.
Children and young people’s negative feelings usually pass. However, it’s a good idea to get help if your child is distressed for a long time if their feelings are stopping them from getting on with their lives, if their distress is disrupting family life or if they are repeatedly behaving in ways you wouldn’t expect at their age.
What’s Troubling Tawny? The award-winning second book in the Sumatran Trilogy! Tawny longs to make friends with another rhino, but her shyness holds her back. When she meets a hornbill called Tallulah, she is surprised to learn that she has a lot in common with the beautiful bird.
Poppy the porcupine has always wanted to make a friend, but her defensive nature prevents her. When a young tiger cub stumbles upon her one day in the rainforest, she reacts badly and scares him away.
Determined to change her ways, she sets out to find him, but little does she know that the tiger cub is about to have a problem of his own. In the face of danger, will Poppy find a way to save the day?
The Problem with Poppy is the award-winning debut picture book by British author Emma Sandford. Illustrated by Ukrainian artist Olena Osadcha.
If you could change something about yourself, would you do it?
When Sarah Simpkins is teased about her shadow in the school playground, she finds herself wishing she didn’t have one.
That night she has the chance to make the wish come true. But will losing her shadow really make her happy?
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Let’s Be Friends Again
Purchase the book below:
Let’s Be Friends Again
Kids World Books – Sibling fights, tantrums and subsequent bonding is the theme of this story.
The story is narrated by a boy and he narrates rather than shares his experiences with his sister. The boy and the girl play together. They spend most of their leisure time together. Just like every sibling, they fight often and bond subsequently.
The boy finds some trouble with his sister. The boy sometimes babysits for his sister and she used to trouble him! However, she was a good listener and the boy used to tell some great stories. The boy refused to share his toys with her. Yet, the smart girl used to grab all her brother’s toys. The tantrum began when the girl played with his brother’s pet turtle!
The girl thought that the tank where the pet turtle was kept was too small for the turtle. She carried it to the pond and let it free in the pond.
The boy was as angry as he lost his pet turtle. He showed his anger in many ways. He shouted at her. He threw away his toys and kept on thinking about his turtle. His parents supported his sister. He planned to avenge the loss of his pet and imagined many things. (This is definitely a fun part that everyone would die laughing).
He couldn’t sleep for hours thinking about the pet. He then saw his sister playing in the garden so happy like never before. The boy was surprised as well as very angry seeing her sister happy.
He made a decision! What was that?
Let’s be friends again, the lovable brother and sister, their cute fights, rivalry, etc are narrated beautifully. It happens very commonly in every household.
Children and young people are still developing – they don’t have adult brains or bodies, so need help to understand and manage their emotions.
You’ve probably heard your parents or grandparents say “they’re just attention seeking” or “they’re being difficult”. But there’s usually more to it than this.
We often ask people who contact Children 1st Parentline: “What is your child trying to tell you when they’re acting like that?” Looked at this way, unwanted behaviour is usually about a child needing something – or their way of trying to work out how to manage something.
From a toddler’s need for comfort to a teenager’s conflicting desires for independence and security, testing behaviour is common and is often set off by everyday experiences rather than big events.
Jodi also thinks the book will come just at the right time for children who have had to shut themselves away all year and might be scared to try something new.
She added: “It is a lovely story for 4–7-year-olds about taking yourself out of your comfort zone to try new things.
“Worley’s story is a fab way to engage children with these cute little monsters and learn how to develop their confidence.
“The book also included suggested activities for parent and adult readers.
“I’m also now writing my second story for the series about Worley and Co!
“Having suffered quite a bit as a kid – I lost my dad at 10 and my best friend at 14 – and had a lot of bullying and not nice things going on and I didn’t know how to cope,” she explained.
“That had a massive effect on me as an adult which led to a breakdown. I don’t want kids to go through what I did. The more people I can teach and I can help the better. I don’t think I would have had as big a meltdown if I already had tools to use.
“My characters are all monsters – I have a whole tribe of emotions monsters that teach children about emotions. Worley is the main one and he meets his friends with different emotions.
“The first one was teaching him to be brave and through the monster, you learn you might make a mistake but it will be fine. He realises he doesn’t need to be the best at everything.
“The second book is about anger. The book is written as a rhyme; basically, Worley gets angry and doesn’t know what it is. His friend George, the angry monster, teaches him it is ok to be angry and how to manage it.
“It is done in quite a fun way so children can understand.”
Buster Finds His Beat
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Buster Finds His Beat
A feel-good story about an autistic boy, That will capture your imagination and fill you with joy.
Buster uses ear defenders to soften sounds he hears, Find out what happens when he faces his fears…
Pick up your copy, you’ll be in for a treat, As he uses the power of sound to find his own beat.
The first book in a new rhyming picture book series from D.M. Mullan and Kirsteen Harris Jones – welcome to D.M. Mullan’s Curious Tales… Hector van Groat If something is missing, and you’re feeling blue, you could learn from Hector, who feels this way too. This little genius lives in an upside-down boat, and he grunts from his hill like a grumpy old goat. “Hector van Groat needs no one but Hector because he is a genius, a crazy inventor”.
A beautifully illustrated picture book about mental health for young readers. Where Is My Smile? is the story of a little boy who can’t find his smile anywhere. He searches and searches, but it’s nowhere to be found. Where could his smile be? This delightful picture book is perfect as a bedtime story, and to help little children understand that it’s okay to be sad sometimes, but we can always find our way through it.
Final Thoughts
I hope you enjoyed reading my list of books to inspire conversations with your toddler about emotions.
Do you have any of these books? Or will you be purchasing them? What techniques do you use to explore emotions?
I would love to hear from you in the comments below.
I don’t always want to put the work in to protect my mental health. Keeping on top of it sometimes becomes a chore and the rebellious side of my personality wants to give up. But I don’t! Whilst I have weeks where I am just not feeling it. If I don’t have time for self-care, I usually catch myself and urgently utilise some much-needed mental well-being techniques I have in my toolbox.
I would encourage anyone else out to keep maintaining a good standard of mental well-being. Especially during the winter months.
Why do we as humans know how to physically rest, but we have a problem with guilt when it comes to looking after our mental health?
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You might have already seen my TikTok where I talk about my current feelings. I can’t shake the feeling of wanting to hibernate until March 2023. I feel lower than usual and have to work harder than ever to keep my head above water.
I’ve written on the blog before about Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and how this can have an impact on our mental health.
I already have anxiety problems, which can sometimes lead to low periods and depression.
As I said in the TikTok video, each year I forget just how bad I feel. Lack of vitamin D, limited natural light and horrible, cold weather can impact our bodies negatively. Which can lead to implications for our mental and emotional well-being.
Here are my tips for maintaining a good standard of mental well-being during the winter months, including some worksheets to help you…
As of last weekend, I definitely feel pretty low mentally. Especially when it’s dark all day & the rain won’t stop. At this point, I feel like it will rain until March 2023 & I just want to hide under the duvet until then. For anyone currently feeling the same, some helpful tips will be posted on the blog over the weekend. Hope it helps ❤️❤️❤️ #mentalhealth#mentalhealthmatters#mentalhealthawareness#sad#seasonaldepression
I know it’s challenging to fit in time for self-care. And society still holds the opinion that resting and relaxing is wasting your time or pure laziness. This couldn’t be further from the truth!
Not looking after myself or getting enough sleep for a few months, led me to have a full mental breakdown. It then took me 18 months to fully recover.
If you’re a gym goer, you will understand rest days. Similarly, if you walk a lot for your job, you sit down at night and physically rest. Why do we as humans know how to physically rest, but we have a problem with guilt when it comes to looking after our mental health?
Make some time. Even five minutes can help you. I am now well-practised at meditation andcan complete a hypnotherapy recording in five minutes. It may not seem like a lot of time, but it helps.
2. Plan in self-care time to avoid burnout
Felling low, and becoming irritable can creep up on us and we don’t always consciously know what’s happening. Allocating specific days and times for self-care can help.
I personally tell my hubby in advance that I will need childcare cover. To complete the hypnotherapy mediations, I then find a quiet room and some time to myself, without a toddler bothering me. I dedicate at least 90% of my time to her care, needs and spending time as a family. 20-30 minutes to refresh myself isn’t a lot to ask. And we shouldn’t feel guilty as parents when we need to ask for this time out.
3. Use some tools to assist you in your journey
Because of my history of mental health problems, I now have a toolkit on hand for my low moments. These are some of the things in there:
In the mental health community, we all know talking to someone can be powerful. And it helps. In the aftermath of my mental breakdown, making connections with like-minded people, pulled me out of the fog and allowed me to move forward.
You might be reluctant to make social connections and I know the feeling of just wanting to hide away. But please talk to someone if you need to!
5. Change your routine
Stepping outside your comfort zone and doing something you wouldn’t normally do, can help break the depression cycle in your brain. For me, it became sitting in the local park, soaking in nature and literally putting myself back together.
Even walking a different way home from the park, during those dark moments in my mind, helped me. I felt very much like my brain wouldn’t reboot. But these different habits started to fill me with confidence and allowed me to think slightly differently. Gain a new perspective on life.
6. Do some exercise
Exercise alone won’t cure you of your mental struggles, but it will help you to feel better along the way. During those dark days, it can get you moving and out of the house. And slowly, you start to tackle other challenges.
Here are some other resources on the blog which may be helpful for you:
In this post, I include some great books about managing anxiety, written by those with lived experience. There are also some great workbooks to manage stress, which I still use to this day!
Parenting is a challenging time. Lack of sleep, a completely new routine and not having a clue how to look after a child, can all take a toll. I am actively adding to this page for any parents out there who may be struggling,
On this page, I share my journey of completing a Perma hypnotherapy course. And how it benefitted me massively. If it’s something you’ve considered, check out the blog posts.
I must admit, I sometimes forget to take my vitamins for a few days and I usually don’t feel great when it happens. I now take a vitamin D supplement, which helps me throughout the year, but especially in winter.
Everyone is different and will need a different supplement to fuel their bodies. Get some advice, or look into what works best for you.
8. Get enough sleep
I know from experience, some people just cannot get enough sleep. For a new mother, it just isn’t possible. Prior to motherhood, I never slept well because I had thoughts whirling through my mind all the time. So I get it.
If you can, try and get 7-8 hours of sleep, or however much your body needs. This is the time when our body repairs itself and it is therefore vital to our well-being.
9. Positive thinking
For me personally, positive thinking is about having affirmation cards littered around my workspace. It is also doing meditation recordings which contain powerful, life-changing messages. Mostly, it is being aware that our thoughts can impact us positively or negatively. And trying to turn things around if I am not having a great time mentally.
10. Be kind to yourself
The winter months can be harsh on both our minds and bodies. Do whatever it takes to be kind to yourself. Have an ice cream, and jump in bed for a nap. Spend time under the duvet. And don’t feel guilty for looking after yourself.
Final Thoughts
Every human being is different and will respond to these techniques and tools differently. I personally found that combining a range of these different strategies and tools, helped me become well enough to get through the dark days and then focus on mentally recovering.
Free download
I’ve created a self-care planner, where you can list all the areas you want to focus on. There are four sections, and each allows you to focus on a different area of your life. To bring an overall sense of well-being.
Mind – Infoline: 0300 123 3393 – this helpline provides information and signposting. (open 9 am to 6 pm, Monday to Friday (except for bank holidays).
Anxiety UK – they have a helpline: 03444 775 774 Text support: 07537 416 905 (open Mon-Fri 09:30 am-5:30 pm)
The Stay Alive app is a pocket suicide prevention resource for the UK, packed full of useful information to help you stay safe
Shout – If you would prefer not to talk but want some mental health support, you can text SHOUT to 85258. Shout offers a confidential 24/7 text service providing support if you are in crisis and need immediate help
SANEline – If you’re experiencing a mental health problem or supporting someone else, you can call SANEline on 0300 304 7000 (4.30 pm–10.30 pm every day).
I wanted to write a list of great books by people who’ve found creative ways to manage their anxiety levels. In addition to this, I will also be letting you know about some courses which are geared towards wellness.
Quick note: AD-AFF-GIFTEDSome of the links contained on this page are sponsored and affiliate links. If you go through an affiliate link to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be helpful for other people.
Shall we dive into the list of great resources to help you with managing anxiety?
Education – courses for managing anxiety
Charlotte Lewington
Charlotte is a bestselling co-author, educator and consultant helping children and young people to find their voice, be seen and feel validated. There is nothing she is more passionate about than making sure children know that they are loved and love themselves from the inside out. During her own childhood, Charlotte faced many struggles that only made her stronger. Through these experiences, she learnt that you can either sit down and cry about things or you get up and you move on. Learning the lesson being shown to you.
After 16 years of experience within different health and childcare settings, Charlotte gained a degree in psychology and is currently working towards a master’s degree in children and young people. Charlotte spends most of her time delivering training to nurseries, schools and organisations offering workshops and retreats relating to emotional well-being.
Her mission is to provide support in order to bridge the gap with the mental health crisis that we are currently experiencing.In between all this, you will often find charlotte travelling the world and making the most out of life.
You can view and purchase all of her courses on Udemy UK.
1-2-1 support sessions if anyone is feeling lost or finding the queen’s death a trigger. For anyone finding it challenging with children going back to school or children managing anxiety about anything, parents or carers can book a call. She is also currently looking for people to be involved in a book collaboration.
Miss M Online courses
I recently wrote about how important it is to nurture a business-minded child. And more importantly, teach essential life skills that are usually lacking in the mainstream school system. You can check out the full blog post here.
Well, it’s time to bring you the latest from this amazing platform. Check out some of the courses available below.
What’s the latest?
Why not check out the new business board game? What an amazing gift for a young person this Christmas!
Head over and check out all of their amazing learning resources. Maybe you want to buy the gift of learning for a loved one or friend this holiday season. You know someone who is currently managing anxiety and needs some assistance.
Books for managing anxiety
You can check out my page, dedicated to all things books! Feel free to browse the other book-related posts on my blog
Running For Our Lives is about how running helps people overcome life challenges and mental health struggles. It touches upon how it helped Rachel reclaim her identity after she became a mum. In addition, it contains human stories and experiences from ordinary people.
I knew this title would resonate with time on some level. But I was unprepared for how much I would feel an emotional connection to the stories. A literal pang in my heart because this journey of sharing our mental health struggles is also one I’ve been on myself. I couldn’t put this book down, thanks to honest writing. Not to mention, the sheer power of connection between human beings who have one shared cause.
“It enables us to silence the chimp and write another story for ourselves – one where things become possible.”
“Perhaps it is you seeing the tiniest chink of light in a very dark place, discovering that you have a new friend in the world – one whom you have never met.”
The Cold Fix is about the healing power of cold water immersion in overcoming physical and mental pain. Or anguish including osteoarthritis, seasonal sadness, migraines, alcoholism and overthinking. It’s about growing older and exploring new opportunities; menopause, body image and confidence.
My thoughts
When reading the book, my initial thought was that I was intrigued as to why people do this and I find it fascinating that such an extreme activity can help someone mentally.
I particularly like the sensory and meditative experience which comes with this technique. It feels similar to how I probably feel when doing meditation.
“Coming here on my own had indeed added a risk factor, but it had also motivated and driven me to climb, literally, out of my comfort zone and rediscover a world that had been out of my reach for too long”
“The cold water has given me the key to unlock myself within a place I didn’t know existed: the community of cold-water swimmers right around the world. What binds us all together is the cold and how it makes us feel: brave enough to tackle even the toughest of life’s issues.”
Stand Up Paddleboarding is a guide to paddle boarding. However, Jo explains the sport has got her through grief, anxiety and empty nesting. It’s brought her identity back outside her roles as a mother, daughter, sister, and friend. And her commitment to the environment has strengthened. Back in 2019, she became the first woman aged 54 to stand up paddleboard coast to coast across northern England. Picking up litter and raising money for environmental charities.
My thoughts
The most striking thing about this book is the great images of places to visit. You feel transported there, and it’s wonderful. You are experiencing an adventure alongside reading about Jo’s story. There is a real variation in locations across the UK and I was glad to see some near where we live. It also makes me want to visit the places I haven’t visited and take in the scenery for myself.
The book also includes practical tips on how to get started, if you’re interested in starting your stand-up paddle-boarding journey
“A chance to walk on water, and I hope, appreciate that we all belong there too.”
He has recently been writing for some projects, aiming to help young people with their mental health. If you follow my blog, you will know I am totally on board with this. The current cost of living situation we are facing in the UK is only going to increase mental health problems among young people. Ultimately, it is up to us to raise awareness.
One is about how becoming guise-wise can really help reduce the mental health issues of young people (and not so young!)
Why? Because so many are the result of comparing ourselves to others, often obsessively, and to a disproportionate emphasis on relatively minor or very specific but not all-defining differences. Young people are especially prone to these practices. Supposing I’m a teenager preoccupied with my gender identity. Maybe I suspect I’m different in this respect from most of my friends. At one time, gender identity was not an issue for all but a tiny number of kids. Now it’s an issue for a lot, but that’s not the main point. The main point is that if I am a teenager with gender identity concerns then part of that will involve placing myself on a spectrum of gender gradations. I’m defining myself by what I am not and I’m probably defining my whole self primarily in terms of gender identity markers. This means that I’m not foregrounding all the many things I share with my peers – other aspects of identity, beliefs, preferences, interests and hosts of others that I share with everybody on the planet. Rather, I’m over-focusing on one thing that’s distinctive about me, one particular difference.
Becoming-Guise-Wise: How to dissolve the mental health issues of the young – Dr Michael Waters
The other is about making commonality-first, not difference-first how we should best respond to others – this would be the best legacy for the Queen since this is what she did in her life
She experienced diversity, more than anyone who has ever lived. No one else has been up as close and personal to such a variety of individuals in such a variety of settings. No one else has had more first-hand experience of as many different social and cultural groups. Who else has made official visits to over 117 countries and carried out over 21,000 official engagements, to say nothing of walkabouts and other unscripted exchanges? It’s also clear that she cared deeply for many of those to whom the word “diversity” is usually applied – minorities and the marginalised.
The Queen’s Legacy: Commonality-First – Dr Michael Waters
Workbooks for managing anxiety
I had to share the workbooks that personally helped me with managing anxiety, during the down periods in my life. I still have these on the shelf by my workspace. They proved to be so beneficial in my time of need.
My Bookshelf at home
Final thoughts
I hope you found these tools for managing helpful anxiety. Maybe a book you want to purchase something for yourself or a loved one?
Let me know your favourite book or course – I would love to hear from you in the comments.
Recent posts on the blog
Feel free to check out some of the other posts on my blog:
It isn’t really news to anyone that mental health is an issue requiring more attention than it gets. We’ve all been made conscious of mental health awareness campaigns, even though we’re all perfectly aware of mental health by now, and what we really need is action. While we are stuck with more self-help than outside help, however, there is definitely a lot to be said for getting some brain exercise. Not only does mental stimulation provide a timely distraction from the strain of mental health issues, but it also provides a strengthening effect on our brains and minds, which certainly doesn’t cure depression or anxiety, but makes the battle fairer.
It has been proven time and again that brain exercise boosts the capacity of your brain, speeding cognitive function and boosting memory. While there are always going to be elements of anxiety and depression that try their best to diminish your quality of life, it is worth knowing that improved cognitive function helps to push back against those intrusive thoughts and negative self-image, and so it’s more than worthwhile.
What do we mean by brain exercise?
Essentially, any time you use your brain, it’s brain exercise. All that differs is the intensity and control. So managed brain exercise will usually take the form of puzzles and processes that lead to us using our brains in a targeted way. While filling out your tax return or figuring out how to install a shelving unit are also forms of exercise, they are time-consuming and have a high failure factor – resulting in frustration that is precisely the opposite of what you’re looking for. Doing a Sudoku, where it doesn’t matter if you get it right, or learning a language in your spare time just for the joy of it, are good methods of brain exercise.
If you’re prone to anxiety, you’ll know how your thoughts can shift around, as though the brain is filled with too much energy. Using puzzles to focus the mind can redirect that energy. The more you do these forms of exercise, the better you’ll get too, which is rewarding and mentally gratifying; if you can replace some of those negative thoughts with positive reaffirmation, it will help your condition. Even if you occasionally need to use a tool to unscramble words, it still helps use your mind for better purposes than it will choose if left idle.
Can brain exercise overcome mental health issues entirely?
It’s optimistic to imagine that brain exercise will be enough on its own to “beat” mental health hurdles. Those of us who have suffered from such conditions know that the situation is a lot more complex than something that can be unlocked with one fun trick. However, it’s important to try to elevate your starting level when dealing with any condition. Just as someone with an injury needs physical exercise to rehab the injured part, so someone with mental health concerns can give their brain some help by working on puzzles and other skills.
This form of mental exercise will also have outside benefits: doing puzzles will improve your vocabulary and open up interesting things to read about; learning a language will give you an insight into a different culture and potentially even offer a travel destination that you can work towards. At the base of it, brain exercise is about finding a positive way to occupy your thought processes. It won’t cure any mental health condition, because that takes a great deal of time and guided exploration of your condition – but it is one element of a package that can deliver great results.
What if I don’t enjoy puzzles?
Brain exercise can take a lot of different shapes, and in truth, it is best to let your own preferences and tastes guide what form of exercise you choose. Not everybody likes puzzles. Language learning isn’t for everyone, either, but there are other ways you can direct your thoughts. You could learn to cook a certain kind of cuisine, take up an instrument, grow and tend to a small garden or anything else that gives you moments of joy and small victories.
A mental health condition will try to make you feel small, stupid, and helpless. The best way to put yourself on a path to long-term recovery is to find an enjoyable way to remind yourself that you are none of those things. It won’t always be easy and straightforward, but if you don’t complete a crossword or your minestrone turns out a little watery, that doesn’t matter. What matters is that you did something for yourself and had some fun in the process.
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