Mental Health

Blog posts relating to mental health subjects

5 reasons playing online games is part of my self-care routine

This is a collaborative post. However, all thoughts are my own

I dont know about you but I love playing online games on my phone. I’ve just renewed my phone contract and I am so happy to finally have a phone which is useful for blogging and has adequate storage. It just makes playing games all the more fun.

Maybe you’re looking for something to play during the holidays, in those quiet Christmas moments. Something to focus on, a challenge to accomplish. You might want to escape the family for a while or zone your mind out amidst the holiday madness.

Well, look no further. Here is a list of five extra benefits you may be getting whilst playing online games on your phone.

Playing online games helps me to switch off mum mode and learn to focus on just one task. You don’t move on until this task is completed. It trains me to form habits other than trying to constantly multitask.

playing online games

Problem-solving

As a problem solver, I can easily get bogged down in a heavy, stressful task and want to solve it immediately. This can lead to unhealthy levels of anxiety. Because essentially you are not being productive when you are in this mindset. To manage the danger of me crossing over into problem-solving chaos, I need a simple task to flex my problem-solving muscles.

Playing online games is a perfect solution to this. I can spend as much time as I want playing. The task usually ends quite quickly and I can then choose to either put the phone down and play later or carry on. I get to satisfy my need for problem-solving but in a healthy way.

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    Concentration on one task

    I am guilty of trying to do several tasks at once. As a mum, you learn these habits. Great for when you are alone with a baby in a shop, not so great when I want to consciously sit down and focus on one blogging task at a time.

    Playing online games helps me to switch off mum mode and learn to focus on just one task. You don’t move on until this task is completed. It trains me to form habits other than trying to constantly multitask.

    Sense of achievement

    Who doesn’t love the feeling of achievement?

    I will admit I am competitive. But this trait is also what drives me to work hard to achieve my dreams. The topic of this blog is conquering anxiety. I wake up each day and work hard to keep my mind positive and work towards my goals.

    This being the case, it’s great for me to nurture these traits and practice feeling good because I have achieved something.

    playing online games

    Stress relief

    I started playing solitaire.org on my phone when I was getting the little one to sleep and she was watching her tablet. It’s a great way for me to wind down. My mind races and I honestly spend the late evenings mulling over all the things I need to do but feel like I don’t have time to.

    To keep my anxiety in check, I must have something to focus on which completely takes me away and focuses my mind on a simple task. The danger I’ve run into in the past is gaming websites with advertisements, hooking you into paying money, or the feeling of wanting more. This tips the balance into not being great for my anxiety levels and can be dangerous, as I have an addictive personality. This website doesn’t have advertisements, which is perfect for me.

    I was rusty at playing solitaire, but it brought back wonderful memories of playing it with my grandma. What amazing things we could do back in the day with just a deck of cards. You can view my progress below. And as you can see, I eventually completed the game.

    playing online games

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    Express yourself

    If you’re looking for some unique games to get your brain working, check out the other games on the site.

    I particularly loved playing Mahjong Solitaire, because it combined the card game and matching pairs. Almost easier, but rewarding. The panda game was also cute and I liked the block game because you can spin the tower to match two of the same blocks.

    playing online games

    Final thoughts

    Completing my online gaming journey and writing this post, made me realise just how important gaming is in our household.

    Both my hubby and I grew up playing games. I remember our first computer was an Atari and it didn’t do much. We now have several games consoles, because we are both nostalgic about the games we played when we were younger. I remember one of our dates was at a media museum and they have a floor where you can play retro games. 

    My little one has a lot of game-related apparel. We are slowly teaching her what all this means. Before I sat down to write this post, my hubby was relaxing by playing a game on his phone, after our little one had caused chaos in the house for a few hours with post-Christmas toys. I think I now must accept we are a ‘gaming family’.

    Do you play online games and will you be giving these a try? Let me know in the comments section below. I would love to hear from you.

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playing online games

    Why you should sign up for the 6 week Self-Image Overhaul

    AFF – Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be useful for you.

    It’s no secret I’ve had a turbulent year. However, I am pleased to confirm I am almost done with the main factor which was weighing me down, and I intend to update you more on this in January 2021.

    If you feel the same, the 6 week Self-Image Overhaul could be for you.


    6 week Self-Image Overhaul

    How did I recover from my breakdown

    I will be honest and say I am a different person now and I am still not fully healed. I will feel a lot better when the thing weighing me down is over and done with.

    These are the techniques I used

    Self-care

    Medication

    Naps and resting when I needed to

    A huge mindset change is the main factor that saw me through the dark days. Each day I work hard to not let anxiety creep in and some days I still fail. But that’s okay!


    An opportunity to change things

    I was given an opportunity to change my life because I literally hit rock bottom. But I also know there are amazing coaches out there who can unlock your full potential and help you change your life for the better.

    Personally, as a result of a mindset change, I feel refreshed, confident, like I’ve ditched the dead weight and I am hopeful and optimistic about the future. Something I haven’t felt for 15 years.


    AFF – 6 week Self-Image Overhaul

    Check out this amazing course, run by Andrea Hunt. One day left to enroll in the course.

    You can click on the link for more details and sign up, but this is the general overview:

    Take an honest audit of your life and create your intentions and your WHY in 6 areas

    Align your true values with your life vision to get clear on your purpose and where’s it’s missing in your life

    Take control of your internal dialogue + self-talk – where you sabotage and how to quiet that mean little voice inside

    Stop hating your body – creating compassion and love for better self-love and health

    Figure out your emotional needs so you can meet them and create better boundaries

    Creating the success mindset, embodying a better you and creating long term sustainability!


    Final thoughts

    Let me know your thoughts on this amazing opportunity to change your life.

    Are you signing up for the 6 week Self-Image Overhaul?

    I would love to hear from you…

    6 week Self-Image Overhaul

    The secret of how an anxiety-prone person manages a new blog

    If things go wrong, like me losing my whole website one day, I panic. I am pre-dispositioned to act like this. Whilst my anxiety will never go away, I can put tools in place to manage it. I now have to find ways to balance the blog and my anxiety levels.

    The excitement of starting a blog means I wanted everything to be perfect and I was eager to upload several posts and progress the blog as quickly as I could.

    Pick your battles and only trade your energy where you believe it is worthy.

    Like other young families, I have some time management issues. Working around childcare, having a messy hubby, housework, learning a million new things at once, I have struggled with also fitting in self-care. In my free moments, I’m always asking myself whether I should work on the blog instead of resting. I need to remember that I’m still in a recovery period following a mental breakdown, and whilst writing for this blog and speaking out about mental health is helping me, it’s about taking it one day at a time.

    It’s lovely to be part of the mental health blogging community. Having like-minded people who know how you feel is amazing, so thanks to everyone who offers me support on a daily basis. Becoming a blogger is the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.

    Tips on how I am currently managing my anxiety levels

    Naps

    I know I talk a lot about naps on the blog, but they do so much good. My anxiety is worse when I’m tired and therefore I must take time to rest if I don’t want other areas of my life to get out of control.

    Brushing off the insignificant things

    Naturally, when you suffer a mental breakdown and are going through redundancy, you identify the things in life that simply don’t matter. And you train yourself to not care or use your precious energy on this particular thing in life. Pick your battles and only trade your energy where you believe it is worthy.

    Medication

    I am still taking anti-depressants and intend to continue doing so for as long as I need them. There is no shame in this, despite the stigma still surrounding the issue.

    Without medication, I wouldn’t have been able to get to a place where I could start recovery or let myself heal. Think about a pot on your broken arm or pain medication whilst a sprained ankle is healing. You wouldn’t be able to even begin the healing journey without these measures. Mental health is no different. My hope is that by speaking out, the perception will change.

    Not stessing out about things outside my control

    I’ve come to realise there are more factors outside our control in our lives than the ones we can do something about. I previously worried about other people and changing things. I don’t anymore.

    It’s sometimes easier said than done and I will be honest, at the moment I still have the same reaction to difficult life circumstances. The difference now is, I stop to think about whether it’s the correct reaction and I evaluate this before proceeding.

    blog and my anxiety levels

    Organising things inside my control

    Before pregnancy, when everything kind of fell apart, I had standing orders set up to make bill payments and I was super organised. I am now trying to find some sort of middle-ground. In this middle-ground, the automatic stuff like money, shopping lists, meal planning is taken care of. This leaves time for the more enjoyable elements of life.

    I am still working on the plan and hope to have it resolved soon. My family and I can then look forward to a bright future and concentrate on living life.

    Working on the blog when it suits me

    To clarify, I work at least 3-4 hours daily on the blog, and during the first three months, it was a lot more. Because I have a little one to entertain during the day, I usually work early in the mornings and late at night.

    The point here is, I am free to do special things with the little one during the day. We have just started visiting soft play areas and going swimming regularly. This is the reason I would like to turn my blogging passion into a full-time job, eventually. I can then achieve my dream of finally having a work-life balance.

    Vowing to never return to what caused my stress in the first place

    Long work hours

    Pressure to hit targets

    The office environment

    Significant travel time to work

    All the above are things I can control and make adjustments to in my life. I now have the confidence to achieve a future job role or self-employed status which means I don’t have to put myself through this anymore.

    For me, any of these factors may cause me to get to breaking point again. It’s now about creating a happy, healthy future and avoiding the impact on my mental health.

    Final thoughts

    I hope this post has given you some insight on why I started the blog in the first place and how I am managing all elements of life with very little time.

    I know these issues impact many families. I would love to hear from you in the comments below. You are not alone.

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blog and my anxiety levels

    A roundup of my mental health-related posts so far

    I thought it was time to share my mental health-related posts so far.

    As I started this blog due to a decline in my mental health and because I wanted to help other people. I thought it was a good time to reflect on the mental health-related topics I have covered so far.

    mental health-related posts so far

    August 2021

    I released my first post on 12 August 2021. Obviously, a lot of work went on behind the scenes prior to this date. These were the mental health-related posts I released during August 2021:

    7 crucial steps I took to gradually recover from my breakdown

    Breathe Bracelets – 10 breaths bracelet

    September 2021

    This was my first full month of blogging, where I really found my feet. I worked very hard to spread the word about my blog.

    You must check out this self-heating eye mask for relaxation

    October 2021

    The month of #blogtober. I decided to take on the challenge. These are the posts I released during the month, which were related to mental health.

    5 Important Reasons Hypnotherapy Changed My Life

    World Mental Health day 2021

    The stark truth about my last anxiety-filled day and exactly what it felt like

    Why it’s vital to understand the workplace conditions which led to my breakdown

    5 vital tools to prevent seasonal affective disorder during the cold months of the year

    How relaxing our routine transformed our lives

    An open letter to my anxiety

    How I plan to transform after years of being ruled by fear

    Final thoughts

    I still feel incredibly privileged to be speaking about my journey and receiving feedback about the fact this is helping other people. It makes my heart smile.

    I’ve saved some of the amazing feedback I’ve received. The reason for saving it is because I feel overjoyed at the incredible support I’ve received from the blogging community. THANK YOU, FELLOW BLOGGERS.

    Honestly, the Twitter blogging community have kept me going during tough times and I am thankful to be part of such an amazing group of people. Shall we share some more love??

    mental health-related posts so far
    mental health-related posts so far
    mental health-related posts so far
    mental health-related posts so far
    mental health-related posts so far

    Thank you for coming on this journey with me

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mental health-related posts so far

    Why I’m glad the negative aspects of office culture will be left behind

    I am discussing the negative aspects of office culture today because I spent most of my career in an environment which for most of those years was friendly, inviting, and accommodating. At times, it was also hectic, stressful, and sometimes negative. The negative aspects certainly took a toll on my mental health.

    Naturally, when redundancies are announced, the lead-up to this happening, usually means staff don’t experience the same support they once did and there is a negative vibe. Even if this just stems from a feeling that something is not quite right.

    I hear all too frequently about managers getting away with treating staff poorly and I’m hoping this is something that will change. 

    The pandemic and how this impacted negative aspects of office culture

    The pandemic certainly made us all stop, take stock of our lives and assess the important aspects. We were literally forced to do this because we couldn’t go anywhere. Those who had thrown themselves into work and other distractions were suddenly forced to spend time at home. Family time was essentially forced upon us and I personally came out the other side thinking it wasn’t such a bad thing.

    Whilst I’m sure everyone has had a completely unique experience, there is no denying we’ve all had some thinking time to assess our priorities. 

    Regardless of the impending redundancy, I look back on these toxic workplace traits as something I just could never allow into my life again. As an introvert and empath with high anxiety levels, I will be looking for a future job role that involves helping people, a charity, a small business and will probably never want to work for a large company ever again. Unless they are amazing (side note – I’ve seen pictures on Linkedin where some big companies are giving wonderful goodie bags to new starters – I think I’ve been in the wrong job!).

    Continue reading for a list of the main toxic traits I witnessed in the workplace…

    Buzzing around like the world was going to end 

    This is top of my list for negative aspects of office culture. I don’t know if our managers just didn’t have a clue what they were doing, or drank 10 cups of coffee that morning. But each day there would be a panic-like buzz. Whispering in the middle of the office, taking one another into meeting rooms. 

    Watching this take place was stressful. The body language created a sense of impending doom. What announcement will they land on us today? What could possibly be that bad all this energy is required? I still ask myself what was so urgent. 

    On the days I worked 12 hours, I had no home life. I couldn’t function or speak, barely ate, and pretty much went straight to bed for not enough hours before the next workday. This isn’t good for anyone’s mental health, especially when you’re contracted to work 7 hours. 

    Bullying 

    I worked in office environments whilst at University. Since then, I’ve unfortunately witnessed bullying. Mainly from managers to employees, but also between employees. Some of it is unconscious bias or someone said, not intending to hurt another individual, but it still happens. 

    I hear all too frequently about managers getting away with treating staff poorly and I’m hoping this is something that will change. 

    Not understanding our work-life balance 

    For years, it’s been quietly expected I will ‘get the job done’. This sometimes meant 12 hour days (I get paid to work 7 hours), working weekends, and doing constant overtime weekly for periods of up to 18 months. 

    A work pattern like this suggests something isn’t working, better organisation and management are required. It takes its toll on staff and I am hoping since the pandemic, it’s something that will be addressed by companies. You don’t have time for life when you’re working 12 hour days, 5 days a week.  

    In my career, generic statements were used to guilt people into working more than they should – statements like:

    you get paid a lot

    we need everyone to chip in and help out

    once we get past this busy period, things will be better

    On the days I worked 12 hours, I had no home life. I couldn’t function or speak, barely ate, and pretty much went straight to bed for not enough hours before the next workday. This isn’t good for anyone’s mental health, especially when you’re contracted to work 7 hours. 

    The clique 

    You’ve probably all experienced this. For me, it’s the ultimate negative aspect of office culture. The manager’s clique or certain employees being favoured because they are friends with managers. 

    I find it so cringe to think about this now! But it impacts employees in offices up and down the country. What about people missing out on opportunities because of this culture?

    It reminds me of mean girls or the cool group at school and everyone else is excluded. Just stop it already!

    Bad management 

    What do they say? Poop rolls downhill in offices. Well, I use the same logic for bad management. 

    If the person at the top doesn’t know what they are doing, is inexperienced, or frankly, they don’t care, it stands to reason that poor decision making will be a factor and generally employees will have a lack of direction. 

    I’ve experienced this on many occasions. This isn’t good for anyone’s mental health. 

    I must also mention I’ve had some amazing, understanding managers as well. The point is, you shouldn’t have to class yourself lucky if you get a good one.

    Culture of being afraid to speak up

    I know many colleagues who have been afraid to speak up on these issues, for fear of being viewed a certain way by colleagues or risk of losing their job. This is unacceptable and I hope office culture changes in this respect.

    Mental health in the workplace

    I think this is a good time to talk about how mental health in the workplace can be improved.

    From what I see, businesses are starting to incorporate mental health training. My hope is that soon, every manager up and down the country will have the same standard of mental health training and companies will adopt separate absence policies for dealing with people who have suffered from poor mental health. Especially when this poor mental health is linked to workplace stress. After already suffering from mental struggles, you don’t need work pressure added to this burden when you return.

    I hope we see change. I am sure you will see me writing about this topic in another future blog post.

    Final thoughts

    Have you experienced negative aspects of office culture? I would love to hear your experiences in the comments?

    Do you think office culture is improving since the pandemic?

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    Affirmation cards from Mål paper to help inspire and motivate

    #GIFTED #AFF

    Mål Paper

    If you are following my blog, you will know I am all about self-care and I am beginning to put tools in place to manage my anxiety moving forward. I need some help to inspire and motivate, and I am sure you do too.

    A technique I have already started using is affirmations. I’ve always had quotes on my walls and in my daily planner to motivate me, but I now intend to go further than this and say these affirmations to myself, out loud, to literally change my way of thinking and become more positive. I’ve spent too long living in the negative.

    You can imagine I was over the moon when Mål Paper asked me to review their affirmation cards. Please check them out.

    help inspire and motivate

    PLEASE NOTEthis is a review of the product and all thoughts and opinions are my own.

    Details about the brand

    Mål Paper also takes inspiration from the Scandinavian minimalist and clutter-free way of living. As a result, we create simplistic and effective productivity tools that help you to focus on your wellness, fulfilment and potential.

    Our collection of products has been designed and produced to foster positive daily habits – with the end result of a happier, calmer and more productive way of living.

    You’ve seen my recent post, which includes some gratitude quotes and positive affirmations. 

    What a perfect time for me to be gifted these amazing affirmation cards. I was so excited when they arrived and I feel grateful to have another tool to combat my anxiety.

    Why I am changing the way I live my life

    I have a child now and the main motivation is setting a good example and being a supportive participant in my family. When suffering from severe anxiety in the past, I’ve pushed everyone away, including my long-suffering hubby. 

    How can I possibly be on this journey of discovery and not see it through until the end? My eyes have been opened and I know what the problems were in the past. That said, I also know a cognitive behavioural change doesn’t just happen overnight. It takes hard work. 

    Because I’m predispositioned to suffering from anxiety issues, due to my personality traits, I also have to work harder than most other people to maintain a good standard of mental health. 

    Why it’s vital I finally put tools in place to manage my mental health

    I personally believe wanting to change your life isn’t enough. The research says we must rewire our brains, create new habits, and really put in some hard work in order to change for good.

    This will take daily work, probably for the rest of my life. Therefore it’s time to put tools in place so it doesn’t feel like hard work. On tough days it’s also important for me to have a solid reminder about why I actively changed my life for the better. 

    Through my blog, I also want to help inspire and motivate other people. I am doing this by discussing my honest reality of living with a mental illness and my journey to recovery.

    Some cards which resonate with me

    We are all at different stages in our life journey and I am starting to learn everyone you meet is unique. We are shaped by our personality, past experiences and therefore different techniques will be needed based on the person you are.

    I was excited to receive and open the pack of cards and I also had fun taking photos (maybe my photography skills will improve the more I do it!).

    These are some of the cards I was drawn to initially…

    1.

    help inspire and motivate

    What an amazing quote. It resonates with me because I am trying to carve out the life I’ve always wanted. A balance between work and family time. Being my own boss would be the ultimate dream. I am doing this by creating new, healthy routines. Therefore this is one card I will use the most.

    2.

    help inspire and motivate

    I was drawn to this card because I am in the process of healing. Maybe I always will be. I intend to use the power of my mind to my advantage, instead of fighting against it. These are words I can definitely relate to.

    Final thoughts

    I intend to use this pack of cards daily. I love that they are compact and handy to carry around or dot around the house. They will allow me to visualise positivity, as well as say it out loud. What a great prompt.

    You can purchase your deck of cards here.

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    How I forgave myself for not seeing the light sooner

    Forgiveness is absolutely essential to recovery. In this post, I will explain how I forgave myself.

    Hindsight is a wonderful thing. It allows us to learn from the past, but it can also trick us into believing we should have done something to help our past selves sooner than we did. Even though I believe in fate, I believe someone is watching over me and guiding me through life, I still make comments to myself and others about how I let these dreadful things happen to me. 

    It takes serious hard work and possibly a life-changing event to fully realise the bad habits you’ve created in your life. You listened to anxiety and created your life around it, rather than replacing it with positive thoughts and taking control of your own life. It’s a pretty heavy discovery to make. You weren’t living to your full potential.

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      You don’t consciously think about it. You don’t have time to think with the negative anxiety thoughts going through your head every minute of every day. It’s too much to expect someone to transform their lives under these conditions. 

      How I forgave myself

      It’s important to clarify, I don’t actually believe in my rational brain that anyone can control toxic anxiety. It controls you. By toxic anxiety, I mean the type that rules your life and changes your behaviour. It takes serious hard work and possibly a life-changing event to fully realise the bad habits you’ve created in your life. You listened to anxiety and created your life around it, rather than replacing it with positive thoughts and taking control of your own life. It’s a pretty heavy discovery to make. You weren’t living to your full potential.

      BUT the point is, you had no control and probably a lack of awareness about what was happening to you. 

      Mental health issues like this often come with a whole host of other negative side feelings. Shame because you sit on the toilet crying at work, or crumble in meetings. Guilt because you push people away. Embarrassment because you took it out on the wrong person. The list goes on.

      Living in denial

      Before exploring how I forgave myself, we need to rewind time.

      I personally became so enthralled in hiding what was really going on, it was normal to me. I didn’t even really know I was hiding it. You don’t consciously think about it. You don’t have time to think with the negative anxiety thoughts going through your head every minute of every day. It’s too much to expect someone to transform their lives under these conditions. 

      The catalyst for me changing my way of life really was breaking point. I had a milder breaking point during pregnancy. Not that any of them are mild at all. I just took some annual leave from work and nobody knew. Hell, I didn’t even know it was called antenatal depression until recently. How can we change if we don’t understand what’s happening to us? 

      Other posts you might like…

      How I plan to transform after years of being ruled by fear

      #AD #GIFTED – The Anti-Burnout Club The post is full of honesty. I feel like it’s time to be brutally…

      Read More..

      An open letter to my anxiety

      I originally wrote this open letter to my anxiety post with a guest post opportunity in mind. But, instead, I…

      Read More..

      How relaxing our routine transformed our lives

      All right, who made up routines, and why were they imposed upon us?? Relaxing our routine was the best thing I…

      Read More..

      5 vital tools to prevent seasonal affective disorder during the cold months of the year

      Why I’m exploring tools to help prevent seasonal affective disorder It’s a proven fact our mental health can naturally suffer…

      Read More..

      What prompted me to change?

      It didn’t just take the breakdown, but it was also the added pressure of redundancy and being off on long-term sick from work for mental health. 

      Naturally, when this happens, you reevaluate and ask what got you to this point. How did I get here? What can I do to prevent this in future? It’s like I was forced to acknowledge my situation. But it involved me literally deciding the last 15 years hadn’t worked and I should try something new. 

      It isn’t even this simple. Amongst the darkness of getting over a breakdown, where you literally struggle to get out of bed. You can’t breath due to severe anxiety, or get yourself motivated. You inevitably start asking big questions your mind can’t really deal with. 

      Where am I in the recovery process now?

      For me, this process resulted in anger and I discuss my setbacks in this post and this post

      At this point, even during a phased return to work, I am still a work in progress and I am not fully healed. 

      Bearing all of this in mind, you can easily see how feelings about why you’ve let yourself suffer for so long creep into your mind. Maybe it’s a natural human instinct to do this. 

      How I forgave myself

      Why is forgiving yourself essential to recovery?

      It leads me to why forgiveness is absolutely essential to recovery. And how I forgave myself.

      I am not the person I was before, I feel a change. How can you be the same person you were before this life-changing event? Of course, you transform into something different. This is what trauma does to a human being.

      I’ve had two huge life changes in a short period of time, just after the pandemic: redundancy and a mental breakdown. But I’ve survived and you can too. 

      Forgiving your past self is one of the big steps in facilitating change.

      How to practice self-forgiveness and look after yourself

      This post has some really useful tips for self-forgiveness.

      I personally want to keep doing all of the following…

      Connecting with other people

      Whether it’s online, for the blog. Walking to nursery and saying good morning to someone, or going out with friends. Connecting with other human beings has been one of the most therapeutic things I’ve done since my breakdown. I intend to keep making connections. Other people can add perspective to our lives and make us realise our past lives weren’t actually all that bad.

      Talking about my experiences

      Starting the blog was one of the main things that got me through a difficult time. I can’t really put it into words, but I felt compelled to set up the blog. Like someone was sending me a sign I just couldn’t ignore. Like it was my purpose in life to help others. And every single day from now on, this is what I intend to do.

      It helps me to forgive my past self, because I am using the experiences I was once ashamed of to write. And these posts are helping others. How can I regret my past actions if this is the case?

      Realising what is important in life

      It sometimes takes a terrible experience. Maybe even years of getting it wrong, to realise the right way. I am thankful this horrible year has made me realise family is the most important thing and everything else I do in life should be centered around them.

      I can now create a life with a good work-life balance and remember to enjoy every moment I get with family and friends.

      Maybe it took my past experiences to get me to this place. Maybe I should be thankful to my past self, rather than believe forgiveness is required.

      Final thoughts

      I hope you liked this post on how I forgave myself.

      Let me know what you think in the comments below. I would love to hear from you.

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How I forgave myself

      An open letter to my anxiety

      I originally wrote this open letter to my anxiety post with a guest post opportunity in mind. But, instead, I decided to share it in the lead up to World Mental Health Day 2021

      I am finally telling the negative voice in my head it doesn’t rule my thoughts and it has to go…

      Anxiety,

      I am writing to you, but not as a dear friend. Instead, as a goodbye! Yes, you will remain in healthy amounts and you will be managed when you become unruly. 

      But you will never again destroy my life as you have done for so many years. You’ve taken up rent-free space in my brain for too long now. Making me believe your negative jibes.

      You made me pretend I was just a difficult person, that you were part of my personality, I was highly strung and you made me lie to the people closest to me to cover up our toxic partnership.  I suffered in silence and my family never understood my erratic behaviour, until now. Honesty has made your existence worth nothing. You have no hold over me now. I am taking control of my mind. It’s mine, not yours.

      I cut friends out of my life, partly due to the fears you poured into my head. I might have outgrown these friends anyway, but we will never know now. 

      open letter to my anxiety

      Being in a better place mentally is wonderful and I finally feel free. On the other hand, it brings with it hindsight and looking over past decisions I’ve made. Your hold over me tarnished my life and stopped me from achieving some goals. Again, maybe these achievements were meant for me and maybe they were not.

      Luckily, I am a strong-minded person. Therefore, I achieved my main goals in life. I got a degree, I had a career and I now have a wonderful husband and baby girl. To clarify, your presence made each of these tasks excruciating and painful to bear. It was difficult to get through each one of these achievements, but I did it, all whilst you lingered in the shadows, dragging me down.

      I acted irrationally during what should have been the happiest times of my life. I saw situations through a negative lens because of you polluting my thoughts. I genuinely thought I was worthless, inadequate, not good enough to achieve my goals, be a good friend, wife, or mother. You made me believe I was nothing.

      You made me spend years soul-searching, lost, lonely, and not knowing which direction to go in. Thankfully, my intuition is on point and I have my angels looking over me! Despite your poison, some higher power was guiding me through life, looking out for me.

      I’ve already said goodbye to your ugly, negative vibes and gradually made progress in my recovery over the last few months. This letter is to cement this idea. To finally tell you to go away. You are being replaced with positive thoughts only and if you do creep back in, it won’t be for long. My toolbox of strategies will ensure you are quickly eradicated. Exterminated, gone!

      Anxiety, you have been evicted. Banished to a locked box in a dark cave, so you can’t infect anyone else. I will never need you again. Stay locked away and allow me to reach my full potential in life. 

      Goodbye…

      I hope you liked my post…

      If you are impacted by any of the issues raised in this blog post, you can seek support here.

      You can also read more about my mental health journey here.

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      You can read more of my blog posts in the mental health category here…

      7 crucial steps I took to gradually recover from my breakdown

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      Breathe Bracelets – 10 breaths bracelet

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      8 questions I’m asking myself in preparation for gratitude day

      World gratitude day is fast approaching – Tuesday 21 September 2021! In preparation for gratitude day, I’m thinking about all…

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      The stark truth about my last anxiety-filled day and exactly what it felt like

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      Why it’s vital to understand the workplace conditions which led to my breakdown

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      5 vital tools to prevent seasonal affective disorder during the cold months of the year

      Why I’m exploring tools to help prevent seasonal affective disorder It’s a proven fact our mental health can naturally suffer…

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      How relaxing our routine transformed our lives

      All right, who made up routines, and why were they imposed upon us?? Relaxing our routine was the best thing I…

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      An open letter to my anxiety

      I originally wrote this open letter to my anxiety post with a guest post opportunity in mind. But, instead, I…

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      How I plan to transform after years of being ruled by fear

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      How relaxing our routine transformed our lives

      All right, who made up routines, and why were they imposed upon us?? Relaxing our routine was the best thing I did!

      I get that some people need routine and this is fine if it’s what motivates you. I will probably be in need of a routine when I return to work, but for now, it’s time to not be so stringent. It’s time to relax and try a different way. We want to be less stressed as a family and I can change this by making a few adjustments.

      Following a string of events: depression and anxiety throughout my pregnancy, the pandemic, working from home, a toxic work environment due to impending redundancy. I’d had enough of my old way of doing life. It wasn’t working, and it was time for a change. After this series of events, it isn’t surprising I eventually had a mental breakdown. A person can only take so much before reaching a breaking point. 

      relaxing our routine

      Personally, I’ve spent at least 15 years working my backside off, not having enough time to do anything and generally being stressed and anxious most of the time. 

      It was time for a change! Relaxing our routine was the only way forward.

      The science behind routine… 

      Whilst there are a lot of articles out there discussing the benefits of keeping to a routine, there are also a lot discussing why it doesn’t work for some people. This article discusses the difference between a habit and a routine. Was it the case that I had picked up bad habits during my anxiety-fuelled years?

      Regardless of the reason behind relaxing our routine and why it needed to happen, I decided it was time for a change.

      Following a string of events: depression and anxiety throughout my pregnancy, the pandemic, working from home, a toxic work environment due to impending redundancy. I’d had enough of my old way of doing life. It wasn’t working, and it was time for a change. After this series of events, it isn’t surprising I eventually had a mental breakdown. A person can only take so much before reaching a breaking point. 

      Because I was at rock bottom, what did I have to lose by changing the way we do things? Why not throw out our routine completely? 

      Baby routines 

      When our little one was a baby, we tried sleep routines, googling techniques, took advice from other parents. Despite this, she’s strong-willed and basically does what she wants! 

      She also lived her early years through the pandemic. A period of time in which all of our usual routines were turned upside down, taken away, or possibly changed forever. Children are resilient and as much as I worried about what impact the pandemic would have on her, it appeared to have none (I realise some children were impacted by the pandemic and it has greatly affected some people’s mental health).

      What prompted me to change things 

      Relaxing our routine wasn’t easy. We have a hectic schedule, like any other family with a feisty toddler running around. Given our individual circumstances: me off work recovering from a breakdown (the hubby sprained his foot during this time also and had to recover), and our baby girl needing a break from me rushing her out of the door to value a job which ate my soul each day, I made the executive decision to break all family routines. 

      Routine, it’s time for us to have a break from each other… Maybe when I need you back, we can be friends again…

      relaxing our routine

      How relaxing our routine transformed our lives 

      In this new world of pleasing ourselves, we had a sleep-in when we wanted, I emailed the nursery to let them know we would be slightly late. I felt able to recover, finally, due to prioritising my rest. Who really cares if we do the nursery drop at 9.30 am instead of 8 am – nobody! 

      Why do we as human beings put so much pressure on ourselves to meet deadlines, run around in stress mode? Do we feel busier and more important because we are so strict with ourselves? 

      During our hiatus from routine, if I wanted to write on Google docs on my phone in bed late at night, that’s what I did. If I wanted to stay up until 2 am extracting ideas from my head, because this is the time I was the most creative, this is what I did. 

      The cleaning took a back burner. When I say took a back burner I mean, I went from a clean freak to probably completing the same level of cleaning as other normal people. I was finally one of those people, where if the dishes at the side of the dishwasher piled up, it wasn’t such a bad thing. 

      Moving forward 

      Now I’m further down the line in the process of my recovery from a mental breakdown, it might be time to start introducing some basic routines again, but slowly. 

      And to be honest, I don’t think I will ever adopt such stringent routines as the ones in my old life. They held me back, cut me off from thriving, and were created out of self-limiting beliefs. 

      In line with carving out a new, healthier path, there needs to be new rules and routines to abide by. After all, I am a different person now.

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relaxing our routine

      The stark truth about my last anxiety-filled day and exactly what it felt like

      Why am I sharing this post?

      I am sharing the stark truth about anxiety with you today because this day happened in the middle of my recovery and it made me feel like I did when I was first signed off work following my breakdown. You can read more about my mental health journey here:

      It’s important we talk about the stark truth of mental illness and we normalise having bad days, setbacks, and hiccups.

      stark truth about anxiety

      The voices I’d kept at bay throughout my recovery period and setting up my blog, were back. With a vengeance.

      How the day began 

      The stark truth is I woke up expecting to have a normal day (whatever “normal” is), then it all changed. I talk more about another setback in my recovery here.

      We hadn’t paid a large bill which was immediately due and I knew I had to ask a family member to borrow money. This filled me with dread. After a text exchange with the family member in question, I felt even more dread. I felt inadequate, like a failure, because I was unable to pay my bills. Something I’d been good at before my breakdown.  

      This is no reflection on the texter, very valid points were made. Nothing they did was the cause of my anxiety. It’s me in my brain, getting so worked up I can’t come back from it. This is what anxiety does to you.

      Following the sending of the text, I sat on the sofa in my own little world. The voices I’d kept at bay throughout my recovery period and setting up my blog, were back. With a vengeance. I was panicking waiting for the response, probably because I knew what it would be, but I also desperately needed the money. 

      My brain has a habit of reading a standard text reply and running away with itself. To a dark, dingy, damp place and the rest of the day then literally feels like I’m living in hell. It’s exactly what happened when I received the reply. The actual response was a caring one, which basically said I am getting to a place of borrowing more money than I could payback, and maybe it’s time to reassess. 

      I cried upon receiving the cuddle. The best way to describe it is like a pang of joy, when your in the midst of hell. You feel unworthy of love and when someone gives it, it’s overwhelming. 

      The rest of the day 

      It’s like the voice in my head was angry they had been ignored for so long. 

      I mustered up the energy to do the food shop and frankly needed to get out of the house. I still couldn’t breathe properly. It felt like an adult was sitting on my chest and I could have a heart attack at any point. These physical feelings lasted most of the day. 

      The supermarket was a bit of relief, but upon coming home my thoughts were elsewhere and I almost parked the car in a bush outside our house. I was irritable, moody, and not in the present moment with my family. 

      I had a telephone call planned with my workplace to discuss my recovery (approaching three months off work due to mental health), and this was playing on my mind as well. Although it went well and I felt better after, I gave in to the anxious feelings and had a real urge to text the manager, prior to the meeting and say I couldn’t talk. To run away, hide from life. 

      Winding down from anxiety

      The toddler went down for her nap and so did I. I couldn’t sleep because I was too “switched on”. Thoughts racing, unable to breathe (I felt like this every day when I first stopped working!). 

      I ended up writing two blog posts on my phone. The thoughts were pouring out of my head. Working through how I was feeling really helped. Writing is therapeutic for me and starting the blog has definitely helped me to process my feelings. You can read more about my love of writing here.  

      I asked the hubby for a cuddle because I really needed one. Most of the day I felt empty, lost, exhausted. I cried upon receiving the cuddle. The best way to describe it is like a pang of joy when you are in the midst of hell. You feel unworthy of love and when someone gives it, it’s overwhelming. 

      After a nap, I felt a little better, but by this point, I was too exhausted to be properly present and could easily have returned straight to bed. Where I’m safe and life cannot hurt me. Wrapping myself up in the duvet and shutting the world out is a default when I feel like this. 

      For self-care tips on how I recovered from a breakdown, you can read my blog post here.

      If you need help with a mental health-related problem, you can contact Mind.org.

      stark truth about anxiety

      Was this a setback? 

      This day happened in the middle of my recovery. It’s easy to believe this is a setback. Anxiety tells me it’s the worst thing in the world, I will never recover or be in a position to manage money. 

      The main purpose of this post is to let anyone suffering from severe anxiety issues, know it is fine to have bad days. If you suffered an ankle sprain years ago and walked 10 miles tomorrow, it would hurt, you would tell people and you would accept it as something that happens in life.

      We need to adopt the same thinking when it comes to mental health.

      There is hope 

      I want to ensure anyone reading this and feeling a similar way, knows there is hope

      A few months down the line, I feel miles better than I did at this moment. I am starting to manage money better and build up to a phased return at work.

      I am slowly coming back to life and you can too!

      I hope you enjoyed reading this post and I hope it helps someone out there.

      Let me know your thoughts in the comments below…

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