Quick note: Some of the links on this page are affiliate links; if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be useful for other people.
Guest blog post: brought to you by Amber Louise of the Lady Boss Nomad blog
Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and thinkwould be useful for you.
One of the greatest lies we tell ourselves is that we’re stuck in a rut. However, did you know it’s not only possible to change your situation but to also change yourself too?
The mind is a powerful thing. It can be our greatest ally or our biggest enemy. The key to reinventing yourself is to gain control over the mind and start living the life you want to live. One way you can do this is by keeping a journal.
Since my mid-teens, I have kept some form of a journal whether it be an art journal, a diary or a bullet journal. Now I keep a journal for creative brainstorming in both my business and personal life and I keep an A5 journal for all my mixed media art.
being 100% honest about your thoughts and feelings can be difficult to start with. You need to remember that your journal is a safe place. It’s a non-judgmental space which enables you to say exactly how you feel with no repercussions or judgements.
It’s a wonderful outlet especially for me as I suffer from GAD or Generalised Anxiety Disorder but, the high functioning kind which can easily go undetected by others. So you see it’s extremely important for me to have a creative and reflective outlet as a busy boss lady that runs her blog.
Here in this post, I want to share with you my best tips for creating a daily journal practice that can reduce your anxiety and stress. These are life-saving tips that can improve your whole mindset and is a form of self CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy technique.
Tip number 1: Choose the right journal for yourself
Ok, so this one may sound a little silly, but the journal you choose can have a significant impact on how effective it is. Your journal is supposed to inspire and motivate you to use it. So, if you don’t love it, you’re not going to feel very inspired.
Take your time to choose the right journal. Think about its design and how the pages are set out. Do you love it? Can you see yourself writing in it every day? It may sound a little ridiculous, but the right journal will pick you.
Tip number 2: Start by writing about the things you’re grateful for
Once you’ve got the right journal, figuring out how to start it can be pretty tough. So, if you’re struggling, start by writing a list of the things you’re grateful for. This can either be done first thing in the morning or last thing in the evening. There are advantages to doing it during both times, so it’s all about what works for you.
All too often, we spend most of our time focusing on the things we don’t have or the things we wish we had. This makes us forget about the positive things we do have. Journaling helps you to focus on the positive things in the here and now, rather than wasting time and energy wishing for something more.
So how can this help you to reinvent yourself? Well, the more positive you are, the easier you’ll find it to make a change. It’s often our negativity which sets us back in life so anything which makes us more positive can help us to reinvent ourselves.
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Tip number 3: Be absolutely honest in your journal
Journaling isn’t going to help you if you aren’t 100% honest. The trouble is, you may find you spend so much time hiding how you feel, that being 100% honest about your thoughts and feelings can be difficult to start with. You need to remember that your journal is a safe place. It’s a non-judgmental space which enables you to say exactly how you feel with no repercussions or judgements.
Once you’re honest about your thoughts and feelings and what you want from life, you’ll be able to see what you need to do to change.
Tip number 4: Write down your biggest goals
Use the journal to write down what it is you want to achieve. This can be done in the form of short term and long-term goals. It’s important to see the big picture. Where do you want to be in 3-5 years and how could you potentially get there?
Writing down your goals and identifying the steps you need to take to make a change, will help massively.
Tip number 5: Make it a daily routine if you can
It’s important to use your journal daily. Set up a daily routine where you write in your journal at a specific time. Once you’ve gotten used to writing in the journal, it will become an automatic habit you carry out each day.
As with anything, to reinvent yourself, you need to be persistent and committed. So, be sure to write in your journal every single day.
Summary
These are just 5 ways that you can reduce your anxiety daily through journaling practice. The more you do it, the more chances you’ll start to see – both in how you feel and how you act. I am 100% certain that a journal will help you to reduce your stress and anxiety if you make it part of your daily routine.
It can also improve your focus and generate creative brainstorming which is crucial for busy CEOs and boss ladies. Often I will use my journal to brainstorm blog post ideas or even a whole product launch. If you too a busy boss lady who has high functioning anxiety then definitely give this a try. Other ways you can use your journal are brainstorming recipes or jotting down positive affirmations. I just know you’ll love this practice as much as I do!
Amber Louise is the busy CEO and Founder of the Lady Boss Nomad. She inspires women with useful tips, resources, motivation & encouragement to help their digital businesses thrive. She helps female entrepreneurs launch a digital businesses. This service is for those who already have digital products but just need a robust platform or for newbies needing ideas on which digital products to sell, she goes through ebooks, eCourses, printable’s etc. She can offer guidance on the best tools and resources for digital businesses and blogs about product launching, marketing and sales page creation.
My battle with perinatal anxiety & depression was a long and scary journey.
Throwing hormones into the mix, along with a history of managing anxiety-related issues and panic attacks, was probably always going to be a recipe for disaster. But pregnancy was the point in my life when I finally needed help. Of the medicated kind.
The factors at stake for me during pregnancy were not only the worries related to the actual pregnancy, but risks to my sanity, family, income-earning ability, and my job role.
let’s look at the definition of perinatal:
Perinatal mental health (PMH) problems are those which occur during pregnancy or in the first year following the birth of a child. Perinatal mental illness affects up to 27% of new and expectant mums and covers a wide range of conditions.
As a result of working full-time, I put a lot of additional pressure on myself. It’s fair to say I wasn’t exactly working for a business where having kids was fully supported. I think this is improving, but there is still a lot of work to do in the corporate world. Women shouldn’t have to choose between having children or succeeding in a career. Businesses need to ensure both options are achievable.
Although I know my mushy brain raised red flags at work, it was too early to announce the pregnancy. We were still within the three-month period, and to be honest I didn’t want anyone to know, because I thought it made me look weak.
Quick note: Mummy Conquering Anxiety is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be useful for other people.
Working full-time during pregnancy and having pre-existing anxiety issues was a lot to deal with. I hope telling my story will be of some benefit to you.
In this post, I will cover the following topics:
What is antenatal depression
My backstory
The pivotal moment I knew I needed help
Antidepressants
How I think mental health services for women during pregnancy could be improved
Why are women still afraid to speak out on mental health matters?
Techniques that helped me through
What the experience taught me
Mummy comes second
Often, we neglect our own mental health to be a mummy. Self-care comes bottom of the list and there aren’t enough hours in the day to complete every task on the never-ending list. I found out the hard way. You don’t realise you’re neglecting yourself until it’s too late. At this point, the damage is already done.
From my own experience, health services need to be more proactive in respect of pre-pregnancy mental health problems. There is a lot of information and help out there relating to postnatal mental health problems. But my experience didn’t fit into this category. It made me feel like this was supposed to happen to me after I had the baby, not now. Surely? Why was this happening now?
Looking back, the impact of this shameful thinking only made matters worse. I was afraid to speak out and visit the doctor, for fear someone would think I was an unfit mother. The anxiety talking in my head would tell me, you can’t look after yourself, how can you look after a baby?
I’ve also found these resources for anyone who needs to read more on the subject. You can filter by area and will see a range of therapists, charities, and support groups.
Please read on for the full story of my battle with antenatal depression…
My backstory
I was two months into the pregnancy when I started feeling the symptoms listed in this article:
I was at work full time, struggling with the office-environment heat. Eating properly was just not happening, due to a constant sicky feeling (I felt permanently sick throughout pregnancy but was never actually sick!). I was far away from the toilet and needed to pee every 20 minutes – you get the picture. I actually lost weight over the course of my pregnancy, due to not getting enough nutrients.
My hormones and worries made it incredibly difficult to concentrate on my work tasks and I became paranoid that I was unable to do my job. I was seeking reassurance from a management team, who were used to me just getting on with things, however difficult the task was. Although I know my mushy brain raised red flags at work, it was too early to announce the pregnancy. We were still within the three-month period. And to be honest I didn’t want anyone to know, because I thought it made me look weak.
We need our tribe
A mental health specialist once made the point, the people we refuse to tell during this three-month period are the very people we would need if something unforeseen was to happen. This has stuck with me, and it’s true. In the future, I probably wouldn’t open up in the workplace, unless I felt comfortable in doing so. But I would definitely let my friends and family in, sooner than I did before. They are the tribe you need around you, at such a testing time in life. It takes a village and all that jazz (it really does BTW – safety in numbers with toddlers, hehe).
The pivotal moment I knew I needed help
I tried to plod along for a bit. We had a holiday planned (pre-planned before pregnancy). And I remember spending every waking moment of the getaway fixating on work and the conversation I’d had with a manager before leaving. The manager in question was trying to gauge why I was being so mushy in the brain (baby brain is real people). I wasn’t really capable of communicating verbally at that point and therefore, it was all a bit of a mess.
The damage caused by keeping these feelings to yourself at such a vulnerable, unpredictable time in life, is colossal. Then going through possibly the worst trauma of your life and trying to look after a small baby who is totally relying on you. It’s a lot to cope with. And we should be able to open up about it without fear.
It’s fair to say my worries, and anxiety levels about being bad at my job, pretty much ruined my experience on holiday. As much as I told myself to put the thoughts out of my head, they would come back. Even trying to forget about the drama at work was exhausting.
Upon my return from holiday, I booked an appointment with the doctor. What I experienced during my appointment didn’t help me at all. They were reluctant to prescribe antidepressants during pregnancy and were unable to explain why. I was left to muddle through at work and I am sure you can all imagine, things worsened. My mental health was in serious decline and I didn’t know what to do.
Why it’s vital to reach out for help
The situation wouldn’t improve until I had the help I needed. My instinct told me this was the case, but I felt like the doctors were not listening to me. This resulted in me worrying and playing out situations in my head, which only fuelled the negative anxious thoughts I was already having. When you’re at your most vulnerable, you shouldn’t have to fight to access mental health services and the solutions you need.
I knew I needed medication at this point. Something to help me out of a black hole. So I could focus on growing a child and balancing the pressures of daily life.
Around this time, I also experienced very rude reception staff when trying to make appointments. I was speaking to them following a few hours of sleep, worrying all night and I just needed help. I ended up crying down the phone twice and I honestly don’t think they are adequately trained to deal with people experiencing mental health problems.
Complaining to the GP
I made a complaint and left the doctor’s surgery, following an incident where they asked me to visit reception. I nearly had a panic attack and was afraid to approach the reception desk due to the treatment I’d received previously. I didn’t need rude people dealing with my care, on top of my existing need for help and my current, very fragile mental state.
Talk about adding to my mum-guilt. Making an expectant mother feel like they are harming their unborn child, by seeking out medication to help both parties.
Mind.org provides a lot of useful information about taking anti-depressants during pregnancy. When I was in the midst of trying to convince a doctor to prescribe the medication I required (it’s ridiculous I even have to write this in a blog post), I wish someone had provided me with the information I needed to make my case.
The doctor’s viewpoint on medication during pregnancy
I was asked to go away and try other techniques to avoid medication and the doctor insinuated, had I been on medication before pregnancy, it would be fine to continue taking it. Talk about adding to my mum guilt. Making an expectant mother feel like they are harming their unborn child, by seeking out medication to help both parties.
Waiting in limbo for a solution
I personally spent two months in limbo, before finally receiving medication, which eventually helped. Including the adjustment period, I would estimate I spent five months of a nine-month pregnancy suffering, unnecessarily. Antidepressants take a while to start working, and initially, you have some pretty severe side effects. I was already walking around like a zombie and new medication didn’t help the situation.
Based on my experience, I know we need to change the system to avoid negative outcomes at a time in life where a woman should be happy and thriving.
I was desperately trying to find a solution to ease the pressure. My mental health issues impacted my well-being, my job, my relationship. In addition to the confidence, I had to be a good mother. Also, my ability to buy things for the baby and it made the whole experience pretty grim.
A difficult pregnancy
I look back on my pregnancy now and don’t remember having one good day. I probably did, but I was plagued with uncontrollable anxiety and depression. As well as trying to manage all other areas of life.
It’s definitely had a bearing on my decision to have another child. I have anxiety about what another pregnancy would be like. Would I be a mess again, unable to cope, or worse this time? Whilst also trying to care for a toddler. I also don’t have much faith I would get help from a doctor if I needed it. And I know a lot of other people who feel like this.
The research on taking antidepressants whilst pregnant
From conducting my own research, I was only able to find one study which mentioned the medication I was on. And how it could have an impact on an unborn baby. Surely, I thought, having a healthy mother is vitally important. Given the way I was dealt with by the doctor, I expected to find endless studies backing up the reluctance to prescribe the medication, but that just wasn’t the case.
How I think mental health services for women during pregnancy could be improved
Whilst in hospital Let’s just talk for a second about how calling anyone with anxiety issues, ‘difficult’, can be extremely damaging in itself. It made me feel like an inconvenience, like I wanted to go home straight away.
Unfortunately, the health service is understaffed, and staff do not have time to speak to you one on one and deal with your anxiety issues. Whilst the people caring for me were lovely, salt-of-the-earth people, who were clearly meant to be in this job. I still felt like a burden.
Traumatic experiences during my stay on the postnatal ward
I remember the morning after my C-section, with only basic over-the-counter medication, to deal with a major operation and a serious infection. Being called “difficult” for not wanting to sit up in bed until I had my painkillers. Let’s just talk for a second about how calling anyone with anxiety issues, “difficult”, can be extremely damaging in itself. It made me feel like an inconvenience. I wanted to go home straight away, but I couldn’t as I was under observation.
During my stay, I was in agony, and I kept receiving the pain medication at the incorrect times, which resulted in some nasty withdrawal symptoms from the whole, traumatic ordeal. Whilst I would only wish to thank the staff involved in my care (they do their absolute best every single day and you can see that). These circumstances resulted in my anxiety levels rising, in a situation and surroundings where there was nobody but my hubby to understand or support me.
The need for a birthing partner who knows you well
They even sent my hubby home, so there were periods when I didn’t have anyone to understand me. And I couldn’t get out of bed or look after myself!
Being in my head at the time, I was honestly afraid of how I would be judged in that situation. Would the nurse caring for her think I was an inadequate mother? Were they making notes about me and recording what was happening? Would I get a visit from social services? Because I was clearly unstable for thinking like this?
He was initially sent home during my labour period, at the pivotal moment when my pain was increasing and I felt like nobody was listening when I said that. Things progressed quickly in his absence and he was called back. However, the endless number of factors that worsened my anxiety during his absence had already made me defensive and less likely to open up. From this point, I felt trapped. And my anxiety spiralled.
The system, funding, and government intervention need to improve. It simply isn’t good enough to have a lack of care, over-tired staff, and possible negative outcomes. When you are dealing with the care of a new mother and child.
The pandemic worsening the situation
To send partners home when they are really the only ones looking after the expectant mother and taking time to understand their needs is unacceptable. The anxiety about mothers being left to fend for themselves only worsened during the pandemic. This Independent article goes into more detail. This Guardian article also touches on the issue.
Possible solutions?
I also don’t believe a one size fits all approach is sufficient when you are dealing with mental health. It would help to have mental health specialists visit patients in the antenatal ward. But it’s all about the lack of funding for services. And whilst some NHS trusts have this specialism, most still don’t. It’s also vital to allow birthing partners to stay with the expectant mother, especially when staff are too busy to care for their needs.
I am eternally grateful to the staff at our local hospital for ensuring our post-pregnancy outcome was as positive as possible given their resources. I am aware some of the issues discussed in this article can lead to negative outcomes for babies and parents. And my thoughts go out to anyone who is impacted.
Need help?
If you are impacted by any of the issues we have touched on in this article. Here are some charities that could help: Tommy’s or Bliss. They are fantastic charities doing a lot of work to help improve maternity services. I’ve also recently come across PaNDAS which specialise in postnatal Depression. Pregnant then screwed is a charity advocating for women’s rights at work.
Why are women STILL afraid to speak out on mental health matters?
The following quote is from a Glamour article and summarises how one woman felt about admitting there was a mental health issue during pregnancy:
“It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who feels ashamed. A woman I know recently told me that when she was pregnant, her mind was in a particularly dark place but she feared that telling someone she felt depressed could result in her baby being taken away when he was born. For months she resisted medication because she thought that being a medicated mom equaled being a bad parent. She has since started medication but is too ashamed to tell her in-laws, and she has gone from wanting multiple children to writing off any future pregnancies.”
Why is this still a problem in our society? And why isn’t someone helping pregnant women be honest and get the help they need? I do think mental health services have improved and are continuing in the right direction, but we still have a long way to go.
The quote above describes the way I felt and the way I was subsequently made to feel by a doctor. How many expectant mothers are turned away and then never have the confidence to ask for help again? As I am quite a strong person, I persisted and luckily got the help I needed. Doing this took every ounce of energy I had though. Just before getting the medication I needed, I booked 10 days holiday from work, because I just couldn’t carry on. I was even afraid to take sick leave because it would be questioned in respect of my pregnancy. I don’t know where I would be without the medication I started taking during pregnancy.
Adding a label to my experiences
It would have been beneficial for the doctor to mention or label, what I was experiencing could be a battle with antenatal depression. Nobody ever mentioned this term to me and it’s only now, looking back on the situation, that I know what it is. It has a name and I can talk about it now.
Is someone spying on me?
During my pre-pregnancy appointments and my stay on the ward (4 days), I remember feeling as though I was being watched. Checked up on, and questioned a lot. The obstetrician was obviously aware of my anxiety issues and I was overweight, which required additional check-up appointments.
Seeing through an anxiety lens
Maybe the staff weren’t acting any differently, just doing their job. The point is I felt like this throughout my care. Up to the point of discharge from the hospital post-pregnancy.
The damage caused by keeping these feelings to yourself at such a vulnerable, unpredictable time in life, is colossal. Then going through possibly the worst trauma of your life and trying to look after a small baby who is totally relying on you. It’s a lot to cope with. And we should be able to open up about it without fear.
My hubby describes me as being reluctant to visit our little pumpkin in the baby unit (she had to be monitored due to an infection). And he puts it down to my pain levels.
Being in my head at the time, I was honestly afraid of how I would be judged in that situation. Would the nurse caring for her think I was an inadequate mother? Were they making notes about me and recording what was happening? Would I get a visit from social services? Because I was clearly unstable for thinking like this?
Pressure to breastfeed
There is so much talk about breastfeeding whilst you’re there and you are made to feel inadequate, whether this is intentional or not. The surroundings also don’t help you get the rest you need: babies crying all night, women screaming in pain. Although I felt for all parties involved and could relate, it isn’t the best setting in which to recover from a major operation with out-of-control anxiety issues.
Techniques that helped me through
Stopping full-time work one month early
The pressure on expectant mothers from the workplace also has to stop! Slowly society is progressing in this area, but the progress isn’t quick enough for me or other poor mothers, who have additional guilt, added to the mixing pot of hormones, emotions, physically struggling, anxiety about life-changing circumstances, and the thought of being responsible for a new baby.
When it came to it, admitting I needed to stop working due to severe hip pain and mental health issues, really helped me. Although having to do this makes you feel inadequate. Nobody at work visited me, whether it be management or HR to ask how I was doing. The only sympathetic comments I got were from other expectant mothers. Who literally felt my pain in respect of lack of support.
Feeling isolated and lonely
It is isolating and lonely to feel like nobody understands how you feel. You’re so tired at that point. It’s too much to try and explain it to someone, who frankly doesn’t understand and doesn’t really want to. I stayed quiet for a lot of time and put my head down until I could finally finish work.
The day I finished work, I visited the doctor after not sleeping all night, feeling sick, and suffering from severe anxiety. And this was the route I took to stop working. It had to reach a breaking point before I could finally stop. They told me not to go back until after my maternity leave ended. The worry then became about limited time with my child. Was I wasting a month before the baby was here? Should I still be working?
Workplaces need to do better
I think workplaces and the government are also accountable for supporting women and making employees feel secure in having children and thriving at their jobs. You shouldn’t have to pick one or the other.
I am a huge fan of the shared paternity leave. The hubby & I have discussed doing it with a second child. Unfortunately, I don’t think enough people know about the option or want to take it up. Hopefully, this will change.
The pressure on expectant mothers from the workplace also has to stop! Slowly society is progressing in this area, but the progress isn’t quick enough for me or other poor mothers, who have additional guilt, added to the mixing pot of hormones, emotions, physically struggling, anxiety about life-changing circumstances, and the thought of being responsible for a new baby.
Self-care
During the month off work pre-pregnancy, I made time for self-care. Baths, naps, candles, chocolate, strawberry laces (even though they made me sick towards the end, with my limited stomach space). Anything that would lift my mood and make me feel a little better.
Although I was hesitant to finish work early, as I was only having 9 months at most with my little pumpkin. It was refreshing to have a month off before the baby came. I did all the things that made me feel better and stopped dragging my overloaded body to the train station every day. To a job where I didn’t feel supported. It was lovely to be out of the toxic environment.
The home was my haven
Nesting – we’ve all heard that term used. To describe a woman’s instinct to prepare for the impending arrival of a brand-new baby. I love this description from a Dad’s perspective.
My hubby was used to the nesting process (I’ve always been obsessed with cleaning). He’s the messy, unorganised one in the relationship and I’m the one who gets excited about new cleaning products. (standards have slipped though, now I have a toddler).
On the subject of men, I would also like to mention, this issue doesn’t just impact mothers. Men’s mental health can also be affected by pregnancy and the aftermath.
What the experience taught me
I have learned my lesson about prioritising the health of myself and my baby. Also, not caring about what other people think. Especially those who have no bearing on my life and the decisions I make. Ultimately you as an individual will know what’s best for you and you should push to receive the help you need. In the future, I would stick up for myself when it comes to doctors’ appointments and medication.
If and when we have another baby, I would do things differently this time. You don’t know what to expect when it’s your first pregnancy. You must experience it for yourself, in order to learn and grow.
Final thoughts
Everyone has their own way of coping with traumatic events and mine is blogging.
I can only relay my personal experience, feelings, and thoughts on this subject. I am aware there are a lot of additional factors and issues surrounding these sensitive subjects,
If you have been affected by any of these issues, let’s all speak out and raise awareness. That’s how change happens. Please feel free to get in touch, or leave a comment below. I would love to hear from you.
I don’t always want to put the work in to protect my mental health. Keeping on top of it sometimes becomes a chore and the rebellious side of my personality wants to give up. But I don’t! Whilst I have weeks where I am just not feeling it. If I don’t have time for self-care, I usually catch myself and urgently utilise some much-needed mental well-being techniques I have in my toolbox.
I would encourage anyone else out to keep maintaining a good standard of mental well-being. Especially during the winter months.
Why do we as humans know how to physically rest, but we have a problem with guilt when it comes to looking after our mental health?
Quick note: Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links. If you go through an affiliate link to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be helpful for other people.
You might have already seen my TikTok where I talk about my current feelings. I can’t shake the feeling of wanting to hibernate until March 2023. I feel lower than usual and have to work harder than ever to keep my head above water.
I’ve written on the blog before about Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and how this can have an impact on our mental health.
I already have anxiety problems, which can sometimes lead to low periods and depression.
As I said in the TikTok video, each year I forget just how bad I feel. Lack of vitamin D, limited natural light and horrible, cold weather can impact our bodies negatively. Which can lead to implications for our mental and emotional well-being.
Here are my tips for maintaining a good standard of mental well-being during the winter months, including some worksheets to help you…
As of last weekend, I definitely feel pretty low mentally. Especially when it’s dark all day & the rain won’t stop. At this point, I feel like it will rain until March 2023 & I just want to hide under the duvet until then. For anyone currently feeling the same, some helpful tips will be posted on the blog over the weekend. Hope it helps ❤️❤️❤️ #mentalhealth#mentalhealthmatters#mentalhealthawareness#sad#seasonaldepression
I know it’s challenging to fit in time for self-care. And society still holds the opinion that resting and relaxing is wasting your time or pure laziness. This couldn’t be further from the truth!
Not looking after myself or getting enough sleep for a few months, led me to have a full mental breakdown. It then took me 18 months to fully recover.
If you’re a gym goer, you will understand rest days. Similarly, if you walk a lot for your job, you sit down at night and physically rest. Why do we as humans know how to physically rest, but we have a problem with guilt when it comes to looking after our mental health?
Make some time. Even five minutes can help you. I am now well-practised at meditation andcan complete a hypnotherapy recording in five minutes. It may not seem like a lot of time, but it helps.
2. Plan in self-care time to avoid burnout
Felling low, and becoming irritable can creep up on us and we don’t always consciously know what’s happening. Allocating specific days and times for self-care can help.
I personally tell my hubby in advance that I will need childcare cover. To complete the hypnotherapy mediations, I then find a quiet room and some time to myself, without a toddler bothering me. I dedicate at least 90% of my time to her care, needs and spending time as a family. 20-30 minutes to refresh myself isn’t a lot to ask. And we shouldn’t feel guilty as parents when we need to ask for this time out.
3. Use some tools to assist you in your journey
Because of my history of mental health problems, I now have a toolkit on hand for my low moments. These are some of the things in there:
In the mental health community, we all know talking to someone can be powerful. And it helps. In the aftermath of my mental breakdown, making connections with like-minded people, pulled me out of the fog and allowed me to move forward.
You might be reluctant to make social connections and I know the feeling of just wanting to hide away. But please talk to someone if you need to!
5. Change your routine
Stepping outside your comfort zone and doing something you wouldn’t normally do, can help break the depression cycle in your brain. For me, it became sitting in the local park, soaking in nature and literally putting myself back together.
Even walking a different way home from the park, during those dark moments in my mind, helped me. I felt very much like my brain wouldn’t reboot. But these different habits started to fill me with confidence and allowed me to think slightly differently. Gain a new perspective on life.
6. Do some exercise
Exercise alone won’t cure you of your mental struggles, but it will help you to feel better along the way. During those dark days, it can get you moving and out of the house. And slowly, you start to tackle other challenges.
Here are some other resources on the blog which may be helpful for you:
In this post, I include some great books about managing anxiety, written by those with lived experience. There are also some great workbooks to manage stress, which I still use to this day!
Parenting is a challenging time. Lack of sleep, a completely new routine and not having a clue how to look after a child, can all take a toll. I am actively adding to this page for any parents out there who may be struggling,
On this page, I share my journey of completing a Perma hypnotherapy course. And how it benefitted me massively. If it’s something you’ve considered, check out the blog posts.
I must admit, I sometimes forget to take my vitamins for a few days and I usually don’t feel great when it happens. I now take a vitamin D supplement, which helps me throughout the year, but especially in winter.
Everyone is different and will need a different supplement to fuel their bodies. Get some advice, or look into what works best for you.
8. Get enough sleep
I know from experience, some people just cannot get enough sleep. For a new mother, it just isn’t possible. Prior to motherhood, I never slept well because I had thoughts whirling through my mind all the time. So I get it.
If you can, try and get 7-8 hours of sleep, or however much your body needs. This is the time when our body repairs itself and it is therefore vital to our well-being.
9. Positive thinking
For me personally, positive thinking is about having affirmation cards littered around my workspace. It is also doing meditation recordings which contain powerful, life-changing messages. Mostly, it is being aware that our thoughts can impact us positively or negatively. And trying to turn things around if I am not having a great time mentally.
10. Be kind to yourself
The winter months can be harsh on both our minds and bodies. Do whatever it takes to be kind to yourself. Have an ice cream, and jump in bed for a nap. Spend time under the duvet. And don’t feel guilty for looking after yourself.
Final Thoughts
Every human being is different and will respond to these techniques and tools differently. I personally found that combining a range of these different strategies and tools, helped me become well enough to get through the dark days and then focus on mentally recovering.
Free download
I’ve created a self-care planner, where you can list all the areas you want to focus on. There are four sections, and each allows you to focus on a different area of your life. To bring an overall sense of well-being.
Mind – Infoline: 0300 123 3393 – this helpline provides information and signposting. (open 9 am to 6 pm, Monday to Friday (except for bank holidays).
Anxiety UK – they have a helpline: 03444 775 774 Text support: 07537 416 905 (open Mon-Fri 09:30 am-5:30 pm)
The Stay Alive app is a pocket suicide prevention resource for the UK, packed full of useful information to help you stay safe
Shout – If you would prefer not to talk but want some mental health support, you can text SHOUT to 85258. Shout offers a confidential 24/7 text service providing support if you are in crisis and need immediate help
SANEline – If you’re experiencing a mental health problem or supporting someone else, you can call SANEline on 0300 304 7000 (4.30 pm–10.30 pm every day).
I wanted to write a list of great books by people who’ve found creative ways to manage their anxiety levels. In addition to this, I will also be letting you know about some courses which are geared towards wellness.
Quick note: AD-AFF-GIFTEDSome of the links contained on this page are sponsored and affiliate links. If you go through an affiliate link to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be helpful for other people.
Shall we dive into the list of great resources to help you with managing anxiety?
Education – courses for managing anxiety
Charlotte Lewington
Charlotte is a bestselling co-author, educator and consultant helping children and young people to find their voice, be seen and feel validated. There is nothing she is more passionate about than making sure children know that they are loved and love themselves from the inside out. During her own childhood, Charlotte faced many struggles that only made her stronger. Through these experiences, she learnt that you can either sit down and cry about things or you get up and you move on. Learning the lesson being shown to you.
After 16 years of experience within different health and childcare settings, Charlotte gained a degree in psychology and is currently working towards a master’s degree in children and young people. Charlotte spends most of her time delivering training to nurseries, schools and organisations offering workshops and retreats relating to emotional well-being.
Her mission is to provide support in order to bridge the gap with the mental health crisis that we are currently experiencing.In between all this, you will often find charlotte travelling the world and making the most out of life.
You can view and purchase all of her courses on Udemy UK.
1-2-1 support sessions if anyone is feeling lost or finding the queen’s death a trigger. For anyone finding it challenging with children going back to school or children managing anxiety about anything, parents or carers can book a call. She is also currently looking for people to be involved in a book collaboration.
Miss M Online courses
I recently wrote about how important it is to nurture a business-minded child. And more importantly, teach essential life skills that are usually lacking in the mainstream school system. You can check out the full blog post here.
Well, it’s time to bring you the latest from this amazing platform. Check out some of the courses available below.
What’s the latest?
Why not check out the new business board game? What an amazing gift for a young person this Christmas!
Head over and check out all of their amazing learning resources. Maybe you want to buy the gift of learning for a loved one or friend this holiday season. You know someone who is currently managing anxiety and needs some assistance.
Books for managing anxiety
You can check out my page, dedicated to all things books! Feel free to browse the other book-related posts on my blog
Running For Our Lives is about how running helps people overcome life challenges and mental health struggles. It touches upon how it helped Rachel reclaim her identity after she became a mum. In addition, it contains human stories and experiences from ordinary people.
I knew this title would resonate with time on some level. But I was unprepared for how much I would feel an emotional connection to the stories. A literal pang in my heart because this journey of sharing our mental health struggles is also one I’ve been on myself. I couldn’t put this book down, thanks to honest writing. Not to mention, the sheer power of connection between human beings who have one shared cause.
“It enables us to silence the chimp and write another story for ourselves – one where things become possible.”
“Perhaps it is you seeing the tiniest chink of light in a very dark place, discovering that you have a new friend in the world – one whom you have never met.”
The Cold Fix is about the healing power of cold water immersion in overcoming physical and mental pain. Or anguish including osteoarthritis, seasonal sadness, migraines, alcoholism and overthinking. It’s about growing older and exploring new opportunities; menopause, body image and confidence.
My thoughts
When reading the book, my initial thought was that I was intrigued as to why people do this and I find it fascinating that such an extreme activity can help someone mentally.
I particularly like the sensory and meditative experience which comes with this technique. It feels similar to how I probably feel when doing meditation.
“Coming here on my own had indeed added a risk factor, but it had also motivated and driven me to climb, literally, out of my comfort zone and rediscover a world that had been out of my reach for too long”
“The cold water has given me the key to unlock myself within a place I didn’t know existed: the community of cold-water swimmers right around the world. What binds us all together is the cold and how it makes us feel: brave enough to tackle even the toughest of life’s issues.”
Stand Up Paddleboarding is a guide to paddle boarding. However, Jo explains the sport has got her through grief, anxiety and empty nesting. It’s brought her identity back outside her roles as a mother, daughter, sister, and friend. And her commitment to the environment has strengthened. Back in 2019, she became the first woman aged 54 to stand up paddleboard coast to coast across northern England. Picking up litter and raising money for environmental charities.
My thoughts
The most striking thing about this book is the great images of places to visit. You feel transported there, and it’s wonderful. You are experiencing an adventure alongside reading about Jo’s story. There is a real variation in locations across the UK and I was glad to see some near where we live. It also makes me want to visit the places I haven’t visited and take in the scenery for myself.
The book also includes practical tips on how to get started, if you’re interested in starting your stand-up paddle-boarding journey
“A chance to walk on water, and I hope, appreciate that we all belong there too.”
He has recently been writing for some projects, aiming to help young people with their mental health. If you follow my blog, you will know I am totally on board with this. The current cost of living situation we are facing in the UK is only going to increase mental health problems among young people. Ultimately, it is up to us to raise awareness.
One is about how becoming guise-wise can really help reduce the mental health issues of young people (and not so young!)
Why? Because so many are the result of comparing ourselves to others, often obsessively, and to a disproportionate emphasis on relatively minor or very specific but not all-defining differences. Young people are especially prone to these practices. Supposing I’m a teenager preoccupied with my gender identity. Maybe I suspect I’m different in this respect from most of my friends. At one time, gender identity was not an issue for all but a tiny number of kids. Now it’s an issue for a lot, but that’s not the main point. The main point is that if I am a teenager with gender identity concerns then part of that will involve placing myself on a spectrum of gender gradations. I’m defining myself by what I am not and I’m probably defining my whole self primarily in terms of gender identity markers. This means that I’m not foregrounding all the many things I share with my peers – other aspects of identity, beliefs, preferences, interests and hosts of others that I share with everybody on the planet. Rather, I’m over-focusing on one thing that’s distinctive about me, one particular difference.
Becoming-Guise-Wise: How to dissolve the mental health issues of the young – Dr Michael Waters
The other is about making commonality-first, not difference-first how we should best respond to others – this would be the best legacy for the Queen since this is what she did in her life
She experienced diversity, more than anyone who has ever lived. No one else has been up as close and personal to such a variety of individuals in such a variety of settings. No one else has had more first-hand experience of as many different social and cultural groups. Who else has made official visits to over 117 countries and carried out over 21,000 official engagements, to say nothing of walkabouts and other unscripted exchanges? It’s also clear that she cared deeply for many of those to whom the word “diversity” is usually applied – minorities and the marginalised.
The Queen’s Legacy: Commonality-First – Dr Michael Waters
Workbooks for managing anxiety
I had to share the workbooks that personally helped me with managing anxiety, during the down periods in my life. I still have these on the shelf by my workspace. They proved to be so beneficial in my time of need.
My Bookshelf at home
Final thoughts
I hope you found these tools for managing helpful anxiety. Maybe a book you want to purchase something for yourself or a loved one?
Let me know your favourite book or course – I would love to hear from you in the comments.
Recent posts on the blog
Feel free to check out some of the other posts on my blog:
The fantastic offers you get when shopping online at The Body Shop keep me returning as a shopper. Not to mention the great, high-quality products.
In this post, I want to walk you through a recent order I placed with The Body Shop and the greatbenefits I received. Also, share with you my latest beauty review.
Disclaimer – depending on when you are reading this post, I would check the website for up-to-date offers
Firstly, there are two current offers available at the moment. And I have a discount code for you… at the end of this post.
You currently receive a free cleanser when you meet certain spending thresholds for skin care. I was on a mission to top up my Edelweiss skincare range, so I knew I would meet this threshold.
Who doesn’t love a shower gel and an offer to get a full-sized bottle for just £4.00 when you’re spending £15.00 overall?
Let’s talk about Edelweiss
It might be worth watching my recent TikTok beauty review video. Where I talk all about why I love the range so much. Here are the highlights:
-Glowing skin
-Smoother skin
-A self-care skincare routine
-Fresh-feeling skin
-A way for me to take the day off after work
-As a busy mum, something for myself
These are the reasons I will continue to purchase this skincare range. It makes my skin looks smoother and brighter, as a result of using the serum and intense smoothing cream daily.
Want another beauty review?
Because I cannot deny the quality of the products. And The Body Shop has always made me feel like I invest in my self-care, another beauty review is incoming soon. Follow me on TikTok to keep up to date with the latest videos.
Here is what you can expect to see soon…
A review of the Edelweiss eye serum concentrate. The older I get, it’s the area I like to focus on
Edelweiss Liquid Peel review
Edelweiss Serum concentrate sheet mask review
And LOTS more Body Shop products
Love Your Body club
As a member of the Love Your Body Club, I also earn points and receive rewards. So far I’ve spent £10.00 in-store, during a post-Christmas shopping trip. And for each subsequent purchase, I’ve received a £5.00 reward.
As shown in the images below, I have also been sent an Edelweiss sample. Which is a bonus, because I am trying to stock up on the range.
The reward system is so easy to use, both online and in-store.
Is this your first time signing up for the club? Get 15% off your first purchase when you sign up. Use code: LYBC15
Use my discount code for purchases at The Body Shop
USE CODE MCA20 FOR A 20% DISCOUNT. Full terms & conditions are here.
Final thoughts
Let me know your thoughts on this skincare range.
Do you use it? Would you try it?
I would love to hear from you in the comments below.
And don’t forget to check out my next beauty review. My video reels are posted to TikTok, Instagram and also YouTube.
Why not sign up for my monthly newsletter, to receive exclusive offers and discounts, which are not shared on this blog?
Check out all the other blog posts about The Body Shop
In the final stages of recovery from my mental breakdown, it was about putting tools in place to survive daily life from now on. Understanding my triggers has helped me reduce the mental impact of certain situations. In this respect, self-maintenance is required.
For example, I know lack of sleep impacts me negatively. Therefore, I have rest or a nap if it’s needed, and I have time to do so. Meditation has also allowed me to feel refreshed, without spending too much of my time on this activity. Practice makes perfect!
We need to start treating mental well-being maintenance with the same importance as physical wellbeing maintenance.
Quick note: Some of the links on this page are affiliate links; if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and thinkwould be useful for you.
Even when I feel mentally well, I now understand that ongoing self-maintenance is required. A runner doesn’t just go for one run, and then stop. We need to start treating mental well-being maintenance with the same importance as physical well-being maintenance.
It’s essential I build on the foundations of self-maintenance I discuss below.
Positive thinking
Every single day since my mental breakdown, I’ve worked hard to replace negative thoughts with positive ones and try not to let my mind run away with itself. The blog has helped and I feel like I’ve processed a lot of emotions by writing about my experiences.
I also now understand that we manifest and create the world we live in, from our thoughts. Whether these are positive or negative can have an impact on our well-being and our outlook on life.
Planning time for self-care
Regardless of your circumstances, we live in a fast-paced and busy world. It is easy to tell ourselves we are too busy, or tired to fit in self-care and self-maintenance. But it must be done. Constant self-care was one of the main factors in recovering from my mental breakdown. I was forced to be kind to myself. And I’ve continued this far beyond recovery.
Meditation for self-maintenance
You may have already viewed my page on my blog, following my hypnotherapy journey. Because of this transformative course, I am now well-practised at mediating and I get huge benefits from doing this.
Life Coaching
Life coaching is something I tried in the past, but I recently opted for the hypnotherapy course instead. The sessions are made up of assisting you in finding your power and the path you want to take – so essentially it is life coaching with the addition of some other concrete tools you can use for the rest of your life.
Maintaining connections
I have written on the blog before about hiding away from social situations during my anxiety-filled days. Making new connections and being honest with my family and friends about my struggles, allowed me to heal. Following my breakdown, the support network I had was vital.
I now make a point of ditching any relationship which doesn’t serve me (not everyone in life is supposed to get along). And I seek out, value and nurture connections which align with my values. Favouring like-minded people has allowed me to finally attain the career I want and be surrounded by people who want to help others. All of which have a positive impact on my mental well-being.
Affirmations for self-maintenance
If you follow the blog, you will know I have affirmation cards dotted around the house, Particularly around my workspace, to motivate me and encourage me to think positively. Especially if I am having a bad day.
The ones I use are centred around career, empowerment and confidence. But there are so many other decks available, depending on your preference. Maybe you want a journal to record gratitude or affirmations in a different format. Take a look at the various options below:
Firstly, I should make it clear I am writing this mainly because I want more people to be aware the #JoinIn Twitter hashtag exists. It’s important people know there is someone out there to support them. Even if it isn’t possible to do this face to face right now.
I previously volunteered for a befriending service and did home visits with an elderly person. But the service also offered much-needed telephone conversations. As you can imagine, this could mean the world to a lonely older person. Therefore, I’m aware of how valuable this contact can be.
To clarify, this isn’t about me being a hero or superior to anyone else. I truly believe we are all muddling through life. Any one of us could be lonely one day, or find ourselves in the depths of depression during the Christmas period. If everyone could understand this, or always try to lead with a kind heart, I don’t think the stigma surrounding mental health would be as bad as it is.
What happened on Christmas morning?
All I can tell you is, I felt compelled to support others on Christmas Day. And the #JoinIn Twitter hashtag was my way of doing it.
I will be honest and say when I first saw the campaign in the lead-up to Christmas, I was dubious about committing. The only reason for my reluctance was self-preservation. I’ve learned to look after myself first. I obviously also want to help others and it’s the reason I started my blog. But how can I help others without preserving my mental strength?
Despite my reluctance, something happened on Christmas morning which made me feel I needed to participate. I looked at our little family and I felt grateful. Lucky to be seeing my parents and finally getting to teach my toddler about Santa.
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Giving back
I genuinely loved interacting under the #JoinIn Twitter hashtag on Christmas Day. I still had quality time with my family, but I was also proud to give something back. The Twitter community helped me out of a dark place. To recover from a mental breakdown.
In a similar way to my blogging journey, this then made me think of all the people who wouldn’t have this luxury. We couldn’t see some family members because of a positive covid test. Therefore I was all too aware some people might just be isolated this year to avoid spreading the virus.
These selfless, kind people needed someone to connect with. To clarify, this isn’t about me being a hero or superior to anyone else. I truly believe we are all muddling through life. Any one of us could be lonely one day, or find ourselves in the depths of depression during the Christmas period. If everyone could understand this, or always try to lead with a kind heart, I don’t think the stigma surrounding mental health would be as bad as it is.
I’ve found receiving and giving the following to others really does help to transform your life.
Compassion
Gratitude
Kindness
Support
Empathy
Love
Hugs
Understanding
I wish everyone would show more of these qualities. The world would be a better place.
For anyone who needs it right now, feel free to sign up to my freebie library and download the self-care checklist
Sarah Millican is an amazing human being for starting the #JoinIn Twitter hashtag and also taking time out of her Christmas day to chat with everyone. I honestly think it’s so lovely. Through her shows, she also raised an amazing amount of money for Mind. A charity doing amazing work to support those with mental health problems.
When confronting my own mental health issues in the past, I’ve always found therapy helped. Something about talking to a stranger means you lower your guard and can often be more honest. I truly think the same concept works online. I’ve sometimes felt more supported by strangers online than people close to me.
My wish and the reason I am writing this
I want to spread the word to everyone. this support exists on Twitter. I would like the chat to continue and I know there are some people who want to do this.
The main thing we all need to be aware of is there is someone there to talk if you feel you need it. And that is priceless. It warmed my heart to see the exchange of kind messages!
Final thoughts
Please come and chat with me in the comments below and let me know what you think of the #JoinIn Twitter hashtag.
20% off discount code MCA20 until the end of the year (Including Advent Calendars)
LAUNCHING – 18 September 2022
Quick note: Some of the links contained on this page are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be useful for other people.
Small in size but packed full of treats – the Box of Wishes Advent Calendar contains skincare, face masks and beauty tools. Hydrate with our Shower Gel before nourishing your skin with our Body Butter infused with Community Fair Trade Mango Seed Oil from India.
This calendar celebrates the women of Chhattisgarh, India, and through our Mango Seed Oil, we continue to support them with job prospects and opportunities for independence.
What’s included?
STRAWBERRY SHOWER GEL 60ML BRITISH ROSE HAND CREAM 30ML RASPBERRY BORN LIPPY 10ML MINI RAMIE BATH LILY BRITISH ROSE SHOWER GEL 60ML TEA TREE FACE WASH 60ML SATSUMA SOAP 100G MANGO BODY BUTTER 50ML SHEA HAND BALM 10ML VITAMIN C SHEET MASK 18ML SHEA SHAMPOO 60ML SHEA CONDITIONER 60ML PINK GRAPEFRUIT SHOWER GEL 60ML STRAWBERRY LIP BUTTER 10ML MANGO SHOWER GEL 60ML HIMALAYAN CHARCOAL MASK 15ML HAIR CLAW ALMOND MILK SHOWER CREAM 60ML BRITISH ROSE SHOWER SCRUB 50ML VITAMIN E SHEET MASK 18ML SHEA SOAP 100G STRAWBERRY HAND CREAM 30ML AVOCADO SHOWER CREAM 60ML ALMOND MILK BODY BUTTER 50ML
Our Ultimate Advent Calendar is bursting with iconic full-sized bestsellers as well as exciting new products, beauty tools and everything you need to nourish your body and soul. Scrub, soften and slather your way to your most beautiful Christmas yet with our luxurious Sheet Masks, nourishing Body Butters, and rejuvenating Body Scrubs.
What’s included?
AVOCADO SHOWER CREAM 250ML CAMOMILE CLEANSING BUTTER 20ML EDELWEISS LIQUID PEEL 100ML MANGO HAND BALM 30ML BOOST HAND WASH 250ML MORINGA SHAMPOO 250ML STRAWBERRY LIP BUTTER 10ML RAMIE BATH LILY MORINGA CONDITIONER 250ML VITAMIN E HYDRATING TONER 250ML VITAMIN E SHEET MASK 18ML MANGO BATH BLEND 250ML BRITISH ROSE BODY YOGURT 200ML ALMOND MILK LIP CARE STICK 4.2G PINK CLAY FACIAL KONJAC SPONGE HIMALAYAN CHARCOAL MASK 15ML PINK GRAPEFRUIT SHOWER GEL 250ML MANGO BODY SCRUB 50ML AVOCADO LOTION TO OIL 200ML BRITISH ROSE FACIAL MASK 15ML ALMOND MILK HAND BALM 30ML EDELWEISS SHEET MASK 21ML HIMALAYAN CHARCOAL NIGHT PEEL 30ML SHEA BODY BUTTER 200ML SLEEP PILLOW MIST 100ML
Final Thoughts
If you follow the blog, you will know I am a huge fan of The Body Shop. You can check out my other posts featuring their amazing products below:
Now we are coming to the end of my hypnotherapy journey, it’s fascinating to look back at the process and how the mechanics of the Perma Hypnotherapy model work. And how my life has drastically improved. I completed the journey without having the roadmap to hand. But I have naturally improved each of these areas of my life. And it’s only at the end of the journey, that the full picture of the work we completed is revealed.
I finally feel ready to take on this role. Like I am recovered from my mental breakdown fully, and it’s time to grab these opportunities with both hands. And it’s exactly what I recently did. Why not finally use my experiences to do some good in the world and help other people? It doesn’t feel like work!It feels like I am finally thriving.
Sam – Mummy Conqering Anxiety
Stay tuned for a final, collaborative blog post from Kevin and me – to follow within the next month
The areas of my life which have drastically improved…
Finance
Career
Development
Home
Relationships
Health
PLEASE NOTE: This post contains some affiliate links.If you go through affiliate links to make a purchase, I will earn a small commission, at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be helpful for other people
“The optimists believe defeat is just a temporary setback.”
There were many techniques and processes we used throughout our hypnotherapy sessions. But one, in particular, stuck with me. The way Kevin explained this process during our sessions, was by giving a certain part of the brain an instruction to improve or change things. Then the worker or factory makes it happen, behind the scenes. This is the reason that people who complete hypnotherapy courses often see drastic changes, seemingly out of nowhere. Changes are happening on a sunconcious level and this is definitely something I experienced.
Let’s take a look at how each of the areas of my life has dramatically improved as a result of completing this Perma Hypnotherapy course
Finance
My finances before hypnotherapy
I didn’t always have a good relationship with my finances. Back in the anxiety filled days, I would impulse buy things to make myself feel better. Unsurprisingly it never worked and usually made me feel worse. Lately, we’ve had a tough time financially as a family, due to the life-changing circumstances we’ve experienced.
My finances right now and looking to the future
It’s only now I am taking more control of my life and the direction I want to go in, that I am prioritising financial health. Because of this, I feel less fearful about my financial future and a lot more optimistic. As a family, we have financial goals and we have actually started to tackle some of them.
I think the main feeling I have is EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY – I no longer live in fear that we might have a lack of money or one of us will be made redundant. I am safe in the knowledge that if that happens, we are resilient enough to get through it.
“Optimists recover from their momentary helplessness immediately. Very soon after failing, they pick themselves up, shrug, and start trying again.”
I spent years in a high-paid career that I kind of fell into. Don’t get me wrong, at times I enjoyed it, but ultimately it wasn’t in line with my values, or what I wanted to do with my life.
It is unsurprising that when I did the character strength test, helping other people came top of the list. It seems I wasn’t going to find my calling until I was fulfilling this need. Not only did my mental breakdown allow me to help other people via a blog, (a communication channel I love – writing and getting great feedback, from an amazing online community – who helped me during my darkest days) but it also allowed me to make career changes.
The significant changes I recently made
It was time to finally use the skills and confidence I had gained from the hypnotherapy course to change my situation. I spent a lot of time putting together a fresh CV, using my transferable skills and essentially selling myself. The old me would have come up with an excuse not to apply for the job. The new me just went for it and threw myself into the challenge. Despite still feeling anxiety.
You want to know the main thing I did during my two career change interviews? I was honest. About my mental health, and my reasons for wanting to help people. It’s as if I connected on a human level and feedback from the first job role, after my redundancy, was that my lived experience was taken into consideration. And valued. It was amazing to hear this.
Where am I now?
Because of funding, it was unlikely I could stay in my current role past the new year. Therefore I made a recent decision to apply for another job in the charity sector, doing something I absolutely love. This role involves slightly more hours as well, which will help our financial family goals.
I finally feel ready to take on this role. Like I am recovered from my mental breakdown fully, and it’s time to grab these opportunities with both hands. And it’s exactly what I recently did.
Why not finally use my experiences to do some good in the world and help other people? It doesn’t feel like work!It feels like I am finally thriving.
“Here is the exercise: find one wholly unexpected kind thing to do tomorrow and just do it. Notice what happens to your mood.”
Human beings are constantly changing and we should always want to update and improve ourselves. This is exactly what the Perma model does. It asks you to reevaluate your character strengths and values based on your current life situation. In giving your brain new instructions, related to the life goals you have, you naturally ditch old behaviours that don’t serve you anymore.
How life circumstances can and will change your values
We’ve all heard people talk about ‘life-changing events’ and until you’ve gone through this process yourself, it doesn’t make much sense. Over the last four years, here are some of the life changing events I have experienced: Pregnancy, antenatal depression during pregnancy, started taking anti-depressents when pregnant, severe anxiety about the pregnancy process, a traumatic birth, mental health problems for two years following pregnancy. Returning to work following maternity leave, for the pandemic to hit less than one month later. Adjustment to working from home. Financial impact on our family. Change of routine (partner off work for 12 weeks as vulnerable and nursery closing). Followed by a mental breakdown due to work pressure (literally being afraid to return to my own home and open my laptop). Returning to work, reluctantly. Redundancy a few months later. A further five months off work, which I had to use to recover and financially funded myself. Changing careers and slowly putting my life back together using self improvement techniques.
Motherhood
Motherhood is a great example of how my values completely changed. Subconsciously, my full-time, demanding job was no longer fit for purpose. But I didn’t realise this until things went horribly wrong. The day I sat down to do the character strengths test, it was apparent that some of my values had changed. Motherhood was now my priority and I needed a career to fit around this, to create a work-life balance. Working with my current life situation, instead of against it.
Home life
Home life during my demanding career
Based on everything I’ve described above, you can imagine our home life wasn’t previously very happy. In my most demanding career days, working 12 hours (not including travel time), I was completely exhausted. I would ask my now-hubby not to talk to me all evening. I was beyond tired, pretty much all the time and this was no life for each of us. Yes, I earned a lot of money, but I never had the time or energy to spend it. When I did, we would splash out to “reduce the stress”.
We are not always conscious of our decisions
However, at the point of giving birth to my little one, I didn’t consciously realise this job wouldn’t fit my circumstances anymore. Let alone decide it wasn’t even something I wanted to do. As human beings, we plod along on autopilot, and it’s completely okay if you’re doing this. The key factor is that you need to be happy, not stressed out and mostly content with your actions.
If there is something missing, as there was with me, it might be time to look into a Perma Hypnotherapy course.
Relationships
Our family life
My hubby and I are both strong-minded. We have some communication problems, due to our brains being rewired completely differently. It’s taken us time, patience and hard work to understand each other. As you can imagine, during my mental breakdown and the aftermath, I wasn’t a very happy or easy person to be around,
When I started this hypnotherapy course, I felt like I could make some changes on my own. But I had an overwhelming feeling that something was still missing. I knew I needed help or guidance of some sort, and I am so glad Kevin arrived and posed the opportunity for working together.
Because it’s been so vastly life-changing – it is truly one of the best experiences of my life.
Our relationship communication following my hypnotherapy course
I am not going to tell you our communication is perfect. We will always face the same barriers as before. The significant difference is now, I am more open, honest and in control. By in control, I mean I often walk away when communication isn’t going well. I understand that the brain reacts automatically to stressful situations. A bit like when there is no point talking to a toddler mid-meltdown. Well, the same applies to us as adults. Our primitive automatic response kicks in and it’s best to calmy compose yourself before entering into the discussion, if you can.
What hypnotherapy has helped me do is be more in control of this response. I’ve spent time, meditating, and working on myself, and I am now able to realise when a situation will become heated, or when I am about to react badly myself. Something I never mastered in my life before now.
A little mention for the parents
It’s important to mention the role of parents. Our communication was poor before we had children. Any parent out there will be aware children bring with them new challenges. We are lucky these days if we can fit in any adult conversation, with a loud toddler running around. It’s therefore important to make time to discuss adult matters or reconnect with one another. We now make time. Yes, every day is far from perfect and it’s sometimes a while until our next reconnecting time. But I am confident and assured it will happen. More importantly, I now realise that spending time doing reconnecting has huge benefits for our family. And it’s, therefore, a must!
Health
Because of the significant link between physical and mental health, I have struggled physically for a number of years. Mainly with symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome. My health is still not perfect, but I do now understand when my anxiety symptoms are causing a physical reaction in my body. And I can tell the difference between a food related or mind related reaction.
In moments where I am suffering physically, I try my best to overcome whatever is causing me stress or anxiety, in order to alleviate the symptoms.
Final thoughts
I now have a toolbox I can use to maintain a great standard of wellbeing. Mastering trance sessions has helped me access a place of calm within myself and talk to myself on a sunconsious level. To reevaluate where I am in life and make any nessecery changes.
Kevin provides practical guidance and support – as well as a vast amount of accessible resources which you have for life! I am thankful for this journey and looking forward to the bright future I have ahead of me.
If you’re ready to start your self improvement journey, get in contact with Kevin. You wont be disappointed.
“The takeaway lesson from positive psychology is that positive mental health is not just the absence of mental illness.”
These blog posts, following my sessions are literally me providing a snippet of what I’ve learnt each week. It’s a slow process and I don’t have the complete picture yet. But I’m getting there. Building on my existing character strengths is helping.
The top nine character strengths on my list were no surprise to me. I am completing my homework, which delves deeper into your character strengths and what they mean. The learning parts of these sessions are so interesting, and then we put them into practice, with homework and pre-recorded trance sessions.
A few things occurred to me whilst completing this exercise on character strengths:
I was sad because, during the period of burnout from work and my subsequent mental breakdown, I showed none of these character strengths at all.
I’ve said the words before “I was a shadow of myself” but reading about these traits in depth made me feel it. Doing this work reaches your subconscious and allows you to access parts of your brain which were unreachable before. Naturally, this can be revealing and also quite emotional.
For a long time, I’ve questioned why my mental health turned for the worse and whether it was my fault. I think it’s human nature to assign blame, but that’s also a pretty narrow-minded view. And I realise that – I always have.
Why I started these sessions
When I started these sessions, I said I was searching for answers because a piece was missing, and I wasn’t able to be fully happy. There was still a part of me that was stuck, even though I have dramatically changed my life recently.
Let’s rewind for a second to one month after my mental breakdown – this is what I wrote on that day:
I never want to return to this place, and the key is building mental strength and resilience.
Character strengths
The character assessment I was asked to complete is the VA institute on character test. However, I did it before when I was younger, because I remember all the questions. That said, it’s been over 15 years since I’ve been able to provide any real meaning to it.
What if we could learn how to see and appreciate our and others’ strengths rather than being debilitated by a weakness focus? How would that positively impact resilience, well-being, achievement, and life satisfaction? How might that help us rise to the challenges we face? Truly wise people—individuals, parents, teachers, coaches, and leaders—create the conditions for themselves and others to genuinely flourish. Developing an awareness of these strengths helps us to focus on “what’s strong” instead of on “what’s wrong.”
I honestly can’t wait to jump back on the laptop and go through the rest of my character traits. This journey is exhilarating and exciting. I look forward to embracing the new version of myself at the end of it.
We are all a work in progress and therefore we should shout from the rooftops about our progression. I hope this series emphasises that.
Final thoughts
I believe we are all on a journey. Relationships, learning experiences and growth come to us at the right time. Maybe when we are willing to acknowledge the areas we need to grow in.
If you’re ready to start your journey to well-being, book a free discovery call with Kevin today.
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