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mummyconqueringanxiety
I am mummy to one feisty toddler and wife to a wonderful man, living in the North of England, UK and making it a priority to enjoy life every second we get to spend together as a family.
You will usually find me writing, anything from lists to blog posts, and excited by stationery - show me your post-its!
Following my recent breakdown, I believe talking about our struggles is the key to recovery. I started the blog because I felt compelled to share my story & my main goal is to help other people.
Toddlers can be frustrating at times, but I always try and put myself in their shoes. How much emotion would you feel if you had something to say but didn’t know the words yet? Bless them. Yes, it is tough to think like this when a toddler is testing your limits and pushing your boundaries. But as adults, I feel like we must. We are responsible adults and our brains are actually capable of processing emotions. Unlike the brain of a child.
Please note – before we get into this post, I should say, I acknowledge parenting is the hardest job in the world. I get angry and frustrated, just like any other parent. But in our household, we do make a conscious effort to resolve conflict situations differently with our little ones.
I am no expert on this subject, nor do I incorporate all the elements of gentle parenting. I am still very much on a learning journey. But I wanted to share our experience in order to help other people out there.
Accepting that all behaviour is communication and it is age appropriate for their developmental stage, really allows you to parent differently.
Let’s look at the science
I think once you get your head around the fact toddlers don’t actually possess the same brain capabilities and development as adults, you can start to take things less personally. My little one is quite intelligent and can be grown up when she wants to. My hubby, mentioned the other day that sometimes we expect too much of her because of this, and we must remember the below.
Though your 3-year-old is beginning to understand the emotions they are feeling, they still have very little control over them. If they find something funny, they’ll laugh hysterically. If something makes them feel sad or angry, they’ll burst into tears. If they feel something, they are likely to act on it. This may mean snatching a toy away from another child if they want to play with it, or getting upset when they want a snack after being told they have to wait until dinnertime. Delayed gratification means nothing to them – they want it and want it now. Three- and 4-year-old children may use hitting, biting, or pushing as a way to solve conflicts. They simply don’t understand the difference between appropriate and inappropriate interactions yet. It’s your job to teach your child that there are right and wrong ways to express emotions and resolve problems with others.
How powerful is reading this? Children may also laugh as a default when they don’t know what else to do. As a parent, it could seem like they are laughing at being told boundaries, or being sneaky. But this probably isn’t the case.
Accepting that all behaviour is communication and it is age appropriate for their developmental stage, really allows you to parent differently.
When you realise toddlers are simply finding their way through the world, how to respond and they simply don’t know the way yet. The adults around them can then act accordingly.
I won’t mince my words here. Given my own upbringing, at a different stage time, where harsh discipline was accepted, I thought the term “gentle parenting” was just parents not being firm enough with their toddlers. In the very early days of having a baby, I had visions of reasoning with a little person in the supermarket and losing control. Which in turn would mean I lost control of the situation.
Joining TikTok made me realise how we parent within our family, is actually gentle parenting. And following Kelly Medina Enoson TikTok has helped. I love how honest she is and following her journey makes me feel comfortable with what we are doing. More importantly, it will never be perfect.
What changed in our parenting style?
Before our little one was born, I thought I would be a much harsher, stricter parent than I actually am.
When your little one starts moving around, touching plugs and threatening to hurt themselves every minute, you need to have parenting conversations. And you won’t always agree. My hubby and I were brought up the same way. Pretty afraid of our parents at times – that look they would give, or raised voices indicated we should stop doing this.
But I just have a burning question to ask, do you get the best out of anyone, even adults when you raise your voice? As I get older, I realise the answer is no.
Collectively, we decided a while ago we wanted to avoid shouting around our little one (this isn’t always possible – please don’t think we or any other parent is perfect – there are still disagreements and sometimes raised voices).
If we do shout, snap, or get frustrated, we talk about it together, with our little one. We say sorry and move on. And we have taught this lesson so effectively, our little one will come and apologise to us if she does something she knows she shouldn’t. Granted, it may take a while for her to walk away and come back. But she always comes back, eventually. And we try to mirror this example between ourselves.
I really believe this technique is teaching her to resolve conflict herself and how she should appropriately do this. Also that no human being is perfect. If she does something and apologies when she doesn’t need to, we explain that even adults get things wrong sometimes and this isn’t something she needs to apologise for.
In order to calm a tantrum, we also do a breathing technique with her and one of us will take her out of the situation to calm down. I believe toddlers get very overwhelmed by their surroundings. This in itself could cause a meltdown. Hell, as an adult sometimes I get overwhelmed.
They need help not frustration
Just think for a second about any situation you have ever resolved by shouting. Or being confrontational, or getting frustrated. I bet it is very few. Why then, do we get frustrated with toddlers? Surely we should be actively helping them handle emotions, especially when they don’t fully understand what is happening to them. They don’t have the capability or brain power to regulate themselves and will probably wonder why adults are also becoming frustrated.
There are some other blog posts in the Gentle Parenting category – check them out here
Parents are a guide
It’s a heavy burden to carry, but as parents, we are responsible for guiding our little ones. Whether we like it or not, how they develop now will also greatly impact their future lives.
Why it matters
Positive experiences throughout childhood help to build healthy brains, while experiencing childhood trauma and abuse can harm a child’s brain development (Shonkoff et al, 2015). But our brains always have the potential to change and grow. It’s never too late to give a child or young person positive brain-building experiences.
I was dubious about releasing this post. Simply because of my feelings when I first heard the term ‘gentle parenting’. We still have a lot to learn and our parenting style will never be perfect. But hopefully, we are setting a foundation to provide our little one with the tools she will need to thrive in life.
Keep an eye on my parenting resources page and my TikTok to follow our gentle parenting journey. I plan to share with you any resources we are using.
Any advice is also welcome – let us know in the comments below.
We visited Billy Bobs Parlour Skipton – on a day outside of the school holidays and it was nice to finally see the car park half empty. We’ve tried to visit in the school holidays before and we couldn’t even get in the car park.
Post updated 13 July 2023
The place is so popular, and you can see why. You can check out their website here. And book a table here. Since the day we were disappointed and couldn’t get a table, we always book a few weeks in advance, if we can.
Quick note: Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and thinkwould be useful for you.
My review of Billy Bobs Parlour
PLEASE NOTE – this review is based on my own experience after visiting for a day out.
Walking in
From the moment you arrive, the place screams fun. Our little one couldn’t wait to jump out of the car and start zooming around. You just feel relaxed, ready for fun. Ready to indulge in yummy food, drinks, ice-creams.
Inside – takeout and ice creams
We went inside for some take-out coffee. It was nice to stand waiting with the music on in a very cool environment. I took this opportunity to take some pictures whilst it was quiet. I started writing this blog post in my phone notes whilst waiting for the coffee, hehe! The whole atmosphere made me feel like I was still on holiday at the Haven caravan park.
Our little one loved the slide and because there are hay bales everywhere, we could let her climb up by herself, without fear of her falling. There are plenty of benches to sit in the sun and around the sides for larger groups who all want to sit together.
There are also benches inside the barn, so you can sit and watch the little ones as they play. Perfect for tired mummies & daddies like us!
The climbing frames are all cool buses, and fire engines, and made of sturdy stuff. Grandad is talking about having one made for the garden, haha!
Dining at Billy Bobs Parlour
Inside we booked the family area and the table is equipped with drawing pencils & paper. Perfect for the little ones. There is a separate adults-only dining area, which I think is great. The hubby and I booked this pre-children.
Our bambino noticed some other boys & girls with the Cadillac car housing their sandwiches. This led to a slight meltdown, but some colouring seemed to help things. She is now at the stage where she knows they cook food in the kitchen and being the impatient child she is, constantly points to the kitchen waiting for the food to cook. These data and distractions are very welcome when we eat out.
The food arrived and it was so yummy. Sorry, no pics as we were too hungry and focused on the cardboard car. I promise I will take them next time!
I can tell you the buttermilk chicken burger was melted in the mouth. Perfect, even down to the toasting of the bun. Our little one also loved her cheese sandwiches. Crusts cut off, thanks to Billy Bobs. She was given cucumber, carrot sticks, and a pot of jelly. Everything she could want. It was one of the best children’s lunches I’ve seen. We also bought a Kool-Aid for her. I’ve never had it before but it’s like drinking sweet, yummy sherbert.
Playing outside after food
Outside we went straight into the other play park, which is situated outside the main doors and she was off with Daddy, whilst we sat in the rocking chairs looking at the beautiful view.
The play area is set out well. Lots of sturdy climbing frames, and seats around the edges for parents and prams, so you can see your little one from where you sit, which is a bonus. Even though she’s a toddler, she was able to play on all the equipment and we usually have to tell her no to things in a public play park.
Facilities
It’s important for parents to be aware of the facilities available before visiting. There is a nappy-changing cubicle in the ladies toilets, but there was no nappy bin, which would have been useful. I didn’t personally go into the disabled toilets, but I am assuming they also had a baby change, and possibly there was a nappy bin in there that I didn’t see.
The toilets are located outside the main doors, which means you can use the facilities even if you’re only visiting for ice cream, or playing.
How to get there
The all-important opening hours and map can be located here.
Rules
You can visit this page for more information. During term time, when it’s quieter because the kids are at school, you can pay £3.00 to play for an hour. Perfect if you want to just let the little ones play, or only want a take-out coffee. Now I know they offer this option, I would be inclined to visit Billy Bobs Parlour again whilst out and about doing other things. It goes without saying, we will also be back at some point for food.
For most people, cars are expensive, and it can be a hassle trying to find a car you can rely on without breaking the bank. When you’ve got a family, your car can make a world of difference; without it, life can be pretty tough. That’s why it’s important that when you’re looking to buy your car, you take it seriously. Taking more time when deciding on the right car for you can save you heaps of money, and a lot of stress when it comes to maintenance.
Buy it used
First things first, if you’re looking to save money on a car, you shouldn’t go for something new. You might have the idea that surely a new car is more reliable – but that’s not always the case. There are plenty of hold models that hold up just as well as a new car would and could be more reliable than newer models of car. Just because someone else has driven it, doesn’t make it any less useful for what you need it for.
Used car shops have plenty of choices for you, and it would be a good idea to shop around so you have a good selection of cars to pick from. Check which ones have what you’re looking for, like affordability, space, and so on, and then do your research. You don’t have to make a purchase the same day you visit a dealership, so take your time with it and make sure you decide on something great.
Make it an investment
Just because you’re spending out on your car, doesn’t mean that you’re losing that money. While it’s true that some cars will go down in value over time, there are plenty of models that are still sought after, and you might even see the value of your vehicle go up after you’ve made the purchase. It would be worth taking a look into which models hold their value. Of course, you’re not guaranteed to make a profit on your investment, but it would be good to know that you have the potential to make some money back when it comes time to sell it in the future.
Sure, it’s not saving you money right this moment, but there’s no way to tell whether or not you’re going to need that money in the future. It’s a good way to get more from your money, without losing out on its value.
Consider the cost of owning the car
It’s not just the main price tag that you should be looking at when it comes to saving money, it’s the amount of money it’s going to cost you to run it. You need to make sure that you’re not buying a car with very low fuel efficiency, or else you’re going to be paying a lot more to keep it fueled for everyday use. While you might save some money on the initial purchase, if you’re making daily commutes, travelling with family, or just getting a lot of use out of it in general – you’re not going to save any money.
Parenting is the most challenging job in the world. Children need love, attention, patience, meals, clothes, guidance, boundaries – all before 8.30 am. It’s exhausting, draining. But also incredibly rewarding.
I’ve seen other parents talking about how to handle toddler emotions. But we’ve recently experienced the full force of raw emotions, coming from my feisty little pumpkin. She is full of sass at the best of times – it’s just her personality! But these recent emotions, which she is clearly unable to handle, are coming across as anger and moodiness.
As a parent, it’s easy to react in these situations (trust me I have, we all have – no parent is perfect). But the correct way to deal with this situation is to help your toddler handle the feelings they are experiencing. Put simply, they don’t know how to do it themselves. I’m in my late 30’s and sometimes I can’t handle my own emotions. As such, we’ve recently explained to her that adults also struggle with emotions and created some emotion cards to help her communicate how she is feeling.
Quick note: Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be useful for other people.
Let’s explore the range of emotions your toddler might be feeling:
Anger
Fear
Sadness
Boredom
Happiness
Excitement
Tiredness
Confusion
This is not an exhaustive list. We know as adults, there are many more emotions we deal with on a daily basis.
I wanted to share some of the tips and tools we’ve used:
Children sometimes don’t have the tools or vocabulary, or actions to communicate emotions effectively. it is up to us as adults to help them communicate effectively. And sometimes verbally speaking about it just isn’t something they are equipped to do yet. How many adults do you know who struggle to verbalise their emotions? I know a lot!
As a family, we are all going to benefit from these tools we’ve put in place, to effectively communicate our emotions.
Emotion Flash Cards
I was going to buy some of these. However, being okay at designing, due to running three blogs and a t-shirt business (all self-taught), I thought I would have a go at creating some myself. And of course, as a blogger, I will be sharing them with you all. In the hope they also help other parents out there.
Feel free to click download below, for access to the flashcards.
These cards are great because sometimes toddlers need adults to question, help or prompt them. To start a conversation about how they are feeling. When they are unable to initiate this. I’ve started off by printing some of the cards, to see how well they work. But, I’ve included a full set for you to download.
I’ve already arranged mine in the living room. In an easily accessible place.
As a family. we’ve agreed that if we are struggling to express our emotions, we will show someone the card. And we can start a discussion about how we are feeling.
Read my blog posts about our journey with gentle parenting:
As someone who struggles mentally, with anxiety and depression, I’ve now accepted the fact that as humans, we are not all happy all of the time. It’s important to feel our full range of emotions, as and when they come up. Being happy is a wonderful feeling. And as a family, we try and create as many happy family memories as we can. However, it’s natural we will all feel tired, scared, alone, and sad at various times throughout an average week.
There are many factors which can impact your emotions. Due to the health conditions we face as adults, sometimes our communication can be poor and as human beings, we lash out.
For a while now, we’ve explained to my toddler, that it is normal and completely okay to feel these other emotions. And to become frustrated in the moment, when we don’t know how to deal with them.
Fight or flight is a real thing. A pre-historic reaction to stressful situations. We often cannot control it.
Equipped with this knowledge, we humans need to give ourselves more credit. And accept we will sometimes react in the moment and apologise later.
Why not sign up for my freebie library – where you will get access to free planners and workbooks – PREVIOUSLY UNRELEASED ON THE BLOG
Finding safe & appropriate ways to manage emotions
If my little one is sad, moody or tired we talk about cuddling and laying down to have a nap. And I explain ‘Mummy is also tired and it’s okay to feel this way’. Luckily, she has a few days with us during the week, where she can relax and chill out if this is what she wants to do.
Set a good example
Toddlers learn about managing their emotions by watching us. As adults, it is our responsibility to set a good example of how to behave. However, as humans, we don’t always get it right.
Something we do as parents is apologise if we displayed incorrect behaviour. And we talk as a family about why we did that.
Other great online resources to deal with emotions
We have an independent toddler. She has her mummy’s personality. Although it can be difficult to manage at times, I want to nurture this side of her.
We’ve had a difficult few weeks, learning about emotions and basically having a fight for independence. As parents, we have lots of tools in place and we’ve always allowed her certain freedoms. The last few weeks have been about putting tools in place to manage emotions, whilst also encouraging independence. Challenging, but I’m sure it will be rewarding in the long run.
Quick note: Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be useful for other people.
Today I want to share with you the practical tasks we allow our toddler to do around the house. And more importantly, how this creates independence
Why it’s essential to allow a toddler to make their own decisions
We have an independent and determined toddler. However, even if we didn’t, we would still allow our children to make daily choices. Simply because it teaches great life lessons. In the future, she will need to be empowered in decision-making, in order to be successful in life.
It’s an important step in growing up. And gives them some power and control over what they do.
Benefits of providing choices include:
Giving them some control
Avoiding power-struggles
Teaching cause and effect
Helping them gain confidence.
Trust in themselves and their opinions
Self-confidence
Decisiveness
Thoughtfulness
Analytical thinking
Empathy
Here are a few tips for offering toddlers choices
Avoid too many options. Stick to two or three
Offer clear and simple choices
Make sure choices are age-appropriate, like picking what to wear or what to play with
I want to discuss some of the freedoms and choices we give our toddler. And how those choices help to teach valuable life lessons
Picking their own drinks & snacks
To successfully allow this to happen, you can ensure everything they need is easy to reach. Such as plastic toddler plates and cups, along with fridge organisers containing the snacks. Even down to a separate small bottle of milk in the fridge. The latest addition to our accessible snacks is easy-to-reach cereal dispensers. We recently bought a small dining table, so she can sit and make her own snacks safely.
Permission from an adult is a must, but the physical act of getting the snacks prepared is down to the toddler. Be prepared for spillages and mishaps – explaining it’s fine and it will clean up. As you would with any other accident in the house. At the nursery, the class learn to break up their own cereal and become more independent at meal times – something we want to mirror at home.
These days she tells me, “I’m helping you mummy because you’re busy” and it’s so lovely to watch her becoming an independent child.
Providing a choice of activities for the day can make a toddler feel empowered to feel part of the family. And more importantly, decision-making skills are developed.
It’s also more fun as an adult to just go with the flow. As parents, we see through any decision she makes. This is an important step in making your little person feel fully empowered and listened to.
What this teaches
Independence
Socials skills
Avoiding power-struggles
Their opinion matters
Their input is valuable
Picking out their own clothes
Ensuring the clothes are in an accessible and safe place is a must. But why not let the toddler go out in trousers which are back to front, if it enables them to learn to dress themselves?
I’ve done this before when we are going out on a quick journey. Some battles are simply not worth fighting.
What this teaches
Independence
Self-care skills
Learning where the clothes are located, for next time
Our toddler now has the weekly task of filling up the toilet roll holders in the bathroom. And I’m making a big deal of the fact it’s her job and she’s really good at it. Giving praise to your toddler when they complete the smallest of tasks can give them confidence.
Setting the table
At the moment we are struggling with meal times. She is fidgeting and it turns into a negotiation about how much she will eat. We are working on it – but that’s a whole other blog post!
Setting the table has helped in allowing the whole family to sit down for a meal and talk about our day. This routine and her feeling she contributed her part really help tackle the other issues we are facing.
Put dirty clothes in the laundry basket
As a toddler, she gets very dirty clothes. We have regular paint stains from the nursery. Tomato sauce stains from eating. And I won’t go into the toilet habits she is learning at the moment. Let’s just say, this creates more washing for the parents involved.
Getting her to put dirty clothes into the laundry basket can help to explain the process of washing clothes. And hopefully, make her realise that natural consequences occur when a mess happens. That said, we want to nurture the creative, messy, painting side. It’s just great to teach her about the consequences of accidents and other inappropriate messy behaviour.
It’s all a learning curve – for us as parents, and for her.
I recently introduced you all to our hamster, Fluffy. For anyone who’s ever had a hamster as a pet, you will know it’s about perseverance. We have a female and she is also very independent. My toddler apparently stood in Pets At Home and said “This is the one for me” and I maintain to this day that they are kindred spirits. Anyhow, it’s been a long road trying to tame her and we are not even at the picking-up stage yet.
Download the free toddler chores checklist – amend as needed or download the PDF file below:
Despite this, both my toddler and hamster are doing well. My toddler can now open the cage, and hand the hamster treats. And because Fluffy knows her smell she carefully takes the treat from her.
The cutest moments involve my toddler sitting by the cage and telling Fluffy about her day. The next step is creating an obstacle course (with safety gates so she can’t escape) and taking her out of the cage for playtime – TikTok videos will follow. Watch this space.
As parents, we’ve always explained the importance of recycling. And thanks to programmes like Cocomelon it was easy to do! We have separate recycling and rubbish bins and frequently ask her to put rubbish away for us.
This has in turn resulted in her also taking plates and cups to the kitchen when we’ve finished eating. As a parent, it’s like being looked after in a cafe and it’s actually really nice.
Check out all the other blog posts in the parenting section:
Our toddler loves standing on her stool and helping with the washing up. We make sure the water is lukewarm and she only has plastic plates and cups to wash up. Her grandparents also mirror this when she stays at their house. It’s a great task to allocate to a toddler, with parental supervision of course.
Making the bed
What toddler doesn’t love making bed day? A chance to jump on a freshly stripped bed. We now get her involved in putting the pillowcases back on and sorting out the duvet cover.
Setting up the bathroom for bath time
Our little one knows where her bath towels are and we have a box with bath toys in it. Because we sometimes get morning baths and we are in a rush, she always asks me whether she can play with her bath toys first.
We also have a basket with shampoos and body wash – she is learning which one to use in which area of her body. And also now washes her own hair. She’s even recently got out of the bath, using her stool and we find her chilling on the sofa in her bath towel.
Gardening
Our little pumpkin was recently given a sunflower by my dad’s work friend and she regularly waters it. She’s also got her own gardening tools. When we move house, the aim is to build her a mud kitchen. I’m sure this will contribute to the volume of dirty clothes I need to wash. But it’s all good fun.
Clearing away toys
Something nursery teaches the toddlers, is tidy-up time. Where regardless of who has made the mess, they all participate in the tidying-up efforts.
At home, we’ve recently organised toys into storage boxes and explained where each one lives. As a parent, it makes my life much easier. And she is learning to put toys back into the correct, allocated boxes.
Dust furniture and clean the glass
Like any toddler, she loves spraying water. It was only right that we eventually gave her these small cleaning tasks around the house. Because of the chemicals involved it’s only recently she’s allowed to do it. And we are careful to explain she should only spray the surface and wipe it with a cloth. (DISCLAIMER -parental supervision is also involved and she is a pretty intelligent child, who would never mess around with chemicals anyway).
In turn, this has also helped with her aiming her toddler perfume in the right direction too!
Final Thoughts
I hope you enjoyed reading about the tasks we give our toddler to encourage independence.
What tips do you have for dealing with toddler emotions and encouraging independence?
Please share them in the comments, because they will help other parents out there.
My battle with perinatal anxiety & depression was a long and scary journey.
Throwing hormones into the mix, along with a history of managing anxiety-related issues and panic attacks, was probably always going to be a recipe for disaster. But pregnancy was the point in my life when I finally needed help. Of the medicated kind.
The factors at stake for me during pregnancy were not only the worries related to the actual pregnancy, but risks to my sanity, family, income-earning ability, and my job role.
let’s look at the definition of perinatal:
Perinatal mental health (PMH) problems are those which occur during pregnancy or in the first year following the birth of a child. Perinatal mental illness affects up to 27% of new and expectant mums and covers a wide range of conditions.
As a result of working full-time, I put a lot of additional pressure on myself. It’s fair to say I wasn’t exactly working for a business where having kids was fully supported. I think this is improving, but there is still a lot of work to do in the corporate world. Women shouldn’t have to choose between having children or succeeding in a career. Businesses need to ensure both options are achievable.
Although I know my mushy brain raised red flags at work, it was too early to announce the pregnancy. We were still within the three-month period, and to be honest I didn’t want anyone to know, because I thought it made me look weak.
Quick note: Mummy Conquering Anxiety is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be useful for other people.
Working full-time during pregnancy and having pre-existing anxiety issues was a lot to deal with. I hope telling my story will be of some benefit to you.
In this post, I will cover the following topics:
What is antenatal depression
My backstory
The pivotal moment I knew I needed help
Antidepressants
How I think mental health services for women during pregnancy could be improved
Why are women still afraid to speak out on mental health matters?
Techniques that helped me through
What the experience taught me
Mummy comes second
Often, we neglect our own mental health to be a mummy. Self-care comes bottom of the list and there aren’t enough hours in the day to complete every task on the never-ending list. I found out the hard way. You don’t realise you’re neglecting yourself until it’s too late. At this point, the damage is already done.
From my own experience, health services need to be more proactive in respect of pre-pregnancy mental health problems. There is a lot of information and help out there relating to postnatal mental health problems. But my experience didn’t fit into this category. It made me feel like this was supposed to happen to me after I had the baby, not now. Surely? Why was this happening now?
Looking back, the impact of this shameful thinking only made matters worse. I was afraid to speak out and visit the doctor, for fear someone would think I was an unfit mother. The anxiety talking in my head would tell me, you can’t look after yourself, how can you look after a baby?
I’ve also found these resources for anyone who needs to read more on the subject. You can filter by area and will see a range of therapists, charities, and support groups.
Please read on for the full story of my battle with antenatal depression…
My backstory
I was two months into the pregnancy when I started feeling the symptoms listed in this article:
I was at work full time, struggling with the office-environment heat. Eating properly was just not happening, due to a constant sicky feeling (I felt permanently sick throughout pregnancy but was never actually sick!). I was far away from the toilet and needed to pee every 20 minutes – you get the picture. I actually lost weight over the course of my pregnancy, due to not getting enough nutrients.
My hormones and worries made it incredibly difficult to concentrate on my work tasks and I became paranoid that I was unable to do my job. I was seeking reassurance from a management team, who were used to me just getting on with things, however difficult the task was. Although I know my mushy brain raised red flags at work, it was too early to announce the pregnancy. We were still within the three-month period. And to be honest I didn’t want anyone to know, because I thought it made me look weak.
We need our tribe
A mental health specialist once made the point, the people we refuse to tell during this three-month period are the very people we would need if something unforeseen was to happen. This has stuck with me, and it’s true. In the future, I probably wouldn’t open up in the workplace, unless I felt comfortable in doing so. But I would definitely let my friends and family in, sooner than I did before. They are the tribe you need around you, at such a testing time in life. It takes a village and all that jazz (it really does BTW – safety in numbers with toddlers, hehe).
The pivotal moment I knew I needed help
I tried to plod along for a bit. We had a holiday planned (pre-planned before pregnancy). And I remember spending every waking moment of the getaway fixating on work and the conversation I’d had with a manager before leaving. The manager in question was trying to gauge why I was being so mushy in the brain (baby brain is real people). I wasn’t really capable of communicating verbally at that point and therefore, it was all a bit of a mess.
The damage caused by keeping these feelings to yourself at such a vulnerable, unpredictable time in life, is colossal. Then going through possibly the worst trauma of your life and trying to look after a small baby who is totally relying on you. It’s a lot to cope with. And we should be able to open up about it without fear.
It’s fair to say my worries, and anxiety levels about being bad at my job, pretty much ruined my experience on holiday. As much as I told myself to put the thoughts out of my head, they would come back. Even trying to forget about the drama at work was exhausting.
Upon my return from holiday, I booked an appointment with the doctor. What I experienced during my appointment didn’t help me at all. They were reluctant to prescribe antidepressants during pregnancy and were unable to explain why. I was left to muddle through at work and I am sure you can all imagine, things worsened. My mental health was in serious decline and I didn’t know what to do.
Why it’s vital to reach out for help
The situation wouldn’t improve until I had the help I needed. My instinct told me this was the case, but I felt like the doctors were not listening to me. This resulted in me worrying and playing out situations in my head, which only fuelled the negative anxious thoughts I was already having. When you’re at your most vulnerable, you shouldn’t have to fight to access mental health services and the solutions you need.
I knew I needed medication at this point. Something to help me out of a black hole. So I could focus on growing a child and balancing the pressures of daily life.
Around this time, I also experienced very rude reception staff when trying to make appointments. I was speaking to them following a few hours of sleep, worrying all night and I just needed help. I ended up crying down the phone twice and I honestly don’t think they are adequately trained to deal with people experiencing mental health problems.
Complaining to the GP
I made a complaint and left the doctor’s surgery, following an incident where they asked me to visit reception. I nearly had a panic attack and was afraid to approach the reception desk due to the treatment I’d received previously. I didn’t need rude people dealing with my care, on top of my existing need for help and my current, very fragile mental state.
Talk about adding to my mum-guilt. Making an expectant mother feel like they are harming their unborn child, by seeking out medication to help both parties.
Mind.org provides a lot of useful information about taking anti-depressants during pregnancy. When I was in the midst of trying to convince a doctor to prescribe the medication I required (it’s ridiculous I even have to write this in a blog post), I wish someone had provided me with the information I needed to make my case.
The doctor’s viewpoint on medication during pregnancy
I was asked to go away and try other techniques to avoid medication and the doctor insinuated, had I been on medication before pregnancy, it would be fine to continue taking it. Talk about adding to my mum guilt. Making an expectant mother feel like they are harming their unborn child, by seeking out medication to help both parties.
Waiting in limbo for a solution
I personally spent two months in limbo, before finally receiving medication, which eventually helped. Including the adjustment period, I would estimate I spent five months of a nine-month pregnancy suffering, unnecessarily. Antidepressants take a while to start working, and initially, you have some pretty severe side effects. I was already walking around like a zombie and new medication didn’t help the situation.
Based on my experience, I know we need to change the system to avoid negative outcomes at a time in life where a woman should be happy and thriving.
I was desperately trying to find a solution to ease the pressure. My mental health issues impacted my well-being, my job, my relationship. In addition to the confidence, I had to be a good mother. Also, my ability to buy things for the baby and it made the whole experience pretty grim.
A difficult pregnancy
I look back on my pregnancy now and don’t remember having one good day. I probably did, but I was plagued with uncontrollable anxiety and depression. As well as trying to manage all other areas of life.
It’s definitely had a bearing on my decision to have another child. I have anxiety about what another pregnancy would be like. Would I be a mess again, unable to cope, or worse this time? Whilst also trying to care for a toddler. I also don’t have much faith I would get help from a doctor if I needed it. And I know a lot of other people who feel like this.
The research on taking antidepressants whilst pregnant
From conducting my own research, I was only able to find one study which mentioned the medication I was on. And how it could have an impact on an unborn baby. Surely, I thought, having a healthy mother is vitally important. Given the way I was dealt with by the doctor, I expected to find endless studies backing up the reluctance to prescribe the medication, but that just wasn’t the case.
How I think mental health services for women during pregnancy could be improved
Whilst in hospital Let’s just talk for a second about how calling anyone with anxiety issues, ‘difficult’, can be extremely damaging in itself. It made me feel like an inconvenience, like I wanted to go home straight away.
Unfortunately, the health service is understaffed, and staff do not have time to speak to you one on one and deal with your anxiety issues. Whilst the people caring for me were lovely, salt-of-the-earth people, who were clearly meant to be in this job. I still felt like a burden.
Traumatic experiences during my stay on the postnatal ward
I remember the morning after my C-section, with only basic over-the-counter medication, to deal with a major operation and a serious infection. Being called “difficult” for not wanting to sit up in bed until I had my painkillers. Let’s just talk for a second about how calling anyone with anxiety issues, “difficult”, can be extremely damaging in itself. It made me feel like an inconvenience. I wanted to go home straight away, but I couldn’t as I was under observation.
During my stay, I was in agony, and I kept receiving the pain medication at the incorrect times, which resulted in some nasty withdrawal symptoms from the whole, traumatic ordeal. Whilst I would only wish to thank the staff involved in my care (they do their absolute best every single day and you can see that). These circumstances resulted in my anxiety levels rising, in a situation and surroundings where there was nobody but my hubby to understand or support me.
The need for a birthing partner who knows you well
They even sent my hubby home, so there were periods when I didn’t have anyone to understand me. And I couldn’t get out of bed or look after myself!
Being in my head at the time, I was honestly afraid of how I would be judged in that situation. Would the nurse caring for her think I was an inadequate mother? Were they making notes about me and recording what was happening? Would I get a visit from social services? Because I was clearly unstable for thinking like this?
He was initially sent home during my labour period, at the pivotal moment when my pain was increasing and I felt like nobody was listening when I said that. Things progressed quickly in his absence and he was called back. However, the endless number of factors that worsened my anxiety during his absence had already made me defensive and less likely to open up. From this point, I felt trapped. And my anxiety spiralled.
The system, funding, and government intervention need to improve. It simply isn’t good enough to have a lack of care, over-tired staff, and possible negative outcomes. When you are dealing with the care of a new mother and child.
The pandemic worsening the situation
To send partners home when they are really the only ones looking after the expectant mother and taking time to understand their needs is unacceptable. The anxiety about mothers being left to fend for themselves only worsened during the pandemic. This Independent article goes into more detail. This Guardian article also touches on the issue.
Possible solutions?
I also don’t believe a one size fits all approach is sufficient when you are dealing with mental health. It would help to have mental health specialists visit patients in the antenatal ward. But it’s all about the lack of funding for services. And whilst some NHS trusts have this specialism, most still don’t. It’s also vital to allow birthing partners to stay with the expectant mother, especially when staff are too busy to care for their needs.
I am eternally grateful to the staff at our local hospital for ensuring our post-pregnancy outcome was as positive as possible given their resources. I am aware some of the issues discussed in this article can lead to negative outcomes for babies and parents. And my thoughts go out to anyone who is impacted.
Need help?
If you are impacted by any of the issues we have touched on in this article. Here are some charities that could help: Tommy’s or Bliss. They are fantastic charities doing a lot of work to help improve maternity services. I’ve also recently come across PaNDAS which specialise in postnatal Depression. Pregnant then screwed is a charity advocating for women’s rights at work.
Why are women STILL afraid to speak out on mental health matters?
The following quote is from a Glamour article and summarises how one woman felt about admitting there was a mental health issue during pregnancy:
“It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who feels ashamed. A woman I know recently told me that when she was pregnant, her mind was in a particularly dark place but she feared that telling someone she felt depressed could result in her baby being taken away when he was born. For months she resisted medication because she thought that being a medicated mom equaled being a bad parent. She has since started medication but is too ashamed to tell her in-laws, and she has gone from wanting multiple children to writing off any future pregnancies.”
Why is this still a problem in our society? And why isn’t someone helping pregnant women be honest and get the help they need? I do think mental health services have improved and are continuing in the right direction, but we still have a long way to go.
The quote above describes the way I felt and the way I was subsequently made to feel by a doctor. How many expectant mothers are turned away and then never have the confidence to ask for help again? As I am quite a strong person, I persisted and luckily got the help I needed. Doing this took every ounce of energy I had though. Just before getting the medication I needed, I booked 10 days holiday from work, because I just couldn’t carry on. I was even afraid to take sick leave because it would be questioned in respect of my pregnancy. I don’t know where I would be without the medication I started taking during pregnancy.
Adding a label to my experiences
It would have been beneficial for the doctor to mention or label, what I was experiencing could be a battle with antenatal depression. Nobody ever mentioned this term to me and it’s only now, looking back on the situation, that I know what it is. It has a name and I can talk about it now.
Is someone spying on me?
During my pre-pregnancy appointments and my stay on the ward (4 days), I remember feeling as though I was being watched. Checked up on, and questioned a lot. The obstetrician was obviously aware of my anxiety issues and I was overweight, which required additional check-up appointments.
Seeing through an anxiety lens
Maybe the staff weren’t acting any differently, just doing their job. The point is I felt like this throughout my care. Up to the point of discharge from the hospital post-pregnancy.
The damage caused by keeping these feelings to yourself at such a vulnerable, unpredictable time in life, is colossal. Then going through possibly the worst trauma of your life and trying to look after a small baby who is totally relying on you. It’s a lot to cope with. And we should be able to open up about it without fear.
My hubby describes me as being reluctant to visit our little pumpkin in the baby unit (she had to be monitored due to an infection). And he puts it down to my pain levels.
Being in my head at the time, I was honestly afraid of how I would be judged in that situation. Would the nurse caring for her think I was an inadequate mother? Were they making notes about me and recording what was happening? Would I get a visit from social services? Because I was clearly unstable for thinking like this?
Pressure to breastfeed
There is so much talk about breastfeeding whilst you’re there and you are made to feel inadequate, whether this is intentional or not. The surroundings also don’t help you get the rest you need: babies crying all night, women screaming in pain. Although I felt for all parties involved and could relate, it isn’t the best setting in which to recover from a major operation with out-of-control anxiety issues.
Techniques that helped me through
Stopping full-time work one month early
The pressure on expectant mothers from the workplace also has to stop! Slowly society is progressing in this area, but the progress isn’t quick enough for me or other poor mothers, who have additional guilt, added to the mixing pot of hormones, emotions, physically struggling, anxiety about life-changing circumstances, and the thought of being responsible for a new baby.
When it came to it, admitting I needed to stop working due to severe hip pain and mental health issues, really helped me. Although having to do this makes you feel inadequate. Nobody at work visited me, whether it be management or HR to ask how I was doing. The only sympathetic comments I got were from other expectant mothers. Who literally felt my pain in respect of lack of support.
Feeling isolated and lonely
It is isolating and lonely to feel like nobody understands how you feel. You’re so tired at that point. It’s too much to try and explain it to someone, who frankly doesn’t understand and doesn’t really want to. I stayed quiet for a lot of time and put my head down until I could finally finish work.
The day I finished work, I visited the doctor after not sleeping all night, feeling sick, and suffering from severe anxiety. And this was the route I took to stop working. It had to reach a breaking point before I could finally stop. They told me not to go back until after my maternity leave ended. The worry then became about limited time with my child. Was I wasting a month before the baby was here? Should I still be working?
Workplaces need to do better
I think workplaces and the government are also accountable for supporting women and making employees feel secure in having children and thriving at their jobs. You shouldn’t have to pick one or the other.
I am a huge fan of the shared paternity leave. The hubby & I have discussed doing it with a second child. Unfortunately, I don’t think enough people know about the option or want to take it up. Hopefully, this will change.
The pressure on expectant mothers from the workplace also has to stop! Slowly society is progressing in this area, but the progress isn’t quick enough for me or other poor mothers, who have additional guilt, added to the mixing pot of hormones, emotions, physically struggling, anxiety about life-changing circumstances, and the thought of being responsible for a new baby.
Self-care
During the month off work pre-pregnancy, I made time for self-care. Baths, naps, candles, chocolate, strawberry laces (even though they made me sick towards the end, with my limited stomach space). Anything that would lift my mood and make me feel a little better.
Although I was hesitant to finish work early, as I was only having 9 months at most with my little pumpkin. It was refreshing to have a month off before the baby came. I did all the things that made me feel better and stopped dragging my overloaded body to the train station every day. To a job where I didn’t feel supported. It was lovely to be out of the toxic environment.
The home was my haven
Nesting – we’ve all heard that term used. To describe a woman’s instinct to prepare for the impending arrival of a brand-new baby. I love this description from a Dad’s perspective.
My hubby was used to the nesting process (I’ve always been obsessed with cleaning). He’s the messy, unorganised one in the relationship and I’m the one who gets excited about new cleaning products. (standards have slipped though, now I have a toddler).
On the subject of men, I would also like to mention, this issue doesn’t just impact mothers. Men’s mental health can also be affected by pregnancy and the aftermath.
What the experience taught me
I have learned my lesson about prioritising the health of myself and my baby. Also, not caring about what other people think. Especially those who have no bearing on my life and the decisions I make. Ultimately you as an individual will know what’s best for you and you should push to receive the help you need. In the future, I would stick up for myself when it comes to doctors’ appointments and medication.
If and when we have another baby, I would do things differently this time. You don’t know what to expect when it’s your first pregnancy. You must experience it for yourself, in order to learn and grow.
Final thoughts
Everyone has their own way of coping with traumatic events and mine is blogging.
I can only relay my personal experience, feelings, and thoughts on this subject. I am aware there are a lot of additional factors and issues surrounding these sensitive subjects,
If you have been affected by any of these issues, let’s all speak out and raise awareness. That’s how change happens. Please feel free to get in touch, or leave a comment below. I would love to hear from you.
Life’s a wild ride, isn’t it? Some days, it’s like walking on a rainbow, while others feel more like a whirlwind of endless tasks that make you feel like you’re running a never-ending marathon. During those turbo-charged times, finding a smidge of calm can seem as difficult as finding a needle in a haystack. But let me let you in on a little secret: it’s exactly during these fast-paced times that mindfulness plays its trump card.
Each morning, before you leap into the day, spend a quiet moment setting an intention. It could be as straightforward as saying, “Today, I will keep my cool, no matter what.” Next up, it’s time to tackle your to-do list – but smartly. Highlight what needs your attention the most. You’ll be acting instead of reacting, and trust me, that feels so much better.
Breathe And Pause
Ever noticed how your breath is like your trusty sidekick? Always there, right when you need it. So in those intense, I-can’t-catch-a-breath moments, it’s time to get back to basics. Take a break, breathe in deeply, hold for a sec, and then breathe out. This nifty trick, also known as diaphragmatic breathing, is like your personal stress-busting superhero that you can call upon anytime you need.
Mindful Eating
Here’s a thought: when life turns into a whirlwind, meal times often feel like just another task. But what if we turned them into an opportunity to practice mindfulness? Next time you’re eating, really savour your food. Enjoy its colour, texture, and aroma. Take in all the flavours as you chew. Not only will you be more present, but your tummy and overall health will thank you too!
Mindful Chores
What if we could turn everyday tasks into mini-moments of mindfulness? Sounds intriguing, right? Be it folding laundry, washing dishes, or sweeping the floor, start focusing on what you’re doing and how it feels. Watch how these routine chores turn into peaceful pockets of mindfulness.
Harness The Power Of Music
Who doesn’t love a bit of background music, right? It can be a great buddy when practising mindfulness. Can’t find the right tracks? Why not explore torrent sites for music or check out mindfulness apps that offer chill playlists? You’ll be surprised how the right music can set the tone for your day.
Seek Solitude
Carving out a bit of ‘me-time’ can be a total game-changer in a busy day. Find a quiet spot at home or a peaceful corner in a park, or even just a cosy nook in your office. Spend 10-15 minutes there, soaking in your thoughts or maybe doing some journaling. It’s like finding an oasis of calm in a desert of busyness.
Guided Meditation
New to mindfulness? Guided meditations are like a helping hand, guiding you through the practice. There are tons of apps and online platforms that offer step-by-step sessions. Even just 5 minutes can help you relax and clear your mind. Give it a go, and you’ll see what I mean.
Connect With Nature
Ever spent a moment just soaking in the great outdoors? The sun on your face, the wind in your hair – it’s like nature’s own brand of mindfulness. Next time you’re feeling stressed, try spending a few minutes outside. Feel the breeze, listen to the birds, watch the clouds. You’ll be surprised at how grounded and peaceful you’ll feel.
Laugh It Off
We’ve all heard the saying, “Laughter is the best medicine,” and boy, is it true! A good chuckle can cut stress, boost your mood, and even improve your health. So when things get tough, find a reason to giggle. Share a joke, watch a funny clip, or play with your pet – because nothing brings you into the present moment quite like a good belly laugh.
Digital Detox
Let’s face it, we’re pretty much attached to our devices these days. But taking a digital detox – even if it’s just for an hour – can do wonders for your mindfulness practice. Switch off your devices and do something offline. Read a book, cook a meal, or just enjoy a hot drink. Your mind will thank you.
Progress, Not Perfection
Last but definitely not least, remember this: mindfulness isn’t about becoming a Zen master or having an empty mind. It’s about being aware of your thoughts and emotions, and gently bringing them back to the now. And sure, your mind will wander – that’s just part of the deal! But the key isn’t perfection; it’s progress.
So, even when the pace of life tries to sweep you off your feet, remember you’ve got the tools to stay grounded. Mindfulness isn’t a quick escape from life’s busyness, but a secret weapon to navigate it more effectively. So take a moment, breathe, and just be. It’s like discovering your own personal island of calm amidst the hustle and bustle of life.
I wanted to share with you some unique and quirky gift ideas I’ve been trying out. Whether you need an idea for a birthday, wedding, or a treat for a friend – I have you covered.
Please note – some of the items featured were sent for me to review – all thoughts are my own
Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be useful for other people.
Let’s Dive into the Quirky Gift gift ideas…
KIND2 – Shampoo & Conditioner Bars
I was kindly sent these shampoo and conditioner bars to try. My hubby and I have different types of hair. But we both tried them and were impressed.
The bar lathers up and the foam isn’t too overpowering, but it works. They also dry quickly so you can keep them in a dish to use next time.
I have very dry, frizzy hair and these products still nourished my hair – which can be quite difficult to achieve, with some products.
Overall, I would purchase these bars again, or as a gift for a loved one. The sustainability element impresses me. Just imagine all the single-use plastic we go through, with beauty products alone. Something MUST change.
Why not visit Etsy and check out some independent sellers?
Cheerful Buddha
I was recently contacted by Cheerful Buddha who kindly sent a gift pack to try. Having tried their products before, I can confirm their coffee is great.
Play is not only a source of fun and enjoyment for children but also an essential way of stimulating cognitive growth. Children’s play with a wide range of activities will challenge their minds, promote problem-solving, and enhance cognitive skills. Let’s explore the significance of play in nurturing cognitive development and provide you with some practical tips to maximize the cognitive benefits of play.
Imaginative Play Expands Creativity and Language Skills
Imaginative play, including activities like role-playing and pretend play, invites children to craft intricate scenarios, characters, and narratives from their creativity. Such engagement not only sparks their inventive potential but also nurtures abstract thinking and language skills development. Children become mini storytellers, weaving complicated plots and stepping into diverse roles and perspectives.
While immersing themselves in the vibrant world of imaginative play, children also get a chance to explore emotions, enhancing their understanding and expression of feelings. Thus, their cognitive abilities, encompassing problem-solving, communication, and critical thinking skills, experience a considerable boost.
Construction Play Builds Spatial Awareness and Problem-Solving Skills
Construction play, involving building blocks, puzzles, and construction sets, promotes cognitive development in several ways. Children learn to analyze shapes, sizes, and spatial relationships as they manipulate and connect pieces together. This type of play enhances problem-solving skills as children face challenges in building structures or completing puzzles. Additionally, construction play encourages fine motor skills, hand-eye coordination, and logical thinking, laying a strong foundation for cognitive development.
Games and Puzzles Strengthen Memory and Strategic Thinking
Games and puzzles are excellent tools for nurturing cognitive development. Memory games, card games, and puzzles help children enhance their memory skills as they try to remember patterns, sequences, or rules. Strategic board games cultivate critical thinking and decision-making abilities as children strategize, plan, and predict outcomes. These games engage children in problem-solving, reasoning, and analytical thinking, boosting their cognitive skills while having fun.
Sensorial Play Engages the Senses for Cognitive Growth
Sensorial play, involving sensory experiences like sand play, water play, or exploring different textures, stimulates cognitive growth. Children engage their senses and develop observation skills as they explore the properties of different materials. They learn to categorize objects based on texture, weight, or temperature, enhancing their ability to classify and differentiate. Sensorial play supports cognitive development by strengthening neural connections and fostering cognitive flexibility.
Montessori toys for 2-year-olds are excellent resources for sensorial play, aligning perfectly with their cognitive development needs. These toys are designed to engage multiple senses, allowing children to explore various textures, shapes, and sizes. Toys such as sensory balls, shape sorters, and puzzles provide opportunities for children to strengthen their observation skills, practice fine motor control, and develop problem-solving abilities. With these toys, children enhance their cognitive growth as they categorize objects based on texture, weight, or temperature, promoting their ability to classify and differentiate, all while enjoying a fun and enriching play experience.
Outdoor Play Enhances Cognitive Skills and Physical Development
Outdoor play not only benefits physical development but also plays a significant role in cognitive growth. Outdoor environments provide rich sensory experiences, diverse stimuli, and opportunities for exploration. Children engage in active play, developing gross motor skills, coordination, and balance. They also encounter new challenges, problem-solving situations, and social interactions, stimulating cognitive development. Outdoor play fosters creativity, critical thinking, and adaptability, contributing to holistic cognitive growth.
Guided Play Facilitates Cognitive Development through Supportive Engagement
Guided play involves adults or educators providing structure, guidance, and support during playtime. This approach promotes cognitive development by scaffolding children’s learning and encouraging deeper engagement. Adults can pose open-ended questions, offer suggestions, and provide additional resources to enhance cognitive thinking. By actively participating in guided play, adults foster language development, critical thinking, and problem-solving skills while nurturing cognitive growth.
Play holds tremendous potential for nurturing cognitive development in children. Whether through imaginative play, construction play, games and puzzles, sensorial play, outdoor play, or guided play, children engage in experiences that foster cognitive growth.
As educators and parents, we have the chance to foster a culture that values play and all of its cognitive advantages. We can unleash the full potential of children’s minds by embracing play as an important instrument for cognitive development, encouraging their cognitive capacities, and putting them on a route to success and lifelong learning.
About the author: Stella van Lane is a mum of three, and a passionate writer, in love with coffee, interior design, and books. She is also a dedicated Mental Health Advocate and has been actively involved in raising awareness about mental health issues and promoting mental well-being.
I have a great guest post for you today. From Workingthedoors.co.uk.
I am happy to support any message about mental health, whatever industry that may be in. None of us are immune to the impact of mental health problems. And it’s all about raising awareness.
Whilst I am aware both men and women work in the security industry. It is a predominantly male-dominated occupation. And more importantly, we know men’s mental health isn’t talked about enough.
I hope this post helps anyone out there, who may be struggling mentally!
Introduction
It’s no surprise that working in the security industry can be demanding and at times dangerous. But few of us realize just how deep an impact it has on the mental health of those who take this job on, especially men.
Recent surveys have revealed a concerning level of depression among workers in this sector, as well as alarming trends in violence against employees. In this article, we will explore these issues and potential solutions to improve overall well-being in the security industry.
Violence in the Security Industry
A recent survey from WorkingtheDoors.co.uk found that 51% are verbally abused every time they work, with 98% of incidents occurring in nightclubs and bars.
Alongside this, 24% of workers also reported experiencing physical and verbal violence at least once a week. These statistics highlight the dangerous environment in which many people are required to work, and the toll it can take on their mental health.
A report from WorkingtheDoors.co.uk found that 57% say that an incident has affected their mental state more than 24 hours after the event, with almost half of those sympathizing that an incident has been severely traumatic. This highlights the serious mental health issues that can arise from this job, and the lack of access to resources to help with it.
Causes of Depression in the Security Industry
The causes of depression in security workers are complex, but there are a number of potential factors contributing to it.
These include long hours and low pay; lack of support from employers; poor working conditions and lack of job security; exposure to high levels of violence or trauma, and the stigma attached to talking about mental health issues.
Managing Depression in the Security Industry
Given the serious implications of depression for security workers, it’s important to look at ways to manage this issue and improve overall well-being in this sector. Employers can help by providing better working conditions, a secure job contract, and access to mental health services.
Additionally, having clear policies on anti-violence, training on how to respond when an incident occurs, and a supportive workplace culture can all help to reduce the risk of depression.
Ways to Combat Depression
Get more exercise
Exercising more can help to reduce the symptoms of depression, and it’s particularly important for security workers who may be struggling with long hours and stress. Taking regular breaks from work and getting at least 30 minutes of exercise a day can make a big difference.
Get more sleep
Lack of sleep can exacerbate depression and anxiety, so it’s important for security workers to make sure they get enough rest. This means making sure you have a relaxing bedtime routine, avoiding stimulants such as caffeine late at night and trying to stick to a consistent sleep pattern.
Seek professional help
It’s also important to seek professional help if you or someone you know is struggling with depression. Speak to your doctor or a mental health professional who can provide advice and support, as well as access to therapy and medication if necessary.
Identify your stressors
Depression can be triggered by a range of stressors, so it’s important to identify what these are in order to manage them. This could mean looking at the environment you work in and making changes to reduce your exposure to violence or trauma; challenging stigmas around mental health issues; taking steps to improve working conditions; or talking about your feelings with a friend or family member.
Conclusion
The security industry is an important but often overlooked sector and one in which workers face daily challenges to their mental health.
By acknowledging the issues of violence and depression among those in this field, employers can take steps to improve overall well-being by providing better working conditions, access to mental health services and a supportive workplace culture. With these measures in place, security workers can feel better equipped to manage their mental well-being and take steps towards a healthier future.
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