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The theme of mental strength came up in my latest Hypnotherapy session with Kevin. And it’s an important topic I want to explore a little more.
The fight, flight, and fear responses are triggered by our primitive brain and is essentially a safety mechanism which was useful many years ago. It saved the lives of our ancestors. But is it fit for purpose in today’s modern world?
I think it’s still useful, but the world has changed dramatically. Let’s be honest, in 2022 the world a scary place. The planet and its inhabitants are unstable and the feeling something bad could happen at any moment is anxiety-inducing in itself.
Put aside the current condition of the world, and imagine only staying within your family circle. Keeping yourself locked away in your protective bubble. You will still face disagreements, loss, and hurt. There is no avoiding the fact that life will throw us a curve ball, at some point. And it’s only a matter of time.
Rather than dwell on the fact this unpredictable moment is coming, I have chosen to strengthen my mind. So that, when this situation arises, I can respond and react differently.
And it’s going really well, so far. I already feel better. But we have lots more work to do in order to build my mental strength.
Previous posts in this series
If you want to follow my hypnotherapy journey, you can check out the two posts below:
I know these words are true. But it isn’t as simple as just saying this sentence. I certainly don’t feel this way. Currently, I can’t fully control my response to situations that trigger me and this is why I need help to build my mental strength. The science behind hypnotherapy is hugely beneficial, to try to understand how it impacts my thinking (and therefore my behaviours).
At the moment, we are exploring tools to stop the moment anxiety gets out of control and assess the reaction. A lot of research says our reaction is often the thing which causes us the most distress, rather than the event itself. It’s our response to it which is problematic. Obviously in reality it isn’t as simple as this. And the research is more complex than I can explain.
Your reaction is a choice
I hope one day soon I will truly feel the full impact of these words and I can shout them from the rooftops. And fully take control of every reaction I have in life. That’s the goal!
Why choose a therapist to assist you in building mental strength?
There are some people out there who believe you can read a book, or watch YouTube videos to become an expert, I was previously one of them. However, some experiences you need to be guided through. Especially when we are talking about accessing and changing the subconscious mind.
Hypnotherapy is about understanding how the brain works. Knowledge is power. But there is a lot to learn and this can only be done properly by taking it one step at a time. In this respect, weekly or fortnightly sessions provide enough time to consume the information and provide meaning.
I have to put the work in!
Kevin provides me with tools to do my own work. He’s like a guide. How much of the reading I choose to do in between sessions and how many trance recordings I practice in my own time, is completely up to me.
The work we complete during the sessions is also dependent on my life circumstances and the people around me and how I form relationships. We are also looking at the problems I currently face in being able to fully thrive as a person.
Final thoughts
I think people often go to therapy thinking someone will fix them (I did in the past) but change doesn’t happen without the individual wanting to make a change and working to do it.
If you want to start your journey of change, you can book a FREE discovery call with Kevin here.
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Throughout this post, I want to introduce you to a powerful concept. In the past, I have looked into neuroplasticity and how the brain functions. But I only scratched the surface. My latest hypnotherapy session provided a comprehensive overview of the brain model: essentially how the brain functions according to its different parts. And more importantly, how this can impact our automatic responses to stressful situations.
The information Kevin provided me with blew my mind. Pun intended! Talking through how the brain functions react during panic attacks and how you pick up bad habits, which then become programmed responses, really resonated with me. It’s how I’ve lived for the past 15 years. But this type of solution-focused hypnotherapy asks you not to dwell on the past. It’s time to use it as a lesson and move forward. To a better, brighter future.
The brain model
Understanding the brain model made me think about the mechanisms at play when my anxiety levels rise. It also makes me feel less guilty about the flight or fight reactions I experienced in the past. Another benefit is it definitely makes me feel more sympathetic towards anyone else showing their emotions through anger. There is always an underlying reason behind someone’s behaviour. When talking about toddler tantrums recently, someone said to me “all behaviour is communication” and it’s so true.
Knowing my brain just reacts in a certain way, which is beyond my control, and this happens so fast before your logical brain can kick in, allows me to view anxiety differently. I now feel empowered with this knowledge and I feel like I have the building blocks to move forward.
We visit a particular therapist because they make us feel at ease and Kevin certainly does that. The way he uses humour to break up heavy topics helps me immensely. Similarly, I feel comfortable going through the trance part of the session with him. His voice is very soothing and it was an enjoyable experience to completely switch off. Something I feel I haven’t achieved for a while.
Summary
What I love about these sessions is the onus that the work is done by me and only I have the power to change things. The therapist is there to guide you. The weekly homework is there so I can put into practice what I’ve learned. It was great to read through the information he sent and also try a few of the trance recordings for myself.
It is important to note, that although I don’t expect a quick fix, I am certain this journey will improve how I respond to life circumstances. I have started on level one of my building and although I have a way to go, I am starting to walk the path to a more fulfilled life.
In every area of life, understanding what is happening to us and why helps. Knowledge is power!
Stress is a common experience for many people, and it can profoundly impact mental and physical health. In this blog post, we will explore the various ways to cope with stress better and develop strategies to manage its effects. We’ll discuss how to recognize stress triggers, identify healthy coping strategies, and incorporate techniques such as relaxation techniques and mindfulness into your daily routine. Finally, we’ll look at various available resources to help you deal with stress effectively. Whether you’re just beginning to feel overwhelmed or looking for long-term solutions, this guide will provide some useful guidance on managing stress in your life. Ready to reduce the causes of stress?
What is Stress?
Stress is defined as the emotional and physical strain caused by our response to pressure from the outside world. It can originate from a wide range of sources, such as work, family responsibilities, relationships, health concerns, or significant life changes. While some amount of stress is normal and even beneficial in certain situations, prolonged or excessive levels can lead to a variety of physical and mental health problems.
Causes of Stress
Stress can be caused by a variety of factors, including difficult life situations such as job loss and family issues or even seemingly manageable things like work deadlines. Other common stress triggers include financial problems, health concerns, relationship issues, and time pressures. Some people may also experience causes of stress in response to unexpected events such as natural disasters or personal tragedies.
Recognizing Stress Triggers
The first step in managing your stress is to identify the things that trigger it. Pay attention to your physical and emotional reactions when you feel overwhelmed, and try to pinpoint what triggered your reaction. Once you know what causes your stress, you can begin to develop strategies for dealing with it more effectively.
Signs and Symptoms of Stress
The signs and symptoms of stress can vary from person to person but generally include physical symptoms such as headaches, muscle tension, fatigue, digestive issues, and skin problems. Mental health symptoms include difficulty concentrating, difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much, irritability or mood swings, anxiety, and depression. Other common signs include feeling overwhelmed or constantly in a rush; lacking motivation; avoiding social situations; procrastination; frequent crying spells, and reduced productivity at work.
Understanding Your Response to Stress
It is crucial to understand how your body responds to different levels of stress in order to develop strategies for managing it more effectively. Common responses to stress can include increased heart rate, shallow breathing, muscle tension, and feeling overwhelmed. Recognizing these signs in yourself can help to identify when it is time to take a break from a stressful situation.
Coping Strategies
Stress is an inevitable part of life and can be challenging to manage. However, learning how to cope with stress and practice self-care effectively is essential for maintaining good physical, mental and emotional health. Developing healthy habits such as engaging in regular physical activity, practising mindfulness, eating well, and creating routines or calendars can help reduce stress levels daily. By implementing these strategies into your lifestyle, you will start to feel more relaxed and better equipped to handle any challenges that come your way. Additionally, seeking professional help, if necessary, is also crucial in managing thoughts or feelings that are overwhelming or disruptive.
Benefits of Physical Exercise for Reducing Stress
Regular physical activity can help to counter the adverse effects of stress. Exercise releases endorphins that can improve your mood and reduce feelings of depression, anxiety, and fatigue. Additionally, it helps to strengthen your body’s natural defences against stress-related illnesses such as high blood pressure or heart disease. A combination of aerobic exercise (such as running), strength training (such as weightlifting), stretching, and relaxation techniques are all beneficial for managing stress levels.
Eating Healthy Key to Managing Anxiety and Stress
Eating a balanced and nutritious diet is essential for managing stress. Eating foods rich in antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals can help improve mood and reduce feelings of fatigue or irritability. Making dietary changes such as eating more fresh fruits and vegetables and reducing your intake of processed foods, sugary snacks, or caffeine can help to reduce stress levels. Avoiding processed foods and caffeine and getting enough sleep can also contribute to better overall health, which will help with your ability to cope with stressful situations. Avoiding overeating is also crucial, as this can lead to feeling sluggish, irritable, or anxious, which can further contribute to stress.
Mindfulness Practices: An Effective Tool in Dealing with Stress
Mindfulness practices such as meditation, yoga, and tai chi are beneficial techniques for reducing stress levels. By intentionally bringing awareness to your present moment experience and allowing yourself to observe thoughts, feelings, and sensations without judgment, you can recognize patterns in how you respond to stressful situations.
Organizing Your Time: Creating Calendars; Routines
Creating routines and calendars for managing your daily activities can help make you feel more organized, reducing feelings of overwhelm and anxiety associated with stress. By planning out your day, you can prioritize tasks and create a more structured method of managing workloads. This will help to make sure that all necessary tasks are completed in a timely manner, leaving room for moments of relaxation or enjoyment.
Prioritizing Self-Care
It is important to remember that your well-being comes first. It is easy to get caught up in work or daily tasks, but it is essential to take time out for yourself in order to relax and focus on your own needs. Prioritizing self-care activities such as getting enough sleep, spending time with loved ones, taking breaks from screens, journaling, and practising relaxation techniques can help to reduce stress levels and improve your overall well-being.
Seeking Professional Help
Suppose stress has a significant impact on your daily life. In that case, it may be beneficial to seek professional help from a counsellor or therapist who can provide more effective strategies for managing your responses. Talking about how you feel with someone trained in mental health issues can help to alleviate anxious thoughts or feelings of despair. Delta 8 Gummies could also be used as an additional tool for managing stress levels. These gummies are derived from hemp plants and contain CBD, which has been proven to reduce anxiety and stress levels. The gummies are available in a variety of flavours, making them an easy-to-use option for those looking for a quick way to relax and destress.
Simple Tips for Everyday Living that Promote Well-Being and Reduce Stress Levels
Living a healthy lifestyle that is balanced and manageable can reduce stress levels. Taking time for yourself to engage in activities or hobbies that you enjoy, getting enough sleep, spending time with friends and family, laughing more often, creating boundaries between work and home life, and setting achievable goals are all simple strategies that can be used on a daily basis. Additionally, learning how to say no to tasks or requests that exceed your ability to manage them effectively can also help reduce feelings of stress and overwhelm.
Stress is an inevitable part of life, and it is essential to learn how to manage it effectively. Finding the right mix of activities that work best for you on an individual basis is key to reducing stress levels and promoting overall well-being. Remember to be kind to yourself, take a break when needed, reach out for professional support if required, and don’t forget to have fun along the way. With these tips in mind, you will soon find yourself better equipped to cope with life’s challenges with confidence.
In the final stages of recovery from my mental breakdown, it was about putting tools in place to survive daily life from now on. Understanding my triggers has helped me reduce the mental impact of certain situations. In this respect, self-maintenance is required.
For example, I know lack of sleep impacts me negatively. Therefore, I have rest or a nap if it’s needed, and I have time to do so. Meditation has also allowed me to feel refreshed, without spending too much of my time on this activity. Practice makes perfect!
We need to start treating mental well-being maintenance with the same importance as physical wellbeing maintenance.
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Even when I feel mentally well, I now understand that ongoing self-maintenance is required. A runner doesn’t just go for one run, and then stop. We need to start treating mental well-being maintenance with the same importance as physical well-being maintenance.
It’s essential I build on the foundations of self-maintenance I discuss below.
Positive thinking
Every single day since my mental breakdown, I’ve worked hard to replace negative thoughts with positive ones and try not to let my mind run away with itself. The blog has helped and I feel like I’ve processed a lot of emotions by writing about my experiences.
I also now understand that we manifest and create the world we live in, from our thoughts. Whether these are positive or negative can have an impact on our well-being and our outlook on life.
Planning time for self-care
Regardless of your circumstances, we live in a fast-paced and busy world. It is easy to tell ourselves we are too busy, or tired to fit in self-care and self-maintenance. But it must be done. Constant self-care was one of the main factors in recovering from my mental breakdown. I was forced to be kind to myself. And I’ve continued this far beyond recovery.
Meditation for self-maintenance
You may have already viewed my page on my blog, following my hypnotherapy journey. Because of this transformative course, I am now well-practised at mediating and I get huge benefits from doing this.
Life Coaching
Life coaching is something I tried in the past, but I recently opted for the hypnotherapy course instead. The sessions are made up of assisting you in finding your power and the path you want to take – so essentially it is life coaching with the addition of some other concrete tools you can use for the rest of your life.
Maintaining connections
I have written on the blog before about hiding away from social situations during my anxiety-filled days. Making new connections and being honest with my family and friends about my struggles, allowed me to heal. Following my breakdown, the support network I had was vital.
I now make a point of ditching any relationship which doesn’t serve me (not everyone in life is supposed to get along). And I seek out, value and nurture connections which align with my values. Favouring like-minded people has allowed me to finally attain the career I want and be surrounded by people who want to help others. All of which have a positive impact on my mental well-being.
Affirmations for self-maintenance
If you follow the blog, you will know I have affirmation cards dotted around the house, Particularly around my workspace, to motivate me and encourage me to think positively. Especially if I am having a bad day.
The ones I use are centred around career, empowerment and confidence. But there are so many other decks available, depending on your preference. Maybe you want a journal to record gratitude or affirmations in a different format. Take a look at the various options below:
Albert Einstein famously said that life was like a bicycle: if you don’t keep moving forwards, you lose your balance.
What he meant by this was quite interesting. He was saying that you really do need to go with the flow rather than remain stagnant. You have to aim at something, otherwise, everything becomes such a chore.
Here are some reasons why you should keep moving forward.
The Past Cannot Serve You
The first reason for moving forwards is that the past really cannot serve you. Regardless of how well (or badly) things went in the past, nothing that happened can determine what goes on in the present moment (unless you happen to be in prison).
Unfortunately, the human mind has a habit of holding onto things from the past, either in the form of regret or nostalgia. When you don’t stop moving forward, though, the need to remain in the past disappears. You’re just focusing on the situation in front of you, instead of looking backwards.
You Experience New Things
Regularly moving to new areas is something that everyone should practice. That’s because you have an opportunity to experience new things. Staying in the same locale your entire life can get a little stale.
Buying Meriton Apartments in one city, and then renting them out when you go to the next is a great way to fund your lifestyle and keep moving forward. You can try new work, explore different areas, and meet new people. It’s all incredibly exciting.
You Can Start Again
Life doesn’t always work out the way you want it to. You can find yourself in situations that trap you or make you feel bad.
But when your fundamental driving force in life is to keep moving forward, these situations don’t last for long. Sure, things will go bad from time to time, but you always have the opportunity to move on. Starting again is something that you can absolutely do.
When you travel around the world, you learn a lot about life. But when you stay in the same place, you don’t put yourself in situations that help you grow.
You Improve Your Skills
Many people work the same job for years on end because they worry about the consequences of moving on and doing something different. They wonder what might happen if they strike out and do their own thing. They fear losing money and falling out of contact with colleagues. They worry about what will happen to their network, pension, or social status.
But these fears aren’t usually worth listening to. Sure, you could wind up a little poorer, but there’s always money to be found. There are always new opportunities to make a good go of life.
Your Failures Aren’t Final
Lastly, constantly moving forwards ensures that your failures are never final. Yes, things will go wrong. But a life of motion and activity will always produce fruits, regardless of the depths of its lows. If you stay in the same place, then your failures are final.
Firstly, I should make it clear I am writing this mainly because I want more people to be aware the #JoinIn Twitter hashtag exists. It’s important people know there is someone out there to support them. Even if it isn’t possible to do this face to face right now.
I previously volunteered for a befriending service and did home visits with an elderly person. But the service also offered much-needed telephone conversations. As you can imagine, this could mean the world to a lonely older person. Therefore, I’m aware of how valuable this contact can be.
To clarify, this isn’t about me being a hero or superior to anyone else. I truly believe we are all muddling through life. Any one of us could be lonely one day, or find ourselves in the depths of depression during the Christmas period. If everyone could understand this, or always try to lead with a kind heart, I don’t think the stigma surrounding mental health would be as bad as it is.
What happened on Christmas morning?
All I can tell you is, I felt compelled to support others on Christmas Day. And the #JoinIn Twitter hashtag was my way of doing it.
I will be honest and say when I first saw the campaign in the lead-up to Christmas, I was dubious about committing. The only reason for my reluctance was self-preservation. I’ve learned to look after myself first. I obviously also want to help others and it’s the reason I started my blog. But how can I help others without preserving my mental strength?
Despite my reluctance, something happened on Christmas morning which made me feel I needed to participate. I looked at our little family and I felt grateful. Lucky to be seeing my parents and finally getting to teach my toddler about Santa.
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Giving back
I genuinely loved interacting under the #JoinIn Twitter hashtag on Christmas Day. I still had quality time with my family, but I was also proud to give something back. The Twitter community helped me out of a dark place. To recover from a mental breakdown.
In a similar way to my blogging journey, this then made me think of all the people who wouldn’t have this luxury. We couldn’t see some family members because of a positive covid test. Therefore I was all too aware some people might just be isolated this year to avoid spreading the virus.
These selfless, kind people needed someone to connect with. To clarify, this isn’t about me being a hero or superior to anyone else. I truly believe we are all muddling through life. Any one of us could be lonely one day, or find ourselves in the depths of depression during the Christmas period. If everyone could understand this, or always try to lead with a kind heart, I don’t think the stigma surrounding mental health would be as bad as it is.
I’ve found receiving and giving the following to others really does help to transform your life.
Compassion
Gratitude
Kindness
Support
Empathy
Love
Hugs
Understanding
I wish everyone would show more of these qualities. The world would be a better place.
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Sarah Millican is an amazing human being for starting the #JoinIn Twitter hashtag and also taking time out of her Christmas day to chat with everyone. I honestly think it’s so lovely. Through her shows, she also raised an amazing amount of money for Mind. A charity doing amazing work to support those with mental health problems.
When confronting my own mental health issues in the past, I’ve always found therapy helped. Something about talking to a stranger means you lower your guard and can often be more honest. I truly think the same concept works online. I’ve sometimes felt more supported by strangers online than people close to me.
My wish and the reason I am writing this
I want to spread the word to everyone. this support exists on Twitter. I would like the chat to continue and I know there are some people who want to do this.
The main thing we all need to be aware of is there is someone there to talk if you feel you need it. And that is priceless. It warmed my heart to see the exchange of kind messages!
Final thoughts
Please come and chat with me in the comments below and let me know what you think of the #JoinIn Twitter hashtag.
These blog posts, following my sessions are literally me providing a snippet of what I’ve learnt each week. It’s a slow process and I don’t have the complete picture yet. But I’m getting there. Building on my existing character strengths is helping.
The top nine character strengths on my list were no surprise to me. I am completing my homework, which delves deeper into your character strengths and what they mean. The learning parts of these sessions are so interesting, and then we put them into practice, with homework and pre-recorded trance sessions.
A few things occurred to me whilst completing this exercise on character strengths:
I was sad because, during the period of burnout from work and my subsequent mental breakdown, I showed none of these character strengths at all.
I’ve said the words before “I was a shadow of myself” but reading about these traits in depth made me feel it. Doing this work reaches your subconscious and allows you to access parts of your brain which were unreachable before. Naturally, this can be revealing and also quite emotional.
For a long time, I’ve questioned why my mental health turned for the worse and whether it was my fault. I think it’s human nature to assign blame, but that’s also a pretty narrow-minded view. And I realise that – I always have.
Why I started these sessions
When I started these sessions, I said I was searching for answers because a piece was missing, and I wasn’t able to be fully happy. There was still a part of me that was stuck, even though I have dramatically changed my life recently.
Let’s rewind for a second to one month after my mental breakdown – this is what I wrote on that day:
I never want to return to this place, and the key is building mental strength and resilience.
Character strengths
The character assessment I was asked to complete is the VA institute on character test. However, I did it before when I was younger, because I remember all the questions. That said, it’s been over 15 years since I’ve been able to provide any real meaning to it.
What if we could learn how to see and appreciate our and others’ strengths rather than being debilitated by a weakness focus? How would that positively impact resilience, well-being, achievement, and life satisfaction? How might that help us rise to the challenges we face? Truly wise people—individuals, parents, teachers, coaches, and leaders—create the conditions for themselves and others to genuinely flourish. Developing an awareness of these strengths helps us to focus on “what’s strong” instead of on “what’s wrong.”
I honestly can’t wait to jump back on the laptop and go through the rest of my character traits. This journey is exhilarating and exciting. I look forward to embracing the new version of myself at the end of it.
We are all a work in progress and therefore we should shout from the rooftops about our progression. I hope this series emphasises that.
Final thoughts
I believe we are all on a journey. Relationships, learning experiences and growth come to us at the right time. Maybe when we are willing to acknowledge the areas we need to grow in.
If you’re ready to start your journey to well-being, book a free discovery call with Kevin today.
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Earlier in the week, I posted on social media about an exciting zoom meeting I had. I promised further details. Well, here they are. Welcome to Perma hypnotherapy.
If you follow my blog, and my second blog, you’ll know I’m on a journey of transformation. When you go through life-changing events, it’s inevitable you will change in some way. I’ve tried to use my challenging circumstances to my advantage. I’m on my way to achieving personal development.
Whilst I’m proud of the progress I’ve made, there is still work to be done and I’ve been looking for a solution for a while.
Now I’ve found one.
Introducing Kevin Whitelaw
Kevin is an accredited Solution Focused Hypnotherapist from Edinburgh, Scotland and a member of the Association for Solution-Focused Hypnotherapy.
You may be experiencing issues such as anxiety, poor sleep, imposter syndrome, depression, or rebuilding after a significant life change or you’re ready to invest in yourself: developing new skills to sustain your well-being. Solution Focused Hypnotherapy supports you in moving forward to live your best life.
Having managed these issues himself, Kevin is well-placed to understand the challenges of turning that vicious cycle into a virtuous cycle and going on to build a new – better – life.
His services include Solution Focused Hypnotherapy sessions online at affordable prices. He even offers a free, no obligation, discovery call to understand your situation and establish how he can best help you.
So, if you’re experiencing these issues, or are ready to invest in yourself, a session with Kevin will help you find your answers and feel more confident with the path in front of you.
As the name would suggest, solution-focused hypnotherapy looks to help people achieve positive change. Rather than focusing on the ‘problem’, this approach centres around the solution. Using practical strategies, solution-focused hypnotherapy looks to inspire change in a relatively short period of time.
Why I am excited about this new approach to achieving personal development
Some of the points we discussed which particularly resonated with me, were the solution-focused sessions. I no longer want to fixate on the past, but I do want some tools to become a better person for myself and my family. Toddlers are impressionable and this is a key time in my little one’s life. Naturally, I want to set a great example for her.
I’m taking you on this journey with me. From now on you will see regular blog posts and updates about my sessions. I don’t know where this journey will lead me. But I am certain it will help me improve.
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My mental breakdown happened in May 2021. A culmination of a difficult pregnancy, work stress, birth trauma, no self-care whatsoever, lack of sleep for a prolonged period and caring for a small child. I found the whole period overwhelming and there were not enough hours in a day to juggle the unmanageable load. The breaking point seemed to come when my workplace started adding too much pressure on everyone. Up until this point I was keeping my head above water, even though hindsight tells me it wasn’t a healthy way of living.
You have some pretty random thoughts when you’re in the midst of a mental breakdown and you cannot decipher fiction from reality. All the thoughts passing through your mind become your reality and you rely on the people closest to you to tell you which ones you should listen to.
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Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I know some people are dubious about awareness days. I totally agree with the point that mental health should be spoken about every. single. day. However, I will use awareness days to talk about my own personal experience. If one person who wasn’t aware of my situation, learns something new, I am happy. For me, it is all about raising awareness. In the hope that one day in the future, these small actions will amount to huge systematic changes.
Today I want to talk to you about where I am with my mental health journey and how long it took to be well again
Full system reboot
In previous blog posts, I discussed the feeling of my brain switching off and it couldn’t be restarted again. Throughout the aftermath of my mental breakdown, I spent my days pretty much switched off completely. Sitting on the sofa for hours on end, watching TV, but not really paying attention to anything. There was no sense of time. Depression made my cheeks hurt. I never thought you could get a cheek ache from a sad face, but you can.
My friends and family were very adamant about the fact I should continue a “normal” routine. I hate that word, because what is normal? It has a different meaning for each individual and I think the word acts as an unattainable standard. This is true in my life, anyway, so I avoid using the word.
Battling with your own mind is a daily challenge
During this period of recovery, every action, movement, and the daily task was a challenge. I had to work myself up to get a bath. My hubby pretty much forced me to go on a long walk one day and it took every ounce of energy I had to get out of the house. I still look at these pictures and remember the pain and general numbness I felt.
During this period, I absolutely focused my energy on looking after my little one, on the days she didn’t attend nursery. But, sometimes I just didn’t have the resources and therefore a lot of it fell to my hubby and parents to help out.
She also knew something was wrong and would come and “look after” me. Young children have a sixth sense and they can pick up on emotions, even if you think you’re hiding them well. I still feel mum-guilt for taking time out for self-care, sometimes. Especially napping in the afternoon if I need to. I’ve come to realise there are precautions I need to take in order to maintain a good standard of mental well-being. And I will always be honest with my little one, about emotions and why self-care is needed. Parents cannot parent well if we don’t look after ourselves. It’s a constant battle.
Bringing me back to life
My family and friends surrounded me with love, but I was emotional, worn down, and temperamental. It would be months before I had my life back, my personality and gained a sense of identity again. Depression strips you of all these things. The system reboot is what it says on the tin. You are stripped back to factory settings. A blank canvas. And hitting rock bottom is a horrible experience. But there is hope. Things can get better. But I won’t lie and say it is easy. It is one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life.
The self-care routine that helped
During this period I was off work, and largely by myself, whilst everyone around me went about their daily lives. I spent my days having long baths, using all my trusted self-care products. My local park became my haven and I would sit on a particular bench, soaking up nature, thinking about life and watching the world go by. A world I wasn’t fully part of yet. In my mind, I was a bystander, invisible to everyone else.
My friends and family were very adamant about the fact I should continue a “normal” routine. I hate that word, because what is normal? It has a different meaning for each individual and I think the word acts as an unattainable standard. This is true in my life, anyway, so I avoid using the word.
I honestly never thought of the secondary impacts of being depressed. But there are so many. As the money organiser of the house, being switched off, reset, and rebooted isn’t exactly great for maintaining a household, or remembering to pay bills. I just didn’t care about organising life anymore. And it impacted our family.
I started baking to bring myself back to life and clinging onto anything I previously loved, to ignite a passion. To bring back a spark. But I still felt unhappy, and numb. I had affirmation cards and motivational quotes scattered around the house. These massively helped and I still use them to this day. I even visited the local spirit church, in the hope of finding some peace. It worked.
Toxic workplace culture
Reluctant to carry on as normal, when I was off work due to mental health problems, I was scared and filled with irrational fears. What if someone from work sees me? What would they think? Looking back, these thoughts were the negative anxiety voice in my head. And they were created from working in toxic workplace cultures for so long. Something I will never go back to!
Dichiperhing fiction and reality
My family were right. Normality, routine and self-care were all needed. A focus on my health, not the workplace which had basically sent me to this negative place in my mind. Why on earth did I still want to focus on them? But the mind does this. You have some pretty random thoughts when you’re in the midst of a mental breakdown and you cannot decipher fiction from reality. All the thoughts passing through your mind become your reality and you rely on the people closest to you to tell you which ones you should listen to.
What mental illness really looks like
I see a lot of debate on this. The answer – every single person will be impacted by mental illness differently. I hid my anxiety for years. therefore I looked fine. But I wasn’t. That said, I look back at the photos just after my mental breakdown and I remember how I felt. Going through them today actually makes me quite sad. I need to not dwell on them for too long.
The photos show bad skin, a blank look behind the eyes, and tiredness. Throughout my journey back to recovery, I sometimes compared these pictures with ones where I looked slightly happier. To me, it meant progress. When you’re in the midst of recovery, it is sometimes difficult to see any progress and look at the situation objectively.
There was an element of ‘putting on a brave face’ for my little one. But mostly, I accepted my situation and allowed myself to feel the pain and numbness. Something I had masked for so long was finally let out! In order to heal, you have to acknowledge your situation. And I had battled with anxiety for too long.
The journey back to life
I still have gripes about the NHS and the procedures in place to help someone who has suffered a mental breakdown. Looking back, the doctors didn’t really focus on support around me and my circumstances. I didn’t feel heard, or looked after. A doctor pretty much told me they cannot be responsible for me staying off work any longer and I would have to take it up with my workplace. A workplace they knew had put me in this situation and was not helping me during the period of time I was unwell. During telephone calls with the doctor, I was distressed, and emotional, asking for help. And I felt like a burden. They made me feel like I was being dishonest to get time off work.
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Systematic change in mental health care
It is important to say, I know NHS staff are overworked, unpaid and bound by ridiculous policies. However, they are also human beings. For anyone who watched the recent Panorama documentary, when did we stop caring for other human beings, just because we have a certain job title?
I am writing this post today because there is clearly a lot of work to be done around mental health awareness. A systematic change must happen.
I’ve accepted I will never be fully healed. We are all a work in progress and life will continue to throw us challenges. Our job is to work on how we respond to adversity.
Allowing adequate time for recovery
At the time of writing this post, it has taken me a total of 18 months to consider myself fully recovered from my mental breakdown. Our financial circumstances took a hit as a result. I was expected to return to work, by both the workplace and the NHS when I wasn’t ready or well enough to. Why aren’t we looking after people who find themselves in this position? Both in the respect of health and finances. If you had a broken leg, your sick note would be issued for longer, without question and I am sure you would be entitled to some sort of financial help. Arguably, fighting a battle with your mind is worse than a physical ailment. So why as a society do we treat people with mental illness so unfairly?
Finances and mental health
I honestly never thought of the secondary impacts of being depressed. But there are so many. As the money organiser of the house, being switched off, reset, and rebooted isn’t exactly great for maintaining a household, or remembering to pay bills. I just didn’t care about organising life anymore. And it impacted our family. If you or your family are impacted by similar issues, Mind has a great section on how mental health can impact finances and vice versa.
Where am I in my life now?
At this point, I finally feel somewhat recovered. My hypnotherapy course has provided the tools I need to move forward with a weekly self-care routine. It’s a way I can look after my mind and keep myself healthy. I’ve accepted I will never be fully healed. We are all a work in progress and life will continue to throw us challenges. Our job is to work on how we respond to adversity.
I also finally feel able to take on more hours at work and look to the future. But also keep in mind that my family life is a priority as well. This being the case, I am taking steps to plan our next five years as a family. We need slightly more money to set in motion everything we want to achieve. But I still want us both to have one day per week with my little one. And of course, a family day together.
Final thoughts
Ultimately, hitting rock bottom allows you to create a blank canvas. You start afresh with brand-new building blocks. And you have the power to change things in your life that no longer serve you.
It’s strange to say this, but hitting rock bottom has transformed my life. Would I choose this experience if I could go back? No! But am I thankful for it? Yes.
AD / PR – please note – the sessions have been gifted in exchange for my honest thoughts about the process
At this point in my hypnotherapy course, I feel like I will always work on myself. The fact that our stress buckets constantly fill up with life’s challenges, means it’s ingrained in me that I have to empty it regularly. I simply cannot forget the techniques I am learning.
I will be honest and say that finding meditation time, as a busy mum, is difficult. It’s lovely to take part in the planned hypnotherapy sessions. This is time just for me. And I look forward to it.
So what’s changed since I last updated you?
The only way I can explain the confidence changes I am experiencing is by explaining the feeling that something is happening in the background. I know I’m different. A better version of me. I’ve progressed. But because I haven’t actively taken part in the change process, I sometimes wonder what is happening behind the scenes. This is the curious, controlling part of me. And I also need to work on that!
Processes working behind the scenes
Subconsciously certain things are happening. At work, we got the opportunity to apply for additional responsibilities for a role I would love to do. Without really thinking, I just sat and typed my application. I was present and open throughout the whole process and viewed it as a learning experience.
My previous reaction to stressful situations
I mean nobody likes job interviews, do they?
If you follow my blog, you will know that in the past I have completely crumbled in situations like this. Even having my interview for this current job, I took Kalms just beforehand and I was nervous. This time it’s different.
Broadening my horizons… finally
Because we are on a fixed-term contract at work, I am also taking the same attitude about other opportunities. And instead of not believing in myself, I am thinking about whether the company and the terms are right for me. I have literally never thought like that before in my life. All I can remember is suffering from low self-confidence. And believing I should attend all interviews, and take any opportunity offered because there wouldn’t be another one.
The work must continue
Because these recent changes are so positive, I know I must continue setting aside time for myself. And during these periods of time, I must look after myself. Whether that be something I love doing, or meditation to achieve these great results. I am happier for working on myself.
Final thoughts
I have another session coming up tomorrow and after a break of three weeks, I am so looking forward to it.
May the personal development continue, long after these wonderful sessions with Kevin have ended.
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