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I want to say thank you to Chloe from Nyxie’s Nook for this amazing guest post. I personally found social media to be the most amazing, supportive community following my mental breakdown and I definitely needed it. This post outlines the reasons it can be helpful for mental wellbeing.
Let’s dive in
Social media has long since been branded as hazardous to our mental and physical health. For those within a certain age bracket, it’s seen as something akin to the fall of socialisation. We constantly hear about children as young as six becoming addicted to social media, or adults missing the world around them because their nose is stuck in their phones.
But what about the positive side of social media? If we look beyond the addiction and online trolls, social media has helped shape the 21st century into a more inclusive place to be.
For a long time, we’ve been under the assumption that asking for help is a weak or attention-seeking behaviour. But with the help of social media, we’re now much further forward in realising that speaking up about our issues is an act of strength.
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5 Positive aspects of social media
Social media can be a great way to raise awareness, bring communities together andhelp those less fortunate.
Before the use of the internet and social media, we all seemed so far away. America, Japan, England, Finland; We were all divided by oceans, land and borders. With the use of the internet and, in turn, social media we’re able to raise awareness for issues that would otherwise be limited by location. By using social media we can reach other, like-minded people who can help spread awareness among their own communities and so on.
We’re better able to keep in touch with our loved ones, arrange online catch-ups and even play virtual games.
With so much of the world in lockdown at different times and for various levels of COVID-19, many of us have become separated from our families and peers. And with the current state of things here in the UK, our isolation isn’t set to end any time soon. The internet and social media have become a way for us to socialize, catch up and even watch movies together while staying safely apart.
Netflix has created their Netflix party to help socially distanced subscribers to watch television shows and movies together. Zoom has become the number one go-to video chatting application for social catch-ups to business meetings. Instagram, Facebook and Twitter also deserve honourable mention for helping us keep in touch and meet like-minded people who are better able to help and support us. Some of the most trusting and inspirational people I know were found via social media!
Finally, although not specifically on social media, as an avid gamer I find the use of online resources helpful in finding gaming partners. There are various places online to connect and even chat with gamers worldwide. I’ve met so many people through my love for Animal Crossing and The Sims. I’m in various community groups online where I can chat about the games, get information, tips and advice, and even swap friend codes.
Of course, this is all done from a safe distance and, as an adult, I’m aware of the danger of meeting others online. If you have a teenager or even a child who frequently games with others online, it’s suggested that you keep an eye on their activity. Have a chat with them about online safety and take an interest in what they’re doing without being overly critical.
Social media can be a welcome distraction from the outside world or a devastating realisation of the world around us
Social media has acted as a means for me to distract myself from the goings-on around me, but it’s also been there to remind me of the harsh realities of the world around us. Without it, I doubt I would be kept as informed as I am. I avoid the news at all costs and have long since stopped trusting state-funded news reports. So various online sources, social media included, have been my direct link to COVID-19 news, election updates and even any new information being spread in regards to mental health services in my local area.
In regards to acting as a distraction, by frequently visiting social media and getting to know others online, I’ve been able to build a small support network. This support network is usually biased and helps distract me just by chatting about things other than what’s on my mind.
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Social media has helped to normalise help-seeking behaviour
For a long time, we’ve been under the assumption that asking for help is a weak or attention-seeking behaviour. But with the help of social media, we’re now much further forward in realising that speaking up about our issues is an act of strength. Many adults and young people are coming forward to encourage others to ask for help for things such as mental illness, grief, sexual assault etc. No longer are these things taboo, rather, we’re unified in our need to speak up!
Social media can offer a creative outlet
Much like writing a blog or sketching in a notebook, creating social media posts can act as a creative outlet but on a much smaller scale. The likes of Instagram are especially good for displaying things such as photography and artwork, while Tik Tok is for the videographer in all of us.Others can view your work, like, share and even become inspired. But, of course, it’s not always about the number of likes and engagement you get. So long as you’re careful about how you manage your life on social media, it can be a wonderful place to find and hone your creative voice.
What are your thoughts on social media and its impacts? Do you feel that it’s a positive, negative or a bit of both? How do you use social media and how do you protect your mental health when using it?
Final thoughts from me
I agree with all these benefits and I hope you enjoyed reading the post. All the details you need to connect with Chloe are below. Please go check out her blog, show some love, comment on posts and do what we do best in the blogging community, interact and show support.
In true Mummy Conquering Anxiety fashion, I wanted to post something real and honest for Mental Health Awareness Week this year! I want to remind you all, these posts are hard for me to write and probably, for you to hear. However, the topic is relevant and important. Creating my new beginning, in respect of my career, was the best thing I ever did. And I know other people are experiencing the same treatment at work.
I second guess myself about whether I should publish these posts and therefore, this one has been in the pipeline for a while. However, now is the right time to release this post. Because my work situation is now vastly different. I am a different person, with a different outlook. BUT I will always be a mental health advocate.
The back story
Here goes. I wrote this post a while ago, as a means of getting through one of the most stressful times in my life. As it happens, changing my situation was also the most life-changing.
Following total burnout in my job, I suffered a complete mental breakdown. Cue falling to the floor, tears, not making any sense. Like someone switched off my brain. And it wouldn’t restart. At the time, I didn’t want it to. It was the lowest point of my life. I’d suffered from low points with my mental health in the past. High anxiety levels and depression were common in times of stress, but it was never this bad.
The culture must change. We can no longer pile an unreasonable amount of pressure on employees and expect them not to eventually burn out.
My personal experience
The return to work – almost at my new beginning
Following months’ off work and pressure to return, I went back into the workplace. And eagerly awaited a redundancy date. Having an end date in sight, kept me going.
Ultimately, I was temporarily throwing myself back into a situation where miscommunication and downright rudeness in the workplace, had led me to a mental breakdown. Going back into that situation, for even a day, was going to be a mammoth task. Remember when I returned, I didn’t know how long I would stay in the role. And I don’t do very well with the unknown. It’s one of the biggest drivers of my anxiety. Knowing where I stand and having a routine helps keep it under control.
My life is different and much happier, and I now have support in my new workplace. And I am thankful for the journey because it taught me so much about my mental strength in challenging times.
Getting back into it
Upon my return, I was left alone for the first month, with everyone telling me “we want to make sure you’re okay“, “bear in mind your mental health” and I knew it was bullshit. It was a line they had to say to appear supportive. That’s what some workplaces do. In this day and age, for some businesses, it’s all talk, no action. And I think it’s despicable. I would rather the business be honest and not have a mental health policy at all, rather than provide empty words on such an important topic.
Jobless, ‘unemployed’ was soon going to be my label. All of a sudden I felt a lack of self-confidence. A lack of security. An urge to review my money situation and sort out bills that still needed paying, with one less income. But I still had not recovered fully and didn’t have the energy. A battle between wanting to prioritise myself for once, but lacking the motivation to do so.
I hope EVERYONE starts to place the same physical illness value on mental illness. Especially after we’ve all endured so much trauma lately.
Poor management
Another factor in all my previous job roles, was a lack of knowledge at the top. Yes, managers are there to manage, not necessarily understand how to do your job. But if they don’t have a clue about the work the people they are supposed to be supporting do daily, what’s the point? How will they ever recognise the stress triggers of overworked staff? How do they even know what too much work is?
From a human perspective, we should all be able to communicate appropriately with someone whos suffered a mental breakdown. But this takes training and awareness!
I’ve written previously about how I witnessed rude, biased, and bullying behaviour in workplaces I was part of, and this spans my whole working life. Although I wouldn’t relive the pandemic if I had a choice, I do hope it’s brought significant changes to the office environment in the UK. The culture must change. We can no longer pile an unreasonable amount of pressure on employees and expect them not to eventually burn out.
Where it all went wrong
My first anxiety-filled morning began a while after I returned to work. When you’re constantly having to justify yourself and the work you are completing, it is exhausting. This is what I was being asked to do on this occasion and given my mental health history, I think there was a better way of doing things.
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My thoughts in hindsight
Throughout all of this, I do have some grasp of the fact that employees in the department were under daily stress because of an impending redundancy and I take on board the fact this can impact a person’s behaviour. But it still doesn’t make poor behaviour towards staff correct. And it certainly doesn’t help my already fragile anxiety levels. From a human perspective, we should all be able to communicate appropriately with someone whos suffered a mental breakdown. But this takes training and awareness!
The redundancy announcement
It is hurtful when you’ve invested so much time and energy into your career and it comes to an end in this way. My heart goes out to anyone whos been through or is currently going through a redundancy process.
On the day I found out our redundancy date, I felt numb. I thought I would feel differently. It felt just like any other announcement. Following my mental health struggles, I couldn’t be bothered sorting out the admin and conversations involved in leaving. I wouldn’t feel satisfied until I had left the company and the redundancy money was in my bank.
Jobless, ‘unemployed’ was soon going to be my label. All of a sudden I felt a lack of self-confidence. A lack of security. An urge to review my money situation and sort out bills that still needed paying, with one less income. But I still had not recovered fully and didn’t have the energy. A battle between wanting to prioritise myself for once, but lacking the motivation to do so.
10 days to go – the worst 10 days of my life
10 days to go. Then I would be unemployed. Something I never anticipated I would be happy about. Finally, done and dusted with the workplace that I once loved, but then also caused me unreasonable amounts of stress.
To deal with the anger, I started journaling my feelings. I thought, what’s the point in stressing about this when I had 10 days to go. But bear in mind, that I was now a different person. More protective of my mental health. I viewed life differently. It was great I had grown in confidence to change the situation that broke me. But I was still in the situation that broke me. And I was still facing the same daily battles that sent me to hell and back.
Other posts you may like in the mental health category
Maybe these heightened feelings are normal for anyone going through a redundancy process. It’s probably just part of the process and how your mind accepts the huge change which will be happening to you at any moment. A moment someone else chooses, usually based on money-making and not paying any attention to your life.
The current employment situation in the UK
I can tell you, from my recent experience of visiting the job centre, unstable job conditions have impacted a lot of people and the department is inundated. The knock-on effect of COVID, and greedy CEOs making reckless decisions, together with a failing economy, have created a recipe for disaster. And it’s set to get even worse!
Yes, there are jobs out there, but the game has changed. I’m hoping the shift will eventually benefit office workers and companies to start to value mental health. I hope EVERYONE starts to place the same physical illness value on mental illness. Especially after we’ve all endured so much trauma lately.
Some of you might be asking why I went back to the workplace at all. Well, I wanted and deserved the redundancy payment. I also deserved to be treated like a human being. Bear in mind, that I am an advocate for mental well-being and society ditching the stigma those with mental illnesses suffer. I couldn’t just let this situation slide, without showing up and standing up for myself. In turn, I felt like I was also standing up for other people.
I considered raising concerns, then I weighed this up against the mental exhaustion this would exert and the potential of really gaining anything. In the end, I cut my losses and decided to start putting my energy into my new life.
Work should be a complementary part of our lives, not the thing that makes it unliveable
TO clarify, I’m all for mental health training in the workplace. But it has to be great training, run by people who’ve experienced dealing with a mental health crisis first hand. It can’t just be another set of standard lines companies use to protect themselves.
Trusted training resources
Mind conducts workplace training and I would trust them as a great resource. It’s also great to see the training by Rethink Mental Illness had input from people with lived experience. There are also other smaller companies running mental health training and there is value out there.
Workplaces – please create a different process for mental health absences
Another significant issue that made me feel like my mental illness wasn’t valid, was the return to work process. Workplaces need to create different policies for mental health circumstances. As they would do a terminal illness or a bereavement. Any other unusual situation, which doesn’t fit into the category of physical health.
My hope for HR departments in the future
Whilst I don’t have personal experience of it, I hope other employers are already doing the great things I’ve suggested. I hope this blog post doesn’t need to be read by most companies, but my own experience was just a stand-alone negative one. In conducting some research for this post I found this promising article about HR awards won by a building society. I wish all businesses would adopt this approach.
It’s also important for HR to check the company ethos is being implemented in all departments. And ensure there isn’t a disconnect between individual departments.
The main point
My life is different and much happier, and I now have support in my new workplace. And I am thankful for the journey because it taught me so much about my mental strength in challenging times.
Worrying statistics
The statistics for mental health-related absences in the UK look grim. And some of the research was conducted pre-pandemic. Arguably, we are in a worse position currently. Worst still, people are sometimes dismissed as a result of their mental health struggles.
How can we continue to accept this treatment?
One final note about burnout
Whilst I am still trying to make sense of what happened to me, I faced complete burnout as a result of overdoing it. I want to take this opportunity to tell all my readers this is not the way you have to live. Yes, we all need money. Both I and my hubby have to work to pay bills and live, but it is possible to balance this with looking after your mental health.
My wish for the future is that employers become the ones who prioritise this on behalf of their employees. And they avoid creating a culture where people feel they need to do more for the same money. Employ more staff, reduce the workload, and spend money to ease pressure on your staff!
Will you ever recover from burnout? I have. Granted, I am not the same person I was before. I now take less rubbish and I know, my boundaries. I won’t ever allow a repeat of this situation.
Final thoughts
This is my journal of a tough time in my life. In keeping with the theme of this blog, I wanted to share this with you because I want to help other people in the same situation. I want other people to realise they are not alone. Thankfully, I have recently started a new chapter in my career and I am in a better place.
Let time know what you think of the post in the comments below. I would love to hear from you.
Because this is such an emotive issue for me, it would be great to hear from anyone who can relate. Your comments are much appreciated and it helps me and other people know we are not alone in our struggles.
It is a proven fact, that the early years of our lives shape who we are and how well we cope with challenges in adult life. A traumatic experience in childhood can have lasting effects. Exploring emotions is vital.
All human beings have emotions. They start to develop at an early age, often when toddlers don’t really understand what they are yet. The common one in our house at the moment is missing other people. This involves a daily conversation filled with reassurance, that everyone misses the people they love.
Because toddler emotions are a challenge I currently face. And I know other parents definitely go through this cycle, I wanted to write a post dedicated to the best stories I could find, discussing children’s emotions.
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Let’s look at the research into why we should explore emotions
Understanding children’s emotions are critical to understanding their behaviour. Early years children feel a range of emotions, but often cannot express, interpret or process them like us.
With poor emotional skills, it could be harder for children to learn:
Children grow and develop rapidly in their first five years across the four main areas of development. These areas are motor (physical), communication and language, cognitive, social and emotional.
Social and emotional development means how children start to understand who they are, what they are feeling and what to expect when interacting with others. It is the development of being able to:
Form and sustain positive relationships.
Experience, manage and express emotions.
Explore and engage with the environment.
Positive social and emotional development is important. This development influences a child’s self-confidence, empathy, the ability to develop meaningful and lasting friendships and partnerships, and a sense of importance and value to those around them. Children’s social and emotional development also influences all other areas of development.
Parents and caregivers play the biggest role in social/emotional development because they offer the most consistent relationships for their children. Consistent experiences with family members, teachers and other adults help children learn about relationships and explore emotions in predictable interactions.
To nurture your child’s social and emotional development, it is important that you engage in quality interactions like these on a daily basis, depending on the age of your child:
Be affectionate and nurturing: hold, comfort, talk and sing with your baby, toddler and child.
Help your baby experience joy in “give-and-take” relationships by playing games like “peek-a-boo.”
Provide your toddler with responsive care, letting them practice new skills while still providing hands-on help.
Support your child’s developing skills; help him/her, but don’t do everything for your child, even if it takes longer or is messy.
Teach social and emotional skills, such as taking turns, listening and resolving conflict.
What happens if we don’t manage emotions
One of the most important ways parents or guardians can help is by listening to their children and taking their feelings seriously. They may want a hug, they may want you to help them change something or they may want practical help.
Children and young people’s negative feelings usually pass. However, it’s a good idea to get help if your child is distressed for a long time if their feelings are stopping them from getting on with their lives, if their distress is disrupting family life or if they are repeatedly behaving in ways you wouldn’t expect at their age.
What’s Troubling Tawny? The award-winning second book in the Sumatran Trilogy! Tawny longs to make friends with another rhino, but her shyness holds her back. When she meets a hornbill called Tallulah, she is surprised to learn that she has a lot in common with the beautiful bird.
Poppy the porcupine has always wanted to make a friend, but her defensive nature prevents her. When a young tiger cub stumbles upon her one day in the rainforest, she reacts badly and scares him away.
Determined to change her ways, she sets out to find him, but little does she know that the tiger cub is about to have a problem of his own. In the face of danger, will Poppy find a way to save the day?
The Problem with Poppy is the award-winning debut picture book by British author Emma Sandford. Illustrated by Ukrainian artist Olena Osadcha.
If you could change something about yourself, would you do it?
When Sarah Simpkins is teased about her shadow in the school playground, she finds herself wishing she didn’t have one.
That night she has the chance to make the wish come true. But will losing her shadow really make her happy?
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Let’s Be Friends Again
Purchase the book below:
Let’s Be Friends Again
Kids World Books – Sibling fights, tantrums and subsequent bonding is the theme of this story.
The story is narrated by a boy and he narrates rather than shares his experiences with his sister. The boy and the girl play together. They spend most of their leisure time together. Just like every sibling, they fight often and bond subsequently.
The boy finds some trouble with his sister. The boy sometimes babysits for his sister and she used to trouble him! However, she was a good listener and the boy used to tell some great stories. The boy refused to share his toys with her. Yet, the smart girl used to grab all her brother’s toys. The tantrum began when the girl played with his brother’s pet turtle!
The girl thought that the tank where the pet turtle was kept was too small for the turtle. She carried it to the pond and let it free in the pond.
The boy was as angry as he lost his pet turtle. He showed his anger in many ways. He shouted at her. He threw away his toys and kept on thinking about his turtle. His parents supported his sister. He planned to avenge the loss of his pet and imagined many things. (This is definitely a fun part that everyone would die laughing).
He couldn’t sleep for hours thinking about the pet. He then saw his sister playing in the garden so happy like never before. The boy was surprised as well as very angry seeing her sister happy.
He made a decision! What was that?
Let’s be friends again, the lovable brother and sister, their cute fights, rivalry, etc are narrated beautifully. It happens very commonly in every household.
Children and young people are still developing – they don’t have adult brains or bodies, so need help to understand and manage their emotions.
You’ve probably heard your parents or grandparents say “they’re just attention seeking” or “they’re being difficult”. But there’s usually more to it than this.
We often ask people who contact Children 1st Parentline: “What is your child trying to tell you when they’re acting like that?” Looked at this way, unwanted behaviour is usually about a child needing something – or their way of trying to work out how to manage something.
From a toddler’s need for comfort to a teenager’s conflicting desires for independence and security, testing behaviour is common and is often set off by everyday experiences rather than big events.
Jodi also thinks the book will come just at the right time for children who have had to shut themselves away all year and might be scared to try something new.
She added: “It is a lovely story for 4–7-year-olds about taking yourself out of your comfort zone to try new things.
“Worley’s story is a fab way to engage children with these cute little monsters and learn how to develop their confidence.
“The book also included suggested activities for parent and adult readers.
“I’m also now writing my second story for the series about Worley and Co!
“Having suffered quite a bit as a kid – I lost my dad at 10 and my best friend at 14 – and had a lot of bullying and not nice things going on and I didn’t know how to cope,” she explained.
“That had a massive effect on me as an adult which led to a breakdown. I don’t want kids to go through what I did. The more people I can teach and I can help the better. I don’t think I would have had as big a meltdown if I already had tools to use.
“My characters are all monsters – I have a whole tribe of emotions monsters that teach children about emotions. Worley is the main one and he meets his friends with different emotions.
“The first one was teaching him to be brave and through the monster, you learn you might make a mistake but it will be fine. He realises he doesn’t need to be the best at everything.
“The second book is about anger. The book is written as a rhyme; basically, Worley gets angry and doesn’t know what it is. His friend George, the angry monster, teaches him it is ok to be angry and how to manage it.
“It is done in quite a fun way so children can understand.”
Buster Finds His Beat
Purchase the book below:
Buster Finds His Beat
A feel-good story about an autistic boy, That will capture your imagination and fill you with joy.
Buster uses ear defenders to soften sounds he hears, Find out what happens when he faces his fears…
Pick up your copy, you’ll be in for a treat, As he uses the power of sound to find his own beat.
The first book in a new rhyming picture book series from D.M. Mullan and Kirsteen Harris Jones – welcome to D.M. Mullan’s Curious Tales… Hector van Groat If something is missing, and you’re feeling blue, you could learn from Hector, who feels this way too. This little genius lives in an upside-down boat, and he grunts from his hill like a grumpy old goat. “Hector van Groat needs no one but Hector because he is a genius, a crazy inventor”.
A beautifully illustrated picture book about mental health for young readers. Where Is My Smile? is the story of a little boy who can’t find his smile anywhere. He searches and searches, but it’s nowhere to be found. Where could his smile be? This delightful picture book is perfect as a bedtime story, and to help little children understand that it’s okay to be sad sometimes, but we can always find our way through it.
Final Thoughts
I hope you enjoyed reading my list of books to inspire conversations with your toddler about emotions.
Do you have any of these books? Or will you be purchasing them? What techniques do you use to explore emotions?
I would love to hear from you in the comments below.
Today I am so excited to welcome a guest blogger! I am also over the moon to introduce a mummy, also facing difficult issues with a newborn. I can relate to this. My guest blogger today has turned a negative experience of her own into something to help others. All the details you need to connect with Lauryn can be found at the end of this post.
POST UPDATED 30 July 2022
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Let’s dive into why a sleep routine is important
I felt very ready to have a baby in every sense. I was 32 years old and financially secure. It was great that I had a successful teaching career of ten years and my relationship was strong.
As a confessed perfectionist, when we fell pregnant, I did all of the homework to be fully prepared. We did an online hypnobirthing course together. I planned my drug-free, calm labour. In addition, I planned to breathe the baby out (LOL) simply. I also knew all there was to know about the fourth trimester. I was, of course going to breastfeed. It was on the agenda to get started early with a bedtime routine. Additionally, I planned to be back in the gym from six weeks postnatal. I also signed up for lots of baby classes with my NCT friends.
I had all of the right things to ensure a sound night’s sleep for our baby. The right clothes, crib, mattress, baby monitor, and dream sheep to get her sleeping easily. You name it, we had it.
Finally, eight days after my due date, I started feeling labour pains. My feelings were weirdly nervous and excited. I just could not wait to meet this baby I felt so connected to during the pregnancy. Preparing, I calmly got my hypnobirthing tools ready. Bouncing on my ball, candles lit, and a comedy video, had me feeling prepared.
My labour did not go as planned. After 30 hours, I ended up having an emergency C-section and my daughter came out with suspected sepsis and was whisked straight off to neonatal care.
Once I got home, all the planning we had done during pregnancy felt pointless. I felt beyond unprepared for this responsibility. Breastfeeding was not working for us and I felt like the ultimate failure in getting the formula out. My daughter had classic colic and cried for 3-6 hours every evening. It was exhausting and I felt awful I was unable to console her.
How had I gone from feeling as if I knew exactly what to expect, to this? I realised that one thing no one had told me might come with new motherhood. Anxiety.
I have never been an overly anxious person, but all of a sudden every aspect of motherhood was anxiety-inducing. Breastfeeding, sleep, guests coming over, leaving the house. All of it. My plans to go to classes and groups were far too big for me to face and I was so anxious about guests coming in case she would cry and I would not be able to settle her.
How lockdown impacted the situation
Eight weeks after she was born, we were plunged into the very first lockdown. This was great for me because it meant I didn’t have to face my anxiety about going out or guests coming over. Although in hindsight, there were negative aspects, because it didn’t give me a chance to talk to professionals, as medical visits and access to health visitors had ceased.
To regain control, I started a very rigid sleep routine with my little one. Every nap had to be to the minute of my new programme. The sleep environment had to be perfect. If it ever went out of the window, it was a huge stress for me and could ruin my entire lockdown day.
Light at the end of the tunnel
Needless to say, I realised it was time to do some mental digging and see what was going on. I opened up to friends who had suffered postnatally and searched for information online. After thinking about it, I eventually concluded that anxiety was linked to birth trauma. I had not given myself the chance to go over my labour or the fact she was taken straight from me due to being ill upon arrival.
Once I did a little work on myself through the lockdown, the pressure I’d put myself under started to lift. I introduced yoga, meditation, and journaling into my routine.
Turning a negative into a positive
I eased up a little on the sleep routine and now two years down the line I have trained to become a sleep consultant to work with families on gentle sleep schedules and training, to cause the least anxiety possible.
If anyone out there is new to this parenting gig and finding things tough, open up. Talk it out when you’re ready and know that this storm will pass and get better. More beautiful days are coming your way.
Lauryn and her little one
Angelcare were fantastic for all of our baby’s needs when we had a newborn. Check them out.
More details on how to contact Lauryn
Lauryn has worked as a full-time teacher for 10 years, teaching Drama and English in both primary and secondary settings. Since having her first child, Eliza, she realised the importance of sleep for well-being and this led to her training to become a sleep consultant in Summer 2021. Lullaby Lauryn launched in October and she can’t wait to help as many families as possible improve their sleep.
I don’t always want to put the work in to protect my mental health. Keeping on top of it sometimes becomes a chore and the rebellious side of my personality wants to give up. But I don’t! Whilst I have weeks where I am just not feeling it. If I don’t have time for self-care, I usually catch myself and urgently utilise some much-needed mental well-being techniques I have in my toolbox.
I would encourage anyone else out to keep maintaining a good standard of mental well-being. Especially during the winter months.
Why do we as humans know how to physically rest, but we have a problem with guilt when it comes to looking after our mental health?
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You might have already seen my TikTok where I talk about my current feelings. I can’t shake the feeling of wanting to hibernate until March 2023. I feel lower than usual and have to work harder than ever to keep my head above water.
I’ve written on the blog before about Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and how this can have an impact on our mental health.
I already have anxiety problems, which can sometimes lead to low periods and depression.
As I said in the TikTok video, each year I forget just how bad I feel. Lack of vitamin D, limited natural light and horrible, cold weather can impact our bodies negatively. Which can lead to implications for our mental and emotional well-being.
Here are my tips for maintaining a good standard of mental well-being during the winter months, including some worksheets to help you…
As of last weekend, I definitely feel pretty low mentally. Especially when it’s dark all day & the rain won’t stop. At this point, I feel like it will rain until March 2023 & I just want to hide under the duvet until then. For anyone currently feeling the same, some helpful tips will be posted on the blog over the weekend. Hope it helps ❤️❤️❤️ #mentalhealth#mentalhealthmatters#mentalhealthawareness#sad#seasonaldepression
I know it’s challenging to fit in time for self-care. And society still holds the opinion that resting and relaxing is wasting your time or pure laziness. This couldn’t be further from the truth!
Not looking after myself or getting enough sleep for a few months, led me to have a full mental breakdown. It then took me 18 months to fully recover.
If you’re a gym goer, you will understand rest days. Similarly, if you walk a lot for your job, you sit down at night and physically rest. Why do we as humans know how to physically rest, but we have a problem with guilt when it comes to looking after our mental health?
Make some time. Even five minutes can help you. I am now well-practised at meditation andcan complete a hypnotherapy recording in five minutes. It may not seem like a lot of time, but it helps.
2. Plan in self-care time to avoid burnout
Felling low, and becoming irritable can creep up on us and we don’t always consciously know what’s happening. Allocating specific days and times for self-care can help.
I personally tell my hubby in advance that I will need childcare cover. To complete the hypnotherapy mediations, I then find a quiet room and some time to myself, without a toddler bothering me. I dedicate at least 90% of my time to her care, needs and spending time as a family. 20-30 minutes to refresh myself isn’t a lot to ask. And we shouldn’t feel guilty as parents when we need to ask for this time out.
3. Use some tools to assist you in your journey
Because of my history of mental health problems, I now have a toolkit on hand for my low moments. These are some of the things in there:
In the mental health community, we all know talking to someone can be powerful. And it helps. In the aftermath of my mental breakdown, making connections with like-minded people, pulled me out of the fog and allowed me to move forward.
You might be reluctant to make social connections and I know the feeling of just wanting to hide away. But please talk to someone if you need to!
5. Change your routine
Stepping outside your comfort zone and doing something you wouldn’t normally do, can help break the depression cycle in your brain. For me, it became sitting in the local park, soaking in nature and literally putting myself back together.
Even walking a different way home from the park, during those dark moments in my mind, helped me. I felt very much like my brain wouldn’t reboot. But these different habits started to fill me with confidence and allowed me to think slightly differently. Gain a new perspective on life.
6. Do some exercise
Exercise alone won’t cure you of your mental struggles, but it will help you to feel better along the way. During those dark days, it can get you moving and out of the house. And slowly, you start to tackle other challenges.
Here are some other resources on the blog which may be helpful for you:
In this post, I include some great books about managing anxiety, written by those with lived experience. There are also some great workbooks to manage stress, which I still use to this day!
Parenting is a challenging time. Lack of sleep, a completely new routine and not having a clue how to look after a child, can all take a toll. I am actively adding to this page for any parents out there who may be struggling,
On this page, I share my journey of completing a Perma hypnotherapy course. And how it benefitted me massively. If it’s something you’ve considered, check out the blog posts.
I must admit, I sometimes forget to take my vitamins for a few days and I usually don’t feel great when it happens. I now take a vitamin D supplement, which helps me throughout the year, but especially in winter.
Everyone is different and will need a different supplement to fuel their bodies. Get some advice, or look into what works best for you.
8. Get enough sleep
I know from experience, some people just cannot get enough sleep. For a new mother, it just isn’t possible. Prior to motherhood, I never slept well because I had thoughts whirling through my mind all the time. So I get it.
If you can, try and get 7-8 hours of sleep, or however much your body needs. This is the time when our body repairs itself and it is therefore vital to our well-being.
9. Positive thinking
For me personally, positive thinking is about having affirmation cards littered around my workspace. It is also doing meditation recordings which contain powerful, life-changing messages. Mostly, it is being aware that our thoughts can impact us positively or negatively. And trying to turn things around if I am not having a great time mentally.
10. Be kind to yourself
The winter months can be harsh on both our minds and bodies. Do whatever it takes to be kind to yourself. Have an ice cream, and jump in bed for a nap. Spend time under the duvet. And don’t feel guilty for looking after yourself.
Final Thoughts
Every human being is different and will respond to these techniques and tools differently. I personally found that combining a range of these different strategies and tools, helped me become well enough to get through the dark days and then focus on mentally recovering.
Free download
I’ve created a self-care planner, where you can list all the areas you want to focus on. There are four sections, and each allows you to focus on a different area of your life. To bring an overall sense of well-being.
Mind – Infoline: 0300 123 3393 – this helpline provides information and signposting. (open 9 am to 6 pm, Monday to Friday (except for bank holidays).
Anxiety UK – they have a helpline: 03444 775 774 Text support: 07537 416 905 (open Mon-Fri 09:30 am-5:30 pm)
The Stay Alive app is a pocket suicide prevention resource for the UK, packed full of useful information to help you stay safe
Shout – If you would prefer not to talk but want some mental health support, you can text SHOUT to 85258. Shout offers a confidential 24/7 text service providing support if you are in crisis and need immediate help
SANEline – If you’re experiencing a mental health problem or supporting someone else, you can call SANEline on 0300 304 7000 (4.30 pm–10.30 pm every day).
My thoughts on awareness days – whilst I believe there is much more work to be done in reducing the stigma surrounding mental health, I am thankful for awareness days, in bringing such important issues to the forefront of peoples’ minds.
Trigger warning – throughout this post, I will discuss intimate topics regarding the birthing process. Depression, anxiety, paranoia & touch on baby loss. If any of these subjects are a trigger for you, please do not continue to read this post
PLEASE NOTE – It’s also important to note that this post contains an account of my own personal experiences and perspective during that time.
The right time
I’ve wanted to talk about this for a while. But I simply haven’t been ready. You may have seen a TikTok post about the dangers of postpartum depression. This subject is something I am passionate about. Because my mental health significantly worsened during pregnancy. Hormones played a huge part in my declining mental well-being.
The essence of this blog is to raise awareness of both mental illness AND how difficult pregnancy can be for some expectant mothers
Before we get into it
It’s important to note that it’s only over the last year that I feel able to discuss these issues. For two years following birth, I really struggled mentally and emotionally.
I will be honest and say that I still have some paranoid thoughts about the safety of my little one. Which I think stems from the fact we experienced an emergency situation during birth. I try my best not to let these thoughts impact my daily life. And I’m no longer a believer in “what if” – the what if never happened. Probably for a good reason. Therefore it’s just a waste of brain power. And in the past, contemplating the “what if”, sent me to a dark place mentally. I’m quite disciplined these days in not allowing my mind to run away with itself.
Going into the hospital to be induced, I was full of anxiety and what followed was a series of traumatic events. I just wasn’t able to adequately cope with it.
Existing anxiety
Looking back, I think the main personality trait which worsened my anxiety levels in the hospital, was lack of control. I also live my life based on instincts, something you can’t convey in a clinical setting.
Six months before birth I just knew it would result in a c section. I had a feeling, but it was more than that. It was so believable to me – like it had already taken place. This made interactions with midwives difficult. Because I just wanted the outcome I KNEW would happen anyway. I want people to understand that expectant mothers DO know best. We know our own bodies and instinctively feel things someone else could never understand.
But first… Some context – let’s look at pregnancy and the lead-up to the birth
In addition to stress from my day job, one of the biggest driving factors for my decline in mental health was pregnancy. I still can’t remember a day, during pregnancy, when I felt happy and well. There probably was some, but for me, the whole process was one I just didn’t enjoy! This experience makes me apprehensive about going through the process again. AND it makes me angry when I see polished parenting posts online. I wish people would be mindful that not everyone’s pregnancy experience is the same. I am happy with people posting about their lives. Just not making their lives about everyone else. This can be so harmful to young expectant mothers.
Having to travel to work, five days a week, met with stress, whilst pregnant, sick & tired, was a daily battle. It got to the point where I couldn’t physically do it anymore and had to leave work one month earlier than planned. The worry of an already short maternity leave and money pressures, added to the anxiety of the whole experience.
Antenatal depression
I’ve discussed on the blog before that I suffered from antenatal depression. However, at the time I didn’t know this term and nobody helped me in establishing what was actually happening to me. Labels aren’t always helpful when it comes to mental health. But on this occasion, for me, it would have been. I made the difficult decision to start taking antidepressants during pregnancy. I had no choice. Being incredibly unwell, at such a vulnerable time in life was horrible. And I needed something to stabilise me.
Going into the hospital to be induced, I was full of anxiety and what followed was a series of traumatic events. I just wasn’t able to adequately cope with it.
The nitty gritty
We arrived at the hospital, apprehensive, as any first-time parents would be. This is us in the sunshine, not knowing what to expect.
I was induced on my due date because one of the measures of my scans was a little concerning. That day we had a stand-in sonographer. And to this day I feel like he was sent to me by those watching over me. As you will learn later in this story, my little one was at risk and had a chest infection. In newborns, this can be severe and they label it pneumonia (something I cried about when I read the notes) If I hadn’t been offered an induction on my due date, where would we be?
SIDE NOTE – I was given my maternity notes, which I opened one day and it resulted in a complete meltdown. I don’t think this information should never have been in my hands. When firstly, I was so out of it during the experience, that I don’t remember much. And secondly, the trauma of it all made me vulnerable.
The induction suite
The induction was going well until they asked my partner to leave at 9 pm. Partners couldn’t stay in the induction suite. At this point, I lost the one person who could support me and knew me inside out. Don’t get me wrong, maternity staff are some of the loveliest people you will ever meet. But they do not know you enough to understand you in your most vulnerable moments of life. For these reasons, I am a huge advocate for partners or trusted people being allowed to sleep in maternity wards, preferably in private rooms with bathroom facilities. It’s an absolute must for me. And something I will always continue to advocate for.
Loss of a trusted person who knows you well
Mentally and physically things went downhill after my partner left. I was in so much pain and something was wrong, but I felt like the staff wouldn’t listen. There was stuff scattered all over our cubicle because I was in so much pain I couldn’t bend down and pick things up. I felt like a nuisance to other people in the induction suite. My anxiety levels were through the roof and I felt alone.
The staff agreed move me at 1 am. At this point, I was unable to pick up a phone to speak to my partner (they had to do it for me). And they rushed me round, on a wheelchair to a birthing room. But prior to this, I was told one wasn’t ready!
Epidural
Because the pain was so bad, I requested an epidural. My mum and hubby witnessed me in so much pain and not doing well at all, prior to them agreeing to pain relief. The anaesthetist took ages to arrive. I’m fully aware the NHS staff are busy. But in the moment, it was difficult to be anything other than fuming, exhausted and ready to flip out.
SIDE NOTE – I still have sciatica to this day and my back has never been the same since the epidural. But each time I raise with a GP, I’m told it shouldn’t be an issue. Lasting physical damage as a result of pregnancy is also something I am eager to raise awareness of. It happens. And I would rather listen to the genuine experiences of people who have suffered physically postpartum (there are lots of people saying the same thing as me)
Following the epidural, I was able to recover slightly from the pain. There were two lovely midwives assigned to me. But I was very sick and needed to have my clothes cut off, because sick went everywhere. They tried to put a thin sheet on me and I felt overheated. Like I would be sick again. Therefore I spent the majority of my time in this room, completely naked for all staff to see. In moments like this, you simply don’t care. Birth and motherhood definitely make you less bothered about vanity and how you look.
I want to thank those two midwives. They turned a traumatic experience around, for the majority of the time I was in hospital. For a while, my anxiety levels were reduced and I could get some much needed rest!
Anxiety setting in
Although the pain was gone, I was still somewhat anxious that they kept topping up the epidural and the pressure I was feeling just didn’t feel right. It would transpire later that my little one was stuck and her shoulders were ramming into my bottom. Something I had told staff since about 10 pm, in the induction suite. The surgeon commented that she would never have come out naturally and that whoever made the c-section decision, made the right call. This is EXACTLY how I felt earlier in the night.
It’s just a given that new parents will probably be less equipped to cope with the anxieties and potential trauma of birth, than parents who’ve already experienced the system.
Not being heard – let’s rewind
Let’s go back to the delivery room. Nothing was progressing and I wasn’t passing any urine. I also had some feeling down one leg, which was strange.
I asked for a c-section, but because I had known it would happen six months prior, I didn’t come across in the right way. And the staff in the room felt reluctant to do it. They wanted me to wait it out! It was a battle to have my wishes fulfilled. I take on board that some of the reluctance was due to how I reacted.
Following a collective decision to finally do it. Panic stations ensued. Signing paperwork, getting me ready. What I wasn’t aware of at the time, was that I had a fever and the little one was clearly in distress and needed to come out. I was completely out of it. And to this day, I tell a different story to my hubby. Bless him, he was aware of everything that happened that day. And also suffered mentally after birth. We both did.
The aftermath of the C-section
The operation went well, but I was distressed as to why she wasn’t crying (apparently c section babies don’t cry as they have mucus stuck and staff have to clear their airways)
The relief I was feeling during these pictures was immense. She was finally here and safe. But not for long.
My poor mum had waited outside the emergency delivery room for over an hour. Probably worried sick. I was only allowed one other person with me in the theatre. And my mum completely understood that this should be my hubby.
My little baby whisked away
We were taken to a private room, but the midwife was concerned about my little one looking blue. The neonatal manager came in and gave her some oxygen. Then quickly whisked her away to the neonatal ward. At the time, this was painful for her to be taken and I was so out of it, I didn’t know what was happening. Sleep was the only thing on my mind. But then I felt guilty for wanting to sleep and not being able to take care of my baby.
I couldn’t fully comprehend she had been taken. In hindsight, she was in the best place possible. And both the midwife and neonatal manager called in to check on me (after their shifts had ended!). They understood how painful this situation was and their care had a positive impact on me. In what was a very distressing situation.
My medical notes were clear. I had depression and anxiety problems, which we so severe I started taking antidepressants during pregnancy. It would be great for maternity ward staff to be aware of these notes and essentially factor this in, during a stay in the hospital.
Hospital stay
In the five days which followed, my hubby was the one caring for both me and my little one. I was in a ward where it was noisy. The staff busy rushing around and I wasn’t doing well mentally. I didn’t want to get up and about (due to the risk of blood clots after surgery, you need to get up and walk). Therefore I had to be encouraged to go see my little one and it was a while before I did.
Fear of being judged
I’ve spoken on the blog and my social media accounts before, about the fact that I believed the hospital staff were watching me. Paranoia set in and it’s one of the reasons I didn’t want to visit my little one. I was afraid of getting it wrong. It’s important to say, they were not actually doing anything to rationalise this feeling. But high anxiety levels, exhaustion, and hormones played a big part in my warped perspective. A perspective which was very real to me at the time.
In terms of breastfeeding, I didn’t feel like a choice was being presented to me, for how I wanted to feed my baby. To be honest, going through the pain of breastfeeding was the last thing on my mind and probably the one thing which would have tipped me over the edge mentally.
My little one is fine, never having been breastfed. And I know LOTS of other babies who are too. I wish society would be more accepting of the fact it’s a choice. I’m fine with being told about the benefits of breastfeeding. But not being presented with your own clear choice to make, is a problem for me.
Honest feelings about the neonatal unit
To be honest, part of me wanted to stay away from the neonatal unit for fear they would talk about breastfeeding. The nurse looking after our little one didn’t, other than to ask what my decision was. But I was apprehensive about it constantly.
I stayed in the hospital for three days and was relieved when I was discharged. You don’t get proper rest on these wards and are woken up every hour for checks. The real recovery began at home. But I was so distressed about leaving my little one in the hospital. I couldn’t win. It felt like I chopped my leg off and left it behind. But home was the best place for my recovery.
We were offered a room in the neonatal ward but refused it. I wouldn’t have properly rested. I was still weary of being there and there were other, more needy parents who would use it. Parents whose babies would remain on that ward for months and not days. (at this point, I should make it clear again that neonatal staff are some of the most amazing people. But my perspective was totally warped by anxiety, depression, mum guilt and birth trauma).
My heart goes out to anyone who has endured birth trauma, or separation from a little one following birth. Or any family who has suffered mental health problems as a result of the pregnancy or the birth process.
Coming home
When my little one eventually came home, we were so thankful. But we also didn’t have a clue what to do. Nobody helps you. I was so overcautious about her safety, I would ask my hubby to carry her from room to room in a Moses basket. And ask visitors to hand gel first (we didn’t even have visitors for the first few weeks). Because she had already been ill, I was convinced she would get ill again.
A turning point
Whilst I coped well, the medication helped. It would be two years before I could fully move past the trauma that happened to our family.
The turning point was me drunkenly saying I didn’t want to have another child, for fear they might die.
Solutions
Ultimately, we need to stop judging new parents for feeling completely normal feelings, following birth. After a traumatic experience, these reactions are completely justified. So why do new parents and specifically new mothers, feel unable to speak out? Without fear of being judged or stigmatised.
In terms of maternity wards, simple changes could be made to ensure the experience is a little better. Such as private rooms, enough beds and partners being allowed to stay overnight.
I am fully aware there is no simple solution to the problem.
I also don’t think it’s appropriate to warn new parents of the dangers and unpredictability of childbirth. It’s just a given that new parents will probably be less equipped to cope with the anxieties and potential trauma of birth, than parents who’ve already experienced the system.
TikTok post – postpartum psychosis
You may have seen my TikTok post about the potential mental health dangers for new mums. Postpartum psychosis is something which can happen and it’s great that we are starting to raise awareness on this topic. More needs to be done to support new mothers and families.
I’ve spoken before on my blog about how beneficial a mental health nurse or well-being expert would be on a maternity ward. This would have benefitted me and my family so much. My medical notes were clear. I had depression and anxiety problems, which we so severe I started taking antidepressants during pregnancy. A mental health champion would have been amazing!
Health visitors
In the UK we have health visitors, who make contact when you come home, but you have little contact with them. And at the time, in my mental state, I honestly just felt like they were checking up on me. I felt inadequate as a mother. But like I had to put on a brave face during visits. My health visitor was caring and sympathetic. But I couldn’t shake the feeling I was being judged.
To tell anyone the reality of the thoughts inside my head would have alarmed them. I was in no way a danger to anyone – just exhausted, anxious, depressed, hormonal and thrown into a completely unknown situation. With a severe lack of sleep. Wondering what on earth had just happened to our family, and trying to make sense of it all.
Let’s not stigmatise already traumatised new parents
Ultimately, we need to stop judging new parents for feeling completely normal feelings, following birth. After a traumatic experience, these reactions are completely justified. So why do new parents and specifically new mothers, feel unable to speak out? Without fear of being judged or stigmatised.
Final thoughts & summary
My little one is almost four years old. And I finally feel like I have mentally and emotionally moved past this experience. Time helps you move on. Education also massively helped. Reading about what happened to me. Labelling some of the mental health conditions I had. And speaking to other parents, transformed my recovery.
Peer support and talking to other parents, also have a powerful impact. You get vital information from other people in a similar situation. And the connections I’ve made since starting this blog, help me mentally every single day.
I will never stop posting on this blog. It was born from trauma, despair and finding my way through a very dark place.
But what I’ve created helps people. I know this from the amazing comments and feedback I get. Advocating for more understanding of those suffering poor mental health, is something I will continue to do.
I wanted to write a list of great books by people who’ve found creative ways to manage their anxiety levels. In addition to this, I will also be letting you know about some courses which are geared towards wellness.
Quick note: AD-AFF-GIFTEDSome of the links contained on this page are sponsored and affiliate links. If you go through an affiliate link to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. I only recommend products I use myself and think would be helpful for other people.
Shall we dive into the list of great resources to help you with managing anxiety?
Education – courses for managing anxiety
Charlotte Lewington
Charlotte is a bestselling co-author, educator and consultant helping children and young people to find their voice, be seen and feel validated. There is nothing she is more passionate about than making sure children know that they are loved and love themselves from the inside out. During her own childhood, Charlotte faced many struggles that only made her stronger. Through these experiences, she learnt that you can either sit down and cry about things or you get up and you move on. Learning the lesson being shown to you.
After 16 years of experience within different health and childcare settings, Charlotte gained a degree in psychology and is currently working towards a master’s degree in children and young people. Charlotte spends most of her time delivering training to nurseries, schools and organisations offering workshops and retreats relating to emotional well-being.
Her mission is to provide support in order to bridge the gap with the mental health crisis that we are currently experiencing.In between all this, you will often find charlotte travelling the world and making the most out of life.
You can view and purchase all of her courses on Udemy UK.
1-2-1 support sessions if anyone is feeling lost or finding the queen’s death a trigger. For anyone finding it challenging with children going back to school or children managing anxiety about anything, parents or carers can book a call. She is also currently looking for people to be involved in a book collaboration.
Miss M Online courses
I recently wrote about how important it is to nurture a business-minded child. And more importantly, teach essential life skills that are usually lacking in the mainstream school system. You can check out the full blog post here.
Well, it’s time to bring you the latest from this amazing platform. Check out some of the courses available below.
What’s the latest?
Why not check out the new business board game? What an amazing gift for a young person this Christmas!
Head over and check out all of their amazing learning resources. Maybe you want to buy the gift of learning for a loved one or friend this holiday season. You know someone who is currently managing anxiety and needs some assistance.
Books for managing anxiety
You can check out my page, dedicated to all things books! Feel free to browse the other book-related posts on my blog
Running For Our Lives is about how running helps people overcome life challenges and mental health struggles. It touches upon how it helped Rachel reclaim her identity after she became a mum. In addition, it contains human stories and experiences from ordinary people.
I knew this title would resonate with time on some level. But I was unprepared for how much I would feel an emotional connection to the stories. A literal pang in my heart because this journey of sharing our mental health struggles is also one I’ve been on myself. I couldn’t put this book down, thanks to honest writing. Not to mention, the sheer power of connection between human beings who have one shared cause.
“It enables us to silence the chimp and write another story for ourselves – one where things become possible.”
“Perhaps it is you seeing the tiniest chink of light in a very dark place, discovering that you have a new friend in the world – one whom you have never met.”
The Cold Fix is about the healing power of cold water immersion in overcoming physical and mental pain. Or anguish including osteoarthritis, seasonal sadness, migraines, alcoholism and overthinking. It’s about growing older and exploring new opportunities; menopause, body image and confidence.
My thoughts
When reading the book, my initial thought was that I was intrigued as to why people do this and I find it fascinating that such an extreme activity can help someone mentally.
I particularly like the sensory and meditative experience which comes with this technique. It feels similar to how I probably feel when doing meditation.
“Coming here on my own had indeed added a risk factor, but it had also motivated and driven me to climb, literally, out of my comfort zone and rediscover a world that had been out of my reach for too long”
“The cold water has given me the key to unlock myself within a place I didn’t know existed: the community of cold-water swimmers right around the world. What binds us all together is the cold and how it makes us feel: brave enough to tackle even the toughest of life’s issues.”
Stand Up Paddleboarding is a guide to paddle boarding. However, Jo explains the sport has got her through grief, anxiety and empty nesting. It’s brought her identity back outside her roles as a mother, daughter, sister, and friend. And her commitment to the environment has strengthened. Back in 2019, she became the first woman aged 54 to stand up paddleboard coast to coast across northern England. Picking up litter and raising money for environmental charities.
My thoughts
The most striking thing about this book is the great images of places to visit. You feel transported there, and it’s wonderful. You are experiencing an adventure alongside reading about Jo’s story. There is a real variation in locations across the UK and I was glad to see some near where we live. It also makes me want to visit the places I haven’t visited and take in the scenery for myself.
The book also includes practical tips on how to get started, if you’re interested in starting your stand-up paddle-boarding journey
“A chance to walk on water, and I hope, appreciate that we all belong there too.”
He has recently been writing for some projects, aiming to help young people with their mental health. If you follow my blog, you will know I am totally on board with this. The current cost of living situation we are facing in the UK is only going to increase mental health problems among young people. Ultimately, it is up to us to raise awareness.
One is about how becoming guise-wise can really help reduce the mental health issues of young people (and not so young!)
Why? Because so many are the result of comparing ourselves to others, often obsessively, and to a disproportionate emphasis on relatively minor or very specific but not all-defining differences. Young people are especially prone to these practices. Supposing I’m a teenager preoccupied with my gender identity. Maybe I suspect I’m different in this respect from most of my friends. At one time, gender identity was not an issue for all but a tiny number of kids. Now it’s an issue for a lot, but that’s not the main point. The main point is that if I am a teenager with gender identity concerns then part of that will involve placing myself on a spectrum of gender gradations. I’m defining myself by what I am not and I’m probably defining my whole self primarily in terms of gender identity markers. This means that I’m not foregrounding all the many things I share with my peers – other aspects of identity, beliefs, preferences, interests and hosts of others that I share with everybody on the planet. Rather, I’m over-focusing on one thing that’s distinctive about me, one particular difference.
Becoming-Guise-Wise: How to dissolve the mental health issues of the young – Dr Michael Waters
The other is about making commonality-first, not difference-first how we should best respond to others – this would be the best legacy for the Queen since this is what she did in her life
She experienced diversity, more than anyone who has ever lived. No one else has been up as close and personal to such a variety of individuals in such a variety of settings. No one else has had more first-hand experience of as many different social and cultural groups. Who else has made official visits to over 117 countries and carried out over 21,000 official engagements, to say nothing of walkabouts and other unscripted exchanges? It’s also clear that she cared deeply for many of those to whom the word “diversity” is usually applied – minorities and the marginalised.
The Queen’s Legacy: Commonality-First – Dr Michael Waters
Workbooks for managing anxiety
I had to share the workbooks that personally helped me with managing anxiety, during the down periods in my life. I still have these on the shelf by my workspace. They proved to be so beneficial in my time of need.
My Bookshelf at home
Final thoughts
I hope you found these tools for managing helpful anxiety. Maybe a book you want to purchase something for yourself or a loved one?
Let me know your favourite book or course – I would love to hear from you in the comments.
Recent posts on the blog
Feel free to check out some of the other posts on my blog:
It isn’t really news to anyone that mental health is an issue requiring more attention than it gets. We’ve all been made conscious of mental health awareness campaigns, even though we’re all perfectly aware of mental health by now, and what we really need is action. While we are stuck with more self-help than outside help, however, there is definitely a lot to be said for getting some brain exercise. Not only does mental stimulation provide a timely distraction from the strain of mental health issues, but it also provides a strengthening effect on our brains and minds, which certainly doesn’t cure depression or anxiety, but makes the battle fairer.
It has been proven time and again that brain exercise boosts the capacity of your brain, speeding cognitive function and boosting memory. While there are always going to be elements of anxiety and depression that try their best to diminish your quality of life, it is worth knowing that improved cognitive function helps to push back against those intrusive thoughts and negative self-image, and so it’s more than worthwhile.
What do we mean by brain exercise?
Essentially, any time you use your brain, it’s brain exercise. All that differs is the intensity and control. So managed brain exercise will usually take the form of puzzles and processes that lead to us using our brains in a targeted way. While filling out your tax return or figuring out how to install a shelving unit are also forms of exercise, they are time-consuming and have a high failure factor – resulting in frustration that is precisely the opposite of what you’re looking for. Doing a Sudoku, where it doesn’t matter if you get it right, or learning a language in your spare time just for the joy of it, are good methods of brain exercise.
If you’re prone to anxiety, you’ll know how your thoughts can shift around, as though the brain is filled with too much energy. Using puzzles to focus the mind can redirect that energy. The more you do these forms of exercise, the better you’ll get too, which is rewarding and mentally gratifying; if you can replace some of those negative thoughts with positive reaffirmation, it will help your condition. Even if you occasionally need to use a tool to unscramble words, it still helps use your mind for better purposes than it will choose if left idle.
Can brain exercise overcome mental health issues entirely?
It’s optimistic to imagine that brain exercise will be enough on its own to “beat” mental health hurdles. Those of us who have suffered from such conditions know that the situation is a lot more complex than something that can be unlocked with one fun trick. However, it’s important to try to elevate your starting level when dealing with any condition. Just as someone with an injury needs physical exercise to rehab the injured part, so someone with mental health concerns can give their brain some help by working on puzzles and other skills.
This form of mental exercise will also have outside benefits: doing puzzles will improve your vocabulary and open up interesting things to read about; learning a language will give you an insight into a different culture and potentially even offer a travel destination that you can work towards. At the base of it, brain exercise is about finding a positive way to occupy your thought processes. It won’t cure any mental health condition, because that takes a great deal of time and guided exploration of your condition – but it is one element of a package that can deliver great results.
What if I don’t enjoy puzzles?
Brain exercise can take a lot of different shapes, and in truth, it is best to let your own preferences and tastes guide what form of exercise you choose. Not everybody likes puzzles. Language learning isn’t for everyone, either, but there are other ways you can direct your thoughts. You could learn to cook a certain kind of cuisine, take up an instrument, grow and tend to a small garden or anything else that gives you moments of joy and small victories.
A mental health condition will try to make you feel small, stupid, and helpless. The best way to put yourself on a path to long-term recovery is to find an enjoyable way to remind yourself that you are none of those things. It won’t always be easy and straightforward, but if you don’t complete a crossword or your minestrone turns out a little watery, that doesn’t matter. What matters is that you did something for yourself and had some fun in the process.
Almost six months since starting the blog, I am a bit more comfortable with revealing other details about my life and it feels great to open up about the aspects of life I love.
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How does the tag work?
Be Unapologetically You Tag Rules:
1. Use the Be Unapologetically You banner in your post. It can be your featured image or not. It’s totally up to you.
4. Nominate between 5-10 bloggers, link to their blogs, and tag them on social media to notify them.
5. Most of all, have fun!
Reminder: you don’t need to include the “Be Unapologetically You Tag” in your blog post title if you don’t want to.
Be Unapologetically YouQuestions:
Introduce yourself and your blog while sharing one trivia about you that not that many people know.
What topics do you love geeking out about that you would say are topics that give you bliss?
Do you blog about them? Why or why not? If not, would you like to blog about them one time?
Would you say that you are living life by being unapologetically you? Why or why not? If not, what would your life look like if you were unafraid to share more about the things that make you happy?
Permission to geek out & be unapologetically you: share with us one thing you fangirl or fanboy over and how you became a fan of it. It can be anything. Your love for soy candles, your favorite food, a boy band or an underrated film.
What do you love the most about being a fan?
Share a fun or unforgettable fan experience.
Before we get into the questions, I wanted to say this tag is perfect for me at this moment in time. Following a mental breakdown and redundancy from my job of almost 10 years, I have an overhauled perspective on life. I feel like a new person, with a fresh outlook. And I intend to make the most of this transformation and finally create the life I want to live.
Let’s dive into the questions
Introduce yourself and your blog while sharing one trivia about you that not that many people know.
I’m a mummy to a feisty toddler and a wife, living in the North of England, UK, and making it a priority to enjoy life.
Following my recent breakdown, I believe talking about our mental health struggles is key to recovery. My blog focuses on parenting and mental health, but I also explore other lifestyle topics.
Something people may not know about me, is I eat raw potatoes and I mentioned it in one of my other tag posts. I don’t know where it came from, but I still love them to this day. Although I can’t eat too many, because I don’t think the starch is very good for you.
What topics do you love geeking out about that you would say are topics that give you bliss?
In keeping with the trend of being unapologetically you, I have to talk about my love of gaming. I always thought it was just my hubby who was the geek. However, I am starting to realise it’s also me who loves geeky games. I think it comes from playing these with my dad and brother when we were younger. We have a Sega console and I love playing the old games and feeling a sense of nostalgia.
These days, I also love playing games on my phone as a way to destress. With a job search underway, a tempremental toddler and generally busy life, I need moments to decompress and a task I can easily dip in and out of.
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Do you blog about them? Why or why not? If not, would you like to blog about them one time?
When I first started the blog, I didn’t initially talk about these subjects. Almost six months since starting the blog, I am a bit more comfortable with revealing other details about my life and it feels great to open up about the aspects of life I love.
As the title of this post suggests, I have an overhauled perspective on life. It is inevitable when you go through life changing events.
Stay tuned to the blog for more on my mental health journey and my life adventures, whilst I go through this transition period. My second blog will be launching in the next few weeks and a third one in the next few months. I also plan on doing some freelance writing. The hope is I will gradually feel comfortable sharing more about my life.
Would you say that you are living life by being unapologetically you? Why or why not? If not, what would your life look like if you were unafraid to share more about the things that make you happy?
I am getting better at being more open. Simply because I realise this makes you more authentic and in turn, happier. Discussing my honest thoughts on the blog was the pivotal factor that aided my recovery from a mental health breakdown. I am so over hiding my true self. Whilst I will probably always keep some things private, there is a lot to be said about opening up.
I do have more work to do in this area though. I hid my anxiety from everyone for 15 years. Therefore I am at the beginning of my opening up journey and it is all new to me.
Permission to geek out & be unapologetically you: share with us one thing you fangirl or fanboy over and how you became a fan of it. It can be anything. Your love for soy candles, your favorite food, a boy band or an underrated film
I am a sucker for a candle or wax melt. Gone are the days I used to spend £50.00 in the Yankee candle shop on my lunchtime at work. These days I am all about deals, supermarket candles, and melts seem to be cheaper.
But yes, I have a great love of candles. If you’re looking for some cheap, but lovely smelling candles, I suggest checking out the range at Wilko. I use their tea lights and jar candles, because they smell amazing, but they are also affordable.
What do you love the most about being a fan?
The candle business is huge in the UK, but having them dotted around the house brings a sense of calm. It wasn’t until my breakdown I relaised how important these touches are. A relaxing bath and a candle literally helped to get me out of bed and start the day. Granted, it didn’t solve all my problems. A combination of factors did and this includes medication. However, self-care is a vital part of recovery.
I just love my passion for them because I know it aids my need to keep up self-care. And I always welcome a sense of calm in the house.
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When I previously had my lunchtime candle spending sprees. And spent all the extra money I was earning in the name of stress, I regularly purchased some cute Yankee candle Votive holders (these were also cheap to buy compared with the jar candles). One night, me and my now hubby were chilling and it broke due to increased heat. A bit of the jar cracked and popped across the room and we are lucky it didn’t hit anyone. I am always careful to this day, ensuring the wick isn’t resting on one side of the jar.
From where I was mentally and emotionally back in 2021. Had you told me I would be dancing in my living room to TikTok videos, I genuinely would never have believed it. It would be a long time before I would Grow in Confidence!
Pretty much all of my adult life, I’ve dealt with intrusive thoughts and high levels of anxiety. I don’t know exactly where it came from, but being hard on myself, a perfectionist and slightly controlling didn’t help matters. Coupled with the fact I was in a soul-destroying job. And I’m an empath who cannot help but soak up everybody’s energy. It’s taken me years to finally feel confident in myself and embrace who I am.
Let’s dive into how TikTok helped me Grow in Confidence, embrace the challenges life throws at us, and find a community of liked minded people
Confidence
I used to think confidence was a mask, an act that people put on. Now I realise it’s being your true self. Authentically and without apology. Nobody walking this earth is perfect and we never will be. There is no point in striving for perfection. We will always be disappointed with the results if we aim for perfection. So why set ourselves up for failure? Especially when we have the ability to thrive in life. If you follow my blog, you will know it took me years to answer these questions.
We are all just muddling through
Following my mental health struggles, I now see people as people. We are all facing some sort of struggle. And trying our best to get through the day and have happy moments. This is why I can write honestly and authentically for my blog. My main blog has been live on the internet for almost two years. And I know my writing helps people because the comments on my blog and social media accounts prove this.
When we struggle mentally, we often just need to know we are not alone. It can help to see an uplifting social media post or knowledge that someone is going through a similar situation. To give you some context, when I first started the blog it was totally anonymous for the first year. Mainly because I was still living in fear. And this was due to workplace trauma and the anxiety of working in such a hostile environment, for so many years. I also didn’t have the confidence to show my face.
Enjoying TikTok
I have slowly shared more of myself and my life. And graduated to video content on TikTok.
I must say, I am really enjoying making these videos. It fills me with confidence and allows me to embrace the don’t care attitude. Don’t get me wrong, I care about the important things in life. But I no longer reserve a space in my head for drama, caring what others think of me, or pointless emotions, like jealousy and anger.
Helping those people who also struggle mentally
I want my TikTok account to be a place where people feel safe to share. Where another mum can feel less alone, after seeing a vulnerable post about my struggles. I want other mums to know it’s totally okay to want a break from your kids. And actually put plans in place to take one. Regularly.
For anyone struggling mentally, I want those people to know this is a daily battle for me. And it’s totally okay to have good and bad days in life. It’s all about balance. And riding out the ups and downs.
Mentally we need to stay on top of our mental well-being in order to stay well. Just like we would do physio on a weak muscle in our physical body. I just wish society would catch up with this pretty simple notion.
Come join me over on TikTok and dance your way through the challenges life throws at us!
Final thoughts
Ultimately, I am here to tell everyone out there, it does get better. Hang on, stick around, and get out of bed. Get up and fight! Trust me, I know how painful and draining it is to even think about getting a shower and walking out of the door, following a mental breakdown. But you must. This world needs you.
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