POST UPDATED – AUGUST 2023

Toddlers can be frustrating at times, but I always try and put myself in their shoes. How much emotion would you feel if you had something to say but didn’t know the words yet? Bless them. Yes, it is tough to think like this when a toddler is testing your limits and pushing your boundaries. But as adults, I feel like we must. We are responsible adults and our brains are actually capable of processing emotions. Unlike the brain of a child.

Please note – before we get into this post, I should say, I acknowledge parenting is the hardest job in the world. I get angry and frustrated, just like any other parent. But in our household, we do make a conscious effort to resolve conflict situations differently with our little ones.

I am no expert on this subject, nor do I incorporate all the elements of gentle parenting. I am still very much on a learning journey. But I wanted to share our experience in order to help other people out there.

Let’s look at the science

I think once you get your head around the fact toddlers don’t actually possess the same brain capabilities and development as adults, you can start to take things less personally. My little one is quite intelligent and can be grown up when she wants to. My hubby, mentioned the other day that sometimes we expect too much of her because of this, and we must remember the below.

Changing your mindset about toddler behaviour

How powerful is reading this? Children may also laugh as a default when they don’t know what else to do. As a parent, it could seem like they are laughing at being told boundaries, or being sneaky. But this probably isn’t the case.

Accepting that all behaviour is communication and it is age appropriate for their developmental stage, really allows you to parent differently.

When you realise toddlers are simply finding their way through the world, how to respond and they simply don’t know the way yet. The adults around them can then act accordingly.

How did I realise what we did was gentle parenting?

I won’t mince my words here. Given my own upbringing, at a different stage time, where harsh discipline was accepted, I thought the term “gentle parenting” was just parents not being firm enough with their toddlers. In the very early days of having a baby, I had visions of reasoning with a little person in the supermarket and losing control. Which in turn would mean I lost control of the situation. 

Joining TikTok made me realise how we parent within our family, is actually gentle parenting. And following Kelly Medina Enos on TikTok has helped. I love how honest she is and following her journey makes me feel comfortable with what we are doing. More importantly, it will never be perfect. 

What changed in our parenting style?

Before our little one was born, I thought I would be a much harsher, stricter parent than I actually am.

When your little one starts moving around, touching plugs and threatening to hurt themselves every minute, you need to have parenting conversations. And you won’t always agree. My hubby and I were brought up the same way. Pretty afraid of our parents at times  – that look they would give, or raised voices indicated we should stop doing this.

But I just have a burning question to ask, do you get the best out of anyone, even adults when you raise your voice?  As I get older, I realise the answer is no.

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Setting a good example 

Collectively, we decided a while ago we wanted to avoid shouting around our little one (this isn’t always possible – please don’t think we or any other parent is perfect – there are still disagreements and sometimes raised voices).

If we do shout, snap, or get frustrated, we talk about it together, with our little one. We say sorry and move on. And we have taught this lesson so effectively, our little one will come and apologise to us if she does something she knows she shouldn’t. Granted, it may take a while for her to walk away and come back. But she always comes back, eventually. And we try to mirror this example between ourselves.

I really believe this technique is teaching her to resolve conflict herself and how she should appropriately do this. Also that no human being is perfect. If she does something and apologies when she doesn’t need to, we explain that even adults get things wrong sometimes and this isn’t something she needs to apologise for.  

I’ve written another post, all about Gentle Parenting – check it out here

Modelling behaviour 

In order to calm a tantrum, we also do a breathing technique with her and one of us will take her out of the situation to calm down. I believe toddlers get very overwhelmed by their surroundings. This in itself could cause a meltdown. Hell, as an adult sometimes I get overwhelmed.

They need help not frustration 

Just think for a second about any situation you have ever resolved by shouting. Or being confrontational, or getting frustrated. I bet it is very few. Why then, do we get frustrated with toddlers? Surely we should be actively helping them handle emotions, especially when they don’t fully understand what is happening to them. They don’t have the capability or brain power to regulate themselves and will probably wonder why adults are also becoming frustrated.

There are some other blog posts in the Gentle Parenting category – check them out here

Parents are a guide 

It’s a heavy burden to carry, but as parents, we are responsible for guiding our little ones. Whether we like it or not, how they develop now will also greatly impact their future lives. 

Why it matters

Final thoughts 

I was dubious about releasing this post. Simply because of my feelings when I first heard the term ‘gentle parenting’. We still have a lot to learn and our parenting style will never be perfect. But hopefully, we are setting a foundation to provide our little one with the tools she will need to thrive in life. 

Keep an eye on my parenting resources page and my TikTok to follow our gentle parenting journey. I plan to share with you any resources we are using. 

Any advice is also welcome – let us know in the comments below.