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Learning the tools for managing stress is easier than ever these days. There are so many resources out there, but those who are obsessed with finding wellness tools to combat their anxiety may inadvertently be suffering from a different type of anxiety. Overthinking is a mental loop that can be paralysing and affects many different aspects of life. When we overthink our decisions, it will impact our well-being. So, if you are a chronic overthinker, let’s explore some invaluable resources that can help you dial it down.
Limiting Stimulants
Some people can benefit from slowing down. Changing your state sends a signal to your brain that you need to be calmer. It’s not as easy as telling yourself that you need to slow down but about sending those signals on a regular basis. Sometimes we need to ease ourselves into a slower pace by limiting our stimulant intake. Alcohol and caffeine can kick our overthinking into high gear. Reducing the consumption of stimulants can help calm the mind and alleviate the mental loop of overthinking. Understand your caffeine limits, but also look at products such as medical cannabis and CBD oil. Learning to change our state is key because when we make that conscious decision to slow down, our body and mind will eventually come to match it.
Journaling
For many, writing down thoughts and worries is very cathartic. When we start to make regular notes about times when we’re overthinking, we will come to recognise certain patterns. When we see our overthinking stems from conflict with a certain person or a certain situation, we can then look at this on paper and take an objective view of the situation because it was not part of our consciousness at the time. This is particularly effective if you find yourself overwhelmed at home. If you find yourself in conflicting situations or a disagreement with a spouse makes you very stressed, taking the steps to write down your thoughts on the situation and having a pragmatic approach to your thinking can help you stop yourself from overthinking in the future when you encounter the same type of situation.
Regular Relaxation Practices
The importance of learning how to relax cannot be overstated. If you have an overactive mind, understanding the triggers is one thing, but as we’ve already touched upon, changing your state will also give you better control over how you feel. We have to remember that overthinking is linked with stress and anxiety. This, in turn, is the body’s reaction to a situation, even if it’s not particularly stressful. We all have that inbuilt fight-or-flight response, so having those moments throughout the day where you can focus on your breathing, even if for a couple of minutes, or engage in progressive muscle relaxation, as well as techniques to stimulate the vagus nerve, can be vital.
If you find yourself overthinking, you may need to go for a combination of these tools and tactics. If you are a chronic overthinker, you are not alone. It could be a persistent challenge, but with the right tools, you can break the cycle and recognise that overthinking is detrimental because it stops you from being present. When you are present in the moment, you won’t stress, and you will get so much more out of life.
Today I have a great guest post to share with you all! With some tips on how to be less Emotionally Fragile.
Trishna Patnaik has a BSc (in Life Sciences) and MBA (in Marketing) by qualification but is an artist by choice. A self-taught artist based in Mumbai, Trishna has been practising art for over 14 years. After she had a professional stint in various reputed corporates, she realised that she wanted to do something more meaningful. She found her true calling in her passion which is painting. Trishna is now a full-time professional painter pursuing her passion to create and explore to the fullest. She says, “It’s a road less travelled but a journey that I look forward to every day.” Trishna also conducts painting workshops across Mumbai and other metropolitan cities in India.
Trishna is an art therapist and healer. She works with clients on a one-on-one basis in Mumbai.
Trishna fancies the art of creative writing and is dappling her hands in that too, to soak in the experience and an engagement with readers, wanderers and thinkers.
In this post, we will explore:
Habits Causing You To Be Emotionally Fragile
What is emotional fragility?
Why am I emotionally fragile?
How to be less fragile
Quick note: Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be useful for other people.
Whether you think you can, or think you can’t—you’re right.
– Henry Ford
Being emotionally fragile means you have a hard time managing difficult emotions:
Little bits of worry throw you into cycles of anxiety and panic.
Small bouts of sadness lead to spirals of self-criticism and depression.
Tiny bits of irritation quickly blaze into hours or days of anger.
When you are emotionally fragile, even small amounts of painful emotion consume you.
It is possible to escape this pattern of emotional fragility and learn to be more emotionally resilient. If you want to be more in control of your emotions, you need a better relationship with them.
Many people have an unhealthy relationship with their emotions because they are afraid of them. So they get in the habit of running away from or trying to get rid of these painful emotions. Unfortunately, this particular fight-or-flight reaction to your emotions trains your brain to see them as dangerous, which only makes you more afraid of your emotions in the long run.
If you want to feel stronger in the face of difficult emotions, you must unlearn the habits that are keeping you afraid of them.
We all feel emotionally fragile sometimes. But if you feel this way a lot, chances are several of these habits are the cause.
If you can learn to identify these habits and work to undo them, emotional resilience won’t be far behind.
When you are feeling emotionally fragile, step away from the outside world
– Vijaya Gowrisankar
How do we go about managing Emotional Fragility, please check the pointers below:
1. Trusting your thoughts
Your mind throws thousands of thoughts at you each day, many of which are accurate and helpful. Though many of them are also misguided, random, or downright untrue! This is completely normal. Emotionally resilient people understand that they should not blindly trust every thought that crosses their minds.
If you do, it is a set-up for emotional fragility:
If you accept every worrying thought as true, you will end up chronically anxious.
If you accept every revenge fantasy as a good idea, you will end up overly aggressive.
If you accept every self-criticism as valid and accurate, you are going to end up with pretty low self-esteem.
If you want to stop being so emotionally fragile, cultivate a healthy scepticism of your own thoughts.
Go ahead and listen to your thoughts, but don’t be afraid to dismiss them too.
A common trap that emotionally fragile people fall into is relying on coping skills to feel good.
A coping skill is a technique or strategy you use to temporarily feel better:
Doing some deep breathing exercises when you feel stressed.
Repeating your positive self-image mantra when you feel bad about yourself.
Texting your therapist when you’re feeling down and cannot seem to shake it.
While coping skills have their place, relying on them can be dangerous.
Coping skills are emotional Tylenol. They temporarily make you feel better, but they rarely address the underlying issue.
Fear isn’t a problem: It’s a message from your brain that something in your life is dangerous or not working.
Sadness isn’t a problem: It’s a message from your brain that you have lost something valuable.
Anger isn’t a problem: It’s a message that your brain thinks something in your life is unjust and should be dealt with.
If you consistently treat your emotions like problems, don’t be surprised if they keep feeling that way.
“What remains in diseases after the crisis is apt to produce relapses.”
― Hippocrates
3. Breaking promises to your own self!
Emotionally fragile people often struggle with low self-esteem.
While there are many initial causes of low self-esteem, there’s one thing that almost always keeps people stuck in it:
People with chronic low self-esteem have usually gotten in the habit of breaking promises to themselves.
Think about it: If you frequently break your promises to yourself, how could you trust yourself or be proud of yourself?
Low self-esteem and emotional fragility go hand-in-hand because it’s hard to confidently manage painful feelings if you don’t believe in yourself:
It’s hard to tell yourself that you’ll be okay despite your worries if you don’t trust yourself.
It’s hard to remind yourself of your positive qualities when all you can remember is a string of broken promises to yourself.
It’s hard to fight back against self-criticism and doubts when you aren’t proud of yourself.
A powerful way to fight back against emotional fragility is to start keeping your promises to yourself.
The trick is to start small: If you tell yourself you’re going to finish your report before lunch, do it; if you tell yourself you’re going to call your sister after work, just do it, even if you don’t feel like it.
You’re stronger than you think, but you will never feel that way until you start learning to trust yourself.
“Self-esteem is the reputation you have with yourself.”
— Naval Ravikant
4. Going with the flow
There’s nothing wrong with being easygoing sometimes. But if you always find yourself “going with the flow” and following the lead of others, you are probably keeping yourself emotionally fragile.
If you always “go with the flow” when your husband suggests Italian food, he’s never going to know that you don’t actually like Italian food all that much.
If you always “go with the flow” and say yes to new assignments at work, your manager is never going to know that you’re burnt out and unhappy in your job.
If you always “go with the flow” and agree to host Thanksgiving at your house, your family is never going to understand why you frequently seem irritable and resentful toward them.
Going with the flow seems nice, but it’s actually the opposite: it’s a lie that ends up hurting everybody in the end.
If you want to build up the courage to be more of yourself and express what you really want confidently, practice assertiveness.
Being assertive means you’re willing to express your wants and needs in a way that is true to yourself and respectful of others. And it’s a skill anyone can learn.
It may feel awkward and scary at first, but being honest about what you really want will improve all your relationships—especially your relationship with yourself.
“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”
— Joseph Campbell
5. Being judgmental towards yourself
It’s a sad fact that most people grow up learning that the only way to properly motivate yourself is to “get tough” with yourself.
Most of us internalize from a young age that unless we beat ourselves up with lots of self-criticisms and tough self-talk, we’ll end up slacking off or not performing well. Our families and culture glorify performance and success (especially academic success), and we end up having our self-worth tied to our ability to achieve and be successful. So we come to over-rely on judgmental behaviour and self-criticism as a motivator.
But here’s the problem…
While fear can be an effective motivator in the short term, it has disastrous emotional consequences if it’s your only form of motivation.
When you’re constantly critical and judgmental of yourself, you begin to feel as if nothing is ever good enough. So you double down and get even tougher with yourself, which of course only makes you feel worse.
It’s pretty hard to feel confident when you are judgmental of yourself every time you feel afraid.
It’s pretty hard to feel motivated when you are judgmental of yourself every time you lack energy or enthusiasm.
It’s pretty hard to feel good about yourself when you’re constantly talking trash to yourself in your head.
Start to practice a little self-compassion and you’ll find yourself far more resilient than you ever thought was possible.
“If your compassion does not include yourself it is not complete.”
— Jack Kornfield
6. Reassurance-seeking
Emotionally fragile people often get stuck in the habit of asking for reassurance anytime they feel scared, sad, or upset.
On some level this makes sense: If you don’t trust yourself to manage difficult feelings well, and someone else you do trust tells you everything’s going to be okay, that’s an awful tempting strategy.
But chronic reassurance-seeking has one major downside:
Every time you ask for reassurance, it’s a vote of no confidence in yourself.
Think about it from your own brain’s perspective: If every time you feel bad, you immediately rush to have someone else make you feel better, what does that say about your own self-confidence and belief in yourself?
Of course, we all need help and support sometimes. But if other people are your default strategy for feeling better, you might need to rethink your game plan.
“Goddamit, whenever a person wants reassurance he tells a friend to think what he wants to be true. It’s like asking a waiter what’s good tonight.”
― John Steinbeck
7. Staying busy all the time
One of the least well-known habits that leads towards emotional fragility is constantly staying busy!
People in this habit never let a minute go by without having something to do. They keep their schedules so packed that they never have any space for mental downtime and the chance of being alone with their own thoughts.
While this constant activity and preoccupation can make you feel productive and on top order of things, it’s often just a mask for something unhealthy:
Constant busy behaviour is often a primitive defence mechanism for avoiding painful feelings.
For example:
If your relationship is unhappy but you are too afraid or ashamed to try and improve it, constant busyness helps you avoid that pain.
If, deep down, you’re profoundly unhappy in your work, constant busyness helps you avoid that pain.
If you’re afraid to be alone with your own thoughts, constant busyness helps you avoid that pain.
But that’s not actually true… Constant busyness temporarily helps you avoid those pains, but it never really addresses them.
You’re just kicking the can down the road. And all the while, those problems are just festering and growing bigger with time.
Chronic business is a form of emotional procrastination—putting off the hard work of dealing with painful feelings by always having something to do.
Ultimately, if you want to end the cycle of emotional fragility and become more resilient, you have to start facing your fears and dealing with them head-on. You can only do this if you free up a little time in your schedule to self-reflect and ask yourself what really needs to be addressed.
“There is nothing the busy man is less busied with than living: there is nothing that is harder to learn.”
We used to visit the Magic Garden Play Cafe in Howarth when my little one could barely sit up. It was when I was first introduced to Little Learners. They held one of their classes there and it was a real lifeline for me during maternity leave.
Back then I was contending with low confidence and what I now know was postpartum anxiety. I couldn’t attend the classes without my hubby or mum to accompany me. That said, we made many lovely memories together. Whilst these struggles feel like a lifetime ago, it was strange being back in the building four years on. I even forgot which entrance we had to go through!
Disclaimer – this review was written following a paid-for visit to the event. I am in no way affiliated with the cafe nor have I been paid for this review
Parents & carers community
These days I love nothing more than chatting to other mums, at the soft play centre or activity we have lined up. We also see a lot of grandparents caring for young children. My mental health struggles have taught me that as parents and carers, we are all tired and exhausted. We largely face the same struggles and there is value in a quick conversation or giving someone directions to the toilet. It’s a great community of people and I now love being a part of it.
Just the other day we were in Wetherspoons and a lovely older couple went looking for me and my toddler. We had both gone to get a refill cup of tea and left our shopping bags. They thought we had left and forgotten our shopping. So lovely of them to worry about us.
Let’s dive into the practical information you need if you want to visit The Magic Garden Play Cafe
Booking the Elsa & Anna sing-along
When I saw the Elsa & Anna sing-along online, I immediately booked it. My four-year-old is obsessed with Elsa and we took the opportunity for her to dress up. I even let her have the Elsa microphone in the car.
The location
As we were driving up the hill in Howarth I was flooded with lovely memories of coming here with my grandma. We would visit the shops and it’s a place close to my heart. It was lovely explaining that to my little one.
Upon arrival
Upon arrival, we noticed many other Elsa dresses and Anna costumes in the car park. The remark I got from my four-year-old was “I will sing along with them“.
This is what classes like this are all about. Community and making friends.
The venue has around 15 tables and I’ve never struggled to get a seat in all the time I’ve been coming here. When you are alone with a child, it’s important you can get a table and have a base to store coats, bags and shoes. And more importantly, sit down! If I cannot be sure I will get a table at the venue we attend, I always intentionally pick a pre-bookable soft play – where you can secure your table.
Kids section
There is a gated section where classes and events take place. The gate is helpful if you have little ones trying to escape. There are lots of great classes which take place here and I have included some of the posters and links for you below.
The play area
This play area inspired my little one’s bedroom decor. The IKEA leaves were something we had to get her. And she commented today that her bedroom is also decorated the same way. I love the Scandi feel of the play area. And although we were here for an Elsa & Anna singalong, all my toddler wanted to do was take off her shoes and play in the soft play.
It’s still one of the most impressive play areas I’ve visited, despite reviewing a lot of them previously. You can book to just attend the soft play only.
The cafe
As parents, we all know the cafe is an important aspect. Being able to have that nice cup of tea and a bite to eat is a must. And now I have a four-year-old I can actually sit for 10 minutes at a time. Enjoying my cup of tea is bliss. Whilst she is off making friends and enjoying herself.
How was the food?
The cup of tea and bacon sandwich I ordered didn’t disappoint. The little one got a cute little frozen meal box with the price of the ticket. Which included a selection of sandwiches (who chose ham) crisps and a drink.
We also bought an Elsa bun, cos we all deserve a little treat.
Prices for play
You can view the prices for play and some of the upcoming events at the cafe. For a full list, check out the website.
Opening times
The cafe is open during these days & times:
* Monday to Thursday 9.30 am – 2.30 pm.
Parties
They also offer parties. All the details you need are here.
Summary
My intention is to enjoy the rest of the summer with my little one – when I can. Because childcare is so damn expensive, we will also keep the same family routine throughout the year. Meaning my toddler gets one weekday with each parent, during the school holidays. And the rest of the time I’m looking at sports clubs, which I know she will love.
My mental health struggles taught me a while ago, that a work-life balance was the only way I could mentally keep myself well. I’m also thankful I’ve managed to create the balance we need. And I plan on keeping it that way.
I will be booking more amazing activities – to create lifelong memories with my baby girl.
Toddlers can be frustrating at times, but I always try and put myself in their shoes. How much emotion would you feel if you had something to say but didn’t know the words yet? Bless them. Yes, it is tough to think like this when a toddler is testing your limits and pushing your boundaries. But as adults, I feel like we must. We are responsible adults and our brains are actually capable of processing emotions. Unlike the brain of a child.
Please note – before we get into this post, I should say, I acknowledge parenting is the hardest job in the world. I get angry and frustrated, just like any other parent. But in our household, we do make a conscious effort to resolve conflict situations differently with our little ones.
I am no expert on this subject, nor do I incorporate all the elements of gentle parenting. I am still very much on a learning journey. But I wanted to share our experience in order to help other people out there.
Accepting that all behaviour is communication and it is age appropriate for their developmental stage, really allows you to parent differently.
Let’s look at the science
I think once you get your head around the fact toddlers don’t actually possess the same brain capabilities and development as adults, you can start to take things less personally. My little one is quite intelligent and can be grown up when she wants to. My hubby, mentioned the other day that sometimes we expect too much of her because of this, and we must remember the below.
Though your 3-year-old is beginning to understand the emotions they are feeling, they still have very little control over them. If they find something funny, they’ll laugh hysterically. If something makes them feel sad or angry, they’ll burst into tears. If they feel something, they are likely to act on it. This may mean snatching a toy away from another child if they want to play with it, or getting upset when they want a snack after being told they have to wait until dinnertime. Delayed gratification means nothing to them – they want it and want it now. Three- and 4-year-old children may use hitting, biting, or pushing as a way to solve conflicts. They simply don’t understand the difference between appropriate and inappropriate interactions yet. It’s your job to teach your child that there are right and wrong ways to express emotions and resolve problems with others.
How powerful is reading this? Children may also laugh as a default when they don’t know what else to do. As a parent, it could seem like they are laughing at being told boundaries, or being sneaky. But this probably isn’t the case.
Accepting that all behaviour is communication and it is age appropriate for their developmental stage, really allows you to parent differently.
When you realise toddlers are simply finding their way through the world, how to respond and they simply don’t know the way yet. The adults around them can then act accordingly.
I won’t mince my words here. Given my own upbringing, at a different stage time, where harsh discipline was accepted, I thought the term “gentle parenting” was just parents not being firm enough with their toddlers. In the very early days of having a baby, I had visions of reasoning with a little person in the supermarket and losing control. Which in turn would mean I lost control of the situation.
Joining TikTok made me realise how we parent within our family, is actually gentle parenting. And following Kelly Medina Enoson TikTok has helped. I love how honest she is and following her journey makes me feel comfortable with what we are doing. More importantly, it will never be perfect.
What changed in our parenting style?
Before our little one was born, I thought I would be a much harsher, stricter parent than I actually am.
When your little one starts moving around, touching plugs and threatening to hurt themselves every minute, you need to have parenting conversations. And you won’t always agree. My hubby and I were brought up the same way. Pretty afraid of our parents at times – that look they would give, or raised voices indicated we should stop doing this.
But I just have a burning question to ask, do you get the best out of anyone, even adults when you raise your voice? As I get older, I realise the answer is no.
Collectively, we decided a while ago we wanted to avoid shouting around our little one (this isn’t always possible – please don’t think we or any other parent is perfect – there are still disagreements and sometimes raised voices).
If we do shout, snap, or get frustrated, we talk about it together, with our little one. We say sorry and move on. And we have taught this lesson so effectively, our little one will come and apologise to us if she does something she knows she shouldn’t. Granted, it may take a while for her to walk away and come back. But she always comes back, eventually. And we try to mirror this example between ourselves.
I really believe this technique is teaching her to resolve conflict herself and how she should appropriately do this. Also that no human being is perfect. If she does something and apologies when she doesn’t need to, we explain that even adults get things wrong sometimes and this isn’t something she needs to apologise for.
In order to calm a tantrum, we also do a breathing technique with her and one of us will take her out of the situation to calm down. I believe toddlers get very overwhelmed by their surroundings. This in itself could cause a meltdown. Hell, as an adult sometimes I get overwhelmed.
They need help not frustration
Just think for a second about any situation you have ever resolved by shouting. Or being confrontational, or getting frustrated. I bet it is very few. Why then, do we get frustrated with toddlers? Surely we should be actively helping them handle emotions, especially when they don’t fully understand what is happening to them. They don’t have the capability or brain power to regulate themselves and will probably wonder why adults are also becoming frustrated.
There are some other blog posts in the Gentle Parenting category – check them out here
Parents are a guide
It’s a heavy burden to carry, but as parents, we are responsible for guiding our little ones. Whether we like it or not, how they develop now will also greatly impact their future lives.
Why it matters
Positive experiences throughout childhood help to build healthy brains, while experiencing childhood trauma and abuse can harm a child’s brain development (Shonkoff et al, 2015). But our brains always have the potential to change and grow. It’s never too late to give a child or young person positive brain-building experiences.
I was dubious about releasing this post. Simply because of my feelings when I first heard the term ‘gentle parenting’. We still have a lot to learn and our parenting style will never be perfect. But hopefully, we are setting a foundation to provide our little one with the tools she will need to thrive in life.
Keep an eye on my parenting resources page and my TikTok to follow our gentle parenting journey. I plan to share with you any resources we are using.
Any advice is also welcome – let us know in the comments below.
It’s been four years since I had a mental breakdown and I’m now glad I can spot the signs of stressful period when things become too much. And, more importantly, actually do something about it before it spirals out of control too much. I never want to return to the position I was in when I had a mental breakdown. As such, it is now about damage control.
It’s no secret that I took a break from social media recently. But running this blog in my spare time is just one small part of my life. As with all working parents, we have a lot of other stress factors to deal with. And sometimes something tips the balance and it just becomes too much for us to handle.
When this happens, I face constant anxiety for a week or two. Get very run down, and become mentally and physically unwell. This then leads to depression and feelings of inadequacy.
It’s been four years since I had a mental breakdown and I’m now glad I can spot the signs of the stressful period when things become too much. And, more importantly, actually do something about it before it spirals out of control too much. I never want to return to the position I was in when I had a mental breakdown. As such, it is now about damage control.
The stress bucket
We all have a stress bucket and sometimes it can overflow. We live in a world which induces anxiety in the calmest of people. Therefore we have to be careful and look after our well-being. Hypnotherapy was one of the main therapies which helped me and I use it when my mental health takes a hit.
The mind needs maintenance – just like you would physically rest after a long walk or injury to your body. I also want to make it clear to everyone reading this post that dips in our mental well-being will occur. Life throws curveballs our way and sometimes, even just one factor of our lives, can cause all the other plates spinning to topple over. And it’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay, to be honest about how you’re feeling. And take the time you need to feel mentally well again.
Taking control of the situation can be difficult
When I am in the midst of anxiety, even the decision to do something about the way I am feeling whirls around in my mind constantly. Will people think I’m inadequate? Will they question me about the way I am feeling? Should I just sort myself out?
Some of this critical thinking comes from me being quite harsh on myself. Some of it is from traumatic past experiences.
Stress factors which can impact anyone
Stress in daily life
Childcare challenges
Money problems
Not allocating time for myself
Being too busy to relax
Communication problems in home life
Symptoms Of Anxiety taking over
Critical thinking
Thinking the past will repeat itself
Frantic thinking
Losing control of emotions
Lacking in motivation
Not wanting to put makeup on
Detached
Worn out emotionally
In desperate need of self-care
Remedies for becoming mentally well again
I know firsthand just how much strength it takes to motivate yourself when you feel unwell mentally. However, because I have a toddler, normal everyday life has to resume. I thrive on a routine and using my brain. As such, I don’t do well when I have to stop and rest.
My mental wellbeing routine also forms a structure and it takes me time to feel like myself again.
Honesty
I dealt with things differently this time. One of the main differences when things started to feel out of control, was my honesty with everyone around me. Once it was clear to me that things were getting worse and I couldn’t control it. It was time, to be fully honest. With myself, initially. But also everyone around me. Given my mental health history, my family are in tune with when I am not quite feeling myself.
I am proud of myself for finally being honest with everyone around me. Feeling comfortable talking about how I really feel, made the world of difference.
A lot of people struggle to open up about their mental health difficulties, for fear of being judged. Now I’ve created the work-life balance I need and I have supportive people around me, it was easier to open up.
Final thoughts
The mind needs maintenance – just like you would physically rest after a long walk or injury to your body. I also want to make it clear to everyone reading this post that dips in our mental well-being will occur. Life throws curveballs our way and sometimes, even just one factor of our lives, can cause all the other plates spinning to topple over. And it’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay, to be honest about how you’re feeling. And take the time you need to feel mentally well again.
Life’s a wild ride, isn’t it? Some days, it’s like walking on a rainbow, while others feel more like a whirlwind of endless tasks that make you feel like you’re running a never-ending marathon. During those turbo-charged times, finding a smidge of calm can seem as difficult as finding a needle in a haystack. But let me let you in on a little secret: it’s exactly during these fast-paced times that mindfulness plays its trump card.
Each morning, before you leap into the day, spend a quiet moment setting an intention. It could be as straightforward as saying, “Today, I will keep my cool, no matter what.” Next up, it’s time to tackle your to-do list – but smartly. Highlight what needs your attention the most. You’ll be acting instead of reacting, and trust me, that feels so much better.
Breathe And Pause
Ever noticed how your breath is like your trusty sidekick? Always there, right when you need it. So in those intense, I-can’t-catch-a-breath moments, it’s time to get back to basics. Take a break, breathe in deeply, hold for a sec, and then breathe out. This nifty trick, also known as diaphragmatic breathing, is like your personal stress-busting superhero that you can call upon anytime you need.
Mindful Eating
Here’s a thought: when life turns into a whirlwind, meal times often feel like just another task. But what if we turned them into an opportunity to practice mindfulness? Next time you’re eating, really savour your food. Enjoy its colour, texture, and aroma. Take in all the flavours as you chew. Not only will you be more present, but your tummy and overall health will thank you too!
Mindful Chores
What if we could turn everyday tasks into mini-moments of mindfulness? Sounds intriguing, right? Be it folding laundry, washing dishes, or sweeping the floor, start focusing on what you’re doing and how it feels. Watch how these routine chores turn into peaceful pockets of mindfulness.
Harness The Power Of Music
Who doesn’t love a bit of background music, right? It can be a great buddy when practising mindfulness. Can’t find the right tracks? Why not explore torrent sites for music or check out mindfulness apps that offer chill playlists? You’ll be surprised how the right music can set the tone for your day.
Seek Solitude
Carving out a bit of ‘me-time’ can be a total game-changer in a busy day. Find a quiet spot at home or a peaceful corner in a park, or even just a cosy nook in your office. Spend 10-15 minutes there, soaking in your thoughts or maybe doing some journaling. It’s like finding an oasis of calm in a desert of busyness.
Guided Meditation
New to mindfulness? Guided meditations are like a helping hand, guiding you through the practice. There are tons of apps and online platforms that offer step-by-step sessions. Even just 5 minutes can help you relax and clear your mind. Give it a go, and you’ll see what I mean.
Connect With Nature
Ever spent a moment just soaking in the great outdoors? The sun on your face, the wind in your hair – it’s like nature’s own brand of mindfulness. Next time you’re feeling stressed, try spending a few minutes outside. Feel the breeze, listen to the birds, watch the clouds. You’ll be surprised at how grounded and peaceful you’ll feel.
Laugh It Off
We’ve all heard the saying, “Laughter is the best medicine,” and boy, is it true! A good chuckle can cut stress, boost your mood, and even improve your health. So when things get tough, find a reason to giggle. Share a joke, watch a funny clip, or play with your pet – because nothing brings you into the present moment quite like a good belly laugh.
Digital Detox
Let’s face it, we’re pretty much attached to our devices these days. But taking a digital detox – even if it’s just for an hour – can do wonders for your mindfulness practice. Switch off your devices and do something offline. Read a book, cook a meal, or just enjoy a hot drink. Your mind will thank you.
Progress, Not Perfection
Last but definitely not least, remember this: mindfulness isn’t about becoming a Zen master or having an empty mind. It’s about being aware of your thoughts and emotions, and gently bringing them back to the now. And sure, your mind will wander – that’s just part of the deal! But the key isn’t perfection; it’s progress.
So, even when the pace of life tries to sweep you off your feet, remember you’ve got the tools to stay grounded. Mindfulness isn’t a quick escape from life’s busyness, but a secret weapon to navigate it more effectively. So take a moment, breathe, and just be. It’s like discovering your own personal island of calm amidst the hustle and bustle of life.
According to the Word Health Organisation, approximately 16% of adults aged 60 and above suffer from a mental health disorder. In most cases, depression, anxiety disorders, dementia, and isolation are the most common issues. Caring for an elderly parent with mental health problems can be challenging and emotionally demanding, often requiring unique skills and support systems. Fortunately, the following tips can make the task easier.
Prepare yourself for the emotional aspect
Caring for an elderly parent is hard enough, but the difficulty level is higher when your ageing loved one has mental health issues. Of course, you love your parent, but other emotions can hinder you from providing the care they need. The most common things you may have to deal with r are worry, anger, frustration, and helplessness. All these are common; experiencing them does not make you a bad caregiver. Preparing yourself for these emotions can help you develop helpful ways to address them.
Monitor their movement
Available data shows that about 53,337 were detained under the Mental Health Act from 2001 to 2002. Older people also fall victim to such detentions when they have mental health issues. Don’t be surprised by how easily your elderly parent can slip out of the house and wander around. The last thing you want is to receive a call that they have been detained under the Mental Health Act.
So, always ensure you always have extra eyes on your ageing loved one. And in case of any detention, you can seek legal assistance, depending on where you live. For example, if you live in Sheffield, you can run an online search for ‘local solicitors Sheffield‘ to find legal experts near you. But make sure they have expertise in mental health cases.
Schedule regular medical visits
You’ll need all the professional help you can get, starting with regular medical visits. Your doctor will perform regular diagnoses and prescribe new treatments when necessary. You’ll also receive tips on how to care for your elderly parent and help them get better. Aside from visiting a doctor, work with therapists to help them learn how to cope with any underlying issues responsible for their poor mental health. You can also hire trained nurses or caregivers to provide home care and ease the burden of responsibility on your shoulders.
Educate yourself
It’s almost impossible to care for an ageing parent if you don’t know or understand what mental health challenges they’re dealing with. So, take the time to educate yourself about it. Understand its symptoms, triggers, and treatment options. This way, you can anticipate and address their unique needs. You can also contact support groups and find resources online.
Open, clear, and honest communication are crucial when caring for an ageing loved one with mental health issues. Speak calmly and do your best to ensure that you understand them and that they understand you. Also, encourage your parent to express their thoughts and feelings and actively listen without judging them. They might also need a safe and non-threatening environment, making them comfortable to open up or discuss their concerns. Being harsh, rude, disrespectful, or aggressive will only make your parents withdraw in fear and choose not to communicate.
I have a great guest post for you today. From Workingthedoors.co.uk.
I am happy to support any message about mental health, whatever industry that may be in. None of us are immune to the impact of mental health problems. And it’s all about raising awareness.
Whilst I am aware both men and women work in the security industry. It is a predominantly male-dominated occupation. And more importantly, we know men’s mental health isn’t talked about enough.
I hope this post helps anyone out there, who may be struggling mentally!
Introduction
It’s no surprise that working in the security industry can be demanding and at times dangerous. But few of us realize just how deep an impact it has on the mental health of those who take this job on, especially men.
Recent surveys have revealed a concerning level of depression among workers in this sector, as well as alarming trends in violence against employees. In this article, we will explore these issues and potential solutions to improve overall well-being in the security industry.
Violence in the Security Industry
A recent survey from WorkingtheDoors.co.uk found that 51% are verbally abused every time they work, with 98% of incidents occurring in nightclubs and bars.
Alongside this, 24% of workers also reported experiencing physical and verbal violence at least once a week. These statistics highlight the dangerous environment in which many people are required to work, and the toll it can take on their mental health.
A report from WorkingtheDoors.co.uk found that 57% say that an incident has affected their mental state more than 24 hours after the event, with almost half of those sympathizing that an incident has been severely traumatic. This highlights the serious mental health issues that can arise from this job, and the lack of access to resources to help with it.
Causes of Depression in the Security Industry
The causes of depression in security workers are complex, but there are a number of potential factors contributing to it.
These include long hours and low pay; lack of support from employers; poor working conditions and lack of job security; exposure to high levels of violence or trauma, and the stigma attached to talking about mental health issues.
Managing Depression in the Security Industry
Given the serious implications of depression for security workers, it’s important to look at ways to manage this issue and improve overall well-being in this sector. Employers can help by providing better working conditions, a secure job contract, and access to mental health services.
Additionally, having clear policies on anti-violence, training on how to respond when an incident occurs, and a supportive workplace culture can all help to reduce the risk of depression.
Ways to Combat Depression
Get more exercise
Exercising more can help to reduce the symptoms of depression, and it’s particularly important for security workers who may be struggling with long hours and stress. Taking regular breaks from work and getting at least 30 minutes of exercise a day can make a big difference.
Get more sleep
Lack of sleep can exacerbate depression and anxiety, so it’s important for security workers to make sure they get enough rest. This means making sure you have a relaxing bedtime routine, avoiding stimulants such as caffeine late at night and trying to stick to a consistent sleep pattern.
Seek professional help
It’s also important to seek professional help if you or someone you know is struggling with depression. Speak to your doctor or a mental health professional who can provide advice and support, as well as access to therapy and medication if necessary.
Identify your stressors
Depression can be triggered by a range of stressors, so it’s important to identify what these are in order to manage them. This could mean looking at the environment you work in and making changes to reduce your exposure to violence or trauma; challenging stigmas around mental health issues; taking steps to improve working conditions; or talking about your feelings with a friend or family member.
Conclusion
The security industry is an important but often overlooked sector and one in which workers face daily challenges to their mental health.
By acknowledging the issues of violence and depression among those in this field, employers can take steps to improve overall well-being by providing better working conditions, access to mental health services and a supportive workplace culture. With these measures in place, security workers can feel better equipped to manage their mental well-being and take steps towards a healthier future.
Today I am so excited to welcome a guest blogger! I am also over the moon to introduce a mummy, also facing difficult issues with a newborn. I can relate to this. My guest blogger today has turned a negative experience of her own into something to help others. All the details you need to connect with Lauryn can be found at the end of this post.
POST UPDATED 30 July 2022
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Let’s dive into why a sleep routine is important
I felt very ready to have a baby in every sense. I was 32 years old and financially secure. It was great that I had a successful teaching career of ten years and my relationship was strong.
As a confessed perfectionist, when we fell pregnant, I did all of the homework to be fully prepared. We did an online hypnobirthing course together. I planned my drug-free, calm labour. In addition, I planned to breathe the baby out (LOL) simply. I also knew all there was to know about the fourth trimester. I was, of course going to breastfeed. It was on the agenda to get started early with a bedtime routine. Additionally, I planned to be back in the gym from six weeks postnatal. I also signed up for lots of baby classes with my NCT friends.
I had all of the right things to ensure a sound night’s sleep for our baby. The right clothes, crib, mattress, baby monitor, and dream sheep to get her sleeping easily. You name it, we had it.
Finally, eight days after my due date, I started feeling labour pains. My feelings were weirdly nervous and excited. I just could not wait to meet this baby I felt so connected to during the pregnancy. Preparing, I calmly got my hypnobirthing tools ready. Bouncing on my ball, candles lit, and a comedy video, had me feeling prepared.
My labour did not go as planned. After 30 hours, I ended up having an emergency C-section and my daughter came out with suspected sepsis and was whisked straight off to neonatal care.
Once I got home, all the planning we had done during pregnancy felt pointless. I felt beyond unprepared for this responsibility. Breastfeeding was not working for us and I felt like the ultimate failure in getting the formula out. My daughter had classic colic and cried for 3-6 hours every evening. It was exhausting and I felt awful I was unable to console her.
How had I gone from feeling as if I knew exactly what to expect, to this? I realised that one thing no one had told me might come with new motherhood. Anxiety.
I have never been an overly anxious person, but all of a sudden every aspect of motherhood was anxiety-inducing. Breastfeeding, sleep, guests coming over, leaving the house. All of it. My plans to go to classes and groups were far too big for me to face and I was so anxious about guests coming in case she would cry and I would not be able to settle her.
How lockdown impacted the situation
Eight weeks after she was born, we were plunged into the very first lockdown. This was great for me because it meant I didn’t have to face my anxiety about going out or guests coming over. Although in hindsight, there were negative aspects, because it didn’t give me a chance to talk to professionals, as medical visits and access to health visitors had ceased.
To regain control, I started a very rigid sleep routine with my little one. Every nap had to be to the minute of my new programme. The sleep environment had to be perfect. If it ever went out of the window, it was a huge stress for me and could ruin my entire lockdown day.
Light at the end of the tunnel
Needless to say, I realised it was time to do some mental digging and see what was going on. I opened up to friends who had suffered postnatally and searched for information online. After thinking about it, I eventually concluded that anxiety was linked to birth trauma. I had not given myself the chance to go over my labour or the fact she was taken straight from me due to being ill upon arrival.
Once I did a little work on myself through the lockdown, the pressure I’d put myself under started to lift. I introduced yoga, meditation, and journaling into my routine.
Turning a negative into a positive
I eased up a little on the sleep routine and now two years down the line I have trained to become a sleep consultant to work with families on gentle sleep schedules and training, to cause the least anxiety possible.
If anyone out there is new to this parenting gig and finding things tough, open up. Talk it out when you’re ready and know that this storm will pass and get better. More beautiful days are coming your way.
Lauryn and her little one
Angelcare were fantastic for all of our baby’s needs when we had a newborn. Check them out.
More details on how to contact Lauryn
Lauryn has worked as a full-time teacher for 10 years, teaching Drama and English in both primary and secondary settings. Since having her first child, Eliza, she realised the importance of sleep for well-being and this led to her training to become a sleep consultant in Summer 2021. Lullaby Lauryn launched in October and she can’t wait to help as many families as possible improve their sleep.
My thoughts on awareness days – whilst I believe there is much more work to be done in reducing the stigma surrounding mental health, I am thankful for awareness days, in bringing such important issues to the forefront of peoples’ minds.
Trigger warning – throughout this post, I will discuss intimate topics regarding the birthing process. Depression, anxiety, paranoia & touch on baby loss. If any of these subjects are a trigger for you, please do not continue to read this post
PLEASE NOTE – It’s also important to note that this post contains an account of my own personal experiences and perspective during that time.
The right time
I’ve wanted to talk about this for a while. But I simply haven’t been ready. You may have seen a TikTok post about the dangers of postpartum depression. This subject is something I am passionate about. Because my mental health significantly worsened during pregnancy. Hormones played a huge part in my declining mental well-being.
The essence of this blog is to raise awareness of both mental illness AND how difficult pregnancy can be for some expectant mothers
Before we get into it
It’s important to note that it’s only over the last year that I feel able to discuss these issues. For two years following birth, I really struggled mentally and emotionally.
I will be honest and say that I still have some paranoid thoughts about the safety of my little one. Which I think stems from the fact we experienced an emergency situation during birth. I try my best not to let these thoughts impact my daily life. And I’m no longer a believer in “what if” – the what if never happened. Probably for a good reason. Therefore it’s just a waste of brain power. And in the past, contemplating the “what if”, sent me to a dark place mentally. I’m quite disciplined these days in not allowing my mind to run away with itself.
Going into the hospital to be induced, I was full of anxiety and what followed was a series of traumatic events. I just wasn’t able to adequately cope with it.
Existing anxiety
Looking back, I think the main personality trait which worsened my anxiety levels in the hospital, was lack of control. I also live my life based on instincts, something you can’t convey in a clinical setting.
Six months before birth I just knew it would result in a c section. I had a feeling, but it was more than that. It was so believable to me – like it had already taken place. This made interactions with midwives difficult. Because I just wanted the outcome I KNEW would happen anyway. I want people to understand that expectant mothers DO know best. We know our own bodies and instinctively feel things someone else could never understand.
But first… Some context – let’s look at pregnancy and the lead-up to the birth
In addition to stress from my day job, one of the biggest driving factors for my decline in mental health was pregnancy. I still can’t remember a day, during pregnancy, when I felt happy and well. There probably was some, but for me, the whole process was one I just didn’t enjoy! This experience makes me apprehensive about going through the process again. AND it makes me angry when I see polished parenting posts online. I wish people would be mindful that not everyone’s pregnancy experience is the same. I am happy with people posting about their lives. Just not making their lives about everyone else. This can be so harmful to young expectant mothers.
Having to travel to work, five days a week, met with stress, whilst pregnant, sick & tired, was a daily battle. It got to the point where I couldn’t physically do it anymore and had to leave work one month earlier than planned. The worry of an already short maternity leave and money pressures, added to the anxiety of the whole experience.
Antenatal depression
I’ve discussed on the blog before that I suffered from antenatal depression. However, at the time I didn’t know this term and nobody helped me in establishing what was actually happening to me. Labels aren’t always helpful when it comes to mental health. But on this occasion, for me, it would have been. I made the difficult decision to start taking antidepressants during pregnancy. I had no choice. Being incredibly unwell, at such a vulnerable time in life was horrible. And I needed something to stabilise me.
Going into the hospital to be induced, I was full of anxiety and what followed was a series of traumatic events. I just wasn’t able to adequately cope with it.
The nitty gritty
We arrived at the hospital, apprehensive, as any first-time parents would be. This is us in the sunshine, not knowing what to expect.
I was induced on my due date because one of the measures of my scans was a little concerning. That day we had a stand-in sonographer. And to this day I feel like he was sent to me by those watching over me. As you will learn later in this story, my little one was at risk and had a chest infection. In newborns, this can be severe and they label it pneumonia (something I cried about when I read the notes) If I hadn’t been offered an induction on my due date, where would we be?
SIDE NOTE – I was given my maternity notes, which I opened one day and it resulted in a complete meltdown. I don’t think this information should never have been in my hands. When firstly, I was so out of it during the experience, that I don’t remember much. And secondly, the trauma of it all made me vulnerable.
The induction suite
The induction was going well until they asked my partner to leave at 9 pm. Partners couldn’t stay in the induction suite. At this point, I lost the one person who could support me and knew me inside out. Don’t get me wrong, maternity staff are some of the loveliest people you will ever meet. But they do not know you enough to understand you in your most vulnerable moments of life. For these reasons, I am a huge advocate for partners or trusted people being allowed to sleep in maternity wards, preferably in private rooms with bathroom facilities. It’s an absolute must for me. And something I will always continue to advocate for.
Loss of a trusted person who knows you well
Mentally and physically things went downhill after my partner left. I was in so much pain and something was wrong, but I felt like the staff wouldn’t listen. There was stuff scattered all over our cubicle because I was in so much pain I couldn’t bend down and pick things up. I felt like a nuisance to other people in the induction suite. My anxiety levels were through the roof and I felt alone.
The staff agreed move me at 1 am. At this point, I was unable to pick up a phone to speak to my partner (they had to do it for me). And they rushed me round, on a wheelchair to a birthing room. But prior to this, I was told one wasn’t ready!
Epidural
Because the pain was so bad, I requested an epidural. My mum and hubby witnessed me in so much pain and not doing well at all, prior to them agreeing to pain relief. The anaesthetist took ages to arrive. I’m fully aware the NHS staff are busy. But in the moment, it was difficult to be anything other than fuming, exhausted and ready to flip out.
SIDE NOTE – I still have sciatica to this day and my back has never been the same since the epidural. But each time I raise with a GP, I’m told it shouldn’t be an issue. Lasting physical damage as a result of pregnancy is also something I am eager to raise awareness of. It happens. And I would rather listen to the genuine experiences of people who have suffered physically postpartum (there are lots of people saying the same thing as me)
Following the epidural, I was able to recover slightly from the pain. There were two lovely midwives assigned to me. But I was very sick and needed to have my clothes cut off, because sick went everywhere. They tried to put a thin sheet on me and I felt overheated. Like I would be sick again. Therefore I spent the majority of my time in this room, completely naked for all staff to see. In moments like this, you simply don’t care. Birth and motherhood definitely make you less bothered about vanity and how you look.
I want to thank those two midwives. They turned a traumatic experience around, for the majority of the time I was in hospital. For a while, my anxiety levels were reduced and I could get some much needed rest!
Anxiety setting in
Although the pain was gone, I was still somewhat anxious that they kept topping up the epidural and the pressure I was feeling just didn’t feel right. It would transpire later that my little one was stuck and her shoulders were ramming into my bottom. Something I had told staff since about 10 pm, in the induction suite. The surgeon commented that she would never have come out naturally and that whoever made the c-section decision, made the right call. This is EXACTLY how I felt earlier in the night.
It’s just a given that new parents will probably be less equipped to cope with the anxieties and potential trauma of birth, than parents who’ve already experienced the system.
Not being heard – let’s rewind
Let’s go back to the delivery room. Nothing was progressing and I wasn’t passing any urine. I also had some feeling down one leg, which was strange.
I asked for a c-section, but because I had known it would happen six months prior, I didn’t come across in the right way. And the staff in the room felt reluctant to do it. They wanted me to wait it out! It was a battle to have my wishes fulfilled. I take on board that some of the reluctance was due to how I reacted.
Following a collective decision to finally do it. Panic stations ensued. Signing paperwork, getting me ready. What I wasn’t aware of at the time, was that I had a fever and the little one was clearly in distress and needed to come out. I was completely out of it. And to this day, I tell a different story to my hubby. Bless him, he was aware of everything that happened that day. And also suffered mentally after birth. We both did.
The aftermath of the C-section
The operation went well, but I was distressed as to why she wasn’t crying (apparently c section babies don’t cry as they have mucus stuck and staff have to clear their airways)
The relief I was feeling during these pictures was immense. She was finally here and safe. But not for long.
My poor mum had waited outside the emergency delivery room for over an hour. Probably worried sick. I was only allowed one other person with me in the theatre. And my mum completely understood that this should be my hubby.
My little baby whisked away
We were taken to a private room, but the midwife was concerned about my little one looking blue. The neonatal manager came in and gave her some oxygen. Then quickly whisked her away to the neonatal ward. At the time, this was painful for her to be taken and I was so out of it, I didn’t know what was happening. Sleep was the only thing on my mind. But then I felt guilty for wanting to sleep and not being able to take care of my baby.
I couldn’t fully comprehend she had been taken. In hindsight, she was in the best place possible. And both the midwife and neonatal manager called in to check on me (after their shifts had ended!). They understood how painful this situation was and their care had a positive impact on me. In what was a very distressing situation.
My medical notes were clear. I had depression and anxiety problems, which we so severe I started taking antidepressants during pregnancy. It would be great for maternity ward staff to be aware of these notes and essentially factor this in, during a stay in the hospital.
Hospital stay
In the five days which followed, my hubby was the one caring for both me and my little one. I was in a ward where it was noisy. The staff busy rushing around and I wasn’t doing well mentally. I didn’t want to get up and about (due to the risk of blood clots after surgery, you need to get up and walk). Therefore I had to be encouraged to go see my little one and it was a while before I did.
Fear of being judged
I’ve spoken on the blog and my social media accounts before, about the fact that I believed the hospital staff were watching me. Paranoia set in and it’s one of the reasons I didn’t want to visit my little one. I was afraid of getting it wrong. It’s important to say, they were not actually doing anything to rationalise this feeling. But high anxiety levels, exhaustion, and hormones played a big part in my warped perspective. A perspective which was very real to me at the time.
In terms of breastfeeding, I didn’t feel like a choice was being presented to me, for how I wanted to feed my baby. To be honest, going through the pain of breastfeeding was the last thing on my mind and probably the one thing which would have tipped me over the edge mentally.
My little one is fine, never having been breastfed. And I know LOTS of other babies who are too. I wish society would be more accepting of the fact it’s a choice. I’m fine with being told about the benefits of breastfeeding. But not being presented with your own clear choice to make, is a problem for me.
Honest feelings about the neonatal unit
To be honest, part of me wanted to stay away from the neonatal unit for fear they would talk about breastfeeding. The nurse looking after our little one didn’t, other than to ask what my decision was. But I was apprehensive about it constantly.
I stayed in the hospital for three days and was relieved when I was discharged. You don’t get proper rest on these wards and are woken up every hour for checks. The real recovery began at home. But I was so distressed about leaving my little one in the hospital. I couldn’t win. It felt like I chopped my leg off and left it behind. But home was the best place for my recovery.
We were offered a room in the neonatal ward but refused it. I wouldn’t have properly rested. I was still weary of being there and there were other, more needy parents who would use it. Parents whose babies would remain on that ward for months and not days. (at this point, I should make it clear again that neonatal staff are some of the most amazing people. But my perspective was totally warped by anxiety, depression, mum guilt and birth trauma).
My heart goes out to anyone who has endured birth trauma, or separation from a little one following birth. Or any family who has suffered mental health problems as a result of the pregnancy or the birth process.
Coming home
When my little one eventually came home, we were so thankful. But we also didn’t have a clue what to do. Nobody helps you. I was so overcautious about her safety, I would ask my hubby to carry her from room to room in a Moses basket. And ask visitors to hand gel first (we didn’t even have visitors for the first few weeks). Because she had already been ill, I was convinced she would get ill again.
A turning point
Whilst I coped well, the medication helped. It would be two years before I could fully move past the trauma that happened to our family.
The turning point was me drunkenly saying I didn’t want to have another child, for fear they might die.
Solutions
Ultimately, we need to stop judging new parents for feeling completely normal feelings, following birth. After a traumatic experience, these reactions are completely justified. So why do new parents and specifically new mothers, feel unable to speak out? Without fear of being judged or stigmatised.
In terms of maternity wards, simple changes could be made to ensure the experience is a little better. Such as private rooms, enough beds and partners being allowed to stay overnight.
I am fully aware there is no simple solution to the problem.
I also don’t think it’s appropriate to warn new parents of the dangers and unpredictability of childbirth. It’s just a given that new parents will probably be less equipped to cope with the anxieties and potential trauma of birth, than parents who’ve already experienced the system.
TikTok post – postpartum psychosis
You may have seen my TikTok post about the potential mental health dangers for new mums. Postpartum psychosis is something which can happen and it’s great that we are starting to raise awareness on this topic. More needs to be done to support new mothers and families.
I’ve spoken before on my blog about how beneficial a mental health nurse or well-being expert would be on a maternity ward. This would have benefitted me and my family so much. My medical notes were clear. I had depression and anxiety problems, which we so severe I started taking antidepressants during pregnancy. A mental health champion would have been amazing!
Health visitors
In the UK we have health visitors, who make contact when you come home, but you have little contact with them. And at the time, in my mental state, I honestly just felt like they were checking up on me. I felt inadequate as a mother. But like I had to put on a brave face during visits. My health visitor was caring and sympathetic. But I couldn’t shake the feeling I was being judged.
To tell anyone the reality of the thoughts inside my head would have alarmed them. I was in no way a danger to anyone – just exhausted, anxious, depressed, hormonal and thrown into a completely unknown situation. With a severe lack of sleep. Wondering what on earth had just happened to our family, and trying to make sense of it all.
Let’s not stigmatise already traumatised new parents
Ultimately, we need to stop judging new parents for feeling completely normal feelings, following birth. After a traumatic experience, these reactions are completely justified. So why do new parents and specifically new mothers, feel unable to speak out? Without fear of being judged or stigmatised.
Final thoughts & summary
My little one is almost four years old. And I finally feel like I have mentally and emotionally moved past this experience. Time helps you move on. Education also massively helped. Reading about what happened to me. Labelling some of the mental health conditions I had. And speaking to other parents, transformed my recovery.
Peer support and talking to other parents, also have a powerful impact. You get vital information from other people in a similar situation. And the connections I’ve made since starting this blog, help me mentally every single day.
I will never stop posting on this blog. It was born from trauma, despair and finding my way through a very dark place.
But what I’ve created helps people. I know this from the amazing comments and feedback I get. Advocating for more understanding of those suffering poor mental health, is something I will continue to do.
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